To Be Content Alone

[Irresistible]

my post was...... while the experiences we have coalesce they don't necessarily correlate..
.in other words those experiences form the fabric of who we are...
it all comes together..yes...but in the context of my more recent post
which was living a realized life now..that life is markedly different than say...when I was four years old...
or pick any other passage in a woman's life...

to say ...what we went through before ... makes us who we are now
..well sure... I said/ noted that already

but keeping the focus in context.... ergo:..puberty is not the same as mature womanhood
even if that experience imprints on the mature woman
the author asserts ..love yourself now...
loving yourself at 40 is not the same as 14... is my point...
lol..for some us that maybe in question..

so I was confused how a different passage of age
an egocentric stage..of self would be posted to counter ...

I mean I can say... I loved myself at ten years old and was unbearable
my sibs could not stand me..which was true,btw
lol...as my response..yes that's valid and it is part of the spiritual journey
of evolving womanhood

but in response to the post of loving oneself...NOW
speaking to point of the mature woman wanting marriage
.....to me it doesn't seem germane to the topic



..maybe a side bar..I guess

anyways the author is talking about loving oneself at a mature age....and the arguement is..what..exactly ?

Frankly I'm puzzled
don't you want to have a happy life... now ..
geez

OMG OMG dont quote me sweet Kayte, I wasnt saying anything about anything you said at all

I agree with all you spoke

my response was about the posts saying the church should take the position of preventing such things happening as what happened with FS, I was more saying that God was a part of that process for her all along

I am not so sure a church has the power to really deal with ones inner wounds, pains, fears and hurts/lostness and lack like the LORD himself, not saying the church isnt 'used' But nothing like a one on one with God and seeking him yourself

thats all I meant

 

[Irresistible]

I agree with that but we will never know G-d's will unless we act on something and working it out, we see His plan. That's what I meant about creation being a work in progress. It's not to negate G-d's sovereignty. I do think we often worry so much about what His will is, we don't act. Maybe His will is that we step out seeking in faith...only by taking steps (in whatever it is) do we arrive at the designated place. And I don't think that "fruitless" prayers have been properly and thoroughly explained in this thread. We only have our mind, experiences and hope so what's left is to act. Think Moses when they set out to leave. They never would have seen the miracles if they hadn't had it in their mind to leave. Yeah, that's a little simplistic in my explanation but that's the gist of it, I think

well the way it works for me, is I dont step out on my own, I mean the things that I am free to do yes, and I do some fruitless things and have issues like everybody else, but when it comes down to my bottom line truth and what I have lived, I truly trust that for me, the word , the unction or whatever he sends comes first, before I step out, when it comes to a life changing decision thats where I am lead, by hearing him, then I act/move/do , then he confirms/makes provision etc for what he told me to do. or shows me the purpose as I go

the children of Israel didnt just have it in their minds to leave, Moses went to the Pharoah many times saying 'THUS SAYS THE LORD, LET MY CHILDREN GO' he sent many plagues because he wouldnt , many, the children of Israel already witnessed those miracles of God's power happen , confirming his word, so they had their word, instruction and confirmation and miracles first, then many many more once they went

they didnt just step out and say 'Follow me Lord' No the LORD told them to follow him and that he would lead them to their promise land

 

[Bunny77]

Shinka, I think you have done an excellent job of providing clarification and insight on all the points that I and others have been trying to make.

As for this part... I think it's due for a spinoff...

2)When people cite, the church, elders, etc....I ( i think most of us from what other posters have posted) are talking about guidance.


For example: I personally have received word from God, and It has been confirmed, that I would be Married in 5 years (this was from 2007), have 5 children each with a special gift. Now, I know in terms of prayers that numbers can be literally or abstract ( as in God's time). I say this to say...I don't worry about one day being married. I'm sure it will happen because of my spiritual experience.

My problem is discerning who to marry. Now I'm not saying I have all this marriage offers to go through. I have been married, divorced, and proposed to again.

Now, the man who proposed, and who I talked about recently in the Man/Child thread...didn't sit well with my Brother who is a Christian.

So when I say, I would like a Marriage Ministry or the church to guide me better. It's really about helping me to know what makes a good marriage and a good husband. I understand that everyone marriage and people are different, but I think they are some foundational basics that I am missing. I'm trying to learn them, but feel that I'm failing. Although I pray about and I read the scriptures, I still feel kind of lost. When my brother (whose been married for 12 years and is a devout Christian) tells me he's disappointed in my choice, but won't guide me on how to chose better, then I'm even more lost and frustrated.

Then I turn to books, forums, etc to try and learn. I'm 25...so I'm not in a rush and I'm working on the "other" parts of my life. But I feel i'm dumb is this area.

Yes, i read the bible. I have to work on attending church regularly, and I pray often. Maybe when I met the right man, God will "talk" to me or he'll lead me to understand those qualities. But it would be nice if people I know in this world could "guide" me. Show me some examples of ( by introducing or whatever way they are led to teach me this) a "man" they think may have the basic christian foundations to being a husband.

The other posters listed why this guidance may not be available or not even deemed important for singles.

 

[Irresistible]

I just wanted to say of course when you 'meet him' the LORD will talk to you and guide you, he would NEVER leave you to count on FLESH for such things as this.

it comes to a point where you have to trust God and God only , not your freinds opinions ,or family, the opinions of the church or any human influence whatsoever, not even YOURSELF when it comes to what God joins together and is doing-all trust has to be put solely in him, because lets just say hypothetically, a family member is disgruntled by 'your choice' but its really God's choice and there are things that family member sees not and knows not , yes God will/can and does use people, in the ways he chooses, to help guide us , bless us etc. But until we can trust in his word and recognize it for ourselves we wont ever recognize it in others

almost every move God had me make, that was crazy , my mother was in complete opposition , I can almost bank on that everytime, but very soon after she starts to 'grasp' it and is full of support. But if I was moved by the 'pressure' my mother can/has put on me when I was being lead, then wow, I cannot tell you what HUGE things I would have lost out on blessing wise from the LORD

 

[GV-NA-GI-TLV-GE-I]

well the way it works for me, is I dont step out on my own, I mean the things that I am free to do yes, and I do some fruitless things and have issues like everybody else, but when it comes down to my bottom line truth and what I have lived, I truly trust that for me, the word , the unction or whatever he sends comes first, before I step out, when it comes to a life changing decision thats where I am lead, by hearing him, then I act/move/do , then he confirms/makes provision etc for what he told me to do. or shows me the purpose as I go

the children of Israel didnt just have it in their minds to leave, Moses went to the Pharoah many times saying 'THUS SAYS THE LORD, LET MY CHILDREN GO' he sent many plagues because he wouldnt , many, the children of Israel already witnessed those miracles of God's power happen , confirming his word, so they had their word, instruction and confirmation and miracles first, then many many more once they went

they didnt just step out and say 'Follow me Lord' No the LORD told them to follow him and that he would lead them to their promise land

Yes, but their initial desire was for freedom, *their* initial desire and G-d heard. Some of the people didn't want to leave for fear of what they would face away from what they had known all their lives. Some didn't believe Moshe. They still made an effort, a collective effort to MOVE past where they were. This was *still* part of G-d's divine plan. He doesn't expect us to sit with a box waiting for a miracle to be placed into it.

I hear what you are saying, though, surely I do. All I'm saying is that part of faith is *action*. G-d might say, "go here." Then we're stuck wondering what kind of shoes we should be wearing and where exactly to put our foot off the curb because G-d didn't indicate the second we should go, what attire to wear, how well to be prepared, what it would look like when we got there, which part of the curb...the broken up part, the yellow part, the curvy part, the straight part, this inch/that inch... It's not as though G-d has taken away our mental capacity. We have thought and for a good reason and that is obviously within His will. All I'm saying, sure, G-d can lead someone to do something, in exact measures. But Salk for polio vaccine? Sure. He had to take a step in research and that included the possibilities in the face of extreme doubt and impossibilities. I don't think he exactly prayed over it. He was born with it.

To me, it's not like G-d is going to say, "oh, here, here's the guy" or "x-day, I'll show you the guy so don't date, don't make friends, don't Borders on Saturday with a Seattle coffee and book in hand cuz you might meet someone I don't want for you." I don't quite think it's going to be like that for the vast majority of people. We will meet our fate, whatever it is...but we will be living and walking through life on the way. And like you said, it's just a man...so true.

 

[Irresistible]

Yes, but their initial desire was for freedom, *their* initial desire. I hear what you are saying. All I'm saying is that part of faith is action. G-d might say, "go here." Then we're stuck wondering what kind of shoes we should be wearing and where exactly to put our foot off the curb...

LOL girl not I

I would be on the other side of the street already

when I hear from him, thats it girl!

Faith is only the substance of things hoped for and the evidence of things not seen -thats what the bible says faith is

but yes it also says, Faith without works is dead

so one can have dead faith without works

But me thinks true faith can only lead to works, because true faith will naturally lead you to trust/be lead/act/trust

 

[Irresistible]

Yes, but their initial desire was for freedom, *their* initial desire and G-d heard. Some of the people didn't want to leave for fear of what they would face away from what they had known all their lives. Some didn't believe Moshe. They still made an effort, a collective effort to MOVE past where they were. This was *still* part of G-d's divine plan. He doesn't expect us to sit with a box waiting for a miracle to be placed into it.

I hear what you are saying, though, surely I do. All I'm saying is that part of faith is *action*. G-d might say, "go here." Then we're stuck wondering what kind of shoes we should be wearing and where exactly to put our foot off the curb because G-d didn't indicate the second we should go, what attire to wear, how well to be prepared, what it would look like when we got there, which part of the curb...the broken up part, the yellow part, the curvy part, the straight part, this inch/that inch... It's not as though G-d has taken away our mental capacity. We have thought and for a good reason and that is obviously within His will. All I'm saying, sure, G-d can lead someone to do something, in exact measures. But Salk for polio vaccine? Sure. He had to take a step in research and that included the possibilities in the face of extreme doubt and impossibilities. I don't think he exactly prayed over it. He was born with it.

To me, it's not like G-d is going to say, "oh, here, here's the guy" or "x-day, I'll show you the guy so don't date, don't make friends, don't Borders on Saturday with a Seattle coffee and book in hand cuz you might meet someone I don't want for you." I don't quite think it's going to be like that for the vast majority of people. We will meet our fate, whatever it is...but we will be living and walking through life on the way. And like you said, it's just a man...so true.

girl I dont know why we are going round and round like this because it seems to me we are really saying the same things just different ways

But I do believe that a miracle can also happen by waiting, if that was his instruction in the first place

I dont know how to say it any other way anymore. All I am really saying here is how important it is to be 'lead' by him

no it might not be all detailed, or it might, either way, its about being lead

I am not saying, go sit in your house and dont move or do anything until you know every answer to everything first, of course it is not like that , on all things and not often at all, I am also saying LIVE and in the meantime trust he is able to guide you and bless you. But going out there overly trying to find the mate God has for you, which was the main subject this all started from , is pointless, if your really trusting him, then you know it will happen while you are just living and right on time-His time, which was my only point our conversation started from and it doesnt seem that we are in disagreement on that right?

I mean what I am saying doesnt literally mean dont go out , dont meet people, just means that the final decision of who or what that person is to be to you/or you to them is made by the LORD, or lets say it should be we should be lead by only that

does it mean we will always know right off, of course not, as I just stated in another thread the devil is mighty busy bringing pretty counterfeits all the day long

even more the reason to 'be lead' only

 

[GV-NA-GI-TLV-GE-I]

But I do believe that a miracle can also happen by waiting, if that was his instruction in the first place


I am not saying, go sit in your house and dont move or do anything until you know every answer to everything first, of course it is not like that , on all things and not often at all, I am also saying LIVE and in the meantime trust he is able to guide you and bless you. But going out there overly trying to find the mate God has for you, which was the main subject this all started from , is pointless, if your really trusting him,

I mean what I am saying doesnt literally mean dont go out , dont meet people, just means that the final decision of who or what that person is to be to you/or you to them is made by the LORD, or lets say it should be we should be lead by only that

does it mean we will always know right off, of course not, y

Not circles, I'm just trying to figure out who stands where. Some posters have definitely implied standing still and waiting for him to come with a light beam shining down upon him lol. But you raised it well, if that is what G-d told someone to do, wait for him to be hand delivered with a branded name right on the doorstep. Some do want it that way. I think that's part of the overall "contention" on this topic.

There are some who feel that it's not their taste, duty or instruction to wait but to get out there and that there are others who definitely wish him hand-delivered with absolutely no equivocable signs. It's not turning around...we're pretty much on the same page...we don't nec. have to be to be friends ...u know I luv ya!...but this was a point I was trying to make. From the way it all started, there were these opposing sides and it wasn't clearly stated that this was actually the contention...I guess, how to wait upon the L-rd and how to read the signs if and when they come. It is difficult.

 

[Irresistible]

Not circles, I'm just trying to figure out who stands where. Some posters have definitely implied standing still and waiting for him to come with a light beam shining down upon him lol. But you raised it well, if that is what G-d told someone to do, wait for him to be hand delivered with a branded name right on the doorstep. Some do want it that way. I think that's part of the overall "contention" on this topic.

There are some who feel that it's not their taste, duty or instruction to wait but to get out there and that there are others who definitely wish him hand-delivered with absolutely no equivocable signs. It's not turning around...we're pretty much on the same page...we don't nec. have to be to be friends ...u know I luv ya!...but this was a point I was trying to make. From the way it all started, there were these opposing sides and it wasn't clearly stated that this was actually the contention...I guess, how to wait upon the L-rd and how to read the signs if and when they come. It is difficult.

lol no girl , your adding 'extra' to what is being said. When one is saying they believe God can bring him or bring it together, that means they dont have to take it upon themselves to make that moment happen, no beams, no brands a simple passing in the street, while meeting a freind in a coffee shop, he comes to your job, he sees you in church, you pass him in the Grocery store , he sees you getting out of your car to go into a store, a destiny meeting is just that destined. Thats all, I mean he didnt say dont live in the meantime, but while living being lead by him in all things, knowing he will guide your steps and direct your path, most of us living this way are not all balled up in confusion waiting for every minute detail , or we do nothing, no its not like that at all, its just living and trusting and not chasing down what should be and is going to given to us anyway in his timing.

it is difficult because we are flesh, but he knows this too, he knows how to get our attention, its difficult in flesh but not in spirit , if that makes sense, we want answers in our flesh, we want to know how and when etc etc, but in our spirits we walk by faith, not sight and we trust, he already knows we wont get it all right, and thats ok too.

The waiting part, well I meant that about anything , miracles can and do happen by waiting if thats what he told you to do, if he tells you to move you move. I dont know how else to explain it mama.

I hope you get what I'm saying

 

[Ms.Honey]

Hi Ms. Honey,

Not to offend, but I think you may be missing everyone's point, but you think everyone else is missing your point.

1) I don't think anyone is disagreeing with you.

2)When people cite, the church, elders, etc....I ( i think most of us from what other posters have posted) are talking about guidance.


For example: I personally have received word from God, and It has been confirmed, that I would be Married in 5 years (this was from 2007), have 5 children each with a special gift. Now, I know in terms of prayers that numbers can be literally or abstract ( as in God's time). I say this to say...I don't worry about one day being married. I'm sure it will happen because of my spiritual experience.

My problem is discerning who to marry. Now I'm not saying I have all this marriage offers to go through. I have been married, divorced, and proposed to again.

Now, the man who proposed, and who I talked about recently in the Man/Child thread...didn't sit well with my Brother who is a Christian.

So when I say, I would like a Marriage Ministry or the church to guide me better. It's really about helping me to know what makes a good marriage and a good husband. I understand that everyone marriage and people are different, but I think they are some foundational basics that I am missing. I'm trying to learn them, but feel that I'm failing. Although I pray about and I read the scriptures, I still feel kind of lost. When my brother (whose been married for 12 years and is a devout Christian) tells me he's disappointed in my choice, but won't guide me on how to chose better, then I'm even more lost and frustrated.

Then I turn to books, forums, etc to try and learn. I'm 25...so I'm not in a rush and I'm working on the "other" parts of my life. But I feel i'm dumb is this area.

Yes, i read the bible. I have to work on attending church regularly, and I pray often. Maybe when I met the right man, God will "talk" to me or he'll lead me to understand those qualities. But it would be nice if people I know in this world could "guide" me. Show me some examples of ( by introducing or whatever way they are led to teach me this) a "man" they think may have the basic christian foundations to being a husband.

The other posters listed why this guidance may not be available or not even deemed important for singles.

3) I think and believe the women here are Christian women. As Christians, we know we have to grow and God will put things in our life so we can grow. So I think it's a bit offensive to say that "we" or rather I ( although, may not personally be speaking to me, but I think I should us "I" statements) aren't willing to ask God and work on ourselves, and that we all have this defensive air that there is nothing wrong with the Black Christian Women.

4) From your post, I think you are saying its solely the women who needs to change and pray for guidance. I think many of the posters are not necessarily opposing that, but are saying this issue is a bit more complex and has many other factors too it. We can control ourselves, but how do we have impact on the other factors? Factors that even if you are where the lord wants you to be, may not be in line so that it would lead to marriage ( Are we assuming God will get it all in place...? I'm really asking out of curiosity, not to be smart)

Or is part of "working on oneself" and God preparing one for marriage/motherhood consist of knowing the basics of what a GOOD Christian husbands looks like, knowing how to raise Christian Children, and knowing how to exhibiting love unconditionally etc... ???( I don't know the answer...so I ask you Ms.Honey, and more experienced ladies) What is ready? Maybe us Black Christian women don't know...but who is here to guide us? God, yes, but doesn't he work through our spiritual leaders, mothers and fathers as well as through us?

Only one person can lead you and guide you into all truth and that's the Holy Spirit. Revelations says that He moves from pew to pew discerning what each saint needs. The Lord speaks us through our pastor and other saints. We then have to go to the Lord and ask Him what His plan is, how does He want us to proceed with the Word we've received. We have to ask God.

My church has a Singles ministry. It's to teach singles to be content in the single state and how to have godly fellowships. It is not to teach anyone how to be future wives and moms because 1) everyone will not get married and have children and 2) that's what premarital class is all about. Why prepare for marriage if no one has even asked you? When someone asks THAT'S when the guidance comes.

 

[Ms.Honey]

I think this is an excellent idea
respectfully
imho ...guidance and leadership and godly counsel can cross a line
to control in the name of God



in the spirit of this..maybe the writer could look at this for herself....

Please put me on ignore or something because you are not able to comprehend what I say. I don't care to control, guide, counsel or correct ANYONE in this thread but I guess that's what differing opinions to what some of you want to hear, HOW some of you want to hear it appear to some of you. I don't know most of you or your personal situations and truly don't care to know. I wouldn't counsel someone openly on a public forum anyway. I would and do pm and call folks personally.
My posts are about Christian women in general but you all want to say I'm talking about you specifically no matter how many times I tried to make it clear that I'm not Then some sisters tried to explain to me their situations starting it off with, "Ms.Honey, I know you weren't talking about me but..." and then say I was being hard on THEM

Ladies, I AM NOT TALKING ABOUT YOU, WHAT YOU KNOW, WHAT YOU PRAYED OR DIDN'T PRAY BECAUSE I DON'T KNOW YOU!!!!!!!!! What I am saying is ASK GOD, if you've already asked God and He's instructed you I'M NOT TALKING ABOUT YOU!!!!!

 

[Poohbear]

I'm troubled with the prayer because although I agree to it does target singles who are struggling with the issue....the main message I get from the content was that singles ought to be content being alone...
TO BE CONTENT TO BE ALONE that is the title of the prayer
....and as it's from a Christian married couple....
who clearly were not content to be alone and yet are advising other
singles to do so...I think that's duplicitous...it feels like a negative message rather than positive
although the second paragraph is a bit better

a God-inpsired desire to partner and procreate
is not the message they give to singles who want to pray for this

I think Shimmie's marriage prayer is a beautiful example
and response to singles rather than the posted prayer from the Johns~

and I do wonder about the issue of taking a strong powerful stance
spiritually only to receive a bibilcal messge that counters
this at times

I feel you.

I once read this book called Completely His by Shannon Ethridge. This author is married and she tries to convince readers who are single to be satisfied with being Jesus' bride. Throughout the whole book, it seems like she teases readers with the idea of marriage. She talks about how she got married and then goes back to talking about how single women need to be happy without a man and that Jesus is all they need.

 

[Irresistible]

I believe alot of Godly Marriages would not have taken place had those two not learned to be content alone with the LORD first. I do believe that is the proper order, I do believe that if you dont possess that relationship with the LORD that he is enough, and everything first, then he cant add things unto you, because you might put those things on the throne in your life, because you never learned how to be complete in him first

 

[Irresistible]

oh and if he is asking that of you and requiring it of you, consider yourself blessed, that he is not just giving you over to your pacifier and and your security blanket and that he wants much more with you and for you and from you

to whom much is given much is required

Do not look at others in Marriages that God did not put together as being in a better position just because they have somebody

surely they are not!

 

[Ms.Honey]

I believe alot of Godly Marriages would not have taken place had those two not learned to be content alone with the LORD first. I do believe that is the proper order, I do believe that if you dont possess that relationship with the LORD that he is enough, and everything first, then he cant add things unto you, because you might put those things on the throne, because you never learned how to be complete in him first

I agree. It is NOT something you want to have to learn once you're already married Spouses are distractions and you no longer have the ability or the RIGHT to go off on your own and spend as much time as you want sitting at the feet of Jesus. Your DH's need no matter how reasonable or unreasonable come before you and you and Jesus because singles get to minister to the Lord whenever they choose but marrieds have to minister to their spouses. We have to care for natural things of the world (spouses) while singles get to care for spiritual things(the Lord).

In marriage women have also CHOSEN to put someone between them and God. You have chosen someone who the Lord speaks to about your household and not to you directly anymore. Now it's,"Well what did the Lord say about so and so?" when once it was direct instructions. Marriage does not make our lives easier, it gives us extra responsibilties.

 

[Shinka]

Only one person can lead you and guide you into all truth and that's the Holy Spirit. Revelations says that He moves from pew to pew discerning what each saint needs. The Lord speaks us through our pastor and other saints. We then have to go to the Lord and ask Him what His plan is, how does He want us to proceed with the Word we've received. We have to ask God.

My church has a Singles ministry. It's to teach singles to be content in the single state and how to have godly fellowships. It is not to teach anyone how to be future wives and moms because 1) everyone will not get married and have children and 2) that's what premarital class is all about. Why prepare for marriage if no one has even asked you? When someone asks THAT'S when the guidance comes.

Thank for responding and providing clarification. When you say godly fellowships, does this include dating?


I guess I'm really asking about what might be consider "pre-relationship" or christiam dating class... Which be the the prerequisite for the premarital class.

I need more guidance in being more discerning during the dating process, what qualities should I look for, etc...

I guess that me be another reason people divorce or discover during the premarital counseling they aren't compatible to one another. I just would like guidance on how to figure somethings out before you get so involved with someone to the point where they propose.

That's my personal issue and need for development as I don't have people personally in my life to guide in that area spiritually.Because:

1) they don't deem it important

2) They like to judge after the fact

3) They are bitter themselves regarding relationships

4) They don't have a sense themselves on what to look for

5) or they tell me to focus on myself and the rest will work out. ( I esp. hate this one because I'm focused on myself but should I live in a bubble and not date or date and keep making the same mistakes)

I digress....

 

[deola]

Ok I haven't read through this whole thread but so far some of the responses have been.....interesting to say the least.

I'm of the opinion that if one makes her relationship with God the greatest most important thing in her life, she will walk in ALL of God's blessings/promises for her.

Luke 6 says "seek ye first the kingdom of God and all of these things shall be added unto you"-marriage been one of these things.While most women desire marriage - I say most because not all do-, not all will get married because it might not be God's will for her.

I remember back in University, I was all about God's work and advancing His kingdom here on earth by being actively involved in my church. I was single, very desirable and did not have a boyfriend because I had come to that place in my life where no one gave me satisfaction like He did. Mind you, I had never had a boyfriend before but had tons of male friends (a lot of them eligible christian fine young men), some who asked to marry me.

For some reason, I decided that I would not get married because I liked my life the way it was and I mentioned this to a couple of my girls stating that marriage was not the all in all for women but intimacy with God was. Now they had tried to get me to join them every morning for a prayer session for our prospective mates and marriage in general and I thought they were becoming consumed by it and declined. These girls went on the protective offensive (protective because I was their friend and they wanted me to marry just like they desired for themselves, offensive because I had dared to imply the impossible-that marriage was not the deal breaker in a woman's happiness).

Will I teach my daughter to pray about her prospective mate? Sure. However I will also teach her that if she tunes her life to His spiritual radio waves daily, then she will lack no good thing because all good things come from Him.

Ladies, I believe if praying for marriage has one consumed so much so that one's walk with God is not as it should be, then I'm sorry to say, but that urge that makes one pray so relentlessly like that may be an idol and God will not/cannot move freely in one's life to bring about His perfect will.

Needless to say I got married at 28 (God made me understand that while my service to Him was pleasant in His eyes, He had plans for me to be the wind underneath the sails of a godly man and an example and mentor to our kids). Now I don't always get it right, but God is merciful and faithful and He's an ever present help for me.

I said all this to say that we cannot overemphasize the importance of walking with God and daily mortifying the desires of the flesh regardless of whatever pressure society puts on us in any form. We are first children of God then christian women. Let us not forget that.

 

[PaperClip]

A question..... Maybe this has been asked/mentioned upthread....

I preface my question by saying that I recognize the weight and responsibility that comes with marriage and that all are advised to avoid entering that COVENANT lightly. I also recognize the necessity to be spiritually, mentally, emotionally, physically, and financially healthy and whole (not perfect, but at least on solid footing) before entering into marriage.

Has the issue of HEALTHY sexual desires and appetites for single Christians been mentioned in this conversation?

What is a healthy, full-blooded Christian single supposed to do with their/our HEALTHY sexual desires? I emphasize healthy to note that as sex is (supposed to be) part of marriage, and marriage is honorable, that it all rolls together, if you will.

I think that's a HUGE PART of the overall "whining" and "lamenting". It's companionship and belonging across several levels: spiritual as well as natural, physical, emotional. Every HEALTHY human being wants to connect and belong to others in this way. And yes, there are several ways to connect with several people across these levels... and yet there's that one person (spouse) that the Lord would allow us to share that with, if we so desire. Marriage is an honorable desire.

I know that the Lord has promised me marriage. I've gotten more prophecies that I can count concerning this in addition to what He has spoken to my heart. Further, I would say that as the Lord has given me HEALTHY sexual desires, would the Lord give/tease me with such desires and not provide the means for me to fulfill those desires, as those desires and the fulfillment of these desires are IN HIS DIVINE WILL?

I've been waiting a LONG TIME. A LONG TIME. A LONG TIME for marriage and to express myself sexually with my husband in a HEALTHY way. I have fulfilled a great deal of these sexual desires with food. (And I believe that this happens with A LOT OF WOMEN (and maybe some men). So many of these women in the church are overweight because they eat a lot... emotionally.... and there are some slim women who do the same thing... only they either have VERY FAST METABOLISMS or they binge and purge....

So how to balance/speak to the HEALTHY sexual desires of Christian singles? What's the answer to someone who's been waiting a LONG TIME (try FOREVER)? And who may be at the breaking point to fall?

 

[Ms.Honey]

Thank for responding and providing clarification. When you say godly fellowships, does this include dating?


I guess I'm really asking about what might be consider "pre-relationship" or christiam dating class... Which be the the prerequisite for the premarital class.

I need more guidance in being more discerning during the dating process, what qualities should I look for, etc...

I guess that me be another reason people divorce or discover during the premarital counseling they aren't compatible to one another. I just would like guidance on how to figure somethings out before you get so involved with someone to the point where they propose.

That's my personal issue and need for development as I don't have people personally in my life to guide in that area spiritually.Because:

1) they don't deem it important

2) They like to judge after the fact

3) They are bitter themselves regarding relationships

4) They don't have a sense themselves on what to look for

5) or they tell me to focus on myself and the rest will work out. ( I esp. hate this one because I'm focused on myself but should I live in a bubble and not date or date and keep making the same mistakes)

I digress....

I personally don't believe in monogamy before premarital class and engagement. Do you know that most men don't make that move until they see that someone else has an interest in you? If you are committed to him and he knows you want to be married then......... He can drag that thing on for decades. But let a man know that you WILL be seeing other men. They'll propose within 6 months, THAT'S if you're keeping your legs closed and your hands and mouth(we're all grown right?) to ourselves.

I think once saints decide to be "exclusive" they should enter premarital class to see if it's the will of God to marry each other. Once the interest is there, not waiting months or years. If you meet someone who you think," You know, I wouldn't mind being his wife." and he feels the same about you and is considering you THEN you need guidance.

 

[Ms.Honey]

A question..... Maybe this has been asked/mentioned upthread....

I preface my question by saying that I recognize the weight and responsibility that comes with marriage and that all are advised to avoid entering that COVENANT lightly. I also recognize the necessity to be spiritually, mentally, emotionally, physically, and financially healthy and whole (not perfect, but at least on solid footing) before entering into marriage.

Has the issue of HEALTHY sexual desires and appetites for single Christians been mentioned in this conversation?

What is a healthy, full-blooded Christian single supposed to do with their/our HEALTHY sexual desires? I emphasize healthy to note that as sex is (supposed to be) part of marriage, and marriage is honorable, that it all rolls together, if you will.

I think that's a HUGE PART of the overall "whining" and "lamenting". It's companionship and belonging across several levels: spiritual as well as natural, physical, emotional. Every HEALTHY human being wants to connect and belong to others in this way. And yes, there are several ways to connect with several people across these levels... and yet there's that one person (spouse) that the Lord would allow us to share that with, if we so desire. Marriage is an honorable desire.

I know that the Lord has promised me marriage. I've gotten more prophecies that I can count concerning this in addition to what He has spoken to my heart. Further, I would say that as the Lord has given me HEALTHY sexual desires, would the Lord give/tease me with such desires and not provide the means for me to fulfill those desires, as those desires and the fulfillment of these desires are IN HIS DIVINE WILL?

I've been waiting a LONG TIME. A LONG TIME. A LONG TIME for marriage and to express myself sexually with my husband in a HEALTHY way. I have fulfilled a great deal of these sexual desires with food. (And I believe that this happens with A LOT OF WOMEN (and maybe some men). So many of these women in the church are overweight because they eat a lot... emotionally.... and there are some slim women who do the same thing... only they either have VERY FAST METABOLISMS or they binge and purge....

So how to balance/speak to the HEALTHY sexual desires of Christian singles? What's the answer to someone who's been waiting a LONG TIME (try FOREVER)? And who may be at the breaking point to fall?

Ok, I'm going to come out of my incognegro state a little to address this. This is also something that I usually only talk about in the bootcamps because I can't express everything that needs to be said in a post and I don't like for women ESPECIALLY Christian women to expose their personal lives like this on a public forum.

When DH and I got saved we were separated and going through a brutal divorce. We got saved, we didn't divorce but we still hated each other I was holy and could not have sex ANYMORE!!!! I could have had sex with DH but as I said I HATED HIM AND HE HATED ME!!! We went YEARS without having sex. We had to choose to be holy and have no other options outside of our marriage. WE.DID.NOT.LIKE.EACH.OTHER.AT.ALL

So what's a girl to do? Well I was holy so, no more whoring. I was holy, so no ummm, plastic or vibrating assistance. Prayer works along with cold showers!!! Coming out of the world I had views and beliefs about sex that were NOT according to knowledge. I also had to change my lifestyle. No more listening to love songs, no romantic movies, no soap operas etc. If you can't have sex, watching and listening to songs about love, falling in love and getting sex is NOT going to help.

Fire needs fuel to burn. If you allow your flesh to ponder on sex and romance it is gonna show off. Masterbation does not resolve but the situation worse. Your flesh is gonna want more, it CAN'T be satisfied. You give it an inch it's GOING to take a mile. If you're struggling with remaining abstainate(sp?) your flesh is being allowed some treats somewhere and you need to ask the Lord where you're giving it place. Little flashes are gonna occur but you have to take those flashes, those thoughts and punish the snot out of them with the word of God pertaining to sex.

 

[PaperClip]

Ok, I'm going to come out of my incognegro state a little to address this. This is also something that I usually only talk about in the bootcamps because I can't express everything that needs to be said in a post and I don't like for women ESPECIALLY Christian women to expose their personal lives like this on a public forum.

When DH and I got saved we were separated and going through a brutal divorce. We got saved, we didn't divorce but we still hated each other I was holy and could not have sex ANYMORE!!!! I could have had sex with DH but as I said I HATED HIM AND HE HATED ME!!! We went YEARS without having sex. We had to choose to be holy and have no other options outside of our marriage. WE.DID.NOT.LIKE.EACH.OTHER.AT.ALL

So what's a girl to do? Well I was holy so, no more whoring. I was holy, so no ummm, plastic or vibrating assistance. Prayer works along with cold showers!!! Coming out of the world I had views and beliefs about sex that were NOT according to knowledge. I also had to change my lifestyle. No more listening to love songs, no romantic movies, no soap operas etc. If you can't have sex, watching and listening to songs about love, falling in love and getting sex is NOT going to help.

Fire needs fuel to burn. If you allow your flesh to ponder on sex and romance it is gonna show off. Masterbation does not resolve but the situation worse. Your flesh is gonna want more, it CAN'T be satisfied. You give it an inch it's GOING to take a mile. If you're struggling with remaining abstainate(sp?) your flesh is being allowed some treats somewhere and you need to ask the Lord where you're giving it place. Little flashes are gonna occur but you have to take those flashes, those thoughts and punish the snot out of them with the word of God pertaining to sex.

I appreciate your candid response, Ms.Honey. What you say is real, and true, and honest here.

I don't know what the other (active sex) side is like because I haven't been on that side yet. I know that this (non-sex) side is probably A TRILLION TIMES EASIER to deal with.... I also concur about avoiding "aids" and other things to seemingly meet those needs.

Plus I've been there, done that re. hearing the "cool down" techniques.... sometimes they work, sometimes I end up eating a bunch of cupcakes...sigh....

My question was in reference to the bigger point of a person's desire for marriage and the Lord's divine will in operation concerning marriage for a person. Maybe this is a better way to ask it:

If it is not in the Lord's will for a person to marry, would they then also not have any sexual desires? Would they be a modern-day eunuch(sp?), e.g., one who has little to no (healthy) sexual desires?

 

[PinkPebbles]

All good points, esp. the bolded....

Looks like I'm the bridge between the counterpoints between Ms.Honey and Bunny77 (using these two posters based on what I've picked up browsing the thread).

1. On one side, the point is that being consumed (overtaken) with the desire of marriage can distract and threaten one's relationship with the Lord and with a healthy, vibrant life.

2. On the other side, the point is that one can have a healthy, balanced desire for marriage and believe passionately for that desire without being overconsumed with marriage.

Now allow me to step in: I started off at #2 and I allowed pressures and disappointments to affect me and one day I looked up (seemingly all of a sudden) and saw myself at #1. Wow.... what a miserable place to be in.

I beseech you dear ladies to not let this happen to you. And one way to avoid this is to be honest with yourself and the Lord and own your feelings about your desires for marriage and work to keep it all IN BALANCE so that you don't end up in #1 like I did.

Thank you for your testimony and breaking it down.

Most of us start in stage #2 because we are young and vibrant. But as time goes on I can see how one can easily slip into stage #1.

 

[Ms.Honey]

I appreciate your candid response, Ms.Honey. What you say is real, and true, and honest here.

I don't know what the other (active sex) side is like because I haven't been on that side yet. I know that this (non-sex) side is probably A TRILLION TIMES EASIER to deal with.... I also concur about avoiding "aids" and other things to seemingly meet those needs.

Plus I've been there, done that re. hearing the "cool down" techniques.... sometimes they work, sometimes I end up eating a bunch of cupcakes...sigh....

My question was in reference to the bigger point of a person's desire for marriage and the Lord's divine will in operation concerning marriage for a person. Maybe this is a better way to ask it:

If it is not in the Lord's will for a person to marry, would they then also not have any sexual desires? Would they be a modern-day eunuch(sp?), e.g., one who has little to no (healthy) sexual desires?

No, God won't take their sexual desires away from them. They're natural and a part of us and they're good. What happens is that when you put sex in it's proper perspective those overwhelming, "Lawd help me please, what I am I going to do", moments become few and far apart and eventually become a non issue. Plus seeing a good looking man releases good endorphins and can be refreshing to your mind and body.

Having sexual desires doesn't mean it needs to end in sexual activity. One time DH brought me a glass of water and I said, "Thanks, you are soooo sesssy" He said,"Well you can have some of this sessy if you want" Well I didn't "want" that day but I was light as a feather off of that high for the rest of the day not even realizing why til later Seeing Djimon Hounsou has the same effect and I know THAT ain't never gonna happen

We have to learn to stop thinking of our flesh as "ME" but instead of it as only one PART of me, albeit that part that needs to be monitored and controlled like the lil psychiatric patient that it is If you punish it with the Word of God, the flesh will behave and won't give you a stitch of trouble.

 

[discobiscuits]

If it is not in the Lord's will for a person to marry, would they then also not have any sexual desires? Would they be a modern-day eunuch(sp?), e.g., one who has little to no (healthy) sexual desires?

the desire for sex is innate from God so that when we do get married we will lust for our spouse. imo it is not God's will for us to marry but it is His pleasure to allow us to do so if everything else is in his will.

 

[discobiscuits]

d controlled like the lil psychiatric patient that it is

That right there is funny!

 

[HWAY]

FoxyScholar, I realy appreciate your posts and your candor. I can relate because I was in a similar state before I married. I tried very hard to be content as a single despite knowing marriage was in my future. I was celibate for over 10 years. I kept busy and devoted myself to being a good mother and church activities. However, I was depressed and did not look after my best interests. I can look back now and realize why I made certain decisions.

My situation was different from yours because I was involved in a cultish religion. However, I know how it feels when one wishes to marry and feels frustration and longing.

I can relate to seeing older single, anxious women who either became unevenly yoked or grew shrewish.

I'm married now but as I read your posts, I remember the pain and frustration. Your desire for marriage is healthy and you will marry. Be careful. Be careful. You are young and beautiful. Allow no one to make you feel less than your beautiful, intelligent self. Continue celebrating your relationship with your Heavenly Father.

 

[PaperClip]

No, God won't take their sexual desires away from them. They're natural and a part of us and they're good. What happens is that when you put sex in it's proper perspective those overwhelming, "Lawd help me please, what I am I going to do", moments become few and far apart and eventually become a non issue. Plus seeing a good looking man releases good endorphins and can be refreshing to your mind and body.

Having sexual desires doesn't mean it needs to end in sexual activity. One time DH brought me a glass of water and I said, "Thanks, you are soooo sesssy" He said,"Well you can have some of this sessy if you want" Well I didn't "want" that day but I was light as a feather off of that high for the rest of the day not even realizing why til later Seeing Djimon Hounsou has the same effect and I know THAT ain't never gonna happen

We have to learn to stop thinking of our flesh as "ME" but instead of it as only one PART of me, albeit that part that needs to be monitored and controlled like the lil psychiatric patient that it is If you punish it with the Word of God, the flesh will behave and won't give you a stitch of trouble.

the desire for sex is innate from God so that when we do get married we will lust for our spouse. imo it is not God's will for us to marry but it is His pleasure to allow us to do so if everything else is in his will.

1star: I understand what you're saying.... We have free will.... in our free will, we can choose to marry. I have heard/thought about it this way (as with anything): if we ask the Lord for an answer to do/not do/have/not have something, He will answer/give direction but He won't force us to follow His direction because then that's not free will.

So a sidebar question would be this: say a person chooses to marry and they marry someone they sincerely thought/believed it was the Lord's divine will that they should marry this person (not whether or not they should marry at all, but if they should marry this particular person), and the marriage sours: is it because the person should not have married AT ALL (disobedience) or if they married a person outside the will of God/the wrong person?

Per the bolded in Ms.Honey's post: I ask again: would the Lord give a person such sexual desires without providing the opportunity for those desires to be fulfilled (in a healthy way, e.g., sex WITHIN marriage)?

 

[Evolving78]

No, God won't take their sexual desires away from them. They're natural and a part of us and they're good. What happens is that when you put sex in it's proper perspective those overwhelming, "Lawd help me please, what I am I going to do", moments become few and far apart and eventually become a non issue. Plus seeing a good looking man releases good endorphins and can be refreshing to your mind and body.

Having sexual desires doesn't mean it needs to end in sexual activity. One time DH brought me a glass of water and I said, "Thanks, you are soooo sesssy" He said,"Well you can have some of this sessy if you want" Well I didn't "want" that day but I was light as a feather off of that high for the rest of the day not even realizing why til later Seeing Djimon Hounsou has the same effect and I know THAT ain't never gonna happen

We have to learn to stop thinking of our flesh as "ME" but instead of it as only one PART of me, albeit that part that needs to be monitored and controlled like the lil psychiatric patient that it is If you punish it with the Word of God, the flesh will behave and won't give you a stitch of trouble.

i needed to hear this! thank you!

 

[deola]

Ok Ms,Honey here goes

Ms.Honey, clicking on the thanks button was not just enough for your contributions to this thread. I just had to pm you.

I wish a lot of christian women will train their spirits to perceive things the way God's word defines them and not try to bring worldly views into issues where it concerns our lives.

We are *here* on your points in this thread.

I thank God for women like you who do not sugarcoat God's word when it concerns sensitive issues like marriage.

 

[Ms.Honey]

1star: I understand what you're saying.... We have free will.... in our free will, we can choose to marry. I have heard/thought about it this way (as with anything): if we ask the Lord for an answer to do/not do/have/not have something, He will answer/give direction but He won't force us to follow His direction because then that's not free will.

So a sidebar question would be this: say a person chooses to marry and they marry someone they sincerely thought/believed it was the Lord's divine will that they should marry this person (not whether or not they should marry at all, but if they should marry this particular person), and the marriage sours: is it because the person should not have married AT ALL (disobedience) or if they married a person outside the will of God/the wrong person?

Per the bolded in Ms.Honey's post: I ask again: would the Lord give a person such sexual desires without providing the opportunity for those desires to be fulfilled (in a healthy way, e.g., sex WITHIN marriage)?

Yes. It's part of what makes us male and female. It's hormonal.

Women who have chosen on their own still enjoy the pleasure of appreciating a good looking man. You really have to ask one of the sisters who've made that decision or have come into agreement with the Lord if He's decided it's not going to be fulfilling enough for them.

I have raised my kids and DO NOT WANT ANYMORE!!! I still get the, "I want to have a baby!!" urge and melt when I hold my grandson. I don't want to lose it, it's fun AND it passes but I make that nut go sit in a corner someplace and get out of my face