When someone asks for hair advice outside of LHCF...?

[Lilmama1011]

Do you feel overwhelmed when about to explain? For some reason I do because I feel like I know so much. And I realize I'm starting to sound all scientific lol . Sometimes when I explain and I realize I don't feel like going into detail. It's weird, I love hair and finding out a lot of things to better the health of my hair as well as grow it longer but explaining just overwhelms me. Maybe because people outside of LHCF probably think some of the things we do are pointless or they don't have time for that... Can you relate?

 

[pre_medicalrulz]

I give a little information at first until they show more interest.

 

[kandake]

I don't like talking about hair outside of LHCF unless it's with another member. I cringe every time someone asks me something about hair products and being natural.

 

[Harina]

I just roll my eyes and walk away. Works like a charm every time.

 

[Stormy]

No, I don't feel overwhelmed. I just answer the questions they ask. For example, I have friends who ask how to deal with reverting or shrinkage. Also, one of my friend's edges are disappearing due to lace fronts. She has long, kind of thick hair too, but she can't figure out what to do. Oh, and she doesn't know what styles she should wear it in.

Lots of people ask me how I transitioned, how I dealt with the in between stages, how I do my two stranded twists and care for them, etc... They also ask how my hair grew so fast, (but it's actually not fast at all), how I do this or that with my hair type. They don't believe I'm a 4B.

So, no matter what although I can talk hair all day (and I usually do) I usually just keep it simple in my answers or regimen and refer them to LHCF.

 

[pearcey]

...depends...

...really depends...

 

[Lilmama1011]

No, I don't feel overwhelmed. I just answer the questions they ask. For example, I have friends who ask how to deal with reverting or shrinkage. Also, one of my friend's edges are disappearing due to lace fronts. She has long, kind of thick hair too, but she can't figure out what to do. Oh, and she doesn't know what styles she should wear it in.

Lots of people ask me how I transitioned, how I dealt with the in between stages, how do my two stranded twists and care for them, etc... They also ask how my hair grew so fast, (but it's actually not fast at all), how I do this or that with my hair type. They don't believe I'm a 4B.

So, no matter what although I can talk hair all day (and I usually do) I usually just keep it simple in my answers or regimen and refer them to LHCF.

I had a friend who I referred to LHCF and do you know this girl almost had a heart attack when I told her the subscription was 6.50 for a year, cheap butt! I'm like are you serious, that's less than a dollar a month. But she spends time talking about another friend who is so cheap smh Stormy

 

[SuchaLady]

I just say wash and deep condition. Keep hair strong with protein. I never understood not answering hair questions. It's not like they ask you to write a dissertation about hair care in the black community. Not directed to anyone here.

 

[Lilmama1011]

I just say wash and deep condition. Keep hair strong with protein. I never understood not answering hair questions. It's not like they ask you to write a dissertation about hair care in the black community. Not directed to anyone here.

Well for me it's not that simple to just tell them what to do, it's why? And then you have to go into detail with that. Then it's but I heard you can do this, why is that bad and so on and so forth SuchaLady

 

[Stormy]

Lilmama1011 that is soooo ridiculous! But I will say that the people that I have referred rarely come. At least I don't think they do because they keep asking me stuff! Then I just say "girrrrlll I'm telling you... LHCF."

 

[Lilmama1011]

Lilmama1011 that is soooo ridiculous! But I will say that the people that I have referred rarely come. At least I don't think they do because they keep asking me stuff! Then I just say "girrrrlll I'm telling you... LHCF."

It's only but so much you can get from YouTube . She decided to watch YouTube and she decides to explain co washing to me, I had to cut her off ASAP and tell her i know what that is. Like is she serious? But she still has questions for days about hair. I can't do a bun to save my life even if I'm apl and she did it and her hair had to be like chin length. It looked cute but we all know if your hair is being forced around the donut it will break. Then she uses the spin brush and she talks about how after she looks like she doesn't need a relaxer and I'm like well brushes isn't my thing because wether wet or dry it pulls unnecessary hair out for not reason, she continued to use it and I told SO watch her tell me her hair falling out. Why a week ago she calls and tells me her hair fell out in the middle and she doesn't know why, it can be for those two reason. I give up. Don't ask and don't do! Stormy

 

[PJaye]

I just say wash and deep condition. Keep hair strong with protein. I never understood not answering hair questions. It's not like they ask you to write a dissertation about hair care in the black community. Not directed to anyone here.

I think the aversion to answering hair-related questions came about as a result of people’s skewed expectations.

For instance, a simple response of “wash and condition your hair regularly with quality products” typically causes an individual’s eyes to deaden and their interest to wane because most are hoping for a response that details some miracle hair product that provides instant results. When they don’t receive the desired response, things quickly go downhill. After a while, these types of interactions become a tedious chore and a huge waste of time.

 

[Lucie]

Nope, I don't do a lot natural/relaxed. What does make me feel uncomfortable is that I don't have a lot to say. When I am relaxed I rollerset once/twice a week. I apply argan oil, brush out the curls and put it in a high bun. When I am natural I CW daily. I trim natural/relaxed 2/3 times a year. That's it. My problem is I think they think I am a liar for not telling them more.

 

[shasha8685]

I think the aversion to answering hair-related questions came about as a result of people’s skewed expectations.

For instance, a simple response of “wash and condition your hair regularly with quality products” typically causes an individual’s eyes to deaden and their interest to wane because most are hoping for a response that details some miracle hair product that provides instant results. When they don’t receive the desired response, things quickly go downhill. After a while, these types of interactions become a tedious chore and a huge waste of time.

THIS!! I have found that people typically want the "I wash my hair with unicorn tears' answer which makes the whole interaction disappointing and anti-climatic.


To answer the OP's question, I typically say that I don't relax often, I don't use a lot of heat, and that I take care of my hair. If the person asks what products I use, I tell them.

 

[BEAUTYU2U]

It's hard to explain. It feels all elaborate at times cause people don't understand basics. Washing, conditioning regularly, water moisturizes/oil seals, protein vs moisture, etc. Most of the time they just want to know what product "works" which I can't tell cause I don't "know their hair.

 

[Mahsiah]

Yes, it's so much to explain. I aint got time. I tell them to look up "starting hair journey".

 

[Ogoma]

I just tell to keep their scalp clean and their hair conditioned and to moisturize between washing sessions with a product with water as the first ingredient. I also send them to YouTube.

The only reason I am hesitant with those close to me is because I become the hair product dealer. The start complaining about not finding the right products and I start sending stuff and get stuck sending stuff.

 

[Guinan]

At 1st when people whould ask me for hair advice I felt honored & thought that I must be doing something right. But when these people started arguing w/ me that relaxing the edges every week was not damaging or debating me on every piece of advice that I shared; I just had enough. I no longer give advice. Now when people ask me how I grew my hair, I say it's due to my mixed heritage or I'm just lucky They seem to be happier with those responses, rather than me say that I actually take the effort to care for my hair.

 

[yaya24]

I explain the basics and then I direct them to the forums.
If they ask for more advice (outside of what I can offer) I direct them to a youtube channel of someone that is direct with visual progress and advice.

At the end of the day if the person asking is serious, they will get in where they fit in.

I agree with however that proverb goes: You can lead a horse to the water, but you can't force it to drink...

 

[wannabelong]

I give them the basics: shampoo, deep condition, keep hair moisturized and keep direct heat to a minimum.

 

[SuchaLady]

I think the aversion to answering hair-related questions came about as a result of people’s skewed expectations. For instance, a simple response of “wash and condition your hair regularly with quality products” typically causes an individual’s eyes to deaden and their interest to wane because most are hoping for a response that details some miracle hair product that provides instant results. When they don’t receive the desired response, things quickly go downhill. After a while, these types of interactions become a tedious chore and a huge waste of time.

I understand that part but do you all not answer one question to gauge their reactions? I only get death stares when I say I'm low to no heat. That's when girls look at me like I'm crazy lol

 

[SuchaLady]

I give them the basics: shampoo, deep condition, keep hair moisturized and keep direct heat to a minimum.

This is my exact response as well. I'm never really asked for advice for their hair. They ask me what I do to mine. And this ^^ is all I do.

 

[PJaye]

I understand that part but do you all not answer one question to gauge their reactions? I only get death stares when I say I'm low to no heat. That's when girls look at me like I'm crazy lol

Of course. IME, no one sprints out of the hair journey gate avoiding hair-related questions. In fact, I find the opposite to be true - with most being eager to enthusiastically discuss hair for hours on end with anyone who demonstrates an iota of interest in the topic. The aversion comes into play after an individual has been worn down by:

- Abject apathy (what you’re saying sounds somewhat reasonable, but I ain’t doing alla dat, so shut up now)

- Skewed expectations (the miracle in a jar/bottle seekers; who’s eyes will glaze over in a heartbeat once they discover that there’s no magic potion)

- Unnecessary debate (the people who opt to argue and dispute your methods for various reasons, which are typically based on old wife’s tales and misinformation)

As I stated earlier, it becomes a tiring ordeal after a while, particularly when it comes to needless debate and palpable disinterest/disbelief. I completely understand your position; however, how many times should someone explain that hair will not fall out or grow mold from regular cleansing before enough becomes enough?

 

[Honey Bee]

It's only but so much you can get from YouTube . She decided to watch YouTube and she decides to explain co washing to me, I had to cut her off ASAP and tell her i know what that is. Like is she serious? But she still has questions for days about hair. I can't do a bun to save my life even if I'm apl and she did it and her hair had to be like chin length. It looked cute but we all know if your hair is being forced around the donut it will break. Then she uses the spin brush and she talks about how after she looks like she doesn't need a relaxer and I'm like well brushes isn't my thing because wether wet or dry it pulls unnecessary hair out for not reason, she continued to use it and I told SO watch her tell me her hair falling out. Why a week ago she calls and tells me her hair fell out in the middle and she doesn't know why, it can be for those two reason. I give up. Don't ask and don't do! http://www.longhaircareforum.com/member.php?u=995

Giiiiirrrrrl! Why did my mother 'tell me' about 'vinegar rinses' today? So, I'm like, "Ma, what kinda vinegar? At what dilution? Do you know WHY you'd be doing such a thing, or is this something you heard in the e-skreets? " No answers. I explained the purpose and told her, I buy you French Perm Stabilizer and Roux Porosity Control because you're not there yet to be a kitchen mixtress. (eyerolls all up and through that phone call ) I'm like, 'Ma, this ain't the old days where you do what somebody tells you. You have to know the WHY.'

Sorry, I had a flashback of potential setbacks, and this woman is transitioning, smh. Why would you start something new when you barely know the (3/4) permed hair you got?!? WHHHHHYYY?! Begging for trouble. I blame her natural friend.

 

[Lilmama1011]

Giiiiirrrrrl! Why did my mother 'tell me' about 'vinegar rinses' today? So, I'm like, "Ma, what kinda vinegar? At what dilution? Do you know WHY you'd be doing such a thing, or is this something you heard in the e-skreets? " No answers. I explained the purpose and told her, I buy you French Perm Stabilizer and Roux Porosity Control because you're not there yet to be a kitchen mixtress. (eyerolls all up and through that phone call ) I'm like, 'Ma, this ain't the old days where you do what somebody tells you. You have to know the WHY.'

Sorry, I had a flashback of potential setbacks, and this woman is transitioning, smh. Why would you start something new when you barely know the (3/4) permed hair you got?!? WHHHHHYYY?! Begging for trouble. I blame her natural friend.

Yeah your right, you don't do stuff and don't know what it's for. So she was going to do the roux and vinegar rinse? honeybee

 

[Honey Bee]

Yeah your right, you don't do stuff and don't know what it's for. So she was going to do the roux and vinegar rinse? @honeybee

I honestly have no idea. She didn't even know she was supposed to dilute it, poor, confused Mama Honey Bee, smh. I nipped that in the bid though, cuz when she has a set back, I ain't trynna hear nothing! I just gave her several liters of conditioner (which I could have very well kept since I'm 12 wks post now ), but I was nice. I even have her a bottle of my new boo, Zoto's porosity equalizer! Come on, now! Don't be getting hair advice from the e-streets, ma, dang! especially since her child has grown to APL twice a year since I got here.

 

[ilong]

My view is both pro and con. There were two women at work - on complete opposite ends of the income spectrum who ask me advice on hair.
And it's very funny to others when I share this with because I wear PS 100% of the time. (I showed the ladies @ work my hair length when I pulled a braid out from underneath my wig). I'm sure people think I am bald - because I never wear my hair out.
Lady A (higher income) inquires on fifty 'leven topics and when I ask her how it's going - I get the "girl I didn't have time" response. It is exhausting and futile to continuously "coach" someone - when it's obvious they aren't performing any of the steps. So I "excused her" from my sharing circle.
Lady B (very low income) is following my recommendations (courtesy of all the great advice here on LHCF) weekly. I can't refer her to LHCF because she doesn't have a computer, internet access at home or work or smartphone. Or vehicle!!! I bless her with some of the stash that I was blessed to be able to purchase. She is eager, willing and excited. I will do as much as I can to help her achieve her HJ goal - as long as she is committed and does her part. And yes I told her that.
If you ladies withheld your knowledge and expertise here on the forum with me and others - we would be lost on our journeys also.
There are a lot of regimens that I read and say "I ain't doin' all dat" . But I would struggle even more so, without the advice of ladies "who do all dat".
So none of us can make this journey alone - we all need help!
But those who ask for advice and then look like "say whaaat" - Ain't nobody got time for that!!

 

[veesweets]

I had a friend who I referred to LHCF and do you know this girl almost had a heart attack when I told her the subscription was 6.50 for a year, cheap butt! I'm like are you serious, that's less than a dollar a month. But she spends time talking about another friend who is so cheap smh @Stormy

Lol, this reaction irritates me to no end when it happens to me IRL. Cause those same people, if I had said "Go buy X product at the BSS and your hair will be long & healthy in 6 months," would go out and buy the product that very same freakin day at practically any cost. But $6.50/year for valuable knowledge is too much??

 

[divachyk]

I blogged about this very topic. I give a little until they show they are willing to put in the work. Gone are the days where I freely give because most are not serious about this hair game.

 

[Honey Bee]

I blogged about this very topic. I give a little until they show they are willing to put in the work. Gone are the days where I freely give because most are not serious about this hair game.

divachyk, I just got serious about my hhj and wanted to let you know, I'm blog-stalking you.