What's in a Name?
- Thread starter Aviah
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wofford16
New Member
I took DH name and when we first got married we lived in his hometown and his family was pretty well known so he tried to instill pride in his heritage, history, etc.
After we got divorced I kept the name because it was easier to maintain since I was already established. Now that we are getting married again it is a whole lot easier to KIM because I don't have to establish myself again under a new name.
After we got divorced I kept the name because it was easier to maintain since I was already established. Now that we are getting married again it is a whole lot easier to KIM because I don't have to establish myself again under a new name.
deltagyrl
Well-Known Member
You're remarrying your ex? Wow. Congrats.
Aviah
Well-Known Member
Amazing story! Did you regret taking his last name after getting divorced?
MD_Lady
Well-Known Member
I took DH's name as my last name and kept my maiden name as part of my middle name. I didn't drop any part of my maiden name because I didn't want to and felt that it was part of me. I took DH's name because I wanted to and saw it as part of the marriage process. In short, it did what I wanted because I wanted to. 
LunadeMiel
Well-Known Member
I will definitely have FH's last name. The only question is whether I will hyphenate. My maiden name is 10 characters and his is 5. I think it would be too long to hyphenate it.
Aviah
Well-Known Member
Well seeing as not many people are responding as I thought, here are my thoughts:
I felt there might be somewhat of a sense of "loss" at taking another name and leaving your own. People say it is about becoming one and all that, but why don't both take each other's name?
My mother feels she is not a child to be named by a man. Others I had this discussion with (including men) felt that it was simply part of getting married and an outward sign of being proud of being married. The men tended to really want the woman to take his name , and felt that it wasn't a big deal, and would not change who she was. But that argument goes both ways...
Any other thoughts?
I felt there might be somewhat of a sense of "loss" at taking another name and leaving your own. People say it is about becoming one and all that, but why don't both take each other's name?
My mother feels she is not a child to be named by a man. Others I had this discussion with (including men) felt that it was simply part of getting married and an outward sign of being proud of being married. The men tended to really want the woman to take his name , and felt that it wasn't a big deal, and would not change who she was. But that argument goes both ways...
Any other thoughts?
MD_Lady
Well-Known Member
The bolded just shows what I've always believed: Different people have different takes on the issue and everyone has to do what works for them.
A man who thinks it's "no big deal" is entitled to his opinion, but if the woman he's interested in feels differently, instead of becoming offended and hurt, he should make an effort to understand where she's coming from (and vice versa). My issue is the lack of respect some people have for others' views. I was friends with a guy who would always talk about people seeing things from their SO's perspective, but ALL of that went out the window when his (then) fiance was contemplating whether she'd take his last name. This person who talked SO much about respecting differences in opinion was all of a sudden saying that, if she didn't take his name, it would be because she was ashamed if him.
It was funny (as in 
and 
) to see how quickly approach went out the window when he felt threatened (even though her train of thought had absolutely NOTHING to do with her feelings about or love for him).
weaveadiva
Well-Known Member
I was friends with a guy who would always talk about people seeing things from their SO's perspective, but ALL of that went out the window when his (then) fiance was contemplating whether she'd take his last name. This person who talked SO much about respecting differences in opinion was all of a sudden saying that, if she didn't take his name, it would be because she was ashamed if him.
girl finish the story!
did she take his name or not?
inquiring minds want to know
Aviah
Well-Known Member
The bolded just shows what I've always believed: Different people have different takes on the issue and everyone has to do what works for them.
My issue is the lack of respect some people have for others' views. I was friends with a guy who would always talk about people seeing things from their SO's perspective, but ALL of that went out the window when his (then) fiance was contemplating whether she'd take his last name. This person who talked SO much about respecting differences in opinion was all of a sudden saying that, if she didn't take his name, it would be because she was ashamed if him.
Of course it's different things for different people, I agree with that totally. I wanted to know how different women felt about it. Still this is my "informal research" out of sheer curiosity.
Did she take his name after all?
Strangefruittree
New Member
I really dont feel either way about the naming. I mean, My first name was given to me by my parents, with no beautiful story attached, except that they didnt name us with names that would identify us as black "on paper" so that we wouldnt get knocked off lists due to prejudice--- dont know how i feel about that one.
I studied with the nation of gods and earths for a while, and still use some of that knowledge in my day to day, and named myself while gaining knowledge of my self---- very meaningful to me during that time period, the name I chose is my righteous name, name given by my parents is my honorable name.
If I get married--- dont know how i feel about that one--- in my ideal, me and my husband would want some brand new name cause we are starting our our unit, but then where is the familial continuity....
I think a man giving his name to a woman during marriage is very meaningful, it is a gift of himself, a woman receiving that gift has no reason not to be proud. I think a combination of both names signifying a union in family may be more accurate for some. It just seems like in this partiarchal society over time women generally became apart of the man's family- which is why having boys is favored.
I dont know how i will feel when it comes to that time, ultimately I love it when everyone calls me A
I studied with the nation of gods and earths for a while, and still use some of that knowledge in my day to day, and named myself while gaining knowledge of my self---- very meaningful to me during that time period, the name I chose is my righteous name, name given by my parents is my honorable name.
If I get married--- dont know how i feel about that one--- in my ideal, me and my husband would want some brand new name cause we are starting our our unit, but then where is the familial continuity....
I think a man giving his name to a woman during marriage is very meaningful, it is a gift of himself, a woman receiving that gift has no reason not to be proud. I think a combination of both names signifying a union in family may be more accurate for some. It just seems like in this partiarchal society over time women generally became apart of the man's family- which is why having boys is favored.
I dont know how i will feel when it comes to that time, ultimately I love it when everyone calls me A
MD_Lady
Well-Known Member
girl finish the story!
did she take his name or not?
inquiring minds want to know
You two are funny. 
She took his name. That sad part is he got all 
and she wasn't even seriously considering not taking his name. I think it was a fleeting thought more than anything else.
Lylddlebit
Well-Known Member
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wofford16
New Member
Thank You. We are doing things differently and hopefully the right way this time.
No I didn't regret it, deep down I didn't want the divorce in the first place so it was a way of staying connected to him I guess...
Ladybelle
New Member
I took my husband's name and the best way to sum up how I feel about it is this:
I make the name, it doesn't make me. I add to his enterprise, it doesn't take anything away from me. Becoming Mrs._______ doesn't take away from who I was or am and adds another element to my depth as a person.
I make the name, it doesn't make me. I add to his enterprise, it doesn't take anything away from me. Becoming Mrs._______ doesn't take away from who I was or am and adds another element to my depth as a person.
Aviah
Well-Known Member
Interesting perspective. I guess you have the same sentiment as I do, except I feel that we add to each other's enterprise in one form or another and create a home together. You know?
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moonglowdiva
New Member
Well, with my guy, I asked him with he wanted. I said he didn't really care what was in between my first name and his last name. I just wanted to know what he wanted. I have decided to drop my middle name and use the the initial of my last name and his last name.
Aviah
Well-Known Member
ITA with it being cohesive. Please elaborate on the almost part?
May I ask why you dropped your middle name?
Ladybelle
New Member
Yeah, I agree with you. We certainly add to each other's enterprise. I can understand both sides of the coin though: some women feel strongly about not taking the name or hyphenating. I say women should do whatever works for not only them, but the marriage and sometimes it's a delicate balance to reconcile individuality with the oneness of marriage.
kbragg
Well-Known Member
I've never been attached to my maiden name and since I got married very young (at 17 to my eldest child's biological father) I didn't really have an "identity" built into my maiden name. Plus my maiden name is also my mother's maiden name (she didn't give me bio's last name) so there was not daddy connection to it.
After my divorce I kept my ex's last name because I wanted to have the same last name as my daughter. His last name sucked though lol and when DH and I got married I was happy to take his last name. He adopted my eldest and she has his last name too.
After my divorce I kept my ex's last name because I wanted to have the same last name as my daughter. His last name sucked though lol and when DH and I got married I was happy to take his last name. He adopted my eldest and she has his last name too.
Raine054
Well-Known Member
Train of consciousness ...I was trying to find the best word. It means nothing, sorry about that.
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