This is a touchy subject but is it possible to maintain a relationship when you are not sexually attracted to your mate? A lot of times my man will want to have sex and i kinda just don't want to. He becomes frustrated and I can understand....i just sometimes can't do it. I never had this issue with past mates...anyone ever been in this situation...any advice?
When you just aren't sexually attracted to him.
- Thread starter Star86
- Start date
we have been together since i was 22, so about three years now. I first noticed about 2.5 years ago.
B_Phlyy
Pineapple Eating Unicorn
I tried it before (and actually even have sex), but in the end I left because it wasn't fair to either of us. He was a good guy, but physical attraction is an important part of a relationship.
Are you not sexually attracted to him at all, or just some things you aren't keen on doing? Sorry if the question is to personal. You can PM if you want.
Are you not sexually attracted to him at all, or just some things you aren't keen on doing? Sorry if the question is to personal. You can PM if you want.
miss cosmic
Well-Known Member
I ignored the fact that i wasnt physically attracted to him. It was a long distance relationship and i thought things would improve once we were living together. Things did not improve and in some ways got worse. I left because that is not the kind of life i wanted for myself and it was unfair to both of us. I'm never making the mistake of downplaying physical attraction ever again.
For some people other things compensate. Like if the guy has money or some other kind of benefit then they can tolerate the bad sex/no sex indefinitely. I don't judge because different people value different things, but for me, nothing is worth bad sex. I learnt that the hard way.
For some people other things compensate. Like if the guy has money or some other kind of benefit then they can tolerate the bad sex/no sex indefinitely. I don't judge because different people value different things, but for me, nothing is worth bad sex. I learnt that the hard way.
gabulldawg
Well-Known Member
I don't think it's possible. This issue can lead to many more issues down the road. Why not leave and find someone that you are sexually attracted to?
miss cosmic
Well-Known Member
A856 said:
IME by the time you admit to yourself that it really is THAT bad, other parts of the r/ship have started to suffer. Maybe the emotional connection isn't quite the same, or perhaps you just don't respect him the way a wife should respect her spouse. Either way, the r/ship is not perfect and even if he doesn't see it, you do and you know the root cause - unless you're ok living as roommates you need to get out.
That said, there's no need to be mean. Break up with him the same way you would break up with anybody
Cichelle
Well-Known Member
The feeling of being obligated to have sex with someone you're just not sexually attracted to is very unpleasant. Perhaps, at first, you (in general) force yourself to do it on a regular basis, but after a while, it becomes more and more difficult. Problems like this have a way of reinforcing themselves and unless something drastic happens to turn it around, it just continues to get worse. After a long time of being in this situation, you might have gone from not be sexually attracted to the other person to actually being repulsed by them. It really is a lose-lose situation, as both sides of a relationship like this are getting a bad deal. It's not fair and IMO, it's better to part sooner than later.
This is different than a relationship where neither person is interested in having sex with the other, but they love each other and stay together for other reasons. It's when the feelings are not mutual that a problem occurs and I can't think of many ways to resolve that. I've said before, I am not able to talk myself into being attracted to someone...but I'm guessing others may have had luck with that.
Life is too short too spend it giving or receiving mercy f*^%@. Sorry to be blunt, but I'd rather be told the real deal, then to go through the heartache of repeated rejection when someone is not attracted to me.
This is different than a relationship where neither person is interested in having sex with the other, but they love each other and stay together for other reasons. It's when the feelings are not mutual that a problem occurs and I can't think of many ways to resolve that. I've said before, I am not able to talk myself into being attracted to someone...but I'm guessing others may have had luck with that.
Life is too short too spend it giving or receiving mercy f*^%@. Sorry to be blunt, but I'd rather be told the real deal, then to go through the heartache of repeated rejection when someone is not attracted to me.
sj10460
Don't Come for me unless I send for you!
Been there, done that. Run. It's not going to get better. Sex is not suppose to be a chore. This is only going to lead to destructive behavior, either you straying because you're not being satisfied, or picking fights to avoid having sex. Or him feeling the disconnect and looking somewhere else
this is exactly wht ive gone thru. kudos to women that can be with men w/o feeling that way about them. i can't
Pat Mahurr
Pun intended
Star86, is it just him that you're not sexually attracted to, or has your interest in any sex changed?
ThatJerseyGirl
Well-Known Member
Umph! I wonder if Tamar Braxton has this problem cuz I can't stand to look at his face, let alone imagine him naked. Ughhh *heaves at da thought*
unless his physical appearance change, then its pretty much a wrap and to force yourself to have sex with him just keep him quiet is not good.
Never compromise yourself and your puzzy for no man. Specially if he aint physically attractive to you and does not turn you on. Hell most women can't wait to get home and screw their men.
In the end, you hafta do what is best for you.
*in my Oprah voice* what attracted you to him in the first place? Did he gain weight over the years? What changed?
unless his physical appearance change, then its pretty much a wrap and to force yourself to have sex with him just keep him quiet is not good.
Never compromise yourself and your puzzy for no man. Specially if he aint physically attractive to you and does not turn you on. Hell most women can't wait to get home and screw their men.
In the end, you hafta do what is best for you.
*in my Oprah voice* what attracted you to him in the first place? Did he gain weight over the years? What changed?
I've done it before, but I think I just stopped doing sexual things with him.
I came into my real sexual confidence years after that relationship though, so I could have dealt with it longer back then, but eventually I would have left him. Also it's not fair on him not having sex. I found out afterwards, it did give him a complex that he wasn't sexually attractive which I think happens to many women and men on the other end of the issue
At the end of the day I'm still friends with him and he found a new gf who has been with him for maybe 3 years and wants to marry him
. Sometimes its better to let someone go in these circumstances so they can find their complete match and you can find yours
I do know some women who find the sex bad or average, but stay because the good much outweighs that in their mind. In that situation I think its not as bad. If you know it's more important then move on IMO.
I came into my real sexual confidence years after that relationship though, so I could have dealt with it longer back then, but eventually I would have left him. Also it's not fair on him not having sex. I found out afterwards, it did give him a complex that he wasn't sexually attractive which I think happens to many women and men on the other end of the issue
At the end of the day I'm still friends with him and he found a new gf who has been with him for maybe 3 years and wants to marry him
. Sometimes its better to let someone go in these circumstances so they can find their complete match and you can find yoursI do know some women who find the sex bad or average, but stay because the good much outweighs that in their mind. In that situation I think its not as bad. If you know it's more important then move on IMO.
He was a really sweety guy. Nothing has changed, actually. He has just never been my type physically, unfortunately.
jhcprincess
Well-Known Member
Been there... we never actually had sex (thankfully) but it's better to cut your losses now because the situation will not resolve itself and eventually you will start to resent him.
LifeafterLHCF
New Member
I really didn't think once can even be with someone they aren't attracted to. I did it when I was younger,dumb,and just wanted a man now if I can't get off looking at you then I def can't date you.
shortycocoa
Hair Weave Killer
ya'll are speaking the truth up in here!!!! Been there, done that, bought and wore the t-shirt and ain't going back ever again!!!! I can not do #teamlittledicks or #teamwacksex anymore!
leave girl, leave!!! do not pass go, do not collect $200.00!!!!
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