They spent a night at HER house!!

[Curlybeauty]

I hope things all workout for you.

Men can be so simple sometimes. It only takes one broad to pat them on the back for stupid arse decisions to make them think it's okay

I hope to see positive updates within the year! How long do these custody cases generally take after filing?

 

[beans4reezy]

OP you've gotten some good advice. Might I add that as you decide what to do, please consider his relationship with your sons. Yes he is being irresponsible, and should be called on that but it appears he is making some effort to be in his sons' lives. However you manage this, please don't let things degenerate to the point where his relationship with the boys is marred.

Yes they slept on the floor in the house of some lady who is a stranger to you, not what a mother wants to hear, but as you judge him, ask yourself: is he good to your kids? Do they feel like he's being their dad? No matter how bad he is or how we paint him, to your kids, he's dad and they look up to him in some way. The way I see it, kids still love their parents no matter how 'bad' they are, and would rather sleep on the floor while hanging out with dad, than sleep in a lush bedroom and not be able to see dad like they are used to.

As you focus on setting him straight with child support and coughing up the contact information on this woman try not to let your anger damage what the boys have with their father.

You've been through so much already, and I commend you for being strong and a provider for your boys!

This is a great post- thank you. But that's the thing- this guy can be mean and spiteful. Just filing and going through collecting child support alone holds the possibility of him not spending time with the boys anymore because he's angry.

So what should I do? Not file for support to keep his relationship with my four year old in tact? Or file, risk him not having a relationship, but making sure my boys are being cared for financially.

I'm sorry, but I've let him slide for too long. I am going to have to go the child support route and hope for the best for a relationship with him and the boys. Besides, a father who isn't man enough to tell his woman that his son isn't going to sleep on the floor probably doesn't have the values to teach my son how to be a man; therefore, we are better without him anyway.

 

[WhoIAm]

OP you've gotten some good advice. Might I add that as you decide what to do, please consider his relationship with your sons. Yes he is being irresponsible, and should be called on that but it appears he is making some effort to be in his sons' lives. However you manage this, please don't let things degenerate to the point where his relationship with the boys is marred.

Yes they slept on the floor in the house of some lady who is a stranger to you, not what a mother wants to hear, but as you judge him, ask yourself: is he good to your kids? Do they feel like he's being their dad? No matter how bad he is or how we paint him, to your kids, he's dad and they look up to him in some way. The way I see it, kids still love their parents no matter how 'bad' they are, and would rather sleep on the floor while hanging out with dad, than sleep in a lush bedroom and not be able to see dad like they are used to.

As you focus on setting him straight with child support and coughing up the contact information on this woman try not to let your anger damage what the boys have with their father.

You've been through so much already, and I commend you for being strong and a provider for your boys!

I agree with what you're saying, however, a good father would have made sure the mother of his kids wasn't without. He just started giving her money, which is a tad trifling and partly her fault.

OP, Whatever you do, make sure that YOU don't do anything to keep the boys from their dad. To Little boys, their dads walk on water. Do not bad mouth their dad in their presence. If he stays away from his children, let that be on his conscience.

 

[beans4reezy]

I agree with what you're saying, however, a good father would have made sure the mother of his kids wasn't without. He just started giving her money, which is a tad trifling and partly her fault.

OP, Whatever you do, make sure that YOU don't do anything to keep the boys from their dad. To Little boys, their dads walk on water. Do not bad mouth their dad in their presence. If he stays away from his children, let that be on his conscience.

And I won't.

But no more overnight visits with my four year old-- period. If I were even to consider it - I would need the address to where he is staying, I need a first and last name for this woman AND a phone number. I also need to visit to see where my son is putting his head to sleep. Until we can work these issues out, I am going to file a petition preventing him from contact with my son. I am not trying to be spiteful, but his dad does not have a place of his own nor does he have a suitable sleeping space for my boy. Also, the issue of child supervision comes into play because my son told me that Daddy and his girlfriend were snoring sleeping while he played with the other kid. That's just alarming and not to mention disgusting to me.

 

[beans4reezy]

I agree with what you're saying, however, a good father would have made sure the mother of his kids wasn't without. He just started giving her money, which is a tad trifling and partly her fault.

OP, Whatever you do, make sure that YOU don't do anything to keep the boys from their dad. To Little boys, their dads walk on water. Do not bad mouth their dad in their presence. If he stays away from his children, let that be on his conscience.

100% correct.

 

[ThatJerseyGirl]

This is a great post- thank you. But that's the thing- this guy can be mean and spiteful. Just filing and going through collecting child support alone holds the possibility of him not spending time with the boys anymore because he's angry.

So what should I do? Not file for support to keep his relationship with my four year old in tact? Or file, risk him not having a relationship, but making sure my boys are being cared for financially.

I'm sorry, but I've let him slide for too long. I am going to have to go the child support route and hope for the best for a relationship with him and the boys. Besides, a father who isn't man enough to tell his woman that his son isn't going to sleep on the floor probably doesn't have the values to teach my son how to be a man; therefore, we are better without him anyway.

Let him be mean and spiteful. All of which will work in your favor. Eventually, when he's over himself, he'll come around. Don't let his issues become your issues. File the custody and child support papers. He didn't think about his son enough to provide a proper place for him to sleep, so I wouldn't give a flyin phuck if he got mad because you filed papers. He should be mad at himself for living off of another woman and not having the balls to be a DAD. Any man can donate some sperm and be a FATHER.

At the end of the day, no judge cares whether or not if he's a good dad, blah blah blah because if that were the case, you two would not be before a judge.

I think you were too nice and he's using that against you. And she's trifling for even letting that go down. Layin up with some man in a bed while the kids sleep on the floor.

Do whatchu gotta do for you and those boys. Phuck him, her and who eva else he layin with.

 

[firecracker]

When you go in, they may calculate and back date the CS. Sounds like he is in arrears. Have you kept records of how much he has given you so far? You need to make your appt. today if possible and please show up this time.

If I'm not mistaken most states only go back as far as the date you filed the support papers.
She has already filed and missed two court dates so it makes me think she only wants to go after him when he is not acting accordingly. The longer she continues on that path the worst the situation will get. He has already shown her who he is and that he has no problem leaving his kids high and dry. A whole year says alot! LISTEN & ACT! Unfortunately when she does go after him for support he and everyone else (ie;sister & new girl etc) will think its more to do with control and jealousy issues because she stops and starts the process.

 

[beans4reezy]

If I'm not mistaken most states only go back as far as the date you filed the support papers.
She has already filed and missed two court dates so it makes me think she only wants to go after him when he is not acting accordingly. The longer she continues on that path the worst the situation will get. He has already shown her who he is and that he has no problem leaving his kids high and dry. A whole year says alot! LISTEN & ACT! Unfortunately when she does go after him for support he and everyone else (ie;sister & new girl etc) will think its more to do with control and jealousy issues because she stops and starts the process.

You are right Firecracker. The last two times, I filed out of anger. But then as the court date would approach, I would think..."I'm not doing this for the right reasons, I am being spiteful, and I let it go."

But now, I have to find some kind of resolve. I have to see this through. This isn't about getting back at him...this is about making sure my boys are getting what's theirs financially before this loser starts to have some more children.

 

[hopeful]

Child support is just that, support for the children that both you and he brought into this world. He is as responsible for them as you are. Why should you carry the load? His lazy behind already owes you and those boys thousands of dollars. Leaving you stuck with a $1300 monthly note and doing nothing for his boys for an entire year! He is so damn trifling.

 

[firecracker]

You are right Firecracker. The last two times, I filed out of anger. But then as the court date would approach, I would think..."I'm not doing this for the right reasons, I am being spiteful, and I let it go."

But now, I have to find some kind of resolve. I have to see this through. This isn't about getting back at him...this is about making sure my boys are getting what's theirs financially before this loser starts to have some more children.

We all make mistakes and its nothing wrong with trying to give someone a chance to do right on their own accord. I commend you for putting your kids happiness and wellbeing first in regards to folks sleeping over.

Unfortunately you have to go thru with the CS process NOW so that will alleviate at least 40% of what maybe a hellva parental ride ahead since he doesn't use common sense or share the same values as you. As for visitation I hate to say this but I'd tell him he needs to go file for visitation rights because that way it will alleviate alot of miscommunication and situations in regards to timeframes, locations etc. If he had not shown out you wouldn't have to even get all technical with the visitation like CS. He did all this to himself.

If your ex has never had his own place that he obtained on his own his moving from you, to sister and new woman is telling of what his future will be like. Loads of men prefer living with and off women because they don't wanna cook, clean, wash clothes, parent 100% or pay 100% of the bills. I hope he gets his stuff together for the sake of the babies. Keep your head up!

 

[Silkycoils]

OP, so sorry you are going through this. If he hasn't given you any $$$$, file an "Abandonment Warrant" w/the Magistrate (or whomever has jurisdiction in your area) and get his arse locked up!!!! We are TOO lenient with the deadbeats in our community. Damn that!!!!

Oh and, you need to make sure you have an ORDER in place. If you kept filing and letting it drop, you don't have an ORDER that can be enforced (via contempt, garnishment, etc.). Umm . . . yeah. Get on that!

 

[LadyPaniolo]

I guess this is why men get enraged when a woman files for child support. If it's only done when the child's mother is angry, they will come to believe it is done for the deliberate goal of hurting them. And once he mollifies her, he can stop providing for the children again.

Beans, have you been harboring a desire to reunite with this man? Is that part of the reason why you haven't stuck with your decision to file child support?

 

[beans4reezy]

I guess this is why men get enraged when a woman files for child support. If it's only done when the child's mother is angry, they will come to believe it is done for the deliberate goal of hurting them. And once he mollifies her, he can stop providing for the children again.

Beans, have you been harboring a desire to reunite with this man? Is that part of the reason why you haven't stuck with your decision to file child support?

I am ashamed to say I was. But, this whole incident shows me that we just aren't suited for each other. We have different values. He thinks it's OK to leave his family and live with other women- rent free. He thinks its fine for our son to be exposed to this kind of low life, life style. Lady P, I am trying two raise to boys into men... I can't do this with his father and I together. It was hard for me to let go and I thought filing would be the end of things. But things have already ended.

My thinking was all screwed up.

 

[hopeful]

^^^You are such a sweet and honest lady. Nothing to be ashamed of sweetie, we women love hard and sometimes are blinded. I am so glad you are finished with him and are ready to get what's owed to you and your boys. A decent man will want to pay child support. At minimum a man has to provide financially for his children whether he is with the mother or not. Paying child support is the least a man can do. A real man will do much more.

 

[softblackcotton]

oh well, you chose him! TWICE! I hope things work out for you. Really.

 

[MayaB12]

^^^ That's an unnecessary low blow.

 

[Mai Tai]

Beans...I have been lurking in this thread and I must say I really appreciate your honesty. I think that you have realized your mistakes (which most people don't) and are finally ready to move on and get your affairs in order.

I am so happy that you have moved past that whole " demanding child support is vindictive" trap that a lot of single mothers fall into. There is NOT one thing vindictive about demanding the financial support that is due to your kids. You and your children deserve better...

 

[beans4reezy]

^^^ That's an unnecessary low blow.

That's OK- we're all entitled to our opinions.

 

[hopeful]

Keep us updated beans4reezy. We're in your corner and rooting for you.

 

[LoveisYou]

(((OP)))

I think as a mother you deserve to know who your children are spending time with and I think it's only right for you to meet this woman. Your children's well-being is important, and you have every right to monitor who they are with as their mother. I think all of you as adult need to talk about this respectfully.

 

[LoveisYou]

Beans...I have been lurking in this thread and I must say I really appreciate your honesty. I think that you have realized your mistakes (which most people don't) and are finally ready to move on and get your affairs in order.

I am so happy that you have moved past that whole " demanding child support is vindictive" trap that a lot of single mothers fall into. There is NOT one thing vindictive about demanding the financial support that is due to your kids. You and your children deserve better...

Agreed, both parents are accountable to their children and this includes financial accountability. We are doing our children a disservice for letting fathers off the hook by not filing child support.