When a man says he loves you

[deltagyrl]

I have a male friend from college who I used to date eons ago.
He and I have remained close but he has many other female friends.

Anyhoo, he has always been my safe place to land whenever I was going through it. He has always supported and encouraged me to do and be my very best, no matter what. I don't want to believe that it's just with me because he's such a sweetheart and, besides, a guy who's a jerk wouldn't have so many female friends. It's just who he is.

Recently he has been sending texts and emails that say, I love you.

I don't know how to take it and I'm unsure as to why he would say it so often.

I do believe him because he's never, ever acted otherwise.
He recently wrote a poem about me and named the heroine in a book he's writing after me.

I am currently going through a divorce (unrelated to said friend) and I am very clear as to how I feel about him. Is he trying to see if I'll give him a shot? I'm confused.

Thoughts?

 

[Determined22]

I have a couple of male friends that I'm extremely close with and we tell each other we love each other. But its in a "I love you as a friend, thanks for always being there for me" kind of way.

Maybe he's just trying to reassure you since you're going through a divorce?

If you're really questioning his motives, why not just talk to him about it?

 

[tiara76]

it seems as if he really does love you...love likes to express itself, and by him telling you, writing about you its his way of expressing his love outwards....some people feel they can only express love to another depending on how the other person feels and they repress it inside if they don't get some sort of "response" from the other person... the spirit thrives on expression wittles on repression....talk to him about it if you are confused....love is expressed and felt in a variety of different ways towards others

 

[deltagyrl]

I have a couple of male friends that I'm extremely close with and we tell each other we love each other. But its in a "I love you as a friend, thanks for always being there for me" kind of way.

Maybe he's just trying to reassure you since you're going through a divorce?

If you're really questioning his motives, why not just talk to him about it?

Oh, I am going to talk to him. As for the divorce, he constantly reminds me that I deserve real love and that I'm special and so on & so forth.
He frequently uses endearing terms like baby, sweetie, sunshine, beautiful, sexy...etc. Should platonic, male friends do this?

I just don't know what to make of it all.

My girls think he's in love with me but it's hard for me to believe that.
I'm more inclined to believe that he just cares for me and wants to make sure that I'm ok and that doesn't necessarily mean that he wants to get with me.

 

[deltagyrl]

it seems as if he really does love you...love likes to express itself, and by him telling you, writing about you its his way of expressing his love outwards....some people feel they can only express love to another depending on how the other person feels and they repress it inside if they don't get some sort of "response" from the other person... the spirit thrives on expression wittles on repression....talk to him about it if you are confused....love is expressed and felt in a variety of different ways towards others

I believe that he does. It's just that based on what happened in my marriage it is hard for me to believe that he is in love with me. I know, I know...

 

[JustKiya]

I'd reply - 'I love you too!! You're like the brother I always wanted/never had (depending on whether you have brothers or not).

It honors his feelings of love, shows that you reflect them, but also TOTALLY shuts down going anywhere that ain't platonic - unless y'all are down with the incest. *shudder*

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

Question: How do you feel about him?? I don't know if I caught that anywhere in your post. Do you like him??

If not, then I'd take JustKiya's advice and perhaps just subtly give him the "love ya like a brother" type of comment.

But if you DO have feelings for him, I would just ask him casually what he means by his comments. Don't assume anything yet..just get him to clarify. IDK what to say lol. If it were me I might say something like: "Hmm...you know, most of my male friends never say 'I love you'. You're the only one who does. Do most guys say this to women they are only platonically interested in?" Or, maybe that seems too serious. Idk...maybe make it playful or something.

If anything, I think he definitely cares for you. From what you've stated on this board, my gut is telling me that he likes you more than a friend.

So...do you like him? Is the question. Based on the fact that you are even wondering about it and are posting on the boards about it...I'm guessing that you kind of fancy him as well. :Blush2:

 

[deltagyrl]

Question: How do you feel about him?? I don't know if I caught that anywhere in your post. Do you like him??

If not, then I'd take JustKiya's advice and perhaps just subtly give him the "love ya like a brother" type of comment.

But if you DO have feelings for him, I would just ask him casually what he means by his comments. Don't assume anything yet..just get him to clarify. IDK what to say lol. If it were me I might say something like: "Hmm...you know, most of my male friends never say 'I love you'. You're the only one who does. Do most guys say this to women they are only platonically interested in?" Or, maybe that seems too serious. Idk...maybe make it playful or something.

If anything, I think he definitely cares for you. From what you've stated on this board, my gut is telling me that he likes you more than a friend.

So...do you like him? Is the question. Based on the fact that you are even wondering about it and are posting on the boards about it...I'm guessing that you kind of fancy him as well. :Blush2:

I more than like him.

I spoke with him at length today and it was what everyone was thinking.
He loves me in a romantic way but had suppressed his feelings because I was married. Now that I'm divorcing, he's letting me know.

He said some very, very sweet things and Lord knows it felt good to hear them after years of...

We are just talking about things right now. Enjoying each others conversation. Who knows what's gonna happen? As long as we remain friends- at the end of the day- I'm good.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

I more than like him.

I spoke with him at length today and it was what everyone was thinking.
He loves me in a romantic way but had suppressed his feelings because I was married. Now that I'm divorcing, he's letting me know.

He said some very, very sweet things and Lord knows it felt good to hear them after years of...

We are just talking about things right now. Enjoying each others conversation. Who knows what's gonna happen? As long as we remain friends- at the end of the day- I'm good.

Awwwwwwww!!! That's so sweeeeet!!! It's so cute how people who always liked each other secretly finally get together.

Yeah, his comments were definitely telling. But it was more so his ACTIONS that sealed the deal for me.

So that's great news! I guess...just take it slow, and get to know each other on a more "romantic" level on a slower pace since you are still in the midst of a divorce. But enjoy nonetheless!

PS---what other "signs" (aside from the sweet little nothings lol) did you get over time that he liked you but was "waiting" until you divorced in order to make his move? I'm just curious, because sometimes guys can SAY one thing, but not really be serious you know what I'm saying? You can never quite tell if some guys are just playing around or what.

Also, what did YOU eventually ask him to "call him out"???

 

[FlowerHair]

This is romantic...
Good luck Deltagyrl

 

[deltagyrl]

Awwwwwwww!!! That's so sweeeeet!!! It's so cute how people who always liked each other secretly finally get together.

Yeah, his comments were definitely telling. But it was more so his ACTIONS that sealed the deal for me.

So that's great news! I guess...just take it slow, and get to know each other on a more "romantic" level on a slower pace since you are still in the midst of a divorce. But enjoy nonetheless!

PS---what other "signs" (aside from the sweet little nothings lol) did you get over time that he liked you but was "waiting" until you divorced in order to make his move? I'm just curious, because sometimes guys can SAY one thing, but not really be serious you know what I'm saying? You can never quite tell if some guys are just playing around or what.

Also, what did YOU eventually ask him to "call him out"???

We were always friends. I could always call him to vent, ask advice or listen. He never made me feel like I was imposing or interrupting something. He always, always, always was happy to hear from me. He really listened to whatever I said and always gave thoughtful responses.
He dated over the years and was never disrespectful to his exes. I would fall back and we would talk every now and again. When they'd break up there was my friend again...just like it never happened. He constantly encouraged me even when I was too embarrassed by what my marriage had become to face family or friends. I could always tell him what I could never say out loud to any one else.

To the second bolded, I asked him to call me and he did. I flat out asked if he ever thought of me in that way and he said yes.

That's my buddy.

 

[deltagyrl]

This is romantic...
Good luck Deltagyrl

You think so? I guess it is.

 

[glamazon386]

I would proceed with caution. I went throught a similar situation about a year ago and it didn't turn out the way I thought it would. While I do believe that his feelings were genuine and til this day he still has feelings for me like I do for him it wasn't the right time or place. He wasn't ready. He wasn't there yet. I don't know why he would have even opened that gate only to slam it shut in my face. Maybe things didn't go the way he thought and he decided to back up. Maybe he regretted his decision to go down that path out of fear of ruining our friendship. I don't know. And it took me forever to make sense of the whole thing.

I freaked out about the whole thing and was afraid that our friendship was ruined. It wasn't ruined but it's not the same anymore. We certainly aren't as close as we used to be (but I'm not single anymore so that's understandable) but we're still friends. I think it changed the dynamic of our friendship for worse. If I had to do it all again I think I would have approached the whole thing differently. If you decide to see where this goes please make sure you two are on the same page so feelings don't get hurt and your friendship isn't ruined.

 

[deltagyrl]

I would proceed with caution. I went throught a similar situation about a year ago and it didn't turn out the way I thought it would. While I do believe that his feelings were genuine and til this day he still has feelings for me like I do for him it wasn't the right time or place. He wasn't ready. He wasn't there yet. I don't know why he would have even opened that gate only to slam it shut in my face. Maybe things didn't go the way he thought and he decided to back up. Maybe he regretted his decision to go down that path out of fear of ruining our friendship. I don't know. And it took me forever to make sense of the whole thing.

I freaked out about the whole thing and was afraid that our friendship was ruined. It wasn't ruined but it's not the same anymore. We certainly aren't as close as we used to be (but I'm not single anymore so that's understandable) but we're still friends. I think it changed the dynamic of our friendship for worse. If I had to do it all again I think I would have approached the whole thing differently. If you decide to see where this goes please make sure you two are on the same page so feelings don't get hurt and your friendship isn't ruined.

Hey Glam.
Don't worry, I'm moving at a snails pace. All we've done is acknowledge feelings. Not calling this anything right now. To be honest, we're a lot like the couple in Brown Sugar... Come to think of it he would always say, you know that's us, right?

I don't *think* he'd lie to me or mislead me and I'm sure not trying to hurt him so I think we'll be ok.