Tired Of Dating

[greenmetro99]

Ladies, I think I’m giving up on dating. I’m frustrated. I’ve never been married and no kids at 37. I go long hiatus without dating or sex. I don’t sleep around. I'm a educated professional. Why cant I find a man that wants me?

I met a guy 4 months ago, and I really liked him. He took me on so many dates (over 20!) , texted all day long, and called every day. But all of a sudden he has turned cold. He told me that he has become very busy and needs so time to himself to recharge…. He still texts daily and calls most days, but now he is breaking plans now. He is the one initiating theses plans, and breaking them. I don’t complain or nag at him ever. I have not been clingy. I don’t understand why he is pushing away.



Anyway, I’m just tired ladies. I date 1 or 2 guys a year. When things don’t work then it hurts and I have to heal all over again. I’m not sure if I can start this dating process again and again and again… at the age of 37. Same results every time. Him and I were not committed yet, but it still hurts. Give me some advice. How do you ladies bounce back quickly from heart break? Does anyone ever feel like quitting? Im starting to think something is wrong with me for real.

Thanks for reading my vent. I just needed to get that out.

 

[TwoSnapsUp]

I could have written this exact same post.

You are not alone OP.

 

[greenmetro99]

I could have written this exact same post.

You are not alone OP.

Girl thanks for reading my vent. I just had to get that out. I try to be so strong to friends and family. But I feel so lost right now.

 

[MzLady78]

Yep, I'm right there with you and I'm 39.

 

[ForestRose]

maybe it's the sort of men you're limiting yourself to. What sort of men do you go for?

What sort of women do these men tend to marry?

 

[TwoSnapsUp]

maybe it's the sort of men you're limiting yourself to. What sort of men do you go for?

What sort of women do these men tend to marry?

What do you mean?

 

[greenmetro99]

I date educated men with decent jobs. Should I be dating the opposite? I date men that have nice personalities, manners, and good conversation.

maybe it's the sort of men you're limiting yourself to. What sort of men do you go for?

What sort of women do these men tend to marry?

 

[greenmetro99]

I try to find men that have good character as well, but obviously my gauge is off.

 

[ForestRose]

What do you mean?

Everyone has a type. One would be the ideal man and another would be the type we unconsciously gravitate towards.

 

[ForestRose]

I date educated men with decent jobs. Should I be dating the opposite? I date men that have nice personalities, manners, and good conversation.

I try to find men that have good character as well, but obviously my gauge is off.

I wasn't saying that. Don't listen to me lol. I'm just an anon on the internet. I'm in a completely different situation from yours so I'm not saying what you should/shouldn't do.

All I know is that there's a man out there for everyone. Changing things up doesn't mean you need to downgrade.

 

[candy1214]

@greenmetro99 yeah dating isn't for the faint of heart out here. After breaking off my engagement (from a 7 year relationship), 4 years ago, I started to date a lot. I've had my fair share of disappointments and men that I'm sure I disappointed as well. I've learned a lot, solicited close male friends for advice and researched this subject quite a bit for the past few years.

The key is to not expect a particular outcome with every man you meet (marriage and kids) and keep a rotation of prospective men at the same time. Make sure the men that you are dating meet your standards and date to enjoy their company. This dude you're currently dating is probably seeing someone else as well and is trying to juggle you both, hence breaking plans last minute. If you enjoy his company I suggest that you don't completely ex him out of your life just yet. Keep him around, be friendly and flirty and go out with him when YOU feel like it. If you have plans with girlfriends or another date and he calls to ask you out, politely decline and suggest another time. What tends to happen is the other women the guy is seeing start to nag, get anxious and expect commitment before he's ready and then he'll circle back because he realizes on his own that he let a good one get away. I've experienced this first hand and seen my guy friends do the same thing. It's annoying and crazy, but it's part of the process. It's also a possibility that they never come back b/c they just aren't ready to settle down forreal and that's okay too. Don't get hung up on your age, though. NOTHING is WRONG with you. Women are going through this all up and down these streets. You're still young! Just keep putting yourself out there and exposing yourself to potential suitors. Someone out here is looking for exactly what you have to offer.

 

[candy1214]

I try to find men that have good character as well, but obviously my gauge is off.

Stop saying this about yourself please. It evokes a sense of low self-esteem and confidence which believe it or not can be sniffed out by men. It can easily attract users and/or turn off a man who can easily turn to other options (women) thinking this way.

I see dating for what it is.....research. You can't possibly know all there is to know about a person with just a few dates and/or phone conversations. Everyone leads with their best selves and then over time you see the REAL person with their insecurities, money problems, childhood trauma, etc. Once you see that, you see if it is something you and them can deal with together or not. If it ain't, you keep it pushing and thank God that you dodged a bullet/lifetime of unnecessary drama.

 

[Lylddlebit]

Ladies, I think I’m giving up on dating. I’m frustrated. I’ve never been married and no kids at 37. I go long hiatus without dating or sex. I don’t sleep around. I'm a educated professional. Why cant I find a man that wants me?

I met a guy 4 months ago, and I really liked him. He took me on so many dates (over 20!) , texted all day long, and called every day. But all of a sudden he has turned cold. He told me that he has become very busy and needs so time to himself to recharge…. He still texts daily and calls most days, but now he is breaking plans now. He is the one initiating theses plans, and breaking them. I don’t complain or nag at him ever. I have not been clingy. I don’t understand why he is pushing away.



Anyway, I’m just tired ladies. I date 1 or 2 guys a year. When things don’t work then it hurts and I have to heal all over again. I’m not sure if I can start this dating process again and again and again… at the age of 37. Same results every time. Him and I were not committed yet, but it still hurts. Give me some advice. How do you ladies bounce back quickly from heart break? Does anyone ever feel like quitting? Im starting to think something is wrong with me for real.

Thanks for reading my vent. I just needed to get that out.

I wouldn't focus on the bounce back quickly. If someone meant enough to you that it hurt when things changed and you know you that you pick men with character then it's okay to be human and let your feelings run their course. It makes sense for someone who meant something to you to matter when things change in a relationship. Are your goals casual dating or something long term and exclusive? Do you focus more on meeting a guy you like quickly and looking for romance there or allowing and established long term friendship develop into something romantic naturally?

 

[greenmetro99]

Thanks for the long message. I appreciate it. And I dont mean to sound like I have low self esteem. Im just having a bad day. Most of the time I think that Im "all that"....just not today.

When I meet guys I do not try to jump into a relationship fast. I dont do that ever. We start off casual and I try to keep things light and friendly. I do inform them that I am looking for a serious relationship when I meet the right person, but that takes time. I never bring up the future, marriage, or kids. I rarely nag or complain...very easy going.

When i met this guy, I was dating another man too. So yes I definitely agree with dating multiple men at a time. And he was also dating another female 2 months back. He told me. She was trying to settle down with him , but he wasn't interested in her.

I will continue to see him, but I will not make dating him a main priority. I will begin dating other men again.

Thank you for the imput

@greenmetro99 yeah dating isn't for the faint of heart out here. After breaking off my engagement (from a 7 year relationship), 4 years ago, I started to date a lot. I've had my fair share of disappointments and men that I'm sure I disappointed as well. I've learned a lot, solicited close male friends for advice and researched this subject quite a bit for the past few years.

The key is to not expect a particular outcome with every man you meet (marriage and kids) and keep a rotation of prospective men at the same time. Make sure the men that you are dating meet your standards and date to enjoy their company. This dude you're currently dating is probably seeing someone else as well and is trying to juggle you both, hence breaking plans last minute. If you enjoy his company I suggest that you don't completely ex him out of your life just yet. Keep him around, be friendly and flirty and go out with him when YOU feel like it. If you have plans with girlfriends or another date and he calls to ask you out, politely decline and suggest another time. What tends to happen is the other women the guy is seeing start to nag, get anxious and expect commitment before he's ready and then he'll circle back because he realizes on his own that he let a good one get away. I've experienced this first hand and seen my guy friends do the same thing. It's annoying and crazy, but it's part of the process. It's also a possibility that they never come back b/c they just aren't ready to settle down forreal and that's okay too. Don't get hung up on your age, though. NOTHING is WRONG with you. Women are going through this all up and down these streets. You're still young! Just keep putting yourself out there and exposing yourself to potential suitors. Someone out here is looking for exactly what you have to offer.

 

[greenmetro99]

I wouldn't focus on the bounce back quickly. If someone meant enough to you that it hurt when things changed and you know you that you pick men with character then it's okay to be human and let your feelings run their course. It makes sense for someone who meant something to you to matter when things change in a relationship. Are your goals casual dating or something long term and exclusive? Do you focus more on meeting a guy you like quickly and looking for romance there or allowing and established long term friendship develop into something romantic naturally?

Thanks for the message. When I meet guys I never talk about romance at the beginning. I casually date them . I tell them that I have to know them well before something serious develops.

I just dont like the hurt feeling when things change. Its disappointing to say the least. Even though I only knew him a few months.....Its like all the dates, all the calls, all the texts....... Its like I'm losing a friend that im use to communicating with.

Times like this make me want to keep a wall up.

 

[MzLady78]

Thanks for the message. When I meet guys I never talk about romance at the beginning. I casually date them . I tell them that I have to know them well before something serious develops.

I just dont like the hurt feeling when things change. Its disappointing to say the least. Even though I only knew him a few months.....Its like all the dates, all the calls, all the texts....... Its like I'm losing a friend that im use to communicating with.

Times like this make me want to keep a wall up.

I totally understand.

I just had a situation not work out. And even though it was because he turned out to be kind of a jerk, that first day I didn't get that "good morning" text I was so accustomed to, it made me a little sad.

But it sounds like you know what to do going forward. We all have those "woe is me" days. I'm having one myself. Nothing wrong with that as long as they don't turn into months or years.

 

[greenmetro99]

I totally understand.

I just had a situation not work out. And even though it was because he turned out to be kind of a jerk, that first day I didn't get that "good morning" text I was so accustomed to, it made me a little sad.

But it sounds like you know what to do going forward. We all have those "woe is me" days. I'm having one myself. Nothing wrong with that as long as they don't turn into months or years.

Isn't it funny how something so small (such as a text) can mean so much to a person? I ended up getting a "I miss you" text from a dear friend in another state this morning and it made me smile.

I hope your day gets better...Much better.

 

[greenmetro99]

"I see dating for what it is.....research. You can't possibly know all there is to know about a person with just a few dates and/or phone conversations. Everyone leads with their best selves and then over time you see the REAL person with their insecurities, money problems, childhood trauma, etc."

This is so true. Over time all the real characteristics come out, that's why I never rush to get a title or to sleep with them.

My problem is detaching from a person once they have been around me for a while. Its like I learn that the guy might be a *******, but I still want to be around. I have to work on that issue. I know better, but dont do better

 

[MzLady78]

Isn't it funny how something so small (such as a text) can mean so much to a person? I ended up getting a "I miss you" text from a dear friend in another state this morning and it made me smile.

I hope your day gets better...Much better.

Thanks.

I'm glad something happened that made you smile today.

 

[chocolat79]

Haven't read all the posts just the OP. Same age, same story as you. The only difference is I'm at peace with being single. I'll be ok whether I meet someone or not.

These dudes have too many choices so it's much harder for women. It's not you, it's them. Please don't take it personal and try to engage in something that makes you happy. There's more I could say, but I understand and have felt your pain completely.

 

[candy1214]

"I see dating for what it is.....research. You can't possibly know all there is to know about a person with just a few dates and/or phone conversations. Everyone leads with their best selves and then over time you see the REAL person with their insecurities, money problems, childhood trauma, etc."

This is so true. Over time all the real characteristics come out, that's why I never rush to get a title or to sleep with them.

My problem is detaching from a person once they have been around me for a while. Its like I learn that the guy might be a *******, but I still want to be around. I have to work on that issue. I know better, but dont do better

Totally understand what that feels like, and I think we all have been through it. I just don't want for you to let these moments prevent you from opening up again....that's why I suggest dating a few at a time and taking it easy and seeing dating for what it is. It helps cushion the blow to the ego and dependence on a message, call or night out b/c you have other people to occupy your mind and schedule I truly believe that the right one will come along and you will move from dating to courtship and beyond.

 

[greenmetro99]

Haven't read all the posts just the OP. Same age, same story as you. The only difference is I'm at peace with being single. I'll be ok whether I meet someone or not.

These dudes have too many choices so it's much harder for women. It's not you, it's them. Please don't take it personal and try to engage in something that makes you happy. There's more I could say, but I understand and have felt your pain completely.

Thanks chocolat. I will engage in some fun this week. Im tired of sitting around worrying.

 

[greenmetro99]

Totally understand what that feels like, and I think we all have been through it. I just don't want for you to let these moments prevent you from opening up again....that's why I suggest dating a few at a time and taking it easy and seeing dating for what it is. It helps cushion the blow to the ego and dependence on a message, call or night out b/c you have other people to occupy your mind and schedule I truly believe that the right one will come along and you will move from dating to courtship and beyond.

I promise by the end of the week I will have a date with someone else. I'm done sitting around feeling bad. Yesterday I just had a rough day. I appreciate all of your input

 

[JerriBlank]

My advice has already been mentioned. Date multiple guys at once.

 

[giigii613]

Did you actually want to be with this guy, relationship wise? If you considered him a viable candidate I am wondering how you guys went on over 20 dates and didn't make it to the commitment phase. If ya'll saw each other once a week that's almost 6 months of dating and if it was 3 times a week that is still over two months. Ya'll were light weight in a relationship lol. What was preventing you from taking the next step?

Please take this comment with a grain of salt as I have a chew em up spit em out mentally when it comes to dating.

 

[ChasingBliss]

Forgive me if I missed it in your posts, but was he the one initiating texts/communication and dates for the whole time y'all have been seeing each other? If that is the case, maybe that was making him feel it was one sided thus taking breaks, etc.