Where do I go from here???(Kinda Lengthy)

[LadyCee]

Hey ladies,

I am just in a quest for some advice. I was with my ex-boyfriend for two years and everything was pretty good. By pretty good I mean we did have ups and down. But I figured who doesnt? Right? Well some of the issues were that I am in college and he graduated High School and didnt go to college at the time. When we first started dating I was really happy. He was basically my first official boyfriend and he meant sooo much to me. Well anyways he started to do things that I didnt like or even understand. Like I know everyone says once the person cheats that should be the end of it. But I was soo in love and I forgave him. To say the least it happened more than once. He would also constantly go out clubbing with his friends and I didnt really mind but then it got to me and I would ask to go with him and most the times he would say I dont want you there its a bad place for such a good girl like you and stuff then there would be times he would say I could come with him and his frnds but then it never happened.

There were times that I would give him money because I knew he needed it and even though I didnt have the best job and was getting a lil fin. aid I would give it to him thinking that I was doing the right thing as a gf. There was even an event where he got into trouble w. the law and I was there for him. Not even his parents want to help him out. So I used my credit card and helped him out I mean I was his gf. So anyways I started getting really tired of him. He would not pay me any attention like he use to in the beg. and it just felt soo weird. In the past he broke up with me. Right before our two yr anniversary I decided to break up with him in hopes of him seeing that he needed me and would try hard and make an attempt to work on our relationship.

Well after our breakup he called me and asked me to meet me at his job. So right after class I drove to his job anxious and excited at the same time. Well come to find out he had some serious news for me. He was seeing another girl while we were still together!!???

To make it worse he got this girl pregnant..

When he told me this my world dropped. How could the person I love so much do this. The person I got so use to and gave so much too even think about doing that. It hurt so bad to find out this happened. Well at first he said that he wanted to be with me and that the girl didnt want the kid. Then things changed she wanted the kid and he told me that he wasnt just going to stop talking to her he had to take care of her bc tat was his child. He would even tell me that he wasnt going to say what happened was a mistake but he had to do what was right?? What about me? Was I nothing anymore? After 2 years?

At first I hid this from all my friends and even family but as time went on I couldnt hold it in anymore. I finally broke down and told my closest friends. I still decided to keep it from my sisters. At the same time my sisters knew something was up. He would basically use my sisters against me saying that he was so cool with them because they didnt know what happened bw us. Eventually I told my sisters and I decided to not talk to him anymore. I met him for the last time in hopes of him confessing his love to me even though of the circumstances. He didnt do that but instead asked me a very peculiar question. He wanted to know what a girl would want for her birthday. I was amazed and thought he was trying to get me something nice until I realized my birthday wasnt for months. I asked why and as a response he said the girls birthday was coming up and wanted to get her something.That hurt so bad and I finally realized that I was no longer in the picture. I havent spoke to him in a while and it hurts so bad.

I find my self being bored sometimes and I really miss the way things use to be. Its so hard trying to forget about someone that you cared about so much. My sister went out some time ago and guess who she saw. Yes she saw him and of course he happened to b with that girl. It is such a nasty feeling that is inside of my heart. I feel so lost, confused, hurt, and most of all deceived my the one I never ever expected to deceive me so badly.I feel like Ive been replaced. As if I want good enough. Like I meant nothing at all. Feels like I wasnt worth fighting for. Even if I decided to forgive him why didnt he try to win me back? Is it bad that I still feel sad about it that sometimes I wish bad on them both.?

There are sometimes that he still calls me like earlier today and I fight hard and I dont answer. I feel I have tried just about everything to forget about him. Ive written evil letters and torn them, Ive cried, Ive eaten too much lol, and nothing still helps. To make things worse I am in such a bad financial situation right now and when we were together he promised that he would help me pay things back. Now that we arent together will I ever get this money baq that I need so bad. I am soo afaird to even talk to him for it so I asked my frnds to ask him and he saying he has alot of issues to and that he will never forget about me bc I did so much for him. Its always been about him him him. Wat ab the "US" So I decided to write to yall and see what you all think about it. What did you ladies do that have experienced such a bad break up? Well this has helped me in some way. Thanks ladies for hearing me out.

 

[BillsBackerz67]

Im not one to give advice...BUT I will say this...it was a blessing that he got that girl pregnant and NOT YOU. After all that stuff he put you through there would be no more tears left Its hard to let go of a break up when you only foucs on the "positives" which from what you said wasnt much too talk abouterplexed

 

[Sosoothing]

Im so sorry you are going through this. But consider yourself bless that this man has left you.

 

[HeChangedMyName]

I'm sorry that trifflin' good for nothing, sumthin' sumthin' did you like that. We all go through it. Hopefully, sooner than later, you'll be able to look back on the experience and enjoy the memories of the good stuff and learn from the not so good stuff. I wish there was a magic pill solution that I could give you, but the only thing that will make you feel better is time.

Now, you could go put your freak'em dress on and go get your party on in the meantime. Whatever you do, don't let him see you down about him(EVER). Some guys will eat that up and you'll be right in the middle of being the ex- and the other woman to the next . Hold your head up and let him see that he missed out on all you have to offer. You took care of him and held him down when he needed you to. One day he'll realize what he had and then it may be too late. Someone will come again one day and sweep you off your feet and treat you like a queen. He'll take you out, pay for everything and dare you to even act like reaching in your purse. He'll encourage you and never lie. It will happen. Just wait.

 

[VirtuousGal]

I concur...you don't know how awesome it is to be freed of that man right now because you are swamped in pain. As for the money...find another way. He is most likely NOT going to repay you unless he has some pivotal turning point in his life. He didn't seem to respect you at the most amicable point in your relationship, so I don't see him all of a sudden mustering up the decency to fork over the bucks.

This is the time to look to friends and family in your time of monetary need, it may be very uncomfortable, but they are your resources. Pray, I will also pray for you tonight LadyCee. Either way, the money situation will sort itself out. Rejoice in the fact that the Lord forced you out of this situation, because this relationship was a titanic waiting to sink, and you were thrown a lifesaver.

Purge yourself of the pain in healthy ways. Writing was a great start, I am sure you are already feeling a smidge better. Lean on the shoulders closest to you, cry sometimes, pop in a Billy Blanks tape and go TaeBo on his memory, take the time to get to know yourself again. Once you can fall in love with yourself, not in a conceded matter of course, this type of thing is far less likely to happen.

As a matter of fact, I will speak positivity into your life and say that you will only grow from this experience spiritually, intellectually, financially and romantically. Your life will be filled with joy and contentment, the most he will ever be in your life is a cautionary tale to share with your possible future daughters from a beautiful marraige or any other young ladies in your life. Please believe that and receive it in Jesus' name, AMEN!

 

[Irresistible]

Amen

This was for your growth and learning and in time will be a blessing to you!

 

[jrae]

Sometimes these relationships are like a drug - a bad one, that makes you do stupid things, that aren't good for you. Everytime you think of him, think of a nasty something... meth or crack that just messes you up and only intends to do you harm. Move on.

 

[chichibean]

Oh... I'm sooo sorry you are going through this. As the other women said you are VERY lucky to be out of that situation... just think of the heartache he will cause the new girl and that is her problem now
I know how hard it is because you're living through it right now... but you will feel better with time and new men will come in to your life. I don't know how old you are but you deserve A LOT better and now you are free to find it! All the best to you!

 

[ultrasuede]

He seems to be a very selfish person. I think you dodged a bullet. Take the time to concentrate on and pamper yourself. At this time in your life you don't need to be involved with someone who has his type of baggage and who wasn't honest enough to let you know he wanted to pursue a relationship with another girl. With him out of your life there is room for the right person to come into your life.

 

[freshlikemoi]

And this too shall pass......Keep your head up, and keep it moving. x0x0

 

[Country gal]

Been there done that. I don't want to be romantically involved with a man that doesn't have his ish together. As someone here says I don't date less anymore. Carless, Homeless and Jobless

 

[LivingDoll]

(hugs)

things will get better with time. trust me. each day will get easier and in a matter of time you'll look back on this and say "thank God".

i was with my first love 17 years ago...it took YEARS before i could even talk to him without having romantic feelings. i finally got there. we've been through lots together over the years and now he's one of my best friends. i love him but i know that he isn't the man for me. i took years for me to come to terms with that.

allow yourself time to heal. it won't be easy but you WILL heal.

 

[tarheelgurl]

It is hard to let go of someone you truly cared about and I aint gonna lie, its gonna take some time. But you have to move on and it would be easier if you found somethings to distract you with like hobbies or exercising. I truly hope that you move thru this phase quickly and get back on your feet.

 

[Honey]

This is so true - consider it a blessing that you now know exactly what he's about - NOTHING.

~Honey

Im not one to give advice...BUT I will say this...it was a blessing that he got that girl pregnant and NOT YOU. After all that stuff he put you through there would be no more tears left Its hard to let go of a break up when you only foucs on the "positives" which from what you said wasnt much too talk abouterplexed

 

[drasgrl]

I find my self being bored sometimes and I really miss the way things use to be

Miss what? Some man that has to ask a woman for money? Someone his own parents didn't want to help out (that says a lot right there). Someone who cheated on you more than once? You really miss that?

Live and learn is all I've got to say oh yeah and take his ass to court and get your money back. I hope you had some kind of signed agreement.

 

[LadyCee]

Thanx Ladies. I really appreciate all you kinds words. They are really helping me realize this happened for a reason even though at times it makes no sense to me. I know I am still young 21 years old but feels like my heart is basically shattered.

I find some guys trying to talk to me but I just walk away not that I want to 100 % its just that im really broken inside. At the same time I cant help but think and feel that I wont ever find anyone. I am trying to convince myself bc I know its true that us as woman do not need men to vallidate our being but come on ladies we do have our moments when we do want to pursue a type of connection with another person. you know?

Again all these great words of wisdom is really helping me. I just need to learn to understand that I am not the only person this has happened to and need to try to occupy my time but even with that I get down and blue sometimes but I really PRAY that I get over this completely really soon. Again thanx Ladies!!!

 

[mshoney2u]

I know that you are a beautiful young lady because I can tell that you are SO beautiful inside. Reading your story I can see alot of me in you at that age. I just made 28 last week. I am growing and learning everyday. Last month it is like I JUST started seeing life through a new pair of eyes. I woke up. I said that to say this. I wanna try to fast forward you and try to save you some years of pain, pain that I felt, pain that I ALLOWED myself to endure, if you are ready.

If you don't sit back and take a look at YOU your next relationship will probably be like this one, if not worse.

I don't think you love yourself. You may think you do but no you dont . You may care about yourself, but you don't love yourself and *if* (and that is a strong if) you do love yourself it is not how much you should.

I just can't sit here and say- "How can he do that to you?"

He didn't just do that to you. YOU allowed him to do that to you.

F*@k HIM!!!! He is a DOG. He aint no MAN. He is a BOY. A SORRY *** BOY! Even his parent know that. Of course they weren't gonna bail him out. They KNOW what he is.

I dont know if you have hear of this song. But there is an old Oscar Brown, Jr. song called “The Snake.” It is about a woman on her way to work on a winter morning. She is walking through the park on her way to the bus stop when she comes across a half frozen, almost dead snake. She feels sorry for the snake. She takes him home and nurses him back to health. Every day she rushes home from work to see how the snake is doing. One day she comes home to find the snake all laid back in the easy chair listening to some soft jazz and sipping some lemonade. She is so glad to see that the snake is well. She picks him up and hugs him close and tells him how happy she is. Just then, the snake opens his mouth and bites her. She screams at the snake and asks him how he could treat her this way after all she has done for him. “You know your bite is poisonous and I will surely die,” she says. “Oh, shut up silly woman,” the snake said with a grin. “You knew darn well I was a snake before you took me in!”

He showed himself to you so MANY times and YOU choose to ignore him. The way you are talking. If he came to you with some sorry tale sob story you would take him back.

LOVE YOUR SELF!!!
YOU DESERVE MORE!!!
YOU ARE WORTH MORE!!!

Right now, heal, take time to learn to love YOU. Never extend yourself to someone who hasn't equally extended themself for you.

Dont look for him. Mr. Right will find YOU. Have FAITH and DO YOU and everything else will fall in place.

Please dont take my CAPS as shouting. I want to stress certain words.

What doesnt kill you. Makes you strong Babygurl (if you learn from it)!
COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS. This story could have ended so much worst. You could be the one that is pregnant by this AZZHOLE!

 

[LadyCee]

this is helping a lot now i need to repeat this 50 times to myself thanx ladies

 

[blkbeauty]

this is helping a lot now i need to repeat this 50 times to myself thanx ladies

Keep repeating. remember repitition is the mother of all skills..trust me in time you will grow.

On another note, remember that as a "queen" you did not deserve his wack-arse treatment in the first place. You are far past settling. Some men, I mean boys are USERS. This comes from being taught to be self-centered and selfish. His interest was never about you, just on what you can give to him whether if it was money, sex, sympathy. He always in need.

I went down that road at a young age from 16-20. With a boy who also cheated continuously and got someone else pregnant. I cried, lost weight, didn't have energy. I am 30 now and recently I looked into his criminal record online (bad I know) and he has had several sexual and physically assaults within the past 10 years. He was also found guilty on two.

My advice to you is to take care of yourself...eat healthy, get educated, build your dreams and create your own life. Make YOUR life filled with joy and fun. Go out and explore...in the back of your mind just remind yourself that You cannot do people wrong and get away with it and people (him) can't do you wrong and get away with it...and keep your life moving.

 

[sky_blu]

Cot dayum! Guys are ARSEHOLES! I am so angry for you and Im not going to tell you to get over it because I know this is something that wont go away over night. He was dead wrong for what he did and has some pretty serious donkey kong bakks to still call you like that. He's a arsehole! Eventually something better will come along and you will see why this happened and be grateful that it did. I hope you feel better.

 

[envybeauty]

I say suck it up as a lesson learned and move on.

Just because you love the person doesn't mean that he loves you back. He cheated on you, had unprotected sex with this chick multiple times, got her pregnant and he still chose her over you. That is not love. Money is not love either.

Just because you spend money on him does not mean that he will love you. Take the money as a loss and work on rebuilding back your credit little by little. He doesn't have a pot to piss in so you probably won't see a penny of it anytime soon especially with a kid on the way.

Yes, it is hard and it may even take years to fully get him out of your system. Two years is nothing in the larger scheme of things (like how long you will grace this earth) so chalk it up to a lesson learned.

 

[new-life]

You need to stop talking to him. Stop answering his calls, stop meeting him places. Erase his number, email, IM WHATEVER. It might be hard but it gets easier in time. Clean break and stop thinking of the possibility of ever getting back with him. Don't let him see you down, keep it moving.

 

[1QTPie]

Been there. You'll move so far beyond him you won't even remember what you saw in him in the first place trust me. Upgrade your situation and stop chatting him up. He's not worth your time.

 

[Hadiyah]

I concur...you don't know how awesome it is to be freed of that man right now because you are swamped in pain. As for the money...find another way. He is most likely NOT going to repay you unless he has some pivotal turning point in his life. He didn't seem to respect you at the most amicable point in your relationship, so I don't see him all of a sudden mustering up the decency to fork over the bucks.

This is the time to look to friends and family in your time of monetary need, it may be very uncomfortable, but they are your resources. Pray, I will also pray for you tonight LadyCee. Either way, the money situation will sort itself out. Rejoice in the fact that the Lord forced you out of this situation, because this relationship was a titanic waiting to sink, and you were thrown a lifesaver.

Purge yourself of the pain in healthy ways. Writing was a great start, I am sure you are already feeling a smidge better. Lean on the shoulders closest to you, cry sometimes, pop in a Billy Blanks tape and go TaeBo on his memory, take the time to get to know yourself again. Once you can fall in love with yourself, not in a conceded matter of course, this type of thing is far less likely to happen.

As a matter of fact, I will speak positivity into your life and say that you will only grow from this experience spiritually, intellectually, financially and romantically. Your life will be filled with joy and contentment, the most he will ever be in your life is a cautionary tale to share with your possible future daughters from a beautiful marraige or any other young ladies in your life. Please believe that and receive it in Jesus' name, AMEN!

\\

Amen sister preach & pray!

I 2 agree...I've been there done that and trust, you will be ok! The more you get into self and stand firm in your convictions, well you will attract the person that is compatible to your taste! I will also keep you in my prayers....

 

[sereia]

I am sorry for what happened but I agree that you are probably better off than his "GF" for now. He will cheat on her and maybe she even knows.
I agree with the ladies that you should distract yourself with something active and positive for now and do some soul-searching later. You need to love and respect yourself and to learn to show people like him boundaries. You also need to be careful who you let into your life.

PLEASE don´t forget to get tested for STDs he could have given you from his unprotected mess!

I know that you are hurting and nobody can take this pain away from you but eventually you will be much better and wiser!

 

[LadyCee]

thank u ladies...cant wait till im completely over this.
today i was w. one of my friends and he has a 3mnth old baby and although she was so small, cute, and innocent i pretty much wanted to throw up bc im imaging him w a baby in a couple of months..'UGGGHH!!!

does that make me EVIL???

ohh yeah he texted me the other day...as it says he thinkin ab me n misses me like crazy...sure?? and block calls/weird numbrs

doesn't action speak louder then words(not like it matters)?? ummkay its so frustrating n stuff on how confused i am on this ISH n he seems like his mind was made up from da get go...i was a foooolll...eerrrERRR

yall r helping me cope...ty

 

[LadyCee]

bumpping...ladies...

he keeps calling saying can we talk please i dont want to really i hate him sooo much!!! he has made me so bitter n lost trust in everyone and ab everything.

i also went snooping around and saw things(sonograms) that hurt my feelings(guess I still care right??) is that wrong? im so baffled

help...

 

[plastic]

nothing wrong with still caring but do not fall back into that trap again ...

he misses you most likely when things are going wrong in his relationship or because he needs money ... not because he actually misses you. When he had you , he didnt want you, he was off ****** around with some other woman and apparently having a good time. Do not let him get back into your heart ...because you have to still get him our of it.

Nothing to be baffled about. Do not answer his calls and stop snooping around, you are only hurting yourself more. Get out and have some fun ... dont get drunk ... you may decide to call him or text him (STUPIDDDD)

 

[ThatJerseyGirl]

Where do you go from here? You should go on aboutcha bidness. Fa real. I would elaborate more, but I'm off to the gym...but food for thought. Why want someone who doesn't want you? He's only calling you back because he knows good ole' (whatever your name is) will be there. That is all you are good for to him. You're better than that. Now, if you allow to see him, and answer his calls, etc, then you are allowing yourself to be played and cant' blame nobody but urself. If you stop taking his calls, etc, then you are well on your way to recovery.

You are worth more than that. Plus, why would you want someone who has got someone pregnant (unprotected sex). Just food for thought.

 

[carcajada]

thank u ladies...cant wait till im completely over this.
today i was w. one of my friends and he has a 3mnth old baby and although she was so small, cute, and innocent i pretty much wanted to throw up bc im imaging him w a baby in a couple of months..'UGGGHH!!!

does that make me EVIL???

ohh yeah he texted me the other day...as it says he thinkin ab me n misses me like crazy...sure?? and block calls/weird numbrs

doesn't action speak louder then words(not like it matters)?? ummkay its so frustrating n stuff on how confused i am on this ISH n he seems like his mind was made up from da get go...i was a foooolll...eerrrERRR

yall r helping me cope...ty

He misses what you did for him, not you. If he could have it his way, he'd continue using you while doing what he wants with other women. Terrible! You're in such a better place than he is right now, even if it doesn't feel like it.

I'm sorry you are going through this. I'm glad you're allowing yourself to have and express different emotions. Don't hold it in. Letting it out is part of the process we all had to go through in a break-up.