What do you think of this situation?

[honeycomb719]

YOu can have extrodinary dates with anyone really. That just takes a little bit of imagination. He's creative - ok, well he only gets one point for that, but otherwise he seems like an all around jerk. And you have to ask yourself, if you guys just went on ho-hum ordinary dates would you even be giving him the time of day? You should be able to watch paint dry together and still have an awesome time! It's his company that you should pay more attention to moreso than what you guys are doing together. IMHO.

You have rasied great points here. I just hate feeling like I'm a heartbreaker which Im sure he will be hurt by me cutting him off. I will make it a slow transition, but its hard for me to be cruel especially when it seems I have lead him on, which in many ways I can say I have.

 

[honeycomb719]

I would say break up with him. It is NOT a good thing for a 40 year-old man to be still at home with his parents. Also, someone told me if something someone does when you're dating irritates you, multiply by 10 and that's how it'll feel when you're married. 40 is so set in his ways. Move on.

I've heard this too, and I know I have many issues I would be trying to correct w/ him. I'm sure he's just too stuck in his ways for me to go trying to change him now.

 

[honeycomb719]

He is 40 and living at home. I am quite concerned. All of the things you have mentioned are things that are important to you. If you love the lord, then you need a man who does as well. There is no point in being with a man who can't give you what you want. If you want a God fearing man who supports himself, why settle for some one who clearly isnt. I would keep him a friends only level. He can take you out but nothing more.

This is another thing I was really put off about with him. I know Im not leading the supreme Christian life style but I am aware of where I fall short and where my blessing come from, and the guy in my life needs to give aleast that much acknowledgement, and know that his spirit man needs to be feed in the house of GOD at sometimes.

 

[Seeking8Rights]

I maybe late, but Honeycomb I used to date someone similar and your situations sounds SOOO familiar. I am glad I broke it off (I even still liked the guy when I broke it off) because I knew that he didn't fit the bill as to what I was looking for in a potential husband, should marriage present itself. I just loved how he treated me, but I cringed at other things. I learned that I don't have to sacrifice my wants and needs in a man just to get good treatment. Good men are not scarce, I found that I was just looking in all the wrong places, better yet looking period. My mom used to tell me to mind my business and let him find me.

I'm glad I did, now that right there was one of THE best decisions I've made in my 30 years.

Also, if you two are not married, then playa play on.....casually date other guys and don't be afraid to let either of them know that they are 2nd, 3rd or 4th string and let the best man win. Like my husband says a dog never lets anyone get in between him and his meat. The only guy you should tie yourself down to is the one who present the ring and says get rid of the rest and marry me. I'm speaking from experience.

But remember, women can never change a man. Men change at their own accord and on their own clock. Put together a list of charactoristics you like in a guy. If this guy doesn't meet a large percentage of them, then scrap him or keep him in circulation.

And also not to sound judgemental, but 40 y/o man at home? RED FLAG.

As I posted in the "how did your guy woo you" thread. Me and this guy has been dating for a lil over 3mths now, and he is soooo sweeet when it comes to the dating part. He has taking me to do some pretty interesting things as far as dating. We gone star-gazing at an observatory, concerts, nice resturants, museums, underground railroad,trip to Vegas together just different things like that that I really like. Not to mention it this out of the "norm" from dating other guys....
We have been spending alot of time around one another, he has even met quite a few of my family members (my sis, Dad, bro, close friends) (which I NEVER do with guys) but he has been around so he has been invited to quite a few funtions...
Anywho, on to why Im making this thread....He is close to 40, still living at home, his job is nothing to brag about, and he is somewhat a slob. What I mean by slob is, he is not as tidy as I would expect. I have to tell him to wash his hands when we go out to eat, He has drank out of the juice bottle first thing in the morning w/o brushing, thinks :fart: is cute. Oh, and when I asked him about his religous beliefs, he told me he is a believer, but dont feel he needs to go to church. I told him, I want to find a church home and get right w/ GOD. He then said he might consider it. WTH! I'll stop there....
I'm love how he treats me thus far, but I cant help feeling this urge to start seeing other people (He asked me early on he wanted to date me exclusively) which agreed to cause I wasnt dating anyone else (not even any prospects). Another thing Im tripping on is, he hasnt introduce me to his mom yet, and has have several opportunities to do so. Ive only meet his friend and his wife. So, it makes me wonder about whats going on here...

What do you ladies think of this?

 

[Seeking8Rights]

I would say break up with him. It is NOT a good thing for a 40 year-old man to be still at home with his parents. Also, someone told me if something someone does when you're dating irritates you, multiply by 10 and that's how it'll feel when you're married. 40 is so set in his ways. Move on.

Whoever, told you that was a WISE person! LOL That is SOO true!

 

[tatiana]

Oh no, he's all up in my face too much to have a wife. Now the mam's boy thing I can kinda see. He is the youngest of his siblings, so I think her old age made it hard to push him from the nest.
From what he tells me, his has been on his on before, but went back home a few years ago, to save money to buy a home. Im just wondering what is the hold-up? Not that Im looking to move in w/ him or vice versa. I just need to see you can handle your business like and adult and handle adult things on your own, before I go trying to get to deep in the mix.

Just because he is up in his face too much does not mean he does not have a wife. I take it you did not ask the question. How do you know he is not seperated from his wife? How do you know he has an open marriage? Have you been to his house? Have you been inside the house? Have you seen his room? You make it seem like he was messy at your place. How you seen his mother? How do you know besides his say so that he lives with his mother?

He's 37. Does he have any children? If so, where is their mama(s)?

When he introduce you to his friend did he say "I'll like you meet Honeycomb" or "I'll like you to meet my lady, Honeycomb"? He hasn't introduce you to any of his siblings?

Anyway, I think you should move on because I think you two move too fast in three months. I mean he took you to Vegas. Did he pay for the trip? Please say that he did.

I would move on. He sounds like he is hiding something from you. Men hide females from their mother(family) or vice versa for the following reasons:

• He is married or has another girlfriend
• He may have a kid at home and don't want a new woman around
• You are the wrong color/race/age/class/fill in the blank for him
• His mother may be a junkie/alcoholic/sick/crazy and he does not want you to see that
• He may have one of those borderline incest relationships with his mother. She will view you like you are the Other Woman

You deserve better.

 

[Maynard]

Just because he is up in his face too much does not mean he does not have a wife. I take it you did not ask the question. How do you know he is not seperated from his wife? How do you know he has an open marriage? Have you been to his house? Have you been inside the house? Have you seen his room? You make it seem like he was messy at your place. How you seen his mother? How do you know besides his say so that he lives with his mother?

He's 37. Does he have any children? If so, where is their mama(s)?

When he introduce you to his friend did he say "I'll like you meet Honeycomb" or "I'll like you to meet my lady, Honeycomb"? He hasn't introduce you to any of his siblings?

Anyway, I think you should move on because I think you two move too fast in three months. I mean he took you to Vegas. Did he pay for the trip? Please say that he did.

I would move on. He sounds like he is hiding something from you. Men hide females from their mother(family) or vice versa for the following reasons:

• He is married or has another girlfriend
• He may have a kid at home and don't want a new woman around
• You are the wrong color/race/age/class/fill in the blank for him
• His mother may be a junkie/alcoholic/sick/crazy and he does not want you to see that
• He may have one of those borderline incest relationships with his mother. She will view you like you are the Other Woman

You deserve better.

Good questions, Tati

 

[Caramela]

You have rasied great points here. I just hate feeling like I'm a heartbreaker which Im sure he will be hurt by me cutting him off. I will make it a slow transition, but its hard for me to be cruel especially when it seems I have lead him on, which in many ways I can say I have.

So his happiness is greater than yours? Put yourself first. You don't stay with someone out of pity.

 

[honeycomb719]

I maybe late, but Honeycomb I used to date someone similar and your situations sounds SOOO familiar. I am glad I broke it off (I even still liked the guy when I broke it off) because I knew that he didn't fit the bill as to what I was looking for in a potential husband, should marriage present itself. I just loved how he treated me, but I cringed at other things. I learned that I don't have to sacrifice my wants and needs in a man just to get good treatment. Good men are not scarce, I found that I was just looking in all the wrong places, better yet looking period. My mom used to tell me to mind my business and let him find me.

I'm glad I did, now that right there was one of THE best decisions I've made in my 30 years.

Also, if you two are not married, then playa play on.....casually date other guys and don't be afraid to let either of them know that they are 2nd, 3rd or 4th string and let the best man win. Like my husband says a dog never lets anyone get in between him and his meat. The only guy you should tie yourself down to is the one who present the ring and says get rid of the rest and marry me. I'm speaking from experience.

But remember, women can never change a man. Men change at their own accord and on their own clock. Put together a list of charactoristics you like in a guy. If this guy doesn't meet a large percentage of them, then scrap him or keep him in circulation.

And also not to sound judgemental, but 40 y/o man at home? RED FLAG.

You have made very good point here, and I agree with all of them. I just wanted to knwo that my thinking is rational, and that Im not being picky like everyone around me likes to say. I happy you ladies are validating my thoughts

 

[honeycomb719]

Just because he is up in his face too much does not mean he does not have a wife. I take it you did not ask the question. How do you know he is not seperated from his wife? How do you know he has an open marriage? Have you been to his house? Have you been inside the house? Have you seen his room? You make it seem like he was messy at your place. How you seen his mother? How do you know besides his say so that he lives with his mother?

He's 37. Does he have any children? If so, where is their mama(s)?

When he introduce you to his friend did he say "I'll like you meet Honeycomb" or "I'll like you to meet my lady, Honeycomb"? He hasn't introduce you to any of his siblings?

Anyway, I think you should move on because I think you two move too fast in three months. I mean he took you to Vegas. Did he pay for the trip? Please say that he did.

I would move on. He sounds like he is hiding something from you. Men hide females from their mother(family) or vice versa for the following reasons:

• He is married or has another girlfriend
• He may have a kid at home and don't want a new woman around
• You are the wrong color/race/age/class/fill in the blank for him
• His mother may be a junkie/alcoholic/sick/crazy and he does not want you to see that
• He may have one of those borderline incest relationships with his mother. She will view you like you are the Other Woman

You deserve better.

I really doubt if he is married. I have been inside his house, but not while the mom is home. He hasnet introduced me to her yet, and I havent and dont plan to ask why. I was thinking maybe his mom wouldnt approve of an I/R relationship, but I havent just straight out asked. He said he showed her some pics of us when we went to Vegas, and she made a comment about my weight I just laughed that off...
I guess I cant say for "sure" he lives with mom, but if its another women I would wonder how he gets away with staying out night after night. All weekend after weekend.
He doesnt has any kids, from what he told me but really really wants one bad. As for the Vegas trip, because it is so early in this relationship I wouldnt have felt comfortable with him paying for my ticket there, but he did treat to all events and eating while there.
As for him living with mom, in the beginning I thought he was at home cause his mom was elderly and couldnt do for herself mcuh, but I have learned that that is not the case. She is very social at her age (77), goes on trips, and even belongs to a lil women's group called "The Red Hats". He says they take alot of trips and have social funtions that she is very active in, so now I know he's not at home to help out ole momma.

 

[honeycomb719]

So his happiness is greater than yours? Put yourself first. You don't stay with someone out of pity.[/QUOT



Your right. I will start a slow transition of whining him off

 

[Integrity]

just out of curiosity, what race is he?

 

[honeycomb719]

just out of curiosity, what race is he?

White/Italian You can see a few pics of us on my myspace page. The links in siggy...

 

[princesslocks]

RUN AS FAST AS YOU CAN

40 and still living at home

 

[frizzy]

He is either married and/or a mama's boy.

I'm thinking he's been "away", like in jail. It sounds like he's trying to

catch up on life and doing stuff he thought about doing while he was locked-up. Kinda kidding, kinda serious, sorry about laughing at the

situation. I'll go back and read the rest of the post, now.

 

[frizzy]

I really doubt if he is married. I have been inside his house, but not while the mom is home. He hasnet introduced me to her yet, and I havent and dont plan to ask why. I was thinking maybe his mom wouldnt approve of an I/R relationship, but I havent just straight out asked. He said he showed her some pics of us when we went to Vegas, and she made a comment about my weight I just laughed that off...
I guess I cant say for "sure" he lives with mom, but if its another women I would wonder how he gets away with staying out night after night. All weekend after weekend.
He doesnt has any kids, from what he told me but really really wants one bad. As for the Vegas trip, because it is so early in this relationship I wouldnt have felt comfortable with him paying for my ticket there, but he did treat to all events and eating while there.
As for him living with mom, in the beginning I thought he was at home cause his mom was elderly and couldnt do for herself mcuh, but I have learned that that is not the case. She is very social at her age (77), goes on trips, and even belongs to a lil women's group called "The Red Hats". He says they take alot of trips and have social funtions that she is very active in, so now I know he's not at home to help out ole momma.

Gurl NAWL!! Why am I thinking about Norman Bates and his Momma

Did you two consumate an intimate relationship while in Vegas? mmm hmm

What the flip is he gone do with a baby?

His momma said you fat?

RUN!

ETA---Junkie/jailbird still sticks in my mind.

 

[january noir]

White/Italian You can see a few pics of us on my myspace page. The links in siggy...

He's cute! I say tell him what's really on your mind; say it plain and date other people. If you really enjoy each other, you can still go out and have fun. It doesn't have to be serious.

In the meantime, know that 'right now' this guy is not ready for you yet. He might be, in time, but not now and you know how the old saying goes..."Life is too short."

I'm not worried about you honeycomb. I know you 'got this.'

 

[Integrity]

His momma said you fat?
.

this threw me off as well. AND he saw it fit to report that to Honey....

 

[honeycomb719]

Gurl NAWL!! Why am I thinking about Norman Bates and his Momma

Did you two consumate an intimate relationship while in Vegas? mmm hmm Why you say mmm hmmm? but yeah

What the flip is he gone do with a baby? He thinks he's ready

His momma said you fat? Yeah, He said his momma asked was I fat. I just laughed and said, Im guess Im fat to her. He's said it was the angle the pic was taken of my butt that made her say that.

RUN!

ETA---Junkie/jailbird still sticks in my mind.

Part of that rings true.

 

[honeycomb719]

He's cute! I say tell him what's really on your mind; say it plain and date other people. If you really enjoy each other, you can still go out and have fun. It doesn't have to be serious.

In the meantime, know that 'right now' this guy is not ready for you yet. He might be, in time, but not now and you know how the old saying goes..."Life is too short."

I'm not worried about you honeycomb. I know you 'got this.'

He is a cutie pie, aint he. But yeah, I agree with the bolded. I will tell him soon. I just came back from a really nice date with this guy I met last weekend, so I dont want to get caught up, so I will let him know we need to loosen things up a bit and date others...

 

[Seeking8Rights]

White/Italian You can see a few pics of us on my myspace page. The links in siggy...

Okay, now that you provided his ethnic background. This may be the reason why he still lives at home. If his family follows Italian customs then it's normal for a man to live at home with his mom or parents until marriage. In Italy by law the parents are responsible for their children until the age 30, but most choose to stay at home until they get married. THIS IS VERY VERY VERY COMMON within the Italian culture.

 

[Seeking8Rights]

this threw me off as well. AND he saw it fit to report that to Honey....

Momma probably commented that way because most Italian women are skinny. In Italy you don't see that many heavy women around unless they are pregnant. Which is where the comment may have came from. Doesn't make it right, but just to shed a little light and possible understanding.

 

[2Cute!]

By no means am I for a grown man still living at home with his mother at 36, but from what you're saying, it sounds like he may be trying to get his life together. He's 36 right? Not 40?? I am one of those people who look at situations for wha they really are, but I do know that people can change under the right circumstances. I've seen it happen within my own family. I know his hygiene practices aren't the best, and such, but if he's a good man, then I say date other people (because there really could be a better match for you out there), but don't throw in the towel on him just yet. Sometimes it takes other people to help us realize the best parts of ourselves.... I know, my husband has done it for me and I've done it for him also. Neither of us were perfect when we first started off, but together, we've made a great life together.

 

[Stormy]

I say throw in the towel! Look, he hasn't introduced you to his mother because she doesn't approve of you. Yep, just by looking at your picture. Sounds like she's prejudging you. Still living at home... custom or not, he's nasty.... he has too many issues that you will eventually get sick and tired of (sounds like you already are). With everything you've mentioned so far I say tell him you just wanna be friends. Keep it moving and date other people! His mother will love you for it.

Oh and another thing, screw what your friends say about you being picky. As long as you've got your stuff together, you do have a right to be.

See y'all white men have just as many problems as black men. Just thought I'd mention that since there are so many white men vs. black men and IRL threads.