FWIW, I view his repeated comments about not being perfect as a response to the OP's statement that she is a very planned, organized person, e.g., I understand and appreciate that you strive for perfection through organization, but I need you to know and accept that I don't approach things in the same way; I'm imperfect and that should be OK. At least, that's how I perceived it. The fact that he kept saying it led me to that conclusion; it's as if that's his way of saying, "Cool out a bit".
Askes Me Out, But Never Makes A Plan!
- Thread starter greenmetro99
- Start date
GeorginaSparks
Well-Known Member
This is not a big deal for me. It's perfect because im picky and will suggest restaurants and events that's to my liking because the relationship/dating is all about me. Same thing with gifts. I send you the link, you purchase or hand me your card to purchase myself. I don't like surprises because it throws a spoke in my wheel and usually means he's selfish and controlling
DarkJoy
Bent. Not Broken.
i never know how to respond to these types of threads because i am particular. however i do tell the giy upfront what i lije to make it easier on him. they arrnt mind readers.
when they ask what i like in thise first conversations, i say xyz foods, never these foods, and im a festival goer and enjoy those a lot especially here and here.
sometimes we gotta give dudes a break. what we may like could be 180 from his last 8 dates. they are not very intuitive like women. but all i give are those hints and if he asks more specifics i answer fully.
when they ask what i like in thise first conversations, i say xyz foods, never these foods, and im a festival goer and enjoy those a lot especially here and here.
sometimes we gotta give dudes a break. what we may like could be 180 from his last 8 dates. they are not very intuitive like women. but all i give are those hints and if he asks more specifics i answer fully.
greenmetro99
Well-Known Member
Yes, he has money, and a good Government job. No kids.
greenmetro99
Well-Known Member
I agree. And Him and I had numerous conversations about likes and dislike. He knows that I love cocktails...He knew the type of cuisines I enjoy eating. He knew I love interactive dates like arcades, museums, and skating etc. So we have had these conversations.
He mentioned several times that he didnt know where we should go because he doesn't know the area. But the thing is that he works and shops in the area I live in. And he only lives 2o minutes away so he's not too far from me. He just wasnt going to make a plan. That's weird to me.
lavaflow99
In search of the next vacation
I'm sorry but he's a cop out. Google works worldwide (and very well mind you) and even if he moved to your area yesterday, he can easily find something to do for a date especially if you had multiple convos about what you like to do. I kinda see what some are saying about wanting to "work with a brotha" and not wanting him to read your mind, but anyone with an IQ in the double digits would be able to plan something. Even if it's for a cup of ice cream at Baskin Robbins. Let that one go.....
greenmetro99
Well-Known Member
I hear you. But my time is valuable, and I dont have time to sit in parking lots waiting for men to arrive to a date. I can see if he was running late after work or it was a car emergency. Additional info that i forget to include is that he actually admitted (after the fact ) that he was dealing with his brother (that lives in a different state). He kept that excuse very vague just like that. Meaning he was talking on the phone and left me waiting. I cant cool out from that. I drove 20 minutes out and was on time. He lived 5 minutes from the place and left me waiting. I think that's rude. Him saying he's imperfect is just an excuse for his lack of care.
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greenmetro99
Well-Known Member
I remember my first date when I was 16. My date met me at Mc Donalds and gave me a bear. If a 16 year old can plan then a 40 year old can do it lol .
greenmetro99
Well-Known Member
And I can say this... He works as a supervisor. So he has some type of skills in the area of planning, etc. This is not a dumb man at all.
lavaflow99
In search of the next vacation
Exactly. There is too much angst/stress already in the first few months (at least I feel some as a reader
) when everything is supposed to be sunshine and rainbows. Next!!
hopeful
Well-Known Member
Great point. I think this may be one of those "looks good on paper". He didn't want to be bothered with planning the dates. Some women may be happy with planning the dates so long as he pays. Some may be ok with coaxing along so long as he pays. But what matters for your life and your situation is what you want and feel you deserve. You should be proud of yourself for standing your ground.
greenmetro99
Well-Known Member
Thank you.
Of course part of me is like "I just got rid of a decent guy, oh crap" . The other part of me is like "good ridden, this dude was annoying the crap out of me". But no I wouldn't have been happy with his behavior..... He was all talk.
He kept saying "there are so many fun things that he wanted to do, but he never has anyone to do them with"...
ok, well a date would have been a perfect opportunity to make a experience!
LovinLea
Well-Known Member
THis is exactly what I was thinking. He sounds like a beta. There are women who don't mind that kind of thing.
greenmetro99
Well-Known Member
Girl he's long gone now. I have not spoke to him since the weekend. Im sure he's offended since I told him that I no longer am interested in going on a date. But I hear you and I agree.
We have spoke about all the cool activities that he wanted to do and we talked about doing them together over the summer etc. I even invited him to some summer time festivities that are coming up. The thing is , a lot of the things he wanted to do are basic things like go to roof tops, comedy shows, travel, etc. These are things that I do as a single all of the time. So I'm not sure why he would need a woman with him to do these things. Plus if he was interested in really doing something then he would have been more motivated to plan a activity for the date.
I am use to dating alpha men. Passive beta men turn me all the way off. He came off as weak. I prefer to stay single then to be with a weak acting man.
movingforward13
I do what I want...
Sound like you made up your mind- so NEXTTTTTT- no need to dwell on it - you good
!!!!Just read the post before mine---- yep he long gone now.
greenmetro99
Well-Known Member
Yes hun he's gone, and I'm fine and drama free. It seems like I learn something new and different every time I meet a guy. Its all part of the dating process I guess.Sound like you made up your mind- so NEXTTTTTT- no need to dwell on it - you good
Just read the post before mine---- yep he long gone now.
SurferBabe
Well-Known Member
I feel like if this guy blew you away in other areas then you would have overlooked the indecisiveness. Women overlook stuff like this all of the time when the dude is coming with something truly special. He seems like a nice enough guy but not worth the effort, especially since you said you had a decent time for the first date. He couldn't even do the bare minimum like show up on time. It's like he sees dating as a chore instead of a chance to have a good time with a pretty woman on his arm. He's too afraid to fail and thus puts the planning on you so you can't complain if the place or atmosphere isn't right.
So while I agree with others who say he's useful as a kill time, filler, back burner, placeholder, bench warmer, in the meantime guy, if you're used to having a good time on your own, and dude can't even introduce you to some new things, then he's just taking up space and time you could be using to meet other men. I'm right there with you. I'd expect a placeholder to at least take charge and bring some excitement into the mix. If he pops back up I'd probably give him a slow Tuesday evening and use it as a chance to try out a new place, but I wouldn't waste a weekend on him.
NICOLETHENUMBERONE
Well-Known Member
I think it's a sign of a Beta male.
SurferBabe
Well-Known Member
It is such a strange thing to say to a woman you're trying to impress on a first date when you showed up late and she drove 20 mins. Could you imagine showing up to an interview late and your excuse is --I'm not perfect--?
The more I think about it, the more it seems like ol' boy has issues. Good riddance.
boudoir
Well-Known Member
OP Im with you.
To many women work with men and then your in a marriage with a **** who does not plan anything. NOPE.
women make so many excuses for men, well he does do this well, how hard is it to say I would love to take you here on xyz day.
if my French frys are cold I'm not working with that let alone anything else. NEXT!!!!
I bet when he wants to watch a game or etc he gets his plans together
with opentable google and eventbrite not a reason for a man or person to not be able to plan anything with a specified time.
f outta here
To many women work with men and then your in a marriage with a **** who does not plan anything. NOPE.
women make so many excuses for men, well he does do this well, how hard is it to say I would love to take you here on xyz day.
if my French frys are cold I'm not working with that let alone anything else. NEXT!!!!
I bet when he wants to watch a game or etc he gets his plans together
with opentable google and eventbrite not a reason for a man or person to not be able to plan anything with a specified time.
f outta here
hopeful
Well-Known Member
.
CoilyFields
Well-Known Member
I cannot tolerate passive men. The most he should do is ask if there is anything specific I want to do...and he takes if from there. If he can't plan a freakin date...
I had a passive bf once and it drove me crazy!
I had a passive bf once and it drove me crazy!
LushLox
Well-Known Member
Indeed they are all unique and come with their own foibles. It's just about establishing whether you can deal with them. What you can let slide and what is off limits.
msbettyboop
Well-Known Member
What you start with is what you will end up with. If you lead with planning the dates, you will plan the dates for the rest of your relationship.
Sit back and let him do some work. Let him earn you. He's 40 years old. I know he knows how to Google nice restaurants in so and so area and something will come up at him. It sounds like he's used to letting the woman do all the work in the relationship because he thinks he's all that and a box of Godiva.
Additionally, you cannot change a man. If he's already telling you he's not perfect when he's supposed to be impressing you and putting his best foot forward, you know the kind of treat you're in for down the line.
I would have moved him to the bottom of the prospect list, if not outright thrown him back into the ocean, the minute I became the one planning the date.
Sit back and let him do some work. Let him earn you. He's 40 years old. I know he knows how to Google nice restaurants in so and so area and something will come up at him. It sounds like he's used to letting the woman do all the work in the relationship because he thinks he's all that and a box of Godiva.
Additionally, you cannot change a man. If he's already telling you he's not perfect when he's supposed to be impressing you and putting his best foot forward, you know the kind of treat you're in for down the line.
I would have moved him to the bottom of the prospect list, if not outright thrown him back into the ocean, the minute I became the one planning the date.
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phynestone
Well-Known Member
I say next. I don't care if he doesn't know the area. He can use the internet and find something for you to do. You set the tone of the relationship. If you allow this to slide, what else will you tolerate in the future. Even a beta male would do better than this.
Or Beyonce. Men treat women they way they value them or they think other men will value them.
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