Wedding Rings

[likewtr4chklit]

My fiance just stormed off angry b/c 1. I told him what kind of engagement ring I want and 2. I told him that if I don't like his great grandmother's wedding band, I don't want to wear it. I'd rather purchase my own. Was I wrong for that? He says I'm direspecting his family.

ETA: Thank you for all of your input. We've decided that the heirloom will be worn for the ceremony and then given back.

 

[frizzy]

Naw girl, I don't think you are wrong. Maybe you could use the stone out of it or something, or melt it down and use the metal, but you should not be sentenced to life wearing something you don't want.

Tell him you want him to get married wearing your Grandaddy's old suit, maybe he'll get the picture.

Disrespecting his family? Why isn't his mother wearing it, or at least let a blood relative of Grandma wear it.

I'm gonna shut up now.

 

[oooop2]

Was that always the plan (for you to wear his grandmother's ring)? If not, then I don't see why he would get mad. I mean, it can be your something old present, but I think you deserve your own ring.

 

[FlowerHair]

My opinion may differ a little.
Have you seen the grandmother's ring? Maybe you shouldn't have said anything before you've seen it?
I would wear it...even if it was in between my wedding & engagement ring.
It's a great honor to carry your husband's family ring

 

[R4L]

My fiance just stormed off angry b/c 1. I told him what kind of engagement ring I want and 2. I told him that if I don't like his great grandmother's wedding band, I don't want to wear it. I'd rather purchase my own. Was I wrong for that? He says I'm direspecting his family.

1. it's all about spin.
2. say you're worried about losing the heirloom
3. has he already given you granny's ring, or is he your play fiancee?

 

[R4L]

Naw girl, I don't think you are wrong. Maybe you could use the stone out of it or something, or melt it down and use the metal, but you should not be sentenced to life wearing something you don't want.

Tell him you want him to get married wearing your Grandaddy's old suit, maybe he'll get the picture.

Disrespecting his family? Why isn't his mother wearing it, or at least let a blood relative of Grandma wear it.

I'm gonna shut up now.

suits and diamonds are totally different

 

[Farida]

Is it that ugly? I ask because most wedding bands, at least old ones are very simple, just a plain band. Some are ornate, but most are just plain. A plain band coupled with a nice engagement ring isn't bad. Trust me, this stuff seems soooo important right now but after a while you'll wonder what the hullabaloo is about.

Also, him being mad may do a lot in how you told him the above. Delivery is very important. Also, have you asked him why it means so much to him for you to wear it?

 

[frizzy]

suits and diamonds are totally different

The two are very different, but my point is that everybody has their own idea of what they want for themselves. I'm sure he has an idea of what he wants to wear, how he wants things to look and she does too. So it is not fair for one to impose anything onto the other person, especially for such a memorable event that will be the start of their life together.

If she doesn't want, she shouldn't be made to accept it, or made to feel bad about not wanting it.

 

[soulie]

1. it's all about spin.
2. say you're worried about losing the heirloom
3. has he already given you granny's ring, or is he your play fiancee?

That one probably won't fly. If you say you're worried about losing the heirloom (which is supposed to be on your finger), then what's to stop you from losing the other ring(s)? You could end up without ANY diamond if you imply that you're careless.

 

[chokolate miss]

Naw girl, I don't think you are wrong. Maybe you could use the stone out of it or something, or melt it down and use the metal, but you should not be sentenced to life wearing something you don't want.

Tell him you want him to get married wearing your Grandaddy's old suit, maybe he'll get the picture.

Disrespecting his family? Why isn't his mother wearing it, or at least let a blood relative of Grandma wear it.

I'm gonna shut up now.

He definitely is NOT going to let her break up apart and melt it down if the whole reason he had a tantrum in the first place was because she did not want to wear it in the first place! I don't think that what the OP said/did was disrespectful, but we all love our grannies and i'm sure he thinks she should be honored to wear the grandmother's ring. i would love for my future dh to give me a family heirloom. i think we as women sometimes just want something that is OURS, you know.

 

[TracyNicole]

I think this is one of those times where you may just need to smooth his ruffled feathers. He probably expected you to be honored by this type of welcome to the family. You could look at the ring and see and probably should have reserved your opinion until then. What if it's beautiful. And as for new- your engagement ring will be new and just yours right? If the band is not to your taste I like someone's earlier suggestion of having it redone. HTH!

 

[meka]

Could it be that he just doesn't want to purchase you one??????

I dont know...
He should look at it as it being your ring, and you need to appreciate what you are wearing b/c you will be wearing it for the rest of your life as a token of the love you two share. If you dont like it, I doubt you will want to wear it.

 

[KEWLKAT103]

My opinion may differ a little.
Have you seen the grandmother's ring? Maybe you shouldn't have said anything before you've seen it?
I would wear it...even if it was in between my wedding & engagement ring.
It's a great honor to carry your husband's family ring

I would have been offended.
If I offered something as precious as my grandparents jewelry to my SO and they turned it down.
Really, how horrible looking could it be? Even if it was just a plain jane band, or even a little gaudy(sp?), I would wear that thing with pride!

To me a wedding band is not about fashion, it's about the sentiment and symbolism behind it.

 

[gmw]

My opinion may differ a little.
Have you seen the grandmother's ring? Maybe you shouldn't have said anything before you've seen it?
I would wear it...even if it was in between my wedding & engagement ring.
It's a great honor to carry your husband's family ring

I would have been offended.
If I offered something as precious as my grandparents jewelry to my SO and they turned it down.
Really, how horrible looking could it be? Even if it was just a plain jane band, or even a little gaudy(sp?), I would wear that thing with pride!

To me a wedding band is not about fashion, it's about the sentiment and symbolism behind it.

I am in total agreement with both of these statements right here...

 

[soulie]

I would have been offended.
If I offered something as precious as my grandparents jewelry to my SO and they turned it down.
Really, how horrible looking could it be? Even if it was just a plain jane band, or even a little gaudy(sp?), I would wear that thing with pride!

To me a wedding band is not about fashion, it's about the sentiment and symbolism behind it.

Agreed. As someone said, it is an honor. Think of this: if he has brothers who are married or engaged, THEY didn't give the ring to their fiancees. You were considered special enough that he is honoring you by giving you the ring his grandfather gave to his grandmother. I would think the extra sentiment behind that would be sufficient to make you accept it graciously. Even if you only wear it for the ceremony and for special occasions - it is the right thing to do. When you shop for his band, find some matching bands, then wear your matching band for "everyday". Or, wear one or the other on your right hand.

Another thing that the OP said that I didn't see many comments on: that she told her fiance what type of engagement ring she wanted. That could have been a problem depending on how it was presented to him. Had he asked what you wanted? Perhaps he had already selected or designed something special? A girl I knew nearly blew the whole deal by appearing materialistic - she was more concerned with the big diamond that she could show her friends than with the man who gave it....

 

[frizzy]

Could it be that he just doesn't want to purchase you one??????

I dont know...
He should look at it as it being your ring, and you need to appreciate what you are wearing b/c you will be wearing it for the rest of your life as a token of the love you two share. If you dont like it, I doubt you will want to wear it.

The bolded is where I didn't want to go. Him storming off angrily is a red flag to me.

I think heirlooms should be passed along the bloodline, did/does the OP know the Great Grandmother? I know I won't be giving my moms wedding band to my nephew to give to some girl that never knew my mother.

Who's been keeping the ring up until now, did he ever mention this ring before?

OP didn't completely shoot down wearing the ring, she said if she likes the ring it would be okay.

 

[likewtr4chklit]

The bolded is where I didn't want to go. Him storming off angrily is a red flag to me.

I think heirlooms should be passed along the bloodline, did/does the OP know the Great Grandmother? I know I won't be giving my moms wedding band to my nephew to give to some girl that never knew my mother.

Who's been keeping the ring up until now, did he ever mention this ring before?

OP didn't completely shoot down wearing the ring, she said if she likes the ring it would be okay.

Exactly, I didn't shoot it down, all I said was "What if I don't like it?" I'm honored that it was offered yes, but I'm the one that has to wear it. Secondly I already purchased our bands.

As for me choosing my ring, it's not about being materialistic, it's about being practical and getting what I want at the same time. The ring I want is less expensive than the one he was looking at but I really fell in love with it:

I LOVE blue sapphire, but he refused to even consider it, maybe that's why I may have come off a little attitudish.

 

[LBoogie]

My fiance just stormed off angry b/c 1. I told him what kind of engagement ring I want and 2. I told him that if I don't like his great grandmother's wedding band, I don't want to wear it. I'd rather purchase my own. Was I wrong for that? He says I'm direspecting his family.

It may have been in the way you said it. I can understand why he would be offended because that ring is something that is precious to his family..it ties him to his grandmother and ties you to her so he would have the love of his life (BETTER BE, youre getting married! LOL) wearing something that belonged to a woman he loved dearly that obviously impacted his life in a huge way.

Honestly I would be honored if it were me...the whole theory of wanting a certain ring would have gone out of the window if I were presented with something THAT deep.

Before DH and I got married...I asked his mom (his parents have been married for 50 years) for my "something borrowed" (since thats supposed to come from a happily married woman). She told me she didnt know what to give me...I told her anything would be fine..a hairpin, scarf, just something I could wear on me on our wedding day and I would give it back. well......

She wouldnt be attending the wedding because she doesnt fly (seriously...she's missed big family events so I didnt feel slighted. LOL) anyway, DH and I had dinner with his parents before we left and before we parted she told me she found something...SHE GAVE ME HER 50 YEAR OLD ENGAGEMENT RING!!! I almost died. I was beyond honored and happy. It was a simple gold band (real thin too) with a liiiiiiiiiiiitle diamond. LOL. But I told everyone I knew! (I also couldnt wait to get back home to get it off my finger though, because I knew if I lost that thing...my name would be MUDD forever).

I say all of that to say...maybe you should think about why he wants YOU to have his grammas ring. I think if you thought, and thought very deeply....you might see things a little differently. Or maybe you can work something out where you still get "your" ring and still wear his grandmothers ring..maybe his grandmothers ring for the ceremony?

 

[LBoogie]

I would have been offended.
If I offered something as precious as my grandparents jewelry to my SO and they turned it down.
Really, how horrible looking could it be? Even if it was just a plain jane band, or even a little gaudy(sp?), I would wear that thing with pride!

To me a wedding band is not about fashion, it's about the sentiment and symbolism behind it.

Since I can't "Thank" you twice....Thanks!

 

[soulie]

Another scenario occurred to me last night: -- not too farfetched -- that the fiance was given/bequeathed the ring by his grandmother for the purpose of giving it to his fiancee? If he told his grandmother (on her front porch or her deathbed - doesn't matter) that he would give the ring to the woman he wanted to marry, where would a rejection of the ring leave him? He might feel horrible about that.

 

[Bublin]

The tradition is that a man is to speand 2 months wages (i think) on a ring....i suppose it proves how much he loves you by how much he spends.

To be honest you should just wait and see it. It could be magnificent/you might really love it. You'll be gutted if he bought you a ring and you later found out the ring is worth $1000's !!!!

Just another angle to add to what has already been suggested.

......just realised its the actual wedding band - girl just wear it with pride and love for your man.

 

[marla]

Tell him you want him to get married wearing your Grandaddy's old suit, maybe he'll get the picture. LMAO!!! You are crazy!!

 

[tarheelgurl]

I would have been offended.
If I offered something as precious as my grandparents jewelry to my SO and they turned it down.
Really, how horrible looking could it be? Even if it was just a plain jane band, or even a little gaudy(sp?), I would wear that thing with pride!

To me a wedding band is not about fashion, it's about the sentiment and symbolism behind it.

I would have been offended too. To me, the granny's ring would be more sentimental than one I picked out from the store because it means he truly wants to share more of himself with me. If I had wanted my SO to wear my dad's ring and he said No because he thought it might be ugly or he wanted to pick out his own ring......that would be a red flag to me because that means he really doesn't want to share and he doesn't want to completely accept me and the things I treasure.

 

[frizzy]

I truly understand the sentimentality and family tradition stuff some of you all are mentioning, but if the sentiment and tradition isn't shared/felt/explained to the "newcomer" then what is the point?

*I would think the OP would have been aware of his family reverence before that particular conversation, so she would have felt this sense of.......family. People don't (IMO) just pop up one day with a whole bunch of family love and sentiment all of a sudden. I would be wondering if he won the ring in a poker game or something.

*OP hasn't expressed anything of the sort, either way.

 

[v2.0]

I was thinking that, too. They're engaged, but she doesn't have an engagement ring?

Could it be that he just doesn't want to purchase you one??????

I dont know...
He should look at it as it being your ring, and you need to appreciate what you are wearing b/c you will be wearing it for the rest of your life as a token of the love you two share. If you dont like it, I doubt you will want to wear it.

 

[Farida]

The tradition is that a man is to speand 2 months wages (i think) on a ring....i suppose it proves how much he loves you by how much he spends.

To be honest you should just wait and see it. It could be magnificent/you might really love it. You'll be gutted if he bought you a ring and you later found out the ring is worth $1000's !!!!

Just another angle to add to what has already been suggested.

......just realised its the actual wedding band - girl just wear it with pride and love for your man.

That "tradition" is a fabrication for marketing purposes...by Debeers.

 

[*~*Afrolicious*~*]

This just seems to be a lot of fuss to me. An engagement ring/wedding ring is a symbol of undying love and a dedication of a lifelong commitment with your SO. I really wouldn't care what the ring looked like.

 

[*~*Afrolicious*~*]

That "tradition" is a fabrication for marketing purposes...by Debeers.

EXACTLY. Learned about this in Advertising class.

 

[Amour]

Naw girl, I don't think you are wrong. Maybe you could use the stone out of it or something, or melt it down and use the metal, but you should not be sentenced to life wearing something you don't want.

Tell him you want him to get married wearing your Grandaddy's old suit, maybe he'll get the picture.

Disrespecting his family? Why isn't his mother wearing it, or at least let a blood relative of Grandma wear it.

I'm gonna shut up now.

I know its not suppose to be, but this this response is tooo funny!