we have been talking for a month and some change

celiabug

celiabug

New Member
We hang out everyday and he stays the night pretty much every night. No sex just cuddling. I asked him today what's going on with us and he said he really likes me and he's not talking to anyone else and he's just going with the flow.

Well I wanna know if I should continue to talk to him or am I wasting my time. I want a relationship eventually because I don't have sex unless I'm in a committed relationship and I feel like he wants to without a relationship which is not my style. He hasn't tried nor said anything about it so idk I'm very confused.
 
So you guys just hang out at your place? Does he take you out? Go on dates? Buy you gifts? What else do you guys do?
 
You hang with him everyday and he isn't even your man?

If you want long term ask him what are his plans for the two of you. He should have some actual idea not just 'going with the flow' that's a cop out.
 
A month is a really short time frame to make long term decisions. Just let it do what it do and don't have sex until you're ready
 
Every day? And nights?

That is a lot of time for someone you're not committed to. I would cut it down to once or twice a week. He's getting the intimacy without committment. And I don't mean sex--I mean some emotional and physical comfort and fulfillment without having to work for it.
 
My question for you is why have you given this man a monopoly on your time when you all aren't serious?
 
A month is way too short to be spending everyday together, unless you live with a man, you should never see him daily, especially a guy you aren't serious with.

He see you constancy available which would become boring after a while. You have to get to miss each other. I don't like talking to certain friends and family daily, so a man I'm just dating is a hella no.
 
You shouldn't devote every night to him. Keep your options open. He is wishy washy and you are playing right along.
 
Perhaps he sees no real incentive to actually make a commitment. Firstly, you're quite available, you hang out lots and he obviously gets something out of being in your presence (it doesn't always have to be sex). But you're doing all these things without really requiring what many women would consider the bare minimum to do even 1/2 of these things.

If I were you and wanted this to go anywhere, I would dial right back on my time-spend. I'd suddenly have to consult my calendar when he wants to hang that evening or the next day. If he's actually interested, he will make more effort and look to have some real status to you because he'll want to have priority in your life. JMHO.
 
This link has "good stuff":

http://www.jewishdatingandmarriage.com/bygo1.html


Regarding spending a bunch of time together: (mid-page)
Not Overdoing It


At this point, some people are so happy with their courtship that they want to see each other all of the time. They may get together four or five times a week, and spend hours on the telephone with each other. Even though it seems like a logical thing to do, in a vast number of cases it leads to the couple's break up.That's because this a very emotionally intense experience and many people, particularly women, don't realize how much "down time" they need to unconsciously process all they are going through. When a woman comes to us, unable to understand why her new beau who seemed so great at first now makes her feel nauseous or anxious, it is frequently because they have been spending too much time together.(....read on for the married folks comparison)[/QUOTE]

​
ETA: I'm experiencing a similar situation and found this when trying to help myself as I Pump My Brakes as fall in love. When the chemistry is great of course you want to see that person more, but the above text about allowing yourselves downtime to process what's going on between you is very important especially for women.
 
Last edited:
Like the others said, you're spending to much time with him without a commitment or path. You said you want a relationship. Did you let him know what you want? If not, you should. I don't believe in wasting time with men only to find out months later that we're not on the same page.

Get it out there and go from there.
 
Ivonnovi I couldn't figure out where in the article you got this from. I wanted to read the whole thing. Do you have to subscribe?
 
So should I just move on and start new with someone else or should I tell him I want more and start becoming less available?
 
celiabug said:
So should I just move on and start new with someone else or should I tell him I want more and start becoming less available?
Click to expand...

If you really like this guy, I would suggest stepping back and not calling/texting as much and definitely not seeing as much. See how he responds to that, and if disappears, then you know he wasn't that into you.

See him no more than once a week. Since you said you didn't have sex, there shouldn't be too much of an emotional attachment.
 
celiabug ^I would move on.

but if you wanna salvage(i guess) I wouldnt tell him anything I would just have reasons not to hang around so much. at most once or twice a week.
 
@celiabug, I think you should make your desires clearly known. If he's still aloof, or wanting to just go with the flow then do let him float-on by & out of the picture.

Everyday, and spending the night is a flow that you need to pump the brakes on. He could be blocking, squatting, or otherwise blocking your blessing; whatever the truth is doesn't matter, you just need to "know it" and honor yourself.
 
Last edited:
Yea...once or twice a week--LIMITED time. Say, no more than it takes for him to take you on a REAL date--like dinner. End the night at your door.

Never overnight unless there's committment whether sex or not is involved.
 
Ok..First...he should be "SCHEDULING" dates with you that take planning and forethought (read: dinner, daytime activities, etc) and require you being seen in public with him. Chilling at your house and only going to the movies tells me that he puts zero effort into spending time with you and you've let him get away with that.

2nd...I don't care how much free time you have on your hands, NEVER let a man that you are trying to get serious with think that you have nothing to do. Even if you have to make stuff up, you need to appear busy and send the message that your time is a commodity. Hell...I'm getting married soon, and my FH still asks me what my plans are so that he can plan a date...and we live together...

3rd...Why are you, after a month, trying to get serious with a dude that has barely left your couch? What is it about him that has you ready to commit to him. Pillow talk is cheap and to me, he has done NOTHING to even earn a conversation about commitment.

I don't mean to be harsh but you've got to do better love...
 
It happened to me. I told him what my expectations were from the beginning. He didn't meet them. Whether he "just wasn't that into me" or what I don't know. And I don't care. On to the man who will do the above steps outlined by Mai Tai

You have to know that you're worth the effort. Be strong, move on.
 
My friend did exactly what you did and we kept warning her. He ended up getting the booty after a while and bounced...... He was a patient player because he knew it was a matter of time before our OXYTOCIN has us attached.
 
celiabug said:
We hang out everyday and he stays the night pretty much every night. No sex just cuddling. I asked him today what's going on with us and he said he really likes me and he's not talking to anyone else and he's just going with the flow.

Well I wanna know if I should continue to talk to him or am I wasting my time. I want a relationship eventually because I don't have sex unless I'm in a committed relationship and I feel like he wants to without a relationship which is not my style. He hasn't tried nor said anything about it so idk I'm very confused.
Click to expand...

1. Anytime you have to ask the bolded you already have your answer. It's going....NOWHERE.
2. If you feel yourself wanting to ask that question, fall back!
2. A man that is really into you leaves no ambiguity. You don't feel confused or have to ask for clarity because he makes his intentions known.
 
2. A man that is really into you leaves no ambiguity. You don't feel confused or have to ask for clarity because he makes his intentions known.
Click to expand...
i think there is a little wiggle room with this one, especially if you tend to date beta males. they often do not want to make the first move because they are terrified of dealing with rejection. the difference in a guy being ambiguous because he's not into you and a guy being ambiguous because hes a bit of a p^ssy :look: is that the latter is usually doing whatever you want him to do while the former is just sucking you dry with whatever he can get.
 
emilymichelle said:
i think there is room for ambiguity with this one, especially if you tend to date beta males. they often do not want to make the first move because they are terrified of dealing with rejection. the difference in a guy being ambiguous because he's not into you and a guy being ambiguous because hes a bit of a p^ssy :look: is that the latter is usually doing whatever you want him to do while the former is just sucking you dry with whatever he can get.
Click to expand...

I agree. And in this case it's only been a damn MONTH. Thats all very serious for a near stranger. She can probably still salvage things if she keeps him from crashing at her place. Hell, at that rate, OP, you might as well have him pay rent!

____________
*.~.*Sent from a distant Galaxy in the Unicorn-verse*.~.*
 
DarkJoy said:
Every day? And nights?

That is a lot of time for someone you're not committed to. I would cut it down to once or twice a week. He's getting the intimacy without committment. And I don't mean sex--I mean some emotional and physical comfort and fulfillment without having to work for it.
Click to expand...
My thoughts exactly. :yep:
 
DarkJoy said:
I agree. And in this case it's only been a damn MONTH. Thats all very serious for a near stranger. She can probably still salvage things if she keeps him from crashing at her place. Hell, at that rate, OP, you might as well have him pay rent!

____________
*.~.*Sent from a distant Galaxy in the Unicorn-verse*.~.*
Click to expand...

does he live with his mama? that would explain a lot :lol:
 
celiabug said:
I don't even know. I don't have much else to do now that I'm done with school and so I'm just hanging with him.
Click to expand...

Are you looking for a job? (even if you're not) Why not find some professional associations and attend some events. Volunteer. Reach out to friends and hang with them. All these help your self worth. Don't be in a position where you have absolutely nothing else to do but hang out with a man.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Similar threads

paragon1day
I let my guard down..... Now what?
2
Replies
30
Views
864
paragon1day
paragon1day
gabulldawg
Am I Wrong???
Replies
9
Views
186
gabulldawg
gabulldawg
SvelteVelvet
Are you/Have you ever been in a relationship with a Tool?
Replies
0
Views
69
SvelteVelvet
SvelteVelvet
N
Advice for a virgin
2
Replies
34
Views
957
Shinka
Shinka
girlonfire
Am I A Whore For This? What Should I Do?
2
Replies
56
Views
2K
knt1229
knt1229
Back
Top