What information do you feel you NEED to know...

[NewYorkgyrl]

before sleeping with someone. I'm talking about someone you ARE interested in but not in a relationship with...but you can see yourself sleeping with the person even without the title.

(Please take it easy on me with the lecturing about marriage and committed relationships, etc... I am a 25 year old STRESSED out medical school student who hasn't had any in 10 months so you know whats up)

I'll start....

First and last name
Occupation
Kids and babymama drama
Girlfriend/wife

Feel free to add more to the list

 

[PaperClip]

Um... most recent ACCURATE results of every possible STI test on the planet? And you're in medical school? Expected that to be on the top of your list....

I hope you don't let your horny-ness cloud your judgement.

 

[NewYorkgyrl]

Um... most recent ACCURATE results of every possible STI test on the planet? And you're in medical school? Expected that to be on the top of your list....

I hope you don't let your horny-ness cloud your judgement.

IT is definetly on my list. I was just giving a few items just to get the thread going. Not only would that be something to know but also using protection!!!

 

[NewYorkgyrl]

Um... most recent ACCURATE results of every possible STI test on the planet? And you're in medical school? Expected that to be on the top of your list....

I hope you don't let your horny-ness cloud your judgement.

So asking for a copy of test results is something you would do before sleeping with someone.

 

[NewYorkgyrl]

I think that I would also want to go out in public setting with this person a few times before. Cause if it is someone that you are interested in and can see it maybe going into a relationship you would want to know how they conduct themselves over dinner and other places.


Anyone else?

 

[PaperClip]

So asking for a copy of test results is something you would do before sleeping with someone...

Eh, I'm probably NOT the person you want to make this inquiry with, esp. since you gave the disclaimer to take it easy re. lecturing on committed relationships and marriage....

But what I'm saying is if you want to get yours without commitment, go on ahead and negotiate disclosure of information and criteria and whatnot all that up front.

Don't try to dress it up with inquiring about relationship-type stuff like First and last name, Occupation, Kids and babymama drama, Girlfriend/wife, etc.

Just hit and quit it and unstress yourself.

 

[NewYorkgyrl]

Eh, I'm probably NOT the person you want to make this inquiry with, esp. since you gave the disclaimer to take it easy re. lecturing on committed relationships and marriage....

But what I'm saying is if you want to get yours without commitment, go on ahead and negotiate disclosure of information and criteria and whatnot all that up front.

Don't try to dress it up with inquiring about relationship-type stuff like First and last name, Occupation, Kids and babymama drama, Girlfriend/wife, etc.

Just hit and quit it and unstress yourself.

Ummm no one is dressing anything up. erplexed
Did you read the first line...someone you ARE interested in???? Therefore those things would be something you would want to know.
This thread is not all about getting some sorry that you misinterpreted it
like that.

I just wanted to hear from the ladies out there and see what kinds of things cross their minds when thinking of a HYPOTHETICAL situation.

ETA: The first line also does not say not wanting a committment. It says not having a title. That is 2 different things.

 

[PaperClip]

Ummm no one is dressing anything up. Did you read the first line...someone you ARE interested in???? Therefore those things would be something you would want to know.
This thread is not all about getting some sorry that you misinterpreted it
like that.

I just wanted to hear from the ladies out there and see what kinds of things they think of that are relevant to the topic.

Looks like I've been checked.

 

[Vinyl]

STD/STI tests, name (though I figure that's a given), marital status, whether or not they've ever slept with a man, how they feel about me. (Wouldn't do the casual sex thing with a man who had feelings for me.)

That's about it, I suppose, unless I'm forgetting something obvious.

 

[caribeandiva]

I think that I would also want to go out in public setting with this person a few times before. Cause if it is someone that you are interested in and can see it maybe going into a relationship you would want to know how they conduct themselves over dinner and other places.


Anyone else?

that sounds like a relationship to me.

 

[caligirl]

1. That they are not a seriel killer who will take me back to their house and try to kill me.
2. They're clean. In my mind this means going to their doctor (or the health dept) and getting tested AT LEAST for HIV, syphillis, gonorrhea and chlamydia.
3. They believe in mutual pleasure, or else what's the point?

 

[NewYorkgyrl]

that sounds like a relationship to me.

Really??? I would want to go out with someone more that just a few times to feel like I am in a relationship with them.
To me the going out in public a few times is to get to know them a little before you even take it there. Interesting....

 

[NewYorkgyrl]

3. They believe in mutual pleasure, or else what's the point?

LMAO. Good one.

 

[NewYorkgyrl]

how they feel about me. (Wouldn't do the casual sex thing with a man who had feelings for me.)

How would you ask them that? Something like "Where do you see this going?"

 

[poookie]

hmm... well no one without a title is allowed to have full access to that which is pookie...

but here are my requirements:

-first, middle, last name
-knowledge of his mother's maiden name
-the desire to do SOMETHING with his life (i.e., obtain some sort of degree, maybe plans for grad school, etc)
-his favorite color/food/shoe brand/clothing brand/tv show/type of music/musical artists ... this ensures that i know enough about him to get through awkward silences
-the number of people (or at least a close guess/estimate) he's been intimate with... if the number's too high, then sorry!
-basic details of his recent ex, like first name, and vague details about why the relationship ended (if he refuses to answer questions about her, or you don't even know her first name, how can he be open with you? be very afraid if he hides this stuff from you.)

and more... i actually wrote out a list when i was bored one day... hehe and my SO meets all 22 requirements on the list... what can i say, i'm picky!

 

[caribeandiva]

if it's someone i'm interested in that i know a relationship would never work with them then i'd wanna know if they're single and STD free. That's all i need to know cause i figure i'd know their name, occupation, etc... by then. otherwise how would i know they're not relationship material?

 

[caribeandiva]

How would you ask them that? Something like "Where do you see this going?"

I wouldn't even ask that. They will usually bring it up if they want something serious with you.

yeah, don't sleep casually with a guy that has serious feelings for you. That's grounds for drama later on (or right away).

 

[Syrah]

Eh, I'm probably NOT the person you want to make this inquiry with, esp. since you gave the disclaimer to take it easy re. lecturing on committed relationships and marriage....

But what I'm saying is if you want to get yours without commitment, go on ahead and negotiate disclosure of information and criteria and whatnot all that up front.

Don't try to dress it up with inquiring about relationship-type stuff like First and last name, Occupation, Kids and babymama drama, Girlfriend/wife, etc.

Just hit and quit it and unstress yourself.

I'm with you. I'm not going to pull out a questionnaire and be like "answer questions 2 -10, if you don't have kids skip 5 and 6, before we do this". If I'm feeling you and I want to sleep with you, then I'm doing it. But it takes a lot for me to get to that point. So by the time getting physical rolls around, I'm way beyond what I need to know.

Because truth be told - folks can LIE about all that stuff everyone's mentioned (except the test results). Bogus name, bogus occupations, lie about his kids, tell you he's single and not ready to be married and truth be told he IS married and HAS BEEN for going on 7 years.

And the "right" answers to all of those questions does NOT guarantee good sex or a good relationship. Cuz there are some "good on paper" dudes who are worthless in the bed...

and I'm sure there are some unemployed ****'s who can PUT IT DOWN - I'm just not willing to find out.

 

[Syrah]

Ummm no one is dressing anything up. erplexed
Did you read the first line...someone you ARE interested in???? Therefore those things would be something you would want to know.
This thread is not all about getting some sorry that you misinterpreted it
like that.

I just wanted to hear from the ladies out there and see what kinds of things cross their minds when thinking of a HYPOTHETICAL situation.

ETA: The first line also does not say not wanting a committment. It says not having a title. That is 2 different things.

I think the point is that if you've determined you want to have "something" currently undefined with someone - you probably already have all that information. If it's not just about sex, then there's some things you know about that person that you see potential in. And if you're seeing some sort of potential, you probably already know their name, occupation, marital status and offspring quotient.

If I've determined that you're interesting and that I WANT to be around you even sporadically - all the vitals are out the way.

 

[TCatt86]

STD/STI tests, name (though I figure that's a given), marital status, whether or not they've ever slept with a man, how they feel about me. (Wouldn't do the casual sex thing with a man who had feelings for me.)

That's about it, I suppose, unless I'm forgetting something obvious.

Yeah that's about what I would ask.

 

[tocktick]

sexual history - not so much how many people he has slept with but if he's had any stds etc. i can get this in the form of a test.

i co-sign with everyone saying marital status although at this period of my life it's not that much of a concern. there aren't really many 19-21 year old married right now although i do need to know if he's currently in a monogamous relationship - i wonder if he'd even give me this info truthfully though.

there is more criteria besides this though. i would not sleep with anyone i was not already in a relationship with.

 

[juju]

First and foremost HIV/STD test i would go to the doctors with him very important.

 

[lipyt]

First and foremost HIV/STD test i would go to the doctors with him very important.

A lot of ladies are saying this...but honestly if some guy who I didn't know too well asked me to see a sheet with my medical history and testing on it I would be real offended like "I don't know you like that!" I feel like there is no nice way to be like "Can I look through your medical records?" And when you go to the doctor, they usually don't give you the results of your tests that same day. And my doctors have always just called me after the test results came back and said your tests came back negative for std's on the phone. So if some dude asked me for that info I would have to make a special trip to the doctor and ask him to print up my records. I'm not saying that it's not important to know this info about some one you are going to be intimate with...in fact it is super important but how do you just come out of your face and request something like that with out offending or turning some one off by asking that? It's not really sexy. And then once you ask..it means that you want to get freaky and so every one is getting all prepared...but you won't be able to until the results are mailed to him or he physically goes to the office and gets them.. Just seems awkward to me

 

[Theo]

I find it interesting that so many people say that they would have to be in a relationship before they slept with someone. Not to hijack the thread or anything, but did all of you always feel this way, or did you grow or mature into this mindset over time?

I only ask this because I have this requirement as well, and people act like I'm doing something real big and strange. I am 20 tho, so maybe my age has something to do with it?

 

[Syrah]

A lot of ladies are saying this...but honestly if some guy who I didn't know too well asked me to see a sheet with my medical history and testing on it I would be real offended like "I don't know you like that!" I feel like there is no nice way to be like...

Plus I'm wondering how many of these same ladies who are asking for medical history have slept with a man without having that information. And could it happen again??

I know its the thing to do (and say) but are folks really doing it, or are we just saying it...

 

[Syrah]

I find it interesting that so many people say that they would have to be in a relationship before they slept with someone. Not to hijack the thread or anything, but did all of you always feel this way, or did you grow or mature into this mindset over time?

I only ask this because I have this requirement as well, and people act like I'm doing something real big and strange. I am 20 tho, so maybe my age has something to do with it?

...when it comes to sex, what people say and what people actually do can be totally different things.

It's kind of like one night stands - if you sat and listened to a bunch of females talk about dating and relationships, and then lined them up and tried to guess which ones were actually having one night stands, I think 9 times out of 10 you'd guess wrong (not just you - ALL of us).

 

[dlewis]

I think I would have to know, if I were to do this

if he is

married
kids
STD's
into oral and anal sex
into tossing salad

ow, and
his name and stuff

 

[NaturallyBlonde]

I agree with DLewis... LOL @ his name and stuff....

I do ask when is the last time he's been tested.

I also ask them what kind of freaky stuff he likes to do cuz he may want to do some stuff I've never even thought of. One guy told me he wanted to do something so disgusting I never talked to him again....

Oh, I also ask whens the last time he got some. I don't really expect total truth in this, but I ask anyway.

 

[Britt]

and I'm sure there are some unemployed ****'s who can PUT IT DOWN - I'm just not willing to find out.

LMAO !!!!!!!!!
I feel you !

 

[tocktick]

I find it interesting that so many people say that they would have to be in a relationship before they slept with someone. Not to hijack the thread or anything, but did all of you always feel this way, or did you grow or mature into this mindset over time?

I only ask this because I have this requirement as well, and people act like I'm doing something real big and strange. I am 20 tho, so maybe my age has something to do with it?

i have the same requirements and i'm 19. i had held that requirement in my mind for some time but i don't think i believed in it strongly enough until recently. i think i grew up thinking i was slightly strange since a lot of people my age, including peers/friends, were having casual sex but i didn't do this. i'll be honest and say that i tried it once but with someone i knew not a stranger. thankfully, things didn't...go to "plan" erplexed(ahem...brewers droop...google it).

the one lesson i took from that night was to never sell myself short ever again. i felt bad about it for a long time because i felt like i'd compromised my beliefs partially out of feeling inadequate, out of curiosity and partially out of being wasted . i knew then exactly why i had always previously thought it best to only have sex in monogamous relationships; it was like a revelation to me. the reasons for me were: 1) less paranoia that someone is out there running their mouth about you 2) you reduce your risk of stds. 3) with a boyfriend (and later husband if i get married), there is more trust and it's a more comfortable situation. with someone you don't know too well i find it awkward. 4) there tends to be no feelings of regret for me either because it feels "right. that day i felt like i'd "lost" a part of myself. i cannot explain it.

i truly believe in the phrase, "everything happens for a reason" and feel like that little episode was meant to teach me a lesson. i'm open-minded about sexuality and i know other people can deal with casual sex, if they are safe and single then more power to them, but i am not one of these people.