What did I do wrong?

[Geminigirl]

I met this guy a few weeks ago. He's older than me by some years. I never really been with someone older than me but he wasn't looking for a girl and I am not ready to date yet either so we decided to just be friends a chill. Well over time we began to like each other. I could name all the bad things about him but there was so much good too. He really is a sweet person with a good heart. But we are both going through some things right now.

Mostly I was just getting tired of everytime we chill we driving all over and then when we chill it's cool but I kinda wanted to go out and do things. I was also getting kinda irritated because he would call me and want me to come get him right then...he wouldn't say it but when I'd come through he was always ready and always had something to do. I just held it in because I liked him so much and I knew he was trying to get on his feet much like myself.

Anyways there have been a few times where I said something to him, in my way just joking but he took it wrong. Like one time he asked me if I wanted these slippers he had. i asked him to let me see them. He showed them to me and I thought they were kinda ugly and I said that. I am really funny about my shoes. And I hurt his feelings. I apologized to him. I didn't mean to hurt his feelings but the slippers were kinda ugly although they have grown on me now.

OK well yesterday he called me and he was telling me he found this car he wants to buy its real cheap and he has to start putting money to the side for it. I told him he should have been putting money to the side for the car. He immediatly got defensive. He was saying how he was trying but he's been spending mad money everyday. I told him who's fault is that. If you driving my car all over the city then hell yea I want something to eat and Hell yea you can throw some gas in there sometimes. He was like What are you my stepmom? Then he was like what are you doing?(I guess he meant with my life)I thought he was kidding. But he wasn't. He was really mad. He was like I'll see ya later and was trying to get off the phone with me. So I was like Maine and hung up.

He called me around 7 30 pm last night and I was in the store and missed his call. He also had sent a text saying how I don't have to ever worry about answering his calls again. So I called him. And he was talking about how I talk to him any old kinda way and how he always is nice and says sweet things to me(which is true). And then he was like well it looks like we aren't going to get along after all and I was like OK. And he hung up. I called and text NO REPLY.

I really really liked him. We were very physically attracted to each other but our ish wasn't about sex. We never had sex. I loved when we would cuddle and the way his hands felt on my body. In a respectful way not a slutty way. I never talked to a guy before that wasn't trying jump my bones and I really liked that about him. He never pressured me. And he was so cute. I was very nervous because I have a baby face and he looks his age but I liked him still. *** everyone else cause we would get some looks. He dressed nice shoe game on point and he liked me.

What did I do wrong? Should I call him or leave him alone? Right now I have decided to leave him alone. He already told me he doesn't play games so I know he was probably serious about not talking to me anymore but WHY? I wasn't trying to put him down I was just saying.

 

[Bunny77]

What you did wrong was behave like a girlfriend with a man that you really don't know all that well and are just "chillin'" with.

He is not your man, you are not his woman, and you need to step back.

 

[Geminigirl]

But he calls me his girl. So what does that mean? We only talk to each other and we chilled everyday.

While in public we would hold hands while at his spot we would do everything a couple does. His friends called me his girl. he called me his baby. That's why I am so confused. He said he liked me but if he liked me then how could he be so quick to cut me off? Not even talk to me about the problem.

Would it be crazy if I went over to his house to talk to him. I guess I am just upset because I didn't even get a chance to explain myself. Why couldn't we just talk about it?

 

[Bunny77]

But he calls me his girl. So what does that mean? We only talk to each other and we chilled everyday.

Are you in an exclusive relationship? Have you clearly defined what your status is so that no one is confused?

Are you his girlfriend and is he your boyfriend?

 

[TCatt86]

But he calls me his girl. So what does that mean? We only talk to each other and we chilled everyday.

It means just that you are his girl...Doesn't mean you are in a relationship. Chilling and talking everyday does not equate a committed relationship. You are not his girlfriend and he is not your man, y'all are just dating. Why isn't he taking you out? If you are his "girl" have you met his friends and family? Don't want to pry but does chilling involve intimate behavior? Touching, kissing, sex?

 

[Geminigirl]

I gotta take my baby to the doc. Hopefully I get some more responses. I am feeling really sad today.

All I really want to know is should I go over and talk to him or leave him be.

 

[antisocial]

Mistake #1 was "chilling" with a man with no car.

Mistake #2 was catching feelings. (I know you can't help it sometimes but I'm just saying...)

Mistake #3 was driving him around and/or letting him drive your car.

Mistake #4 was listening to his pity party.

I'll just stop there. The bottom line is you need to be clear with yourself about what you really want. If you're not looking for a relationship and just want a f buddy then fine, do you. But just know that if that's the case you don't have to deal with all the extra bs. You don't owe him anything and he sounds like a loser. I say you should leave him alone and ignore him when he calls (because he will, losers always do.)

 

[Geminigirl]

No in my OP I said we NEVER had sex. Yes we kiss hold hands and he does take me out to eat. Yes I met his friends. He is from NO though so that's where his family is. He said he wanted me to go out there in December to visit them with him but I think it was too soon for all that. I met all his friends that he has out here. And they all say I am his girl.

We did not Clearly establish we were in a relationship but like I said he calls me his girl and we were only talking to each other.

 

[TCatt86]

But he calls me his girl. So what does that mean? We only talk to each other and we chilled everyday.

While in public we would hold hands while at his spot we would do everything a couple does. His friends called me his girl. he called me his baby. That's why I am so confused. He said he liked me but if he liked me then how could he be so quick to cut me off? Not even talk to me about the problem.

Would it be crazy if I went over to his house to talk to him. I guess I am just upset because I didn't even get a chance to explain myself. Why couldn't we just talk about it?

Yes it would be crazy to go over to his house unannounced. more than likely explaining yourself won't change anything.

 

[Geminigirl]

Well anti baby mama thanks. I need it cut and dry. I am not looking for an f buddy. I done been through some mess with these nut *** clown *** *****s out here and am not looking to just f anyone. I want a friend. I don't have ANY friends out here. It gets real real lonely. We had so much in common SO much but we had just fell on bad times. We both came out here at the same time with high hopes of better oppurtunities only to be let down and struggling.

 

[Geminigirl]

LOL ok tcatt I won't go over there. UGH. I just don't understand. Oh well I'll let him be.

Like I said there were alot of things wrong with him but he was really a good person on the inside. I don't judge because I know what I am capable of BUT you wouldn't be able to tell from the way I am living now. I blend in with the rest of the losers out here.

It's not like he never had a car or a place of his own **** happens that's all. And I totally understand.

 

[Geminigirl]

be back in about an hour

 

[TCatt86]

No in my OP I said we NEVER had sex. Yes we kiss hold hands and he does take me out to eat. Yes I met his friends. He is from NO though so that's where his family is. He said he wanted me to go out there in December to visit them with him but I think it was too soon for all that. I met all his friends that he has out here. And they all say I am his girl.

We did not Clearly establish we were in a relationship but like I said he calls me his girl and we were only talking to each other.

To the bolded: Run away, very far away.

And if you haven't established a relationship then you aren't really his girlfriend. Sounds like he is trying to mentally manipulate you. Make you feel bad about his immaturity and lack of finances to buy a car. What he wants you to do is call him and say, "baby, look I'm sorry, I'm just concerned for you, I want you to be the best. You can use my car until you get on your feet" It's a game. I've dated men older than me since I was 20 and I find sometimes they get a younger woman they feel they can mold and make into the kind of woman they want, that's what it sounds like he is doing.

 

[Country gal]

It means just that you are his girl...Doesn't mean you are in a relationship. Chilling and talking everyday does not equate a committed relationship. You are not his girlfriend and he is not your man, y'all are just dating. Why isn't he taking you out? If you are his "girl" have you met his friends and family? Don't want to pry but does chilling involve intimate behavior? Touching, kissing, sex?

I made this mistake too. A man needs to claim you. If he is not claiming you than he is not ready to be exclusive. I know some folks hate Steve Harvey's book but I feel you should read it.

Why are you driving him all around and giving him BF priviledges when you are not his girlfriend???

 

[Bunny77]

Well anti baby mama thanks. I need it cut and dry. I am not looking for an f buddy. I done been through some mess with these nut *** clown *** *****s out here and am not looking to just f anyone. I want a friend. I don't have ANY friends out here. It gets real real lonely. We had so much in common SO much but we had just fell on bad times. We both came out here at the same time with high hopes of better oppurtunities only to be let down and struggling.

While I do understand falling on hard times, I'm very skeptical of OLDER men who end up with no car, no source of income, etc.... in your case, you are younger and have two children.

What's his excuse??


And also, that's nice that he called you his girl and all, but you need a clearer definition of where you stand. Being called someone's "girl," is kinda meaningless to me.

 

[Country gal]

LOL ok tcatt I won't go over there. UGH. I just don't understand. Oh well I'll let him be.

Like I said there were alot of things wrong with him but he was really a good person on the inside. I don't judge because I know what I am capable of BUT you wouldn't be able to tell from the way I am living now. I blend in with the rest of the losers out here.

It's not like he never had a car or a place of his own **** happens that's all. And I totally understand.

I understand things happen especially in this economy. I would have given him a timeline and not gotten so emotionally involved. 3 months is enough time for him to get something in order to buy a car. He is putting wear and tear on your car by having you drive him all over the place.

 

[BrooklynSouth]

Totally your choice how you eventually handle your situation. My opinion: NO, DO NOT CALL, DO NOT GO OVER!! A man needs to be picking you up, needs to be calling you, he said it is done...let it be, let him miss you.

 

[Nyssa28]

You both need to work out your issues before thinking about any type of relationship....

 

[ThatJerseyGirl]

*sighs*

I ain't even fittin ta light up no newport for dis one hea....but'r uh...

first, if u go ova his house, das a stalker move ri der..not a good look for you. second, he expects you to jump thru hoops for him, and be like johnny on da spot everytime he calls you, and what do you do....OBEY. not a good look for you. don't play yourself like that eva for no man. first of all, imma need u to take off dem rosey colored glasses and see the reality for what it is.

He's playin you, and playin games. fa real, he sounds like he got "mommy" issues (throwin temper tantrums, etc). so you spoke ur mind and told him how u felt about certain things and he gets a lil bytch in him and catches a 'tude. so what. and now u wanna go ova his house and explain to him what????

first, i'm mad that he doesn't have a car, and can't save money. das numba one. i'm mad that you let him use ur car to do whateva, bringin it back on "empty", etc. and you have a child? das a no no right there in da playas handbook...

don't compromise urself for him or nobody. you don't have to explain your actions to nobody, especially someone who ain't doin shyt for you but "chillin" at this point, with no funds and no car, he ain't worth it..seriously.

i hope it works out...

 

[antisocial]

Well anti baby mama thanks. I need it cut and dry. I am not looking for an f buddy. I done been through some mess with these nut *** clown *** *****s out here and am not looking to just f anyone. I want a friend. I don't have ANY friends out here. It gets real real lonely. We had so much in common SO much but we had just fell on bad times. We both came out here at the same time with high hopes of better oppurtunities only to be let down and struggling.

Geminigirl I'm glad you didn't take offense to my post

He is not your friend and I really think he's playing these games because he knows he can get away with it. If he can get you to drive him around town then he probably feels like he can get you to do anything.

How old is he and how old are you??

 

[Makenzie]

You just met this guy a few weeks ago and you are letting him drive your car already? That happened awfully fast.


I understand being on hard times. But its how you manage it that shows your character. Not the fact you're going through difficulty. Him shopping for a car before he has money is backwards. When you called him on it he got embarrassed. But how many other backwards decisions has he made? Is he making?


You have no defined relationship with this guy. If he were to start seeing someone else, he could easily tell you ya'll were just friends. Chillin', and you shouldn't be mad. And he'd be right.


I suggest leaving him alone for now. Let him focus on getting himself together, like getting his basic needs met.


Plus, all that cuddling and hand holding you and your 'friend' were doing is going to lead to sex. And that will really complicate things.

 

[Geminigirl]

To the bolded: Run away, very far away.

And if you haven't established a relationship then you aren't really his girlfriend. Sounds like he is trying to mentally manipulate you. Make you feel bad about his immaturity and lack of finances to buy a car. What he wants you to do is call him and say, "baby, look I'm sorry, I'm just concerned for you, I want you to be the best. You can use my car until you get on your feet" It's a game. I've dated men older than me since I was 20 and I find sometimes they get a younger woman they feel they can mold and make into the kind of woman they want, that's what it sounds like he is doing.

You right. I really felt akward because he is alot older. I only go three years, he is nine...almost ten older than me. I won't call him. I guess I am just lonely and he was my escape away from this world that I am in.

I made this mistake too. A man needs to claim you. If he is not claiming you than he is not ready to be exclusive. I know some folks hate Steve Harvey's book but I feel you should read it.

Why are you driving him all around and giving him BF priviledges when you are not his girlfriend???

We were just friends he made that very clear..but like I said we started liking each other and then he started calling me his girl. When he introduced me that's what I was. Oh well now though. I might pick that book up...if it's in the library.

I don't know. I guess I am just lonely and it was SOMETHING to do besides sitting in the house ALONE all the time.

While I do understand falling on hard times, I'm very skeptical of OLDER men who end up with no car, no source of income, etc.... in your case, you are younger and have two children.

What's his excuse??


And also, that's nice that he called you his girl and all, but you need a clearer definition of where you stand. Being called someone's "girl," is kinda meaningless to me.

I know. He has too many kids anyways. But being that they are older and don't live with him I didn't really care. But I feel you.

I understand things happen especially in this economy. I would have given him a timeline and not gotten so emotionally involved. 3 months is enough time for him to get something in order to buy a car. He is putting wear and tear on your car by having you drive him all over the place.

I was giving him a timeline. That's why I wasnt quick to judge. What I did wrong was catch feelings. I just felt so comfortable with him and we had so much in common.

Totally your choice how you eventually handle your situation. My opinion: NO, DO NOT CALL, DO NOT GO OVER!! A man needs to be picking you up, needs to be calling you, he said it is done...let it be, let him miss you.

Ok. Thanks. I won't call anymore. *** em girl *** em. I feel the same way. He should be doing that for me. I told myself I was going to shoot high next time but I met him and what did I do...

You both need to work out your issues before thinking about any type of relationship....

I agree.

*sighs*

I ain't even fittin ta light up no newport for dis one hea....but'r uh...

first, if u go ova his house, das a stalker move ri der..not a good look for you. second, he expects you to jump thru hoops for him, and be like johnny on da spot everytime he calls you, and what do you do....OBEY. not a good look for you. don't play yourself like that eva for no man. first of all, imma need u to take off dem rosey colored glasses and see the reality for what it is.

He's playin you, and playin games. fa real, he sounds like he got "mommy" issues (throwin temper tantrums, etc). so you spoke ur mind and told him how u felt about certain things and he gets a lil bytch in him and catches a 'tude. so what. and now u wanna go ova his house and explain to him what????

first, i'm mad that he doesn't have a car, and can't save money. das numba one. i'm mad that you let him use ur car to do whateva, bringin it back on "empty", etc. and you have a child? das a no no right there in da playas handbook...

don't compromise urself for him or nobody. you don't have to explain your actions to nobody, especially someone who ain't doin shyt for you but "chillin" at this point, with no funds and no car, he ain't worth it..seriously.

i hope it works out...

I guess I did play myself. HA me. I am too cute for this. I feel like I deserve certain things especially since I am getting older. What was I thinking. UGH. I am at an all time low right now. My life is truly taken a turn for the worst. But I need to pray and be patient...it will work itself out. Nah he'd put gas in my car. Atleast fill it back up to where it was but STILL. My idea of a good time isn't what we were doing.

The only reason why I was considering going over his house is because he told me I could come over. But I know that doesn't apply to this situation.

Geminigirl I'm glad you didn't take offense to my post

He is not your friend and I really think he's playing these games because he knows he can get away with it. If he can get you to drive him around town then he probably feels like he can get you to do anything.

How old is he and how old are you??

He is 32 about to be 33.

You just met this guy a few weeks ago and you are letting him drive your car already? That happened awfully fast.


I understand being on hard times. But its how you manage it that shows your character. Not the fact you're going through difficulty. Him shopping for a car before he has money is backwards. When you called him on it he got embarrassed. But how many other backwards decisions has he made? Is he making?


You have no defined relationship with this guy. If he were to start seeing someone else, he could easily tell you ya'll were just friends. Chillin', and you shouldn't be mad. And he'd be right.


I suggest leaving him alone for now. Let him focus on getting himself together, like getting his basic needs met.


Plus, all that cuddling and hand holding you and your 'friend' were doing is going to lead to sex. And that will really complicate things.

Nah we were going to have sex. But when the time was right. I know. I wasn't going to mess this relationship up with sex. I was really going to take the time to get to know him. There was no rush and no pressure. He has gone periods with out sex before so it was nothing.

I think he got embarassed too but damn is it that serious? I need to focus too because I lost focus messing with him. I had no time for my hair..I love my hair. No time to workout...I'ma tryna build my buffie jr. So this is for the best.

I guess I am just so upset because he was my escape from this house. But Ima make it.

 

[Bunny77]

Girl, a BUNCH of kids? Oh hell naw, definitely move on!!!!

As for getting out of the house more and not being bored... I don't know your educational situation, but have you completed college? Going to college part-time could introduce you to a lot of interesting people (men and women) and you can expand your circle... get involved in some college activities and stuff.

I know my university also had active groups for single parents... those kids grew up in a university environment (which was great) and the moms were able to interact and help each other out.

 

[Geminigirl]

School costs money. I guess I should just try again and apply out here for Fincial Aid but I am so scared of rejection. I know my time is ticking. 30 is around the corner and by then I want a car and my dream car and my own place.

Ive moved on. It's over. Trust me someone will come a knocking again. Sometimes I can barely walk down the street out here. They really appreciate them a natural chocolate girl out here but IMO they aren't wrapped too tight upstairs and they treat females like dookie out here.

 

[antisocial]

Girl, a BUNCH of kids? Oh hell naw, definitely move on!!!!

I didn't even see that part. So he's 33, has a bunch of kids, no car, has money woes, and likes to play games....Girl, move on.

 

[Geminigirl]

LOL. I know am moving on. It's just ugh. If only ya'll knew what I have been going through since I moved out here. It was a bad move. I should have stayed where I was at. Now I am trying to decide if I need to move back or try and complete my education out here and then move back.

 

[Bunny77]

School costs money.

Yeah, and so does raising two kids with a low-paying job created by a lack of education.

So, would you rather be in debt because you have a crappy job, or be in debt because you're getting a degree that will give you and your kids a better life?

 

[Bunny77]

LOL. I know am moving on. It's just ugh. If only ya'll knew what I have been going through since I moved out here. It was a bad move. I should have stayed where I was at. Now I am trying to decide if I need to move back or try and complete my education out here and then move back.

Wait, you're in Dallas?

Okay, I'm not from Texas, but you live in a state with a low cost of living, low taxes, good colleges, decent men, etc... you are in a much better situation than a lot of people, IF you choose to take advantage of it.

 

[phynestone]

You live in the DFW metroplex. There's plenty to choose from. Keep moving.

(I AM familiar with that city)

 

[MissYocairis]

No in my OP I said we NEVER had sex. Yes we kiss hold hands and he does take me out to eat. Yes I met his friends. He is from NO though so that's where his family is. He said he wanted me to go out there in December to visit them with him but I think it was too soon for all that. I met all his friends that he has out here. And they all say I am his girl.

We did not Clearly establish we were in a relationship but like I said he calls me his girl and we were only talking to each other.

There are so many life lessons in your story. *sigh*

If you have not specifically decided on being an exclusive couple, then you are not. It doesn't matter how many "my girls" and "my honeys" and "my babys" you get from him.

ALL dude's friends will play into whatever game he is selling you. So, if he wants you to believe you are his girlfriend even though you are not, his friends will sign onto that program and conduct themselves in a way that leads you to believe they view you as whatever he wants you to believe HE views you as.

Don't ever date a man with no car who is content to use you and your resources. A real man is ashamed that he cannot provide for himself better and will not require a woman to do all the work.

WHY, if he is older than you, doesn't he have his i$ht together? What's he been up to? Has he done time?

You didn't like the slippers. But, from your comment "they've grown on me" it appears that you went ahead and bought them and are wearing them. WTH? Don't change who you are for a man...and especially a raggedy man.

Whether or not a man's shoe game is on point is not even among the top TEN reasons that you should give him your heart. Things like "he dresses nice" and "his shoe game are on point" are things that you should view as the icing on the cake. They should never carry weight in your decision to be with a man. He gets zero points for having an on point shoe game.

He's overly sensitive because he is insecure about his station in life, IMO. He gets easily offended at how you put things because dude is probably feeling like the true scrub that he is...it's his way of elevating himself - to find fault with you for having standards. lmao. Does this man live with family? Does he have anyone else who lives at his place? You are running him around for his errands? He's not self-sufficient.