What is wrong with this dude???

ebonyhair

ebonyhair

Well-Known Member
I was introduced to my BF's co-worker several weeks ago that she claims is such a great catch . He is AA, very attractive, ambitous, hard-worker, NOT CHEAP!!:drunk: attentive, financially stable....u get the point
Background Info
-He was always one of the FEW AA's in his school growing up
-Has NO AA friends (all caucasions) I recently checked out his facebook page and out of 92 friends there were 3 AA's (all family)

My Issue- his idea of complimenting me is by saying "You have good hair and a nice nose" I have been irritated by these comments but the conversation last night really got 2 me! He goes I just love your nose! "It's nice and straight! Then he goes on and on about how straight his nose is and how many compliments he recieved growing up about his nice straight nose and good hair. blah blah blah:ohwell: He also went on and on about his hair not being "nappy" When I asked him if he usually dates AA woman he goes Not really......"You mean like black??" "Like straight black???" "Well.... she has to be at least a little mixed" Hes like but I really do like u!!" My BF thinks Im overreacting but .... IM SOOOO TURNED OFF AT THIS POINT!!! Trust me I have experienced my share of weirdos but I have never experienced any mess like this! What the hell is wrong with him????
 
He just hasn't been exposed to his own race enough. You should tell him how you feel and see how he reacts. If he doesn't get it, leave him alone.
 
NO NO NO, NOT GONNA WORK!! In most cases -- not all but MOST, what you grow up around, you tend to be attracted to. Case and point, how most americanized asian women only go for white men,most of the time if you ask them what race they grew up around,they will say white. This man is stuck on himself and very "european features". He is conditioned to think certain features are not desirable such as nappy hair-- which is just asbeautiful as straight hair. You're going to have a hell of a time telling him what offends you and well, it will belike teaching an old dog new tricks-- extremely hard to do. :nono:
 
Sounds like the type that will eventually cheat on you with another woman of a different ethinicity. Keep it moving...
 
just tell him how u feel and that you don't like it....and if you really not feelin him let it go, forget all the on paper qualities if you not connecting on other levels...

alot of black people are conditioned one way or another... some on extreme levels some not so...its not hard to understand thats how he is considering he wasn't exposed to alot of other black people and thats all he grew up knowing.....and he probably relates more to white folks because of this which is why his circle of people tend to be all white

actually thinking about it... alot of black people who grew up around black people don't like their features or hair and talk about how they want good hair and features and like people with such and if they do happen to have more mixed looks they tend to feel alot better about themselves than if they don't and take "pride" in it..he just seems not be in denial about how he truly feels and just expresses it...(right or wrong is irrelevant his feelings are his feelings) while others can tend to be in denial that they feel the exact same way...
 
I do feel that this happens a lot with some black men. I have been in this situation b4. Where "Oh you light-skiinned" " You need to be with another light skin person " " You have such and such features" " I only date women with good hair and what not" He is shallow. He isn't going to change and you going to have a problem with men like him. He would cheat on you because he pushes his insecurities on the women he dates. Its this whole black don't look good thing. Its crap. Men like these will never be satisfied and will pick at everything about you. He wants that so called "trophy wife", which sometimes leads some black men ( not all ) to date outside their race for the wrong reasons. Now when I say this I don't mean everyone. Not everyone is the same. Some people date whoever because of love and similar interests. But I do find some black men have told me such nonsense about this whole good hair and mixed thing. Also he could just be trying to get on the friend who introduced you's good side. Or experiment. There are some men who go with some women sadly just to say they tried them out. I say go about your business. Not only will you have to condition him, but his family and friends. I am sure he didn't just learn these comments from himself. I am sure they say similar things and in the end you will be very uncomfortable.
 
He just hasn't been exposed to his own race enough.
Click to expand...

In most cases -- not all but MOST, what you grow up around, you tend to be attracted to.
Click to expand...

I don't think either of these explanations are true. The vast majority of fellow blacks that I've known in our predominantly white settings have gravitated toward other minorities, regardless of the numbers difference. It's always been the select few that for whatever reason refused to identify with people of their own ethnicity.

Even if he had a general preference for white/asian/latino women, or whatever, the fact that he's hung up on "good hair" and straight noses, etc. says that his attitude is stinky...even if he doesn't realize it. Who talks about the compliments people have given them on their nose anyway?

The point being that I think this is a real character flaw in him. You, of course, know him better and will be able to discern where he's coming from much better. But going by what you wrote, it would be a turn-off for me.
 
ebonyhair said:
I was introduced to my BF's co-worker several weeks ago that she claims is such a great catch . He is AA, very attractive, ambitous, hard-worker, NOT CHEAP!!:drunk: attentive, financially stable....u get the point
Background Info
-He was always one of the FEW AA's in his school growing up
-Has NO AA friends (all caucasions) I recently checked out his facebook page and out of 92 friends there were 3 AA's (all family)

My Issue- his idea of complimenting me is by saying "You have good hair and a nice nose" I have been irritated by these comments but the conversation last night really got 2 me! He goes I just love your nose! "It's nice and straight! Then he goes on and on about how straight his nose is and how many compliments he recieved growing up about his nice straight nose and good hair. blah blah blah:ohwell: He also went on and on about his hair not being "nappy" When I asked him if he usually dates AA woman he goes Not really......"You mean like black??" "Like straight black???" "Well.... she has to be at least a little mixed" Hes like but I really do like u!!" My BF thinks Im overreacting but .... IM SOOOO TURNED OFF AT THIS POINT!!! Trust me I have experienced my share of weirdos but I have never experienced any mess like this! What the hell is wrong with him????
Click to expand...

Not straight black, but at least a little mixed, I'm guessing Diet Black?? WWWWWWWWWWOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWW. This makes me wanna laugh and cry at the same.
 
he doesn't sound like a good catch to me at all, and i don't think you're overreacting one bit. he has issues that i wouldn't even bother to hang around waiting for him to try to fix or work on.
 
Wow, what a catch.

For a mixed woman with a straight nose.:rolleyes:

I sure wouldnt be checking for him. I've met guys like him before and it was always a turn off.
 
ebonyhair said:
When I asked him if he usually dates AA woman he goes Not really......"You mean like black??" "Like straight black???" "Well.... she has to be at least a little mixed"?
Click to expand...

What sucks is when they tell that foolishness to non AA woman and have them thinking, like damn even their own men don't want them :sad:. Total turn off, and NO you are so not overreacting.
 
I dont agree with the "compliments"he gave u, but i always find people who compliment me too much a lil... cloying. Perhaps his statements were silly and if repeated more often down right stupid. But if the whole conversation was about how acceptable u were looks-wise and how he himself is thought to be a great looking guy.
Maybe the dude is just a vain *******
case closed.
 
Hot Dog! Is your BF black? She thought he was a good catch?

That's the kind of guy that would expect you to wear makeup to bed and dress in clothes that he likes.
 
I met a guy like that a couple--i dont like blk ppl who r not in touch with their culture and give sideway compliments because they think you look/act different than the norm--im too old to be schooling an adult about something that is so obvious---ewww-NEXT!
 
He wouldn't be getting a second date or friendship out of me. Well then again he probably wouldn't even ask me out on a date because I don't fit his criteria.

I can't even get mad at him because I hear these types of ignorant comment from our people all the time. *sigh*
 
I've met men like him and as much as they claim to like me, it makes me feel some sort of way. I've learned to steer clear from people like him (man, woman, or child)!

Damn I miss days when black was the thing to be!

I stay away from men like him because:

1. I will never live up to what his ideal woman is (especially if the convo goes something like the OP's convo) nor do I want to hear about the chick, if so then be with her!

2. Men like that usually come off like they are doing you a favor by bestowing their love and affection upon you

3. I'm REALLLY, Really not want he wants, prefers, or likes.
 
Run. He obviously has issues with dating women of color and has a fixation with european features. Why subject yourself to this?
 
Why did I bust out laughing from this? :lachen:

I can just imagine my multiple facial expressions as I'd hear something like this. He's whack but you did say he has no black friends sooo....what did you expect?
 
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