This is so embarrassing....

[SuchaLady]

Umm me saying "stuck their fingers in a wall outlet" or having "bed head" had nothing to do with being natural. I was never stressing race but I go to a school with majority white people and I can gather 20 white people in under 5 minutes that fit that description.

 

[Your Cheeziness]

Hey beans! I'm sorry you're feeling embarrassed, but you need not be. I'm echoing previous posters in that if he didn't care about your progression in the workplace, he wouldn't have said anything. Keep in mind, for him to have come to you, I guarantee you others were talking about you. It would definitely help to see a pic of the hairstyle.

At work, our appearance is judged before our work ethic. I wouldn't put anyone in front of a client or send them to a meeting with anyone and they were looking blown back-black, white, or yellow skinned, natural, relaxed, or in between. This does not seem to be a race issue at all. He didn't say your hair was nappy, he didn't tell you to relax it or anything. It's about being aware that you are being noticed, negatively, in the workplace. Whatever style you were wearing is not your only choice as a texlaxed. I'd take the opportunity to clean up the style and learn others as back ups.

Keep in mind, now that you've been put in notice about your appearance, that's it. You're now being held accountable for it. It's probably going to be the last time you're told. You don't want to be looked at as defiant. LHCF can't pay unemployment benefits. So just keep that in mind.

 

[Freespirit02]

I'm not in corporate America, so this is all based on opinion and things I have heard. In my opinion I don't find it unbelievable that black women would have to alter their appearance more than other race of women. I have heard claims that some black women have felt the need to straighten their hair with a flat iron or a chemical in order to get a job or fit into the their company's culture. That to me doesn't come to much surprise. Was it really that long ago when a magazine, I believe Allure, put an article out saying that Afro hair was a no-go in a corporate setting? People where in rage, but only because the truth hurts. Like I said before, I haven't had a first had experience in the corporate field, but I do feel as a natural that I would be at a disadvantage to my relaxed peers. People still stereotype naturals as rebellious individuals who are ready to scream Black Power, or cry racism at any given moment. It's sad but true.
I'm not stating that this is what OP VP was insinuating, but I do feel a lot of professional consider natural hair, up or down slightly taboo.

 

[davisbr88]

Because with some folks it will ALWAYS be about race. They can't help it. They enjoy the thought and wallow in the joy of real or imagined victimization.

I guess that makes sense. I know you were being sarcastic about the second half, but I think it's obvious natural hair is viewed in a negative light IRL to many people. That, I understand, and am happy to try to change others' perceptions. But if everyone in the office has to wear a bun or a French roll, the guys can't wear their earrings, people can't have visible tattoos or other bodily piercings, I don't see that hate towards black women in that. Sure, I know that some of these people would have a problem with a sister wearing her natural fro, but they also have a problem with a white woman coming in with greasy-looking hair or even Indian or Asian women with really long hair wearing it down, so I just can't justify why people feel this discrimination is solely towards us. I, for one, am in academia, which is a much more laid back environment and I wear my natural hair out all the time (unless I am PS'ing). And sure I got some looks at first, but people have really grown to accept it and even like/love it because no one else in that field is forced to fit into an image. Now, if someone pulled me aside in that instance, then yes, I would consider that discrimination and I would fight the good fight. But when everyone is forced to fit an image, either man or woman, white or black or purple or orange, I don't see the basis of people's racial argument.

 

[ryanshope]

This is one reason why I don't think "texlaxing" is a good idea for everyone---some folx it looks fine, others look a HAM. I could never "texlax"---it is all or nothing for my hair. I had to relax and rollerset for smooth hair; or I am natural(now)and do twistouts. Texlax hair can definitely look "unkempt" with some hair textures, too much of a crap shoot for my taste.

I don't know what to tell you except go get a full relaxer, extensions or go 100% natural.HTH.

 

[FebeeSigns]

Btw, KnaughtyKurls, I just wanted to say you look very pretty in your pic

Thank you LittleLuxe!

 

[beans4reezy]

Oh my goodness! I started this thread and forgot about it...sorry- busy mom of two! Thanks to everyone for their input.

I'm sorry about the lack of photos- my BB does not have a camera- and after started this thread, I was leaving the office.

But to answer some questions in this thread:

The VP who pulled me aside is a Black male, I'd say- mid 40's.

I work in Marketing (I'm a manager) and I travel a lot. So one of his issues was, he didn't want the president of my company questioning whether or not my hair looked crazy while I was travelling.

All in all, this VP has always been supportive of me. I am confident that he was coming from a good place, it's just I was so embarrassed at that point in time. But after I went home, told my family the story, had them laugh at me, I began to laugh at it myself and realized it wasn't that serious...In short- he was just looking out, as he tends to with the AA's in the office, because there aren't that many of us in there at all.

So, next day, I cowashed and rocked my usual slick bun to work....here's to climbing the corporate ladder!

 

[sweetlaughter]

Is that always the best solution? Can't we handle our problems without resorting to the expected stereotype of fighting and neck-rolling? Unless the supervisor said she should put on some lip gloss to make her lips look like nice and juicy like men like then it's just taking a leap to assume 'wear a little makeup' is in the same bag as 'wear a thong and push up bra'.

The reality is there are just some things you are expected to do for work. You're expected to not just wear clean clothes but also clothes befitting your work situation. It's expected you not just show up looking acceptable but also like you took pride in your appearance and worked on it a little. I worked in an IT assistance form and my supervisor told the women who worked in my section to figure out a way to wear our hair which looked nicer than what she had seen recently. Rather than took it as a personal insult I just adjusted a little and didn't have my skills as a professional woman diminished by my inability to compromise or be mature. (and she was black and a woman).

A push up bra arguably creates a more womanly figure just as makeup presents a more youthful look (to those who do so demurely). A thong takes away distractions from your granny panties. *Same things*
I work in a 90% male environment and presentable does not a makeup wearing woman make. I had someone at work tell me to wear nail polish. Excuse me? I told her off just as quickly as she came to me. I have long strong well groomed natural nails and your personal preference does not matter to me. I know what people file grievances for with HR and these are some of the things. They are taken very seriously.

 

[DrC]

Oh my goodness! I started this thread and forgot about it...sorry- busy mom of two! Thanks to everyone for their input.

I'm sorry about the lack of photos- my BB does not have a camera- and after started this thread, I was leaving the office.

But to answer some questions in this thread:

The VP who pulled me aside is a Black male, I'd say- mid 40's.

---

 

[blackbarbietea]

My HR needs to tell quite a few women to chill out on the hair. This one girl has a full sew in with bright yellow on top, below that a bit of redish orange, and then black underneith. Now common dude...seriously?

Then the white girls have right fire engine red hair, and another black girl does also.
And then some people come to work with the nappiest unkempt hair (black and white).

Trust me, I've seen some nappy looking white girls. Plenty.

It's just nuts. I agree with HR. There should be a standard in a professional enviroment and as long as he wasn't asking you to wear red lipstick because it makes him hot. and the men will like you more. Or to unbutton another button. something STUPID like that. I wouldn't be offended. Now if he asks you to get a relaxer, I'd be a bit offended by that.

 

[jouissance]

For me, the biggest problem is that most of corporate America has no concept of neat, natural African-textured hair that is socially acceptable. If the only acceptable style for a black woman with Afro-texture hair is to bun it, that is, for me, an erasure of the texture itself and is, in fact, racist because it places a level of restraint upon black women that is not demanded of other women.

On a personal level...It's very demoralizing to hear that so many women feel as though they have to walk the knife's edge when it comes to personal appearance. I curl or straighten or bun for client meetings but if I can't wear a neat braidout or two-strand twist in general, it's not a corporate environment I wish to to part of at this point in my life. I have too much to offer to be hyper-critiqued for the minutae of my personal appearance. Working in NYC, I've seen candidates rejected for having handbags that were not 'it' bags, for wearing clothes that were too expensive and status-y, for not being sufficiently pretty, for looking old or boring. The intersections of racism, sexism and classism are mindblowing and while I understand that we all need to eat and get ahead, and I don't blame anyone for playing the game, the game is a dirty one. That's not to say that everyone's particular work environment is beset by these issues but generally, looksism is not meritocratic and certain people are far more critiqued than others.

 

[LittleLuxe]

A push up bra arguably creates a more womanly figure just as makeup presents a more youthful look (to those who do so demurely). A thong takes away distractions from your granny panties. *Same things*
I work in a 90% male environment and presentable does not a makeup wearing woman make. I had someone at work tell me to wear nail polish. Excuse me? I told her off just as quickly as she came to me. I have long strong well groomed natural nails and your personal preference does not matter to me. I know what people file grievances for with HR and these are some of the things. They are taken very seriously.

A push up bra is named for the fact it pushes up the breasts even more so than a regular bra and has a tendency to force the breasts to appear even more sexualized than would be normal. A thong is a woman's personal choice, being told to wear a thong however by a person in a position of power is easily harassment. A little makeup does not fall in the category of a man or woman telling you to wear a push up bra or thong.

As for your nails, every situation will have to be analyzed based on the intentions of the person and whether they approached the individual in a respectful manner. If you felt your nails were perfectly acceptable then that's fine.

 

[LushLox]

To the person who said their friend was asked to wear make up, are they from the UK? If so EAT (Employment Appeals Tribunal) don't play, your friend should have claimed sex discrimination, because she probably would have won and made some dough.