His baby mom showed up at the bbq!! NEED INPUT!!

[Naveah2050]

Unpopular opinion: YOU were wrong. The BM is blood related whether you like it or not and you have no right to dictate whether she can show up to SOMEONE ELSE'S function.

Especially after 6 months together...and it sounds like the child is still a baby so they have not been broken up that long and you have been in the background for 2 years waiting for them to break up. Best to just let your bf handle it and live it alone and only get involved if and when he asks for your opinion.

 

[ThirdEyeBeauty]

It is better to maintain a cordial relationship with the BM (just like he will have to) and with time you will feel better.

 

[Country gal]

At some point you will be at the same events as her especially if her child is expected there. I would let it go. You are just the girlfriend not the wife.

 

[naturalmanenyc]

It won't stop even if you do marry this guy. He has a child with this woman and she will be around FOREVER. It won't end, like some people think, when the child is 18. He is tied to her for generations.

My parents have been divorced since I was a teenager but they still have to deal with one another because of me. I am grown, live out of state and am married but my parents do still have to see one another sometimes for various events in my life. If we have kids (grand kids) it will be more visits from my parents. Thankfully they are both remarried and they get along well enough to even be in my wedding photos together.

That woman will always be around. Whether or not she is doing things to irritate you, or maybe she wants him back, who knows.

It does not sound like she is open, right now at least, to being cordial with you but it's always better to be cordial with the baby's mother than to constantly argue. It just causes to much drama for the child.

Go into this with your eyes open.

 

[TamaraShaniece]

celiabug
My boyfriend and his bm haven't been together in 3 yrs. Their son is 4. Yes her and his family is close because of the baby. When they were together they had a horrible relationship. They weren't together that long b4 the baby was born. But for the sake of the baby, they get a long. His family helps her out because it all makes it easier for the baby. I completely get that.

I don't recognize her as family in a sense that she's only the baby's mother. She has no relation to his dad, parents, grand parents, aunts, etc. So my bf, his son, and myself showed up at the bbq together. My bf's parents came.....and then 2 hrs later, the bm shows up w/ her friend (looking shocked to see me there) I've been puttin up w/ jabs from her so I felt like her coming uninvited was a jab towards me. If it was my bf's parents throwin the bbq, I can see her comin....but when we (being myself, my bf, his son, and his parents) were invited somewhere else. I didn't felt like she should have showed up. She said she only came for the food.

I think my reaction also came from my bf. In a sense that he's more so..."dont hit me up unless it has something to do w/ my son"....they get a long cuz they only communicate w/ each other about their son. So I guess her showing up, to me, was her over stepping their relationship AND I saw it as the ex-gf comin.

 

[TamaraShaniece]

naturalmanenyc

you're absolutely right. and I did feel bad (and I apologized) because at the end of the day...I would never want my behavior or actions to effect the kid. He's so happy...I would never want to come into this relationship and cause drama. Just as I came in this relationship...I can leave. Every thing is perfect the way it is. At the end of the day....the baby is w/ me and his dad 90% of the week. Just the 3 of us go on vacations, park, etc...so I really was tripping for exploding the way I did. His bm doesn't know how to be respectful anyway (she wasn't raised that way) so Idk why I thought that she would be respectful towards me. She doesn't know that she isn't being respectful "i guess"

 

[metro_qt]

celiabug


I don't recognize her as family in a sense that she's only the baby's mother. She has no relation to his dad, parents, grand parents, aunts, etc. So my bf, his son, and myself showed up at the bbq together. My bf's parents came.....and then 2 hrs later, the bm shows up w/ her friend (looking shocked to see me there) I've been puttin up w/ jabs from her so I felt like her coming uninvited was a jab towards me. If it was my bf's parents throwin the bbq, I can see her comin....but when we (being myself, my bf, his son, and his parents) were invited somewhere else. I didn't felt like she should have showed up. She said she only came for the food.

What you don't get, and have to understand is that she can and will show up wherever her son is... That's her right, as his mother...

 

[brown_skin_poppin]

I feel for you OP.

allot of the women on this site are very harsh and rude.

I think you should speak to your BF and tell him how uncomfortable it made you. I FEEL like the BM is no longer family. If a family event its going on with the dad then the dad should take the baby to the event and BM should stay home and vice versa.

With that said this is why I don't date men with children.

 

[lesedi]

I think you also were wrong for bringing this up with your SO's family. You shouldn't have been so vocal about not wanting her to be there; neither should you have asked who invited her. At this point, their loyalty, understandably lies with her. It has been 6 months and you are still establishing a relationship with them.

As long as she's not trying to jack your man, you're going to have to get used to her being around.

 

[curlycoquette]

Just wanted to say that TheEspressoHair, you're being a great sport. People start these threads and then get very defensive with the responses, especially when the truth hurts (or it's delivered in an unnecessarily rude way), but you've taken everything in stride. You messed up, but don't beat yourself up over it, just act accordingly from now on. I hope everything works out well for you.

 

[sunnieb]

Just wanted to say that OP, you're being a great sport. People start these threads and then get very defensive with the responses, especially when the truth hurts (or it's delivered in an unnecessarily rude way), but you've taken everything in stride. You messed up, but don't beat yourself up over it, just act accordingly from now on. I hope everything works out well for you.

Very well said.

The OP admitted that she overreacted and apologized. Good for her!

I understand her feelings and wish her the best in this relationship.

Sent from my android tablet using LHCF App

 

[MizAvalon]

I have a couple relatives with BMs & their BMs are like extended family. They are with us at the most important times in our family life - funerals, holidays, weddings, at the hospital when relatives are sick or dying. . .

It probably was not worth fighting that battle at that moment but BM is part of the BD package.

Agreed. My cousin's BM who he was with for 10 years and has two children with showed up to my Dad's viewing to pay her respects to me and my Mom and his new GF got upset about that.

Personally, I would be hurt if she stopped coming around and bringing their kids around us just because she was afraid of stepping on some new GF's toes. Just because he isn't with her anymore doesn't mean that she has to stop her relationship with us, especially since they have young children.

I haven't read the entire thread yet but good on you OP for being mature enough to see this from another perspective.

 

[spelmanlocks]

What you don't get, and have to understand is that she can and will show up wherever her son is... That's her right, as his mother...

If there are visitation rules in place, wouldn't she have to abide by those? I don't think she has the right to show up any and everywhere her child is, unless she is invited.

 

[AyannaDivine]

If there are visitation rules in place, wouldn't she have to abide by those? I don't think she has the right to show up any and everywhere her child is, unless she is invited.

Unless there's a court order restricting her from being around the child she can show up as she pleases. It may not be the most courteous thing to do, but she can still do it lol. Visitation only guarantees that you can see a child on certain days, it doesn't restrict you from anything though.

 

[TamaraShaniece]

curlycoquette thank you. I needed that tough love and wisdom from a lot of ppl to help me see, vent, and understand. Everyone makes valid points.

 

[auparavant]

Okay my boyfriend is going to call me when he gets back from break at 10:30 so I need advice fast.

Saturday evening/night my boyfriends family threw his great aunt a surprise birthday party. Long and behold my boyfriends baby mom shows up. She knew of the bbq and told no one that she even was going to show up.

I got upset that she was there (and I let it be known which I apologize for) because I felt as though it was inappropriate for her to be there. My boyfriends dad agreed that she shouldn't have been there and said something to my boyfriend and his mom about it. They both said they didn't invite her.

I feel like she came on purpose and no one really understands why I'm upset. All I kept hearing all night was "Just let it go" and "Your letting her get to you" (which would obviously make her the winner in this situation) This sounds childish just explaining this.

My boyfriend didn't invite her, but he didn't tell her not to show up either? (should he even had to?) He was the first one to run into her at the bbq, should he have asked her to leave? Am I overreacting?

This was a family and friend bbq...your only relation to the family is your my bf's son's mom. You're no one's aunt, sister, cousin, gf, wife, etc....none except for being the little ones mom. I don't think because your the mom entitles you to family functions UNLESS that kind of relationship is established which it isn't over here.

Hmmm, isn't she the mother of the grandchild? She did birth the grandchild and is family, whether folks like it or not. You're just the girlfriend, for now. Are you two getting married? You're gonna have to get used to seeing her, right? Unless there are blazing brawls going on, try and be cordial. In fact, maybe you two should have a lunch date and try and patch things because I don't see the grandchild's mother going anywhere in that family.

 

[pre_medicalrulz]

ewww...baby mommas. No bueno.

 

[gabulldawg]

ewww...baby mommas. No bueno.

.............