What If Your Mother In Law Doesn’t Like You

R

Ravenhairedbeauty

Well-Known Member
Ok so it probably doesn’t matter at this point because dh and I have been married going on 15 years but I still seek my mother in law’s approval. She insults my daughter’s twin girls natural hair all the way down to how she speaks to me. Her mannerisms give it all away. Her sisters are rude to me as well. My husband got mad and confronted his Mom about her sister and my mother in law and her sister just brushed it off. Anyway this is a thread about women facing the same treatment I’m not really looking for any advice because I believe it’s pointless by now.
 
Fall all the way back to the point that she doesn’t get the opportunity to do all of the things she’s doing. See her as seldom as possible, interact with her on a very limited basis. Bottom line is you do whatever you have to do to protect yourself from mental anguish. Quit putting up with her mistreatment. You don’t deserve that. All about reciprocity—do unto others as they do unto you:).

You are currently giving her a level of kindness and respect that she is not returning. You see what’s going on so you adjust. I know you kept thinking her behavior would change or hoped it would. And most of us were taught to be nice and respectful of those who are older etc. You will have to undo your way of thinking. You will have to change. She will either adjust and treat you nicer or she won’t. Either way you protect yourself. This isn’t as much about her as it is about you being too nice. You don’t have to discuss this with her. You don’t have to tell her off. You just adjust, reciprocate her level of respect and kindness, focus on yourself, your girls, your dh, and KIM.
 
hopeful said:
Fall all the way back to the point that she doesn’t get the opportunity to do all of the things she’s doing. See her as seldom as possible, interact with her on a very limited basis. Bottom line is you do whatever you have to do to protect yourself from mental anguish. Quit putting up with her mistreatment. You don’t deserve that. All about reciprocity—do unto others as they do unto you:).

You are currently giving her a level of kindness and respect that she is not returning. You see what’s going on so you adjust. I know you kept thinking her behavior would change or hoped it would. And most of us were taught to be nice and respectful of those who are older etc. You will have to undo your way of thinking. You will have to change. She will either adjust and treat you nicer or she won’t. Either way you protect yourself. This isn’t as much about her as it is about you being too nice. You don’t have to discuss this with her. You don’t have to tell her off. You just adjust, reciprocate her level of respect and kindness, focus on yourself, your girls, your dh, and KIM.
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Thank you so much. I’m all over this!!
 
Insulting the babies?

giphy.gif


Then cut out her entire existence
 
My MIL wasn't my biggest fan either. I have stories for days on the things she has done. She should count herself blessed that she is still welcomed in my home, but knowing her she probably thinks its her right. Anyway, I spent over 10 years trying to figure out what I did wrong, why did she turn her whole family against me, what did I do wrong, blah, blah blah. Time, wasted, energy wasted, tears wasted and lost sleep.

You want to know what worked for me? I stopped caring. I just stopped caring. I stopped talking to my husband about it, I stopped agonizing over every offense and decided that I have my own family and friends who love me, so I don't need to be concerned about the few who don't. I remained cordial, respectful and polite. She would say something crazy and I would be unbothered. I would give her a warm hug hello and a warm hug goodbye. My mood was the same no matter what. When she realized her antics weren't working she stopped. People feed off of insecurities. When your MIL sees that you're not bothered by her she'll find someone else to torment.
 
I learnt on this forum to be unmoved.
In my case its my sister in law, always critical and disrespectful, so I stopped visiting her, when DH goes with the children, I stay at home. I am hospitable when she visits and cordial but nothing beyond talking about weather, I let her converse with her brother. After 5 years of this, she complained last week that I never call her...of course I don't, as if I will volunteer for abuse.
As previous posters have said, stop trying to please her and really appreciate that she has chosen not to be family, I have a brother in law that I see as my brother, that woman is just my husband's sister, not really important at all, so I don't care about her opinion of me! Now she knows I don't care what she thinks!! what can she do about it?
 
Ravenhairedbeauty said:
Ok so it probably doesn’t matter at this point because dh and I have been married going on 15 years but I still seek my mother in law’s approval. She insults my daughter’s twin girls natural hair all the way down to how she speaks to me. Her mannerisms give it all away. Her sisters are rude to me as well. My husband got mad and confronted his Mom about her sister and my mother in law and her sister just brushed it off. Anyway this is a thread about women facing the same treatment I’m not really looking for any advice because I believe it’s pointless by now.
Click to expand...
Does your husband have sisters? If not, ISSA WRAP. You lost that battle before it even began. It is my unsubstantiated pseudo-science belief that mothers of sons and other women who live in majority male households over long periods of time are hormonally altered and are naturally combative with other women. I'm including myself in that equation.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~

All that aside, me and the MIL got off to a shaky start but we're good now. I'm a nip it in the bud quick type so I scheduled some girls only time with her doing stuff she likes and she warmed up to me. If that didn't work I would have just been like :censored: it and avoided any unnecessary conflict.

As far as I'm concerned the only reason to be worried about parent in-laws liking you is childcare.
 
Crackers Phinn said:
Does your husband have sisters? If not, ISSA WRAP. You lost that battle before it even began. It is my unsubstantiated pseudo-science belief that mothers of sons and other women who live in majority male households over long periods of time are hormonally altered and are naturally combative with other women. I'm including myself in that equation.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~

All that aside, me and the MIL got off to a shaky start but we're good now. I'm a nip it in the bud quick type so I scheduled some girls only time with her doing stuff she likes and she warmed up to me. If that didn't work I would have just been like :censored: it and avoided any unnecessary conflict.

As far as I'm concerned the only reason to be worried about parent in-laws liking you is childcare.
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She has one daughter and 4 sons. Her daughter, my sister in law is crazy about me at least she acts like it. But yeah it’s quite obvious I don’t need her approval for my husband to stay with me. So whatevs.
 
Thank you ladies for your experiences with your in laws; all of you. I really felt like there was something wrong with me and my marriage was doomed because dh mother doesn’t like me. But you know what I’ve learned from you ladies that, what she thinks of me does not matter!!! That’s her problem. So I’m done worrying about her. Drops mic.
 
Ravenhairedbeauty said:
Thank you ladies for your experiences with your in laws; all of you. I really felt like there was something wrong with me and my marriage was doomed because dh mother doesn’t like me. But you know what I’ve learned from you ladies that, what she thinks of me does not matter!!! That’s her problem. So I’m done worrying about her. Drops mic.
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Good for you. Do the slow fade girl and go on about your business. You owe her nothing. My own daughter told me “mama you ain’t got to talk to her. She’s not your mother” lol. Out of the mouth’s of babes! Like @Crackers Phinn said if she’s providing daycare/babysitting that’s a whole different situation. You can still be a sweet and kind woman while also standing up for yourself, maintaining healthy boundaries. Shine your light where it is appreciated and reciprocated. Good luck.
 
Crackers Phinn said:
Does your husband have sisters? If not, ISSA WRAP. You lost that battle before it even began. It is my unsubstantiated pseudo-science belief that mothers of sons and other women who live in majority male households over long periods of time are hormonally altered and are naturally combative with other women. I'm including myself in that equation.
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Bless you! @Crackers Phinn explains it all! I think this is completely true. Every woman I know with sons and a husband is batty af.


~~~~~~~~

I don't deal with my MIL. After her first and last disastrous visit, I resolved that I'm done playing nice. She recently read a entony test on my FB page and interpreted it as fact. She called my husband talking trash. I immediately deleted her on social media. That means no more pics of the girls unless her son sends them (and I know he doesn't).

Since October, she's sent several, expensive housewarming gifts and several gifts for the girls. I'm done with her and her mess. If her son isn't thanking her, I'm surely not.
 
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My in-laws caused me a lot of grief until I stopped caring. DH always supported me but for a long time he kept wanting me to gain their approval. Eventually he told them he is with me, and they can fall in line or fall out. We are cordial and respectull but will never be BFFs. I stopped caring and it made a huge difference I feel.
 
Thump said:
I bet she straightened you out quick.:lachen:
I unfortunately did inherit my mama's crazy. She a nice old lady now but if someone is getting out of line she will tell you to bring her her purse.
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ladysaraii said:
Grandmothers are funny aren't they? My mom has darn near chewed me out for making a joke about the size of my new nephew's head.
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She straight up threatened to call the folks on me :eek:
 
If my MIL doesn’t like me Forget her. I can’t control anyone but me. BUT if you treat me forget you bruh. You won’t see your grandchild (unless it’s by DH) and u def won’t see me. I tried to learn how to not disrupt my peace in 2017.

However if I ever get married enough I have a whole new perspective. I used to care about the fam. Bruhhhhh no matter of the fam likes u or not he still gonna beat this kitty, lick this kitty, ring this kitty. No1curr. Lemme show u how many hawks I give. *fist pump*

Man it took me so long to realize this. I know an old girl her parents HATE her dude. He beats her cussed out her parents and is so questionable. She still with him. His approval from the parents don’t really matter when ole chick still gonna make her mouth your daycare center. Do u if it works for u. Lol.
 
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ang3lface816 said:
She has to go then. Sorry, not trying to tell you what to do, but anyone who dares to take(or attempt to take) my kids away from me is dead to me (barring obvious reasons... Like if I were actually an unfit parent or something).
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I fight other people’s mamas not mine. I enjoy breathing, immensely :lachen:

I “know” my mother so I can decipher her rants when she’s ticked. It would take something egregious for me to even consider cutting her off.
 
We've been married for 7 years and I may talk to DH's mama 1-2 times per year. I don't think she dislikes me, but I think she had no clue about me. She is an only child, and she had only sons. So she was always the queen of the castle. I quickly let her know that she can be that in her own house and own marriage, but I'm not the one. Don't test me.

She said something to me the first year of my marriage about how her MIL just did whatever she wanted and just took control over her sons. She laughed when she said it. I kept a straight face and said, "Better you than me because that would get you completely cut out of my life."

Now it always seems like she is trying to please me and always complimenting me. I still don't care. I tolerate her.
 
I hated my MIL. She was judgemental and had this weird dilusion that she ran my household and I was just some addition to her beehive.

Honey listen! I just avoided going around her ass and was cordial but was icy enough that she knew I didn't care for her much.

She eventually became more careful with her behavior, but she was always overstepping and butting in. Life got much easier when I stapled interacting with her though.

And the average man can't stop his mothers micro agreesions so I had to take it into my own hand.
 
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