Was I wrong to get mad with him?

[deltadreamland]

This is a conversation I had with some of my yt female friends on another rmessage board.

Background: SO and I are in Biloxi for the weekend and I almost didn't go because he decided to tell me at the last minute that a male friend of his was coming with us. Long story short, I was mad with him for not talking to me before inviting his friend since this trip was planned for us a month in advance.

My conversation with my yt friends:

Me: (in response to what are you doing this weekend topic)

Need to pack and get ready for my trip, but now I'm pissed about something and my enthusiasm is gone. I don't want to go.

Yt friend #1:

Oh no Carla... what did he do

? (she's really nosey)

Me:

He invited one of his poker buddies without talking with me first. Someone please be honest and tell me if I'm overreacting about him not having enough respect to talk to me first.

And I don't even know this guy.

I need for someone to explain his side to me because right now I'm not seeing it.

Yt friend:

Yup, Carla, that's just wrong. So, he and his friend can sit and play poker all weekend, what are you supposed to do? He probably didn't mean any harm by it or whatever, since men are so dense when it comes to this stuff, but still, I'd be mad. Don't be too hard on him.

So, I'm thinking whatever there is no excuse for this.

Yt friend #2 chimes in:

You go girl! But, you know, men are dumb, so, he is totally not going to 'get' why you're mad.. Don't be too hard on him.

Me:

Yep I'm mad. I'm going to go just to show him how mad I am too. I was going to buy dinner one night since he's paying for everything, now I'm not buying JACK! He'll pay for everything AND I'm gonna play like I'm asleep every time he gets in the bed. I have no goodies for him on this trip! He forfeited all of that when he unknowingly towards me invited his friend.

ETA: I'll deal with the rest of the fallout when we get back to Atlanta Sunday. Needless to say, he is SO not my 2nd favorite guy right now, if anymore, after this.

Me again:

You're absolutely right, Mel. Most of them are dumb and he is definitely not an exception. That's why I have to make him FEEL it in his wallet (he can afford it) and inside his underwear.

So what do you ladies think? Were my yt friends correct? Was I too hard on him? The weekend actually turned out to be wonderful and we got a lot of "US" time in, even with his friend in tow. I think he sensed that I was perturbed and did an awesome job of correcting the "error" of his ways.







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[ThickHair]

Let it go since everything worked out.

What I have learned from past relationships is if you are mad at your guy tell him, because he will not figure it out.

Once it is out, addressed and remedied don't bring it up again. Makes for an easy life.

ETA: Are you both on the same page relationship wise? I have never heard of a man inviting another man to go somewhere with him and his girlfriend. Most guys I know who are going somewhere for the weekend with their woman, the only thing that was on their mind was taggin that behind all weekend.

 

[MissYocairis]

I'm glad you had a good time and that he made up for it. I guess I'm confused about the game-playing on your part? (the "I'm not buying dinner and no cookies for you" thing). What's with that? Either way, I am glad you didn't have to go into project 'destroy this entire weekend for everyone involved' after all.

Now, looking back...could it be that, while he dropped the ball in discussing it with you beforehand, his friend's attendance was never actually a serious threat to your couple-time in the first place?

 

[tarheelgurl]

Is the guy staying in your room with the SO? If not then I don't see a big deal unless it was supposed to the this romantic getaway filled with love and what not. If you all were going to go gamble and the friend is staying in his own room then its ok unless SO decides to spend more time with the friend.

 

[TayMac]

You weren't wrong to be upset/annoyed but I think it would have been better to voice it instead of making him "sense" it.

 

[deltadreamland]

Hey ladies...just getting in so I'm just seeing your questions. I actually ended up just telling him that it would be nice if he'd let me know the next time if he has plans on adding another party to our getaway. He realized he was wrong and apologized. He invited him because I'm not a poker player and decided he wanted a poker buddy to go for that part of the trip-it's normally a group of guys that take this trip with him. He ended up spending more time with me than he did at the casino. His friend did not stay in the room with us, only dropped in for a minute or two each night.

We've gone on several getaways, but this was our first time going to the casino together. He knows that I'm a penny pincher with my money, so I wasn't going to spend much gambling unlike him...hence the reason his friend tagged along. Oh, and I did end up buying dinner one night.

ETA: Thickhair, we're on the same page relationship wise. We've actually gone on vacation with another couple in the past, but never to the casino. I think I'll let him do his casino trips without me in the future. However, that would have raised a red flag for me had his friend bunked with us this weekend.