What Should I have Done - Abuse Witnessed

[Hairsnob]

This is a tough one for me because it deals with domestic abuse.

I came home from work earlier than normal today and was in my bedroom when I heard a loud crashing noise next door and then I heard a guy saying "shut up, I was just talking to Sonya" or something like that. Then I heard some more crashes. I didn't hear a female voice at all, only crashing sounds and the male voice. I was thinking to myself why in the world don't I hear her yelling back or anything.

My neighbors are two women, mother and daughter. The mother is about 60 and I guess the daughter is about 40. The daughter's boyfriend seems to spend the night a lot because I see his truck outside and he's been coming by for maybe the last 6 months or so. I'm cool with the mother on a hi and bye and stop and chat basis. The daughter is cool but we don't talk as much because she hasn't always lived there.

Now when I heard the noises the mother was at work (I assume since she normally works during the day). I looked out of the window to see if the guy's truck was out there and it was and about 5 minutes after I heard the noises I was leaving to go somewhere and he was standing in the shared walkway with his back facing me looking like he was texting on his phone. He heard me coming out the house and did not turn around to greet me or anything but just walked to get in his car and didn't speak. I'm guessing he was feeling guilty and must know I heard. I got in my car behind him and heard him yelling on the phone again about who he was talking to. That was it and so I left.

I feel sooooooooo guilty now because I don't know what I should have done. If it were my daughter I would want somebody to tell me. The mother cannot possibly know what happened because I can't see any mother allowing that. Her daughter is 40 yrs old and is not a small woman and "appears" to be tough on the exterior. The guy looks pretty scary and rough but he's not a big guy or anything. He kinda looks like David Banner the rapper.

I obviously need to tell the mother about this. I hesitated because I was thinking the daughter would hate me for telling, or even worse, the boyfriend will try to get revenge or something.

Get this, my son is normally home during the day so later on that day something told me to ask him if he's ever heard the noise and and he said yes, all of the time. I asked how often and he said at least every other day. I wanted to cry when he said that. So now I have to find a way to tell the mother... right?? What can/should I possibly say to the daugther??

I'm probably going to see the mother tomorrow when I get home from work. Any input on how to break this news?

Thanks in advance. I've been so upset all day after I heard this.

 

[Ladybelle]

I don't know if I would say anything to the mother- at least not directly as that would put you too much up in the mix & may not be a safe bet. I would suggest you do something indirect, like leaving a note on the mother's car or something that you know only she would get but without her knowing it came from you. Or, call the police the next time you hear something. That sorry *****, the girlfriend is caught in the cycle so she is too naive/scared to do anything, but you can help. You might just save her life.

 

[cheryl26]

do you know if he actually hit her?? could be he or she was smashing walls in the house or breaking things or something. have you ever seen the daughter with bruises? maybe just tell the mom you heard some loud banging going on over there during the day, are they working on something. i'd word what i said carefully though...some guys are crazy and dangerous.

 

[Hairsnob]

I don't know if I would say anything to the mother- at least not directly as that would put you too much up in the mix & may not be a safe bet. I would suggest you do something indirect, like leaving a note on the mother's car or something that you know only she would get but without her knowing it came from you. Or, call the police the next time you hear something. That sorry *****, the girlfriend is caught in the cycle so she is too naive/scared to do anything, but you can help. You might just save her life.

Good idea about the note. I couldn't say I heard it through the walls though because she'd know. But I have to think of some good wording to give her the heads up.

Thank you so much!

 

[Hairsnob]

do you know if he actually hit her?? could be he or she was smashing walls in the house or breaking things or something. have you ever seen the daughter with bruises? maybe just tell the mom you heard some loud banging going on over there during the day, are they working on something. i'd word what i said carefully though...some guys are crazy and dangerous.

Yeah, you're right, I didn't even think about that because he coulda been just knocking stuff around and not necessarily hitting her. I don't see the daughter much, maybe once a month. I was thinking the mother would notice bruises too but I guess she could hide them. I just have to tell her exactly what I heard and not presume anything.

Thank you!!!

 

[southerncitygirl]

please mind your business and don't tell the mother anything....every time you or your son hear something call the cops and be anonymous with your complaint....how do you know the mom or girlfriend won't slip up and mention you or your son's name and then he gets angry with you and hurts you or your son? who's to say that the mom may not already know? just some food for thought..........................

 

[itismehmmkay]

I'd call the cops next time.

 

[NaijaTroll]

do you know if he actually hit her?? could be he or she was smashing walls in the house or breaking things or something. have you ever seen the daughter with bruises? maybe just tell the mom you heard some loud banging going on over there during the day, are they working on something. i'd word what i said carefully though...some guys are crazy and dangerous.

hitting the wall/breaking ish usually leads to hitting you square in the face

 

[MayaB12]

Why are you assuming the mother doesn't know about the abuse? Call the police next time...

 

[awhyley]

Technically, you didn't really witness the abuse, but since you have an open line of communication with the mother, you may want to elude to what you heard earlier in the day like another poster suggested. However, if it becomes a common occurrence, you WILL have to call the police.