NaturalBoss
Well-Known Member
I don't think children should get relaxers, period.
What age do you relax a childs hair???
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afrofaithful
Well-Known Member
my mom told me I couldn't get a relaxer until I started my period...so I was 12. Something about the chemicals and your hormones...idk if that's true though! But I was so excited so I got it... 
YasashiiSekai
New Member
I guess if you believe in God you would understand that there was a reason why you were created that way, and if God wanted you to have that type of hair, who are you to say if it's "too hard to manage" or not....
Anyways, I would never permanently alter my daughter's hair because not only would it tell her that her hair isn't good enough, but it would also be a slap in the face of God who created her that way.
Now if she decides to do it herself when she's grown then that's her decision. But I would never do it to her myself or allow her to get it done as long as she's living under my roof.
Anyways, I would never permanently alter my daughter's hair because not only would it tell her that her hair isn't good enough, but it would also be a slap in the face of God who created her that way.
Now if she decides to do it herself when she's grown then that's her decision. But I would never do it to her myself or allow her to get it done as long as she's living under my roof.
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longhairluv
New Member
If I had a child, I don't care how old or how hard or tough my child's hair is to deal with I would never give a child a relaxer NEEEEVER!! When I was kid my hair was sooo thick and long and very hard and tough to deal with at times than I had a grand mother that would do my hair and Oh lawdy I was tenderhead. My mom never gave me a relaxer until I was like 14 or 15 years old and it was only after I begged and pleaded with her for years so finally I got it. She took me to the hairstylist that did my press n' curls, I was so excited and thought the perm made your hair straight and you'd never have to flat-iron or get a hot n' press comb YEA!!. I can't tell you how disappointed I was, my lil heart was crushed when the magic hair relaxer didn't do a darn thing but made it big and frizzy and I still had to get a blow dry, press and comb, to get it straight and it still took 2 hours to straighten it. LOL
30something
Well-Known Member
I dont see the need for it be so deep.. its just hair. Probably would allow her to relax in her teenage years if she wanted it too. I'd probably try to talk her out of it because of the price of maintaining relaxed hair.
JayAnn0513
I make 30 look good!
My daughter? I'll take never for $500, Alex. It's coarse, fuzzy and 4a/b. I still won't be relaxing it. I can't wait for her to have thick, natural, WL hair. I hate combing it every day but I do it because it's my job. It's like not feeding her, or bathing her because " I don't want to".
As far as maintaining relaxed hair on a kid. I'm not convinced that it's any less work than just keeping them natural. The examples I see IRL have shown me that if the Mom is lazy or careless with a childs hair their hair is doomed relaxed or straight.
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As far as maintaining relaxed hair on a kid. I'm not convinced that it's any less work than just keeping them natural. The examples I see IRL have shown me that if the Mom is lazy or careless with a childs hair their hair is doomed relaxed or straight.
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Roux
New Member
You don't see how completely changing a part of a kid delivers the message that there was something wrong with them? Especially with a negative connotation attached to it?
longhairluv
New Member
I can understand the need not to be so deep for an adult getting a relaxer but for a child (a 5 year old) is pretty alarmingly, especially when the parent really doesn't know how to take care for the baby's hair and thinking a relaxer is going to solve the problem of that bad hair complex. I also think it does affect a child's emotional and mental state, if positive hair encouragement is not enforced. It's just a matter of reeducating ourselves about natural hair and knowing how to care for it and accepted. Although I don't agree with giving any kid a relaxer. There are exceptions because there are those who give their child a relaxers but they also know how to care for it and maintain it and keep it healthy, and that might be all and well but is there a positive or negative reenforcement going on? or How does the child feel about there hair if they don't even know what it's like to have natural hair because they have a relaxer, it's just something to think about.
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chrisanddonniesmommy
New Member
Nevahhhhhh!
My first relaxer was at 13 (despite my mother's concern). I regret doing so, and if I had a daughter, I'd vote against it.
My first relaxer was at 13 (despite my mother's concern). I regret doing so, and if I had a daughter, I'd vote against it.
DarkAngell
Well-Known Member
When they're old enough to take care of it properly on their own. I'm gonna estimate in their teens though. My mother had mine done when I was 10. She was still doing my hair at that age so i knew nothing of maintaining it's health. As you can imagine, the health of my hair went down the tubes.
I can't tell other people what to do, but for me, I wouldn't relax my daughter's hair. She is 4a/b, she cries when she gets it braided(she hates it), there are fusses over it, but I put it in a style where she can wear for weeks at a time because of it.
I never had a relaxer until I went out and got one in high school and it is because of that I knew what my hair texture was and have embraced it. I think girls need to know what they are working with first before they decide what to permenantly do with their hair. Besides as someone has mentioned here, I want dd to have very long natural hair, something what won't be achieved with a relaxer, IMHO
.
I never had a relaxer until I went out and got one in high school and it is because of that I knew what my hair texture was and have embraced it. I think girls need to know what they are working with first before they decide what to permenantly do with their hair. Besides as someone has mentioned here, I want dd to have very long natural hair, something what won't be achieved with a relaxer, IMHO
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IMFOCSD
Well-Known Member
I dont feel that a woman is being lazy just because she decides to relaxe her daughters hair when in fact more effort has to be put into to it for it to remain healthy just because it is relaxed. When a woman has enough knowledge to know what to do and what not to do then there is absolutely nothing wrong with it. There are little girls who have relaxed hair that is more healthy than women. I stretch my daughters relaxers, shampoo, dc and trim on a regular basis just like I do mine. Everyone has their personal preference when it comes to relaxing a childs hair or not and if you do..fine, if not thats fine too. JMHO
mischka
shrinkage.
I also think it's wishful thinking and/or denial to claim that relaxing a child's hair has no harmful benefits to her self esteem or that she doesn't pick up on the negative connotations of it. I have a six year old niece and my sister gets her hair pressed regularly when she gets her own hair touched up. My niece has cottony hair but she has pretty much a 2 curl pattern - her hair is not kinky, her hair does not tangle, and her hair is not very curly. This means that her hair is not even unmanageable, my sister is just lazy when it comes to combing it and making sure she is keeping it soft and moisturized. My niece has made disparaging comments when her hair is 'nappy' and positive comments when her hair is straight, and she clearly thinks she is 'prettier,' like her mother, when her hair is straightened. As a matter of fact, she also makes negative comments about my hair when it is not straight or worn wild. A six year old should not view natural AA hair in a way that causes her to disparage it.
Now, I am natural, and I have an older niece - age nine - who has hair like mine. I have instilled in my older niece that her hair is beautiful, and more pretty, because it is curly. My sisters have issues with straight hair and being colorstruck - they are both bright yellow and the mother to my older niece is relaxed, and the mother to my younger niece wears WL straight weaves - and since my older niece is not only darker than her mother but also has curly hair while her mother's hair is relaxed, I have taken it upon myself to step in and give her positive reinforcement when it come to her darker coloring and curlier hair. Since I am also the lone darker skinned/natural hair one in our generation, I think it is important to model that for her and help her to understand there is nothing abnormal or inferior about her natural features especially considering that her mother makes negative comments concerning her 'brown' skin and 'nappy' hair.
I think the only reason my sister hasn't relaxed my younger niece's hair is because I am so harsh and disapproving about it because she is certainly lazy enough that she would do it. Since I have grown my hair out so that it is longer than either of my sisters, I try to step in when they are having problems with my nieces' hair because I refuse to let them mess their hair up or give them a complex about it.
PearlyCurly
New Member
Personally, i dont have any kids but my mom relaxed my hair when i was 8, she relaxed it maybe 2-3x a year and she also relaxed it properly.
Her reason for relaxing my hair, was so that it was more manageable, and now i see what she means
My hair is very dense & tangles VERY EASILY, my hand feels like its going to fall off after detangling a section of my hair.
I will now wait until my daughter is in her teen years to even consider relaxing her hair.
My simple ANSWER & reason for not wanting to relax my "daughters" hair until she is in her teens is because of curiosity & health.
I was mad at my mother because she did not give me the choice to choose if i wanted to relax my hair or not, i seriously thought that was how my hair was(relaxed)
I would have liked to have grown up with HEALTHY natural hair.
I also think straightening the hair of a child should be on special occasions only!
Edit:: made it more simple..
Her reason for relaxing my hair, was so that it was more manageable, and now i see what she means
My hair is very dense & tangles VERY EASILY, my hand feels like its going to fall off after detangling a section of my hair.I will now wait until my daughter is in her teen years to even consider relaxing her hair.
My simple ANSWER & reason for not wanting to relax my "daughters" hair until she is in her teens is because of curiosity & health.
I was mad at my mother because she did not give me the choice to choose if i wanted to relax my hair or not, i seriously thought that was how my hair was(relaxed)
I would have liked to have grown up with HEALTHY natural hair.I also think straightening the hair of a child should be on special occasions only!
Edit:: made it more simple..
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BlackMasterPiece
Well-Known Member
I also disagree with pressing little girls hair for special occasions. When you do that, you're setting up a reward system for your daughter in which straight hair is the ultimate prize. You give it value.
My mom always told me how beautiful all my features were including my hair, she really did her best to instill pride in my hair but almost any time a special event came up, I would get a press and it sent a subliminal message to me about what is presentable and what makes me look my best and I internalized it as straight hair looking the best (at that age).
Ultimately my mother being natural my whole life and her encouraging words about how great my hair is won out when I got older, but in hindsight there's alot she would have done differently.
When a fancy important event comes up, I will style my daughters hair in a fancy natural style to let her know there were no mistakes in the way she was created and her natural hair is appropriate not just for casual venues, but for formal ones as well. I'm not saying I'm against ever pressing a little girls hair but I would make it more random.
That is part of the reason I started the thread about professional and formal natural styles, natural hair is not just for hanging out, it can be for the ballet as well.
Sent from my iPhone4 using LHCF
My mom always told me how beautiful all my features were including my hair, she really did her best to instill pride in my hair but almost any time a special event came up, I would get a press and it sent a subliminal message to me about what is presentable and what makes me look my best and I internalized it as straight hair looking the best (at that age).
Ultimately my mother being natural my whole life and her encouraging words about how great my hair is won out when I got older, but in hindsight there's alot she would have done differently.
When a fancy important event comes up, I will style my daughters hair in a fancy natural style to let her know there were no mistakes in the way she was created and her natural hair is appropriate not just for casual venues, but for formal ones as well. I'm not saying I'm against ever pressing a little girls hair but I would make it more random.
That is part of the reason I started the thread about professional and formal natural styles, natural hair is not just for hanging out, it can be for the ballet as well.
Sent from my iPhone4 using LHCF
MissSenegal
Well-Known Member
I didn't get my first relaxer until 21 which was by choice. My mother is anti relaxers. My hair was always healthy. Children do not need relaxers adults can do what they want. My sister has 3 kids 2 girls. My oldest niece has the thickest 4a/4b/3c hair I have ever seen in my life but relars are never touching her hair. I just blew her hair out for the first time last month so we could do micro braids. I would tell your friend to actually try to learn about her daughters hair before relaxing it something which most women don't knoe how to take care of.
Me personally, I wouldn't relax a DD's hair until at least age 13 years old. At some point, I think parents need to let their kids have their own "style" to a degree--and not every little girl is going to want natural hair, no matter what the mom has taught or shown her. So I would let her have a bit of an opinion once she reached the teenage years. And of course, I'd help her to take care of it like I would if she remained natural. Relaxers aren't the signal of the apocalypse. lol
IMFOCSD
Well-Known Member
I notice that majority of the women who responded and disagree are natural so of course ur gonna disagree with relaxing a childs hair and that's fine...now if she is 1,2,3 and maybe 4 then thats def too young. When a woman chooses to relax her daughters hair that has nothing to do with her parenting. From personal experience my daughter has not had anything negative to say about her appearance or how she feels about herself, etc. She would rather read a book, or do school work or play with friends. She honestly hated getting her hair combed when she was natural and it still hasn't changed....well yes it has lol. I have a friend who is always debating with me about hair smh..and feels that she will never relax her daughters hair and that's fine i don't judge her and she doesn't judge me..her daughter is natural and mine is relaxed and there is no difference in how they are as little girls.
Roux
New Member
I disagreed with it when I was relaxed too.
Leeda.the.Paladin
Well-Known Member
For my own child personally, I would never relax her hair. If, when she is 18, she may relax her hair, but I'm not paying for it or the upkeep.
smoothie696
New Member
I don't see that all. I got a perm at 8 and never experienced these feelings you speak of. In high school when I went natural it had nothing to do with this at all either. Now I'm back to the relaxer. I think everyone is making this issue way to deep. If you don't want to perm your Childs hair fine, but I think people are reaching by saying people are bad parents, it's sending a bad message etc... For relaxing their kids heads.
IMFOCSD
Well-Known Member
I totally agree.
LilMissRed
Well-Known Member
IMO. Never.
I COULD NOT AGREE MORE! My hair was relaxed as a child and my mother put herself on the backburner. My sister and I had much healthier hair than my mother. My poor mom developed carpal tunnel from doing my hair relaxed so I can imagine it natural. And I think we try to prevent things that will not necessarily occur. Did I feel any less black as a child? No. Am I scarred? No Do I hate myself and wish I was white? No.
PearlyCurly
New Member
So whats the difference between special occasions & random times?? Isnt that almost the same thing, but without Xmas lights? ..what would you explain to her on why you are straightening her hair at that time?
I get the whole "Ultimate prize" thing but.. How would you differentiate "Ultimate Prize" and "Just because" to her?
LuvlyRain3
Well-Known Member
When I feel like they are old enough to make that decision on their own. They're just certain things I feel that children should be allowed to decide for themselves. I feel the same way about ear piercings.
I got my first chemical treatment at the age of four. I understand that for some it just may be easier to straighten their child's hair. A lot of bw have never had to deal with their own hair in its natural state so to try and deal with a restless child with natural hair can be overwhelming.
For me to be able to allow my daughter to relax her hair she would need to be able to have an adult conversation with me about reality of what she plans to do with her hair. We would discuss the pros and cons of her decision and she would need to be able to give me a better reason than all my friends have relaxed hair.
I would also like for her to become knowledgeable about caring for relaxed hair BEFORE she did the process. Too many times people do things to their hair (relax, or go natural) in haste and then go "OK.... now what?"
I got my first chemical treatment at the age of four. I understand that for some it just may be easier to straighten their child's hair. A lot of bw have never had to deal with their own hair in its natural state so to try and deal with a restless child with natural hair can be overwhelming.
For me to be able to allow my daughter to relax her hair she would need to be able to have an adult conversation with me about reality of what she plans to do with her hair. We would discuss the pros and cons of her decision and she would need to be able to give me a better reason than all my friends have relaxed hair.
I would also like for her to become knowledgeable about caring for relaxed hair BEFORE she did the process. Too many times people do things to their hair (relax, or go natural) in haste and then go "OK.... now what?"
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