White Dude Gets With Indian/guyanese Girl But Doesn't Want His Kid To Be Too Brown

If you are white and marry a POC you cannot make genetic demands. That's not how it works. Color always shows up be it hair, skin tone or facial features. Something will pop up. If the outward appearance doesn't, the color of your genital organs or nipples will definitely will tell on you especially if the other mix is black.
 
As long as she doesn't call your husband again while fighting with her boyfriend.

That was weird and rude of her. I think she has a longtime crush on your DH. Don't let her into your marriage with her problems.

She's a grown woman, she can solve her own problems. Let her call her family instead.
 
FlowerHair said:
As long as she doesn't call your husband again while fighting with her boyfriend.

That was weird and rude of her. I think she has a longtime crush on your DH. Don't let her into your marriage with her problems.

She's a grown woman, she can solve her own problems. Let her call her family instead.
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Yep. @FlowerHair is right. Even if she isn't crushing on your hubby, it's best go ahead and nip this in the bud now. Just in case.
 
I felt bad for her after what your DH said. But then again, after re-reading, it could be just good advice, talk to HIM.
But then again, I read it as, don't call me no'more. Poor girl....ya'll are cold.
What's their history?
 
I think it's super messy and suspect that she called another man (that's married) that isn't blood to cry and vent in front of her crappy fiancé, that probably infuriated him which IMO it's understandable and it's probably why he was shouting in the background.
 
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Fine 4s said:
I felt bad for her after what your DH said. But then again, after re-reading, it could be just good advice, talk to HIM.
But then again, I read it as, don't call me no'more. Poor girl....ya'll are cold.
What's their history?
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Ummmmm, you don't call someone else's husband to console you. That is rude and disgusting. I don't feel an iota of sympathy, be she knows that it's wrong, but tried it anyway. If OP'S DH had not told her to fall to back, she'd be pushing it. Which is why she convinced herself that it was OK to call him in the 1st place.
I don't play that ****. :nono:
 
FemmeFatale said:
Why was she calling your husband crying? Was she looking for him to come rescue and console her? Another reason why I'm not with the whole male/female friendships like that.
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Yeah, like I said, it was random because they don't even keep in contact like that. They were friends growing up so I've heard about her from his school days stories. They might send the occasional 'happy birthday' message but that's it.

I don't care much, to be honest, because this is the first time she's ever done it. Whether she's into DH or not - which I doubt because they don't even keep in touch, and if she was into him she's had YEARS to make that known to him - as long as she's not continuously belling up his line I'm good. DH told her to not call him so he's set boundaries as far as I'm concerned. If she continues to carry on calling him and messaging him then I'll have something to say.
 
Fine 4s said:
I felt bad for her after what your DH said. But then again, after re-reading, it could be just good advice, talk to HIM.
But then again, I read it as, don't call me no'more. Poor girl....ya'll are cold.
What's their history?
Click to expand...

Yeah, it was pretty much a 'don't call me again crying about your problems'. DH asked me if his message came off too harsh. I said nope:look:.
 
I know it's LHCF standard to not call anyone's husband up for support but dang...
Maybe one day I'll see it differently....when I'm married lol IF I ever get married....

ETA: Wait, my bestie is married....lawd knows I call on him with meltdowns.
Maybe I should give his wife an extra big hug when I see her on thanksgiving :)
 
SheenaVee said:
Yeah, like I said, it was random because they don't even keep in contact like that. They were friends growing up so I've heard about her from his school days stories. They might send the occasional 'happy birthday' message but that's it.

I don't care much, to be honest, because this is the first time she's ever done it. Whether she's into DH or not - which I doubt because they don't even keep in touch, and if she was into him she's had YEARS to make that known to him - as long as she's not continuously belling up his line I'm good. DH told her to not call him so he's set boundaries as far as I'm concerned. If she continues to carry on calling him and messaging him then I'll have something to say.
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Sorry but the questions were rhetorical.
 
Fine 4s said:
I know it's LHCF standard to not call anyone's husband up for support but dang...
Maybe one day I'll see it differently....when I'm married lol IF I ever get married....

ETA: Wait, my bestie is married....lawd knows I call on him with meltdowns.
Maybe I should give his wife an extra big hug when I see her on thanksgiving :)
Click to expand...

You don't have to be married to get it, would your man be happy if you were crying on another man's shoulder about anything? Opening up emotionally to another man that isn't your man is a recipe for disaster. I know I would not be looking for comfort and consolation from another woman's man, nor would I be confiding in them in that manner, that's intimacy that's reserved for your partner or a professional (and if you can't then it's time to move on), it's inappropriate no matter how you slice it. If you know anything about masculine and feminine energy then it should click.
 
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Fine 4s said:
I know it's LHCF standard to not call anyone's husband up for support but dang...
Maybe one day I'll see it differently....when I'm married lol IF I ever get married....

ETA: Wait, my bestie is married....lawd knows I call on him with meltdowns.
Maybe I should give his wife an extra big hug when I see her on thanksgiving :)
Click to expand...

Have you asked her how she feels about that?

It's great that it works for y'll but I don't think that would work for most people.

Most, if not all, of the women I've known whose husband has had a close or best female friend have had problems with the situation even if they didn't let their DH know about it. To be clear, I'm not saying it happens in all cases.
 
FemmeFatale said:
Why was she calling your husband crying? Was she looking for him to come rescue and console her? Another reason why I'm not with the whole male/female friendships like that.
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Without knowing the backstory on their friendship, like how long it's lasted, etc. Yeah.

Anyway I'm sure this isn't the first time ol dude said something ignorant but it might be the first time it's gotten her to stop and think. Especially if she's about to marry him. She needs to end it but won't. Her business, her choice, her life but she should stop calling your husband OP.
 
FlowerHair said:
That was weird and rude of her. I think she has a longtime crush on your DH. Don't let her into your marriage with her problems.
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I was thinking this. At the very least, she thinks OP's husband is a white man who "understands" (because he married a woman of color, after all)

FlowerHair said:
Let her call her family instead.
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This is the best approach. He's marrying into their family. Do they know how their future in law feels?? She should be considering family dynamics instead and whether all that is worth it to her.
 
@KCcurly
No I have not. Based on a host of information, I'm sure she has no issues with me and her DH.
Now that I'm going to crash their crib for thanksgiving ya'll gonna have me avoiding talking to my bestie! lol J/k

@FemmeFatale
I'm glad you said that I didn't have to be married to get it cuz some folks would dismiss my opinion because of that reason.
I've never dated someone who had a problem with me confiding in another male whom they know is my close friend, nor would I have a problem with them having a bestie who is a female friend especially if they were there prior to me coming on the scene. But I hear you though about sharing intimacy with another and I read it somewhere. But I think circumstances dictate when it is or isn't appropriate. A blanket statement about all female/male friends is unfair. I don't know what I would do without my bestie! You all are making me feel so grateful for what I have especially if it's not the norm.

In my view, the man or woman doesn't stop being your friend because they are now in a romantic relationship. Everyone needs to feel comfortable, that is key. I do believe in boundaries.

I'll keep learning about masculine and famine energy but in the meanwhile...
 
Fine 4s said:
@KCcurly
No I have not. Based on a host of information, I'm sure she has no issues with me and her DH.
Now that I'm going to crash their crib for thanksgiving ya'll gonna have me avoiding talking to my bestie! lol J/k

@FemmeFatale
I'm glad you said that I didn't have to be married to get it cuz some folks would dismiss my opinion because of that reason.
I've never dated someone who had a problem with me confiding in another male whom they know is my close friend, nor would I have a problem with them having a bestie who is a female friend especially if they were there prior to me coming on the scene. But I hear you though about sharing intimacy with another and I read it somewhere. But I think circumstances dictate when it is or isn't appropriate. A blanket statement about all female/male friends is unfair. I don't know what I would do without my bestie! You all are making me feel so grateful for what I have especially if it's not the norm.

In my view, the man or woman doesn't stop being your friend because they are now in a romantic relationship. Everyone needs to feel comfortable, that is key. I do believe in boundaries.

I'll keep learning about masculine and famine energy but in the meanwhile...
Click to expand...

Thanks for expounding. I don't mind a male/female acquaintance or being friendly but as you stated, there are boundaries and I don't think it's appropriate to get all deep, vulnerable and emotional with another man regardless of if you knew him first.

To be honest, there's something very odd about another woman/man being so adamant to cling to the whole "that's my best friend' title with a grown married/committed man.
 
@FemmeFatale

Yeah, boundaries are real.
I'm unsure if I can dictate how deep someone can or can't get.
I will say, these kind of conversations need to be had with an SO. We tend to assume our partners will see the situations the same or have same boundary lines and then low and behold...
I don't fully understand your last paragrph though.
We have officially highjacked OPs thread!
Sorry OP :(
 
Fine 4s said:
@FemmeFatale

Yeah, boundaries are real.
I'm unsure if I can dictate how deep someone can or can't get.
I will say, these kind of conversations need to be had with an SO. We tend to assume our partners will see the situations the same or have same boundary lines and then low and behold...
I don't fully understand your last paragrph though.
We have officially highjacked OPs thread!
Sorry OP :(
Click to expand...

What I mean by the second paragraph is that it's pretty much a given that the spouse comes first and becomes the real best friend regardless of who was there prior, and some women really try to compete with that.
 
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