What do you think of this situation?

[honeycomb719]

As I posted in the "how did your guy woo you" thread. Me and this guy has been dating for a lil over 3mths now, and he is soooo sweeet when it comes to the dating part. He has taking me to do some pretty interesting things as far as dating. We gone star-gazing at an observatory, concerts, nice resturants, museums, underground railroad,trip to Vegas together just different things like that that I really like. Not to mention it this out of the "norm" from dating other guys....
We have been spending alot of time around one another, he has even met quite a few of my family members (my sis, Dad, bro, close friends) (which I NEVER do with guys) but he has been around so he has been invited to quite a few funtions...
Anywho, on to why Im making this thread....He is close to 40, still living at home, his job is nothing to brag about, and he is somewhat a slob. What I mean by slob is, he is not as tidy as I would expect. I have to tell him to wash his hands when we go out to eat, He has drank out of the juice bottle first thing in the morning w/o brushing, thinks :fart: is cute. Oh, and when I asked him about his religous beliefs, he told me he is a believer, but dont feel he needs to go to church. I told him, I want to find a church home and get right w/ GOD. He then said he might consider it. WTH! I'll stop there....
I'm love how he treats me thus far, but I cant help feeling this urge to start seeing other people (He asked me early on he wanted to date me exclusively) which agreed to cause I wasnt dating anyone else (not even any prospects). Another thing Im tripping on is, he hasnt introduce me to his mom yet, and has have several opportunities to do so. Ive only meet his friend and his wife. So, it makes me wonder about whats going on here...

What do you ladies think of this?

 

[Maa Maa omo mti]

his friend's wife? or his wife?

 

[Integrity]

Honey, if I were you I would enjoy dates with him and sill see other people. I am disturbed he is 40 and still lives at home. It’s too early so I say go with the flow if you want to.

 

[*Happily Me*]

A 40 yr old man still living at home concerns me too.

Have you asked him what his plans for the future are? I would want to know if he's saving to purchase, or at least get his own pad.

I was once a slob so I know that you can change that behavior with gentle nudging. But, I would see other people.

Oh, if you haven't met his parent then that means you haven't been over to his house?

 

[lexi08]

Why is this guy 40 and still staying at home? I would date others if I were you....

 

[ThickHair]

He will not change. Date him if you like but move ON. No matter how much of a good woman you are and all the positve stuff you do for him. In the future you will get tired of telling him to do.............. Plus men don't like woman who act like their mother. RUN GIRL RUN.

 

[CurliDiva]

"his wife" - he is still married? Maybe, he just seperated (this who explain why 40 and living w/ Mom) - who would not approve of "another" woman.

 

[Vet27]

"his wife" - he is still married? Maybe, he just seperated (this who explain why 40 and living w/ Mom) - who would not approve of "another" woman.

I think she means the friends wife.

 

[Maynard]

He's 40 and he lives at home with his Mom who he hasn't introduced to you yet...

RUN! RUN! RUN! RUN!

Just because no one else has done these things for you, doesnt mean you should be obligated to a LOSER! Great dates are an expectation, and a requirement, and he shouldn't get credit on what he should do.

He will not change, he will not change! Don't get caught up in the hype believing that you can be that one to change him. It aint happening girl!

 

[Integrity]

He's 40 and he lives at home with his Mom who he hasn't introduced to you yet...

RUN! RUN! RUN! RUN!

Just because no one else has done these things for you, doesnt mean you should be obligated to a LOSER! Great dates are an expectation, and a requirement, and he shouldn't get credit on what he should do.

He will not change, he will not change! Don't get caught up in the hype believing that you can be that one to change him. It aint happening girl!

Great point!!!

 

[honeycomb719]

A 40 yr old man still living at home concerns me too.

Have you asked him what his plans for the future are? I would want to know if he's saving to purchase, or at least get his own pad.

I was once a slob so I know that you can change that behavior with gentle nudging. But, I would see other people.

Oh, if you haven't met his parent then that means you haven't been over to his house?

Oh, Ive asked about future plans and he's says he is planning to buy a house buy his mom. As for being by the house, of course I have, and on many mnay occassions she was there. But, I never asked him why he hasnt introduced us, cause I feel if you have to ask, its becuase they dont want to.

 

[honeycomb719]

He will not change. Date him if you like but move ON. No matter how much of a good woman you are and all the positve stuff you do for him. In the future you will get tired of telling him to do.............. Plus men don't like woman who act like their mother. RUN GIRL RUN.

I get this sense too. i would mention little things like put your sit belt on, and he would say (I dont feel like it) then a few mins later he puts it on, like he hates for me to tell him something (even if its right)

 

[honeycomb719]

I think she means the friends wife.

Yes I meant the friends wife

 

[honeycomb719]

He's 40 and he lives at home with his Mom who he hasn't introduced to you yet...

RUN! RUN! RUN! RUN!

Just because no one else has done these things for you, doesnt mean you should be obligated to a LOSER! Great dates are an expectation, and a requirement, and he shouldn't get credit on what he should do.

He will not change, he will not change! Don't get caught up in the hype believing that you can be that one to change him. It aint happening girl!

Actually he's coming up on his 37th b-day. When I asked him what he wanted to do, he got all sad like and didnt wanna talk about his b-day. I wanted to do something nice for him since he made my b-day so special, but he just changed the subject.
He has mention he wants to go back to school, and has started making efforts to go back, but I wonder why is he so inspired now? Hes knows Im big on eduction, and I wonder if he doing it to please me.
He told me he's not a school person, but knows he needs to get out of the job he's in now.

 

[Misseyl]

I think he's married..

 

[Integrity]

From the additional information you have given so far does not sound like he has long term plans that includes you. If that is what YOU are seeking, I say bounce.

 

[Maynard]

Actually he's coming up on his 37th b-day. When I asked him what he wanted to do, he got all sad like and didnt wanna talk about his b-day. I wanted to do something nice for him since he made my b-day so special, but he just changed the subject.
He has mention he wants to go back to school, and has started making efforts to go back, but I wonder why is he so inspired now? Hes knows Im big on eduction, and I wonder if he doing it to please me.
He told me he's not a school person, but knows he needs to get out of the job he's in now.

Ok so he's 37 * (37, 40 same difference) and he lives at home with his mama, that he hasnt inroduced to you yet...

Have you questioned why he is all of a sudden getting this epiphany to get his life together? Why did he wait til he was 37 to decide to move out his mama house, and go to school? His thought processes are not all there. Girl. obviously he must think that is something that you want to hear and that's why he's telling you this stuff. Looks like it has been working so far.

Girl dont waste your time! In regards to him and his "plans" I would tell him dont talk about it, be about it...

*Dont get offended this is just the Saggittarrius coming outta me

 

[*Happily Me*]

Actually he's coming up on his 37th b-day. When I asked him what he wanted to do, he got all sad like and didnt wanna talk about his b-day. I wanted to do something nice for him since he made my b-day so special, but he just changed the subject.
He has mention he wants to go back to school, and has started making efforts to go back, but I wonder why is he so inspired now? Hes knows Im big on eduction, and I wonder if he doing it to please me.
He told me he's not a school person, but knows he needs to get out of the job he's in now.

If he's honestly trying to make changes because you have inspired him, then I see no harm in sticking around. It shows that the relationship can potentially get a lot better.

We all need someone in our lives to inspire us at times. Sounds like you are that person to him.

 

[Maynard]

I have been thinking about this..

If you are asking these questions you must really care about him. But please dont be misled or make excuses for him. Take the situation for exactly what it is..

 

[tatiana]

He is either married and/or a mama's boy.

 

[honeycomb719]

Ok so he's 37 * (37, 40 same difference) and he lives at home with his mama, that he hasnt inroduced to you yet...

Have you questioned why he is all of a sudden getting this epiphany to get his life together? Why did he wait til he was 37 to decide to move out his mama house, and go to school? His thought processes are not all there. Girl. obviously he must think that is something that you want to hear and that's why he's telling you this stuff. Looks like it has been working so far.

Girl dont waste your time! In regards to him and his "plans" I would tell him dont talk about it, be about it...

*Dont get offended this is just the Saggittarrius coming outta me

Yeah I was thinking the same thing. Why now?! I did tell him dont talk about just do it, cause thats my outlook on things. I didnt out right ask him why now, but I eluded to thats what Im thinking. I think he's doing what he thinks it takes to keep me around. True, I do care for him, but Im not to far gone that I cant turn back.
I just see a pattern in myself that when it gets to the 3-4mth mark I start getting bored with guys, if they dont measure up. My sis and others say Im picky, but I think I have a right to be. I got my ish together so I require the same.
Some stuff you just dont figure out from guys until this point in the relationship. Also, its seems that now more guys are approaching me for some reasons.

 

[honeycomb719]

I have been thinking about this..

If you are asking these questions you must really care about him. But please dont be misled or make excuses for him. Take the situation for exactly what it is..

Oh no, dont worry. I dont/wont make excuses for no grown *** man. He kinda knows how I feel about his standing in life at his age, but I havent judged him for his past mistakes. Everyone says, every guy is gonna come with some ish that just rubs you the wrong way, but Im just trying to get feedback on if my views are petty or valid.

 

[honeycomb719]

He is either married and/or a mama's boy.

Oh no, he's all up in my face too much to have a wife. Now the mam's boy thing I can kinda see. He is the youngest of his siblings, so I think her old age made it hard to push him from the nest.
From what he tells me, his has been on his on before, but went back home a few years ago, to save money to buy a home. Im just wondering what is the hold-up? Not that Im looking to move in w/ him or vice versa. I just need to see you can handle your business like and adult and handle adult things on your own, before I go trying to get to deep in the mix.

 

[Shardonay11]

There is no excuse for a man being that old living with his mother he lives off of women. now, he's looking for some one new to live off.

Personality is great but, honey you don't want a fourty year old baby do you?

RUN DONT WALK TO THE NEAREST EXIT!

 

[Caramela]

For me, at least, the cons outweigh the pros.... but maybe that because I'm comparing him to what I have I think you can do a lot better and I don't even know you

 

[Maynard]

Yeah I was thinking the same thing. Why now?! I did tell him dont talk about just do it, cause thats my outlook on things. I didnt out right ask him why now, but I eluded to thats what Im thinking. I think he's doing what he thinks it takes to keep me around. True, I do care for him, but Im not to far gone that I cant turn back.
I just see a pattern in myself that when it gets to the 3-4mth mark I start getting bored with guys, if they dont measure up. My sis and others say Im picky, but I think I have a right to be. I got my ish together so I require the same.
Some stuff you just dont figure out from guys until this point in the relationship. Also, its seems that now more guys are approaching me for some reasons.

Good for you Honeycomb!

 

[honeycomb719]

For me, at least, the cons outweigh the pros.... but maybe that because I'm comparing him to what I have I think you can do a lot better and I don't even know you

Basically this is what I was trying to figure out. Does the Pros out weigh the Cons. Cause basically in the real world even tho people say its not all about what the man has to offer you, but how he treats you that count (which I agree with to a certain point) I know that money issues are the main cause for failed marriages/relationships. So I better cut the cord while its still kinda new its seems DAMN!

 

[Caramela]

Basically this is what I was trying to figure out. Does the Pros out weigh the Cons. Cause basically in the real world even tho people say its not all about what the man has to offer you, but how he treats you that count (which I agree with to a certain point) I know that money issues are the main cause for failed marriages/relationships. So I better cut the cord while its still kinda new its seems DAMN!

YOu can have extrodinary dates with anyone really. That just takes a little bit of imagination. He's creative - ok, well he only gets one point for that, but otherwise he seems like an all around jerk. And you have to ask yourself, if you guys just went on ho-hum ordinary dates would you even be giving him the time of day? You should be able to watch paint dry together and still have an awesome time! It's his company that you should pay more attention to moreso than what you guys are doing together. IMHO.

 

[Farida]

I would say break up with him. It is NOT a good thing for a 40 year-old man to be still at home with his parents. Also, someone told me if something someone does when you're dating irritates you, multiply by 10 and that's how it'll feel when you're married. 40 is so set in his ways. Move on.

 

[prettypuff1]

He is 40 and living at home. I am quite concerned. All of the things you have mentioned are things that are important to you. If you love the lord, then you need a man who does as well. There is no point in being with a man who can't give you what you want. If you want a God fearing man who supports himself, why settle for some one who clearly isnt. I would keep him a friends only level. He can take you out but nothing more.