Was I wrong for not saying anything...?

jamaraa said:
The problem is, that isn't your/our kid. We don't know anything about these people and the OP does. Obviously she felt she couldn't say something and there's probably a good reason why.
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I guess I'd feel that way if it was the mom relaxing the little girl's hair. But the mom was at her own house and the 16 year old neighbor was the one actually applying the chemicals and doing the child's hair. Since I don't think it's appropriate for a child to be applying a relaxer, I would have said something.

I'm just surprised at how many grown ups feel it's out of place to provide correction to a teenager, especially one who is clearly doing something detrimental to another child.
 
It's a catch 22 damned if you do damned if you don't. I don't think there is no right and wrong to this. I personally wouldn't have allowed her to do it that way and probably told her mother. But then again who lets a 16 y/o do a child's hair so I'm not sure how intelligent mom is I don't care if it's the best nookie in the world it's not worth traumatizing and harming your child.
 
Um, first...she didn't stand by and watch the 16 year old "mess up the baby's hair." She came upstairs after the girl called her up there and saw it. That part of the damage was already done.

Second, I wouldn't blame yourself for what the other girl did. She honestly had no business putting a relaxer in that child's hair, and her mama had no business letting her do it even if it was to get the kids out of the house. What I -will- say, is that I completely agree with the other posters that said you should have informed her of the correct way to do it. There are ways to talk to people in a non-confrontational manner, even if they're the type who are quick to get defensive. She's around your age, so you could approach her as a friend-type and just tell her it was nice of her to do the baby's hair for the mom, but suggest she not put the relaxer on anything outside the new growth. Then clearly explain -why- to her. People...especial teenagers(no offense, OP), generally don't like to be told things like this without being given a proper reason. If she doesn't want to hear it, it's not your fault either, but you at least know you gave it your best shot. I'd say you achieved that from asking for conditioner and changing the comb, but I don't think you'd post on here doubting yourself if you did.

Just :bighug: yourself and apply it in the future so you have no regrets. :)
 
I think you should've said somehthing. At least, since the damage was already done with the relaxer, suggested a conditioner.

ETA--I just read all the other posts, and I see that you did that. ;)
 
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SweetSpirit86 said:
Um, first...she didn't stand by and watch the 16 year old "mess up the baby's hair." She came upstairs after the girl called her up there and saw it. That part of the damage was already done.

Second, I wouldn't blame yourself for what the other girl did. She honestly had no business putting a relaxer in that child's hair, and her mama had no business letting her do it even if it was to get the kids out of the house. What I -will- say, is that I completely agree with the other posters that said you should have informed her of the correct way to do it. There are ways to talk to people in a non-confrontational manner, even if they're the type who are quick to get defensive. She's around your age, so you could approach her as a friend-type and just tell her it was nice of her to do the baby's hair for the mom, but suggest she not put the relaxer on anything outside the new growth. Then clearly explain -why- to her. People...especial teenagers(no offense, OP), generally don't like to be told things like this without being given a proper reason. If she doesn't want to hear it, it's not your fault either, but you at least know you gave it your best shot. I'd say you achieved that from asking for conditioner and changing the comb, but I don't think you'd post on here doubting yourself if you did.

Just :bighug: yourself and apply it in the future so you have no regrets. :)
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So true.
The relaxer was already on the little girl's head, there really was nothing that could have been done at that point. But I think you should have talked to the girl doing the application afterwards about proper relaxer technique and about the importance of having conditioner on hand. (How does a girl not have ANY conditioner, at all? Not even the 99ct kind?! The thought of it makes me shudder..:nono:) It didn't have to be a lecture or anything, because that probably would not have been well received. But there are ways to correct your friends without it coming off badly. I think you should have done that, because if those little girls end up getting relaxers from her again, then at least future damage can be avoided.

I can't believe a parent would put relaxer in a child's head, and then not even get it done by a professional or an ADULT. :wallbash::wallbash::wallbash:
 
The only things you can do are 1) tell your boyfriend's sister that in the future she shouldn't apply relaxer to previously relaxed hair and conditioner should follow a relaxer and 2) mention to the mom what happened and what should have happened.

If the mom and/or your boyfriend's sister disagrees with you about relaxer and conditioner there's nothing else you can do.

The mom shouldn't have had a chemical applied to her kid's hair by a 16-year-old who isn't a licensed beautician.
 
I would have said something but then again I am an adult with a 14 year old daughter myself, so for me it is nothing to give correction. But the OP is only 18 and depending on the character of the 16 year old which I'm sure the OP knows all about it probably was better that she not say anything. Sometimes the most simple of situations escalate out of control. I honestly believe that the OP thought that this may have been one of those situations. Considering the OP's age I will not be too hard on her for her decision.
 
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OK there's something wrong with this sentence
"Ok So I was at my boyfriend house and his lil sister (16) was about to relax the lil girls hair from next door."
Why is a 16 year old child relaxing some little girl's hair? That's just crazy.

I would say something to their mom, not the 16 year old. She doesn't know any better. The little girl's mom should be ashamed of herself.
 
msa said:
The point isn't necessarily to change her opinion, but just to put the information out there. And she was 16, it's not like she's a grown woman. If I see a child (who shouldn't be allowed to have chemicals in the first place) doing something wrong, I say something if it's appropriate. In this situation, it definitely would have been appropriate.

And since she asked you to wash the relaxer out you could have taken that time to say "where's some conditioner? it's really important to condition the hair after it's relaxed and it makes combing much easier". And then you could have showed her how to condition and detangle the little girl's hair.

If you had said something to her, maybe she would have changed her mind, you never know. When you know better, you do better.
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The bold is what I would have done. Since you were washing the child's hair anyway, you just should have taken over the care of the child's hair at that point and told the 16-year old to go sit down. The child is innocent in this fiasco so you should have at least tried to help the child.

ETA: I didn't realize you are only 18, so I can see your discomfort in that situation. The mother of the child needs to be horse whipped!
 
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I am going to go against the grain and agree with the OP. I would have kept my mouth shut. #1 if the moma don't care who does her DD hair, how can u? If the girls dont live with you, what can u do? #2 If the BF sister is a know it all.... and yall know people who are "know it alls".....you might as well speak spanish, cuz that the same look she gonna give you if you try to so callled "school her". Let it go OP.
 
If a grown behind woman sent her children to a 16-yr old CHILD'S house to get a CHEMICAL applied, that is in no way YOUR fault. You came up there AFTER the fact anyway. This obviously was NOT their first time coming over to get their hair done by this CHILD. You are in no way responsible for that mess. That is their MOTHER'S problem (hell that is if she even see's it as a problem)



Sidenote-some of them women in here said that Michelle McNair is not responsible for her stepchildren but you are responsible for another woman's children, to whom you have NO relation. Funny as heck
 
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