What happens after you get married? Is it different?

Did it change after Marriage?

  • Yes, A lot

    Votes: 14 63.6%

  • Not Really

    Votes: 8 36.4%
  • Total voters
    22
  • Poll closed .
Kimgirl50

Kimgirl50

New Member
My boyfriend has been talking about marriage (in the future). I simply don't find it extremely different from a relationship just with a license. I am no way against it. I just do not understand all the hoopla around it.. Im only interested to be recognized by the government and get the added benefits, I also dont understand the reason to spend so much money and possibly even more if divorce.

I asked one women and she said:spinning:

" There is no PRACTICE for marriage. I don’t care if you dated for 10 years, lived together, own a business together, got three kids, etc….
Marriage is a brand new situation and will slap you across the face once you get into the thick of it. Nothing prepares you for this..I SHOULD KNOW.
The only thing I say that MAY help is pre-marital counseling because then you may get a chance to prepare for the emotional change you’re about to experience and brace yourself. Continous counseling is a good idea too.
You can live with your mate for 20 years but the moment that person becomes your spouse, life changes! I mean this on both sides."


Do you agree? I just simply dont understand how much could change just from one licence. Thank you :D


edit: we have been abstinent for 2 years so that would also change after marriage ;)
 
Last edited:
I've been married just over a year and am contemplating some other arrangements.

Nothing really changes actually. But that's the point. Whatever you're compromising with is what you'll most likely be comproming with long-term.

So if anything, you're perspective of what you want to live with changes. Your thoughts become that much more clearer on how you really feel about certain things because you must ask yourself "Is this something I can see myself dealing with even for 5 years? etc.
 
itismehmmkay said:
I've been married just over a year and am contemplating some other arrangements.

Nothing really changes actually. But that's the point. Whatever you're compromising with is what you'll most likely be comproming with long-term.

So if anything, you're perspective of what you want to live with changes. Your thoughts become that much more clearer on how you really feel about certain things because you must ask yourself "Is this something I can see myself dealing with even for 5 years? etc.
Click to expand...

lol yea i thought so. Oh should've added that we have been abstinent for 2 years and some change now, so what should I expect lol
 
I feel it is very different but I think I'm in the minority in this world.

The reason why marriage is not valued now is because people see it as just a license, or just a piece of paper and for those that feel that way I think it's best that they don't get married.

They have missed the original purpose of marriage.
 
It was different for us. The mindset changes, the permanence of the relationships sets in....and that's a good thing. We use to look at each other and say "we married" and bust out laughing when it was new. Marriage is wonderful!
 
^^^I agree with this. I want to add that if you've never lived with your SO until after the wedding that is another huge adjustment. I'm STILL getting used to living my husband. :lol: Men can be so gross. :nono:
 
ITA agree that if you haven't lived with your hubby before marriage then it is a huge adjustment. I lived with dh in the months before we got married and there was no difference. We were both in our mid thirties and already settled,and I think that's makes a difference too.
 
Kimgirl50 said:
Hmm. I wonder what the difference between wife and girlfriends. :) any thoughts?
Click to expand...

I think the difference is the man's mindset and commitment level. If he's not putting a ring on it, then he could bounce at any time and it doesn't matter how much time you put into the relationship.
 
OP, aren't you 16 years old? Why are you even thinking about marriage while you are still a child? You said that you've been abstinate for 2 years........you were 14 years old. So does that mean you were having sex at 14?!?
 
*CherryPie* said:
OP, aren't you 16 years old? Why are you even thinking about marriage while you are still a child? You said that you've been abstinate for 2 years........you were 14 years old. So does that mean you were having sex at 14?!?
Click to expand...
I was wondering this too. Maybe she means they've been together 2 years but she's a virgin
 
Kimgirl50 said:
My boyfriend has been talking about marriage (in the future). I simply don't find it extremely different from a relationship just with a license. I am no way against it. I just do not understand all the hoopla around it.. Im only interested to be recognized by the government and get the added benefits, I also dont understand the reason to spend so much money and possibly even more if divorce.

I asked one women and she said:spinning:

" There is no PRACTICE for marriage. I don’t care if you dated for 10 years, lived together, own a business together, got three kids, etc….
Marriage is a brand new situation and will slap you across the face once you get into the thick of it. Nothing prepares you for this..I SHOULD KNOW.
The only thing I say that MAY help is pre-marital counseling because then you may get a chance to prepare for the emotional change you’re about to experience and brace yourself. Continous counseling is a good idea too.
You can live with your mate for 20 years but the moment that person becomes your spouse, life changes! I mean this on both sides."


Do you agree? I just simply dont understand how much could change just from one licence. Thank you :D


edit: we have been abstinent for 2 years so that would also change after marriage ;)
Click to expand...
Wouldn't you want it to be different? If not, what's the point of getting married other than a piece of paper?

As far as what changes, OP, I can't say because I'm not married, but at 16, if you and your SO are in for the long haul, expect a lot to change. Especially as your individual life goals become more unique to what each of you wants and have less to do with your age (i.e. you both being in high school and preparing for college or whatever comes next). Adjustments are made. Sacrifices are made. External pressures from family members and changing life situations will exert themselves on your relationship, and how you deal with these circumstances will either draw the two of you closer together or further apart.

At 16, stop sweating the heavy stuff and have fun. Experience things together. Support each other. Challenge each other to build a solid foundation as adults and pursuit new experiences. Travel together. Encourage each other to travel separately.

Worry about marriage later. If you continue moving in the same direction, marriage will naturally present itself.
 
*CherryPie* said:
OP, aren't you 16 years old? Why are you even thinking about marriage while you are still a child? You said that you've been abstinate for 2 years........you were 14 years old. So does that mean you were having sex at 14?!?
Click to expand...
No wonder OP is up in all these threads asking what the difference is between a GF and a wife "other than a piece of paper" and posting derogatory jokes about women not being able to be pleased. It also kinda sheds light on her sig and avi choice for a hair board :look:

On a more serious note...

I do agree with msdeevee -- *NOTE: I am not married* but going into a marriage with the mindset that divorce is an option can also be detrimental. This needs to be key for BOTH people though -- and I don't mean in a "my wife/husband is never going to leave me so I can do what I want" kind of way.

On the subject of things I actually know about firsthand: things will drastically change when the two of you live together. Whether you do that before or after the wedding is your prerogative -- personally, I am all for a test run. *shrug* Heck, assuming you both still live with your parents, things will change once one of you gets a place of your own. Things will change if one or both of you go off to college....sheeeeesh, so many variables to take into account. I have learned more about men (and relationships in general) living with my current SO for the past 6 months than I did in a THREE YEAR relationship with my ex. All the physical attraction, compatibility, similar hobbies, future goals, whatever don't matter when he left the toilet seat up for the 10,000th time or he's been up for 3 days straight working and you are snoring. :lachen:
 
OP, you're 16? Nothing wrong with asking questions though.

I'm 38 and been married almost 17 years now. Based on my experience, age has alot to do with how you will answer this question. I got married way too damn young. All of a sudden we had a kid, rent, having to go to jobs we hated because bills gotta get paid. No more hangin' out when we felt like it or sleeping late on weekends. Decisions you used to make alone now have to be made with your husband.

The first few years were rough to say the least. As we matured together, expectations changed, what I put up with changed, how we perceived each other changed. It was hard.

Even today we still have challenges.

Sent from my Comet using Long Hair Care Forum App
 
Kimgirl50 said:
Hmm. I wonder what the difference between wife and girlfriends. :) any thoughts?
Click to expand...

Reading your question made me think about how many times I've heard men, young and old, say, "Well, she's not really my girlfriend, we just ... "

Girlfriend, IMO, is whatever the two of you believe it is. And it ends whenever one of you decides to move on.

It's not that specific tasks or actions are different. It's that one is permanent. If it doesn't look permanent going in, don't get married. Divorce is painful as well as expensive.

Wife is one-half of a family unit, a partner in getting through life. That's what's behind all the rest of it: community property, joint taxes, shared debts, even the old custom of taking his last name. There's a committment to dealing with whatever comes up, together.

**puts on old lady hat**
Your understanding of this will probably grow as you meet more people and see more and varied kinds of marriages, and also when you've been a girlfriend yourself in more situations with different people.

I know many, many ladies who did not have sex before marriage. If that's the right decision for your life, stick by it.
 
If you are 16 I don't think it's something to even remotely think about yet. Heck think about college. That's what you both should talk about lol (or other means of becoming a responsible adult, other types of education, jobs etc)!

I can't answer the change thing because I'm getting married in less than a year and a half so I'll let you know when I get there.

I'm sure it will change because I too am waiting. It's not just for the teens (waiting):grin: I will say though that I'd use this time to find out what you want and don't want, and how compatible you are. Because if you are that young I'm sure you'll think you know what you want when really you're just discovering (and beginning the process of dating, etc).
 
luckiestdestiny said:
If you are 16 I don't think it's something to even remotely think about yet. Heck think about college. That's what you both should talk about lol (or other means of becoming a responsible adult, other types of education, jobs etc)!

I can't answer the change thing because I'm getting married in less than a year and a half so I'll let you know when I get there.

I'm sure it will change because I too am waiting. It's not just for the teens (waiting):grin: I will say though that I'd use this time to find out what you want and don't want, and how compatible you are. Because if you are that young I'm sure you'll think you know what you want when really you're just discovering (and beginning the process of dating, etc).
Click to expand...


CONGRATS on your upcoming nuptials luckiestdestiny! I'm looking at your ticker and I hope by the time the bride and groom get really close I will also be in a relationship leading to marriage.
 
*CherryPie* said:
OP, aren't you 16 years old? Why are you even thinking about marriage while you are still a child? You said that you've been abstinate for 2 years........you were 14 years old. So does that mean you were having sex at 14?!?
Click to expand...
Wow! This explains a lot. I wouldn't have even bothered responding to her unbelievable posts stereotyping women and black people if I had known her age. I remember thinking how incredibly young this person's mindset was, but assumed she was around the same age as most of the women on the board. Not to be condescending, but I will be much more tolerant of OP now that I know she is just a child, not an adult, thinking in childish ways.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Similar threads

Reece1337
Married women: exactly what was is.......
Replies
4
Views
127
Radianthealth
Radianthealth
Xerxes
  • Poll Poll
What If You NEVER Get Married?
4 5 6
Replies
171
Views
4K
Helpmeblongagain
H
S
What Changes When You Get Married?
Replies
21
Views
619
Farida
Farida
ChasingBliss
Dealing with Exs after Marriage
Replies
10
Views
510
naturalmanenyc
naturalmanenyc
preciouslove0x
  • Locked
  • Poll Poll
Married Ladies: Singing on the Mic
Replies
3
Views
450
Allandra
A
Back
Top