What's the situation with his mom?

[Odd One]

Does your SO/hubby's mom like you?

My SO reported that he had a talk with his mom about me. Now the situation is that he has an ex that he presented to his mother and she loved her. Until this day, that ex is still calling the mom from time to time and whatnot. I always had the vibe from her that she just didn't like me as much as the ex. SO used to reassure me and say "Nah dont say that she knows how much i love you, she appreciates you blah blah blah".

Well it has been confirmed she doesnt love me... she reportedly said "she(me) has never done anything wrong, never been disrespectful... but i just get this feeling from her"

It sucks... i feel like crying right now(might be my hormones..)but it just really sucks. Growing up ive always been scared of the classic hateful MIL, and here I am! I dont want to have to prove myself to her, and i know that itll only get worse.

Are any of you in this kind of situation? How do you deal with it/her?

 

[hopeful]

...
It sucks... i feel like crying right now(might be my hormones..)but it just really sucks. Growing up ive always been scared of the classic hateful MIL, and here I am! I dont want to have to prove myself to her, and i know that itll only get worse.

Are any of you in this kind of situation? How do you deal with it/her?

Don't be so sure that "it'll get worse". You don't know that and shouldn't speak that. If you and your SO marry and you bring him great joy and you have a family together and over the years you go through this and that with his mom just because you are family (get togethers/holidays/funerals/birthdays/little chats here and there, etc.) you just might be pleasantly surprised at how much she will come to love and appreciate you. Hand the relationship over to God and trust that He will soften her heart toward you. And you just be nice to her and be yourself and never speak badly about her. I would have been hurt too but I've been married a long time and I know how time changes things.

 

[Odd One]

Don't be so sure that "it'll get worse". You don't know that and shouldn't speak that. If you and your SO marry and you bring him great joy and you have a family together and over the years you go through this and that with his mom just because you are family (get togethers/holidays/funerals/birthdays/little chats here and there, etc.) you just might be pleasantly surprised at how much she will come to love and appreciate you. Hand the relationship over to God and trust that He will soften her heart toward you. And you just be nice to her and be yourself and never speak badly about her. I would have been hurt too but I've been married a long time and I know how time changes things.

Thank you for these words.

The "it'll get worse" part was my mind going crazy and imagining us arguing about how i should raise our children, do the cooking, clean our house yadayada...

 

[DarkHair]

I know how you feel. Though my MIL doesn't like his ex, I feel that she has something against me. You first need to pray on this. Second, continue to be there/care for him and PLAY YOUR POSITION. Trust me, if she really has ill-feelings toward you, she will show them to not only you, but to him.

For example, I was bothered last year that my in-laws had only been to our home in Feb and May of last year. I thought it was me. I had to learn to let that go. Once I prayed on it, and stopped stressing about it, I realized that it hurt my husband more. It was HIS family not visiting (they don't live far). So far this year, his mom has been here twice, and even his aunts and uncles. I've even become more hospitable and loving toward any house guests. They are always welcome. My point is to just be loving, respectful, and well-mannered. Oh and dress ladylike. Sorry so long. Hope it gets better.

 

[hopeful]

Thank you for these words.

The "it'll get worse" part was my mind going crazy and imagining us arguing about how i should raise our children, do the cooking, clean our house yadayada...

You're welcome. And I completely understand about the mind going crazy. I'm not saying it's easy. But it's funny, that "ex" who she loves so much will fade over time, you'll see.

 

[DarkHair]

The ex will fade. As she moves on with her life, she'll fade away. This too shall pass.

 

[Odd One]

Yeahhh... but the thing about the ex is that she still clings around...calls the mom and other members of the family SO did talk to her about that but she keeps coming back... but thats another story lol

 

[hopeful]

Yeahhh... but the thing about the ex is that she still clings around...calls the mom and other members of the family SO did talk to her about that but she keeps coming back... but thats another story lol

Yep, some of them do that. The thing is your SO is not paying her any attention. And your SO told her to stop. So it's all good. She will eventually get a life and go away or the family will get sick of her. You just keep smiling and doing your thing. I know it is very annoying though, I know you just want to smack her. Is she showing up when you are around too? Does she come to family gatherings? Or just little visits here in there with different individuals?

 

[Odd One]

annoying is the word lol. she just calls, invites the mom to her family gatherings and sometimes show up to their house with made up excuses lol but never when i was around...now that would be a situation.

 

[hopeful]

annoying is the word lol. she just calls, invites the mom to her family gatherings and sometimes show up to their house with made up excuses lol but never when i was around...now that would be a situation.

Then you are straight girl. Don't worry about her.