They spent a night at HER house!!

[beans4reezy]

Does he take both boys sometimes? Is there the possibility of two adults and four children (6 people) living in a 1-bedroom apartment?

No- he's never taken the baby boy. And my son mentioned that Daddy's girlfriend lives with her mommy and daddy. So, there's a possibility that it is a two bedroom- with her parents in one room and my ex and his girlfriend in the other with her kids...which to me is just straight crazy...

 

[luckiestdestiny]

wait but can she argue that he's not stable because he moves from house to house and has no permanent residence? In addition can she argue that she has primarily supported the children on her own so thus she wants to have primary custody?

 

[FlowerHair]

Ediese,

The scumb bag left a year ago and I basically took the stance of *** him- I don't need him or his money (meanwhile, I am STEALING milk out of the fridge at my damn job because he left me so destitute that I couldn't even buy milk for my son to drink!). I let a year go by and then shortly after DS #2 came, I filed. And Filed again. I filed twice and FAILED to show up at the hearing. This second time (Jan), he agreed to give me $300 plus half of summer camp. He's been holding up his end of the deal BUT- if this loser has moved in with this woman - surely a baby will be to follow soon. I NEED to file and follow through now. I can't keep feeling sorry for this loser. I hate that I am leaving town in two days or else I would have been back to family court filing.

Don't ever feel sorry for a grown man!!!

Plus, your number one priority are your sons, not him.

You're doing the right thing to file for child support - your sons deserve it.

 

[beans4reezy]

wait but can she argue that he's not stable because he moves from house to house and has no permanent residence? In addition can she argue that she has primarily supported the children on her own so thus she wants to have primary custody?

YES! Thank you! This is the truth. He only started giving me money in Jan. He left a year prior to that and the only thing he did was buy my son chef-boyardee meals and juice from BJ's.

ETA: Oh and when my son was born- he brought two boxes of formula...but I breast fed..so umm, yeah.

 

[WhoIAm]

YES! Thank you! This is the truth. He only started giving me money in Jan. He left a year prior to that and the only thing he did was buy my son chef-boyardee meals and juice from BJ's.

ETA: Oh and when my son was born- he brought two boxes of formula...but I breast fed..so umm, yeah.

When you go in, they may calculate and back date the CS. Sounds like he is in arrears. Have you kept records of how much he has given you so far? You need to make your appt. today if possible and please show up this time.

 

[chinadoll]

You have some cute kids = ) If I were you I would take him to court because he left you high and dry, which was no fair to your child and you had to pay 1300 rent. Do you know if he's paying for her children stuff?? I agree with the other poster, he should've explained himself, but in reality there is no reason on why kids are sleeping on the floor, don't they have a sofa? I'm so angry and I don't know him lol. I will pray for you and hope you do what is right for children because that atmosphere is toxic.

 

[steffiejoe]

I understand your concerns. I know someone who refused to disclose the address or phone number to where they were staying during visitation with their child. He felt the mother having his cell phone was enough. The mother mentioned it to the judge in a child support hearing and the judge ordered him to provide the mother with his correct contact information.
You have the right as a parent to know the whereabouts of your child.
Also run to the attorney general office and file for child support . Your children deserve it.


Sent from my iPhone using LHCF

 

[Leigh]

First, his lifestyle is not conducive to the upbringing of a child. Maybe his relationship is more serious, however, they are not married.

Therefore, he should not have your son sleeping in the same room with this strange woman. It's not appropriate. What kind of values is that! I would make the case that it is inappropriate for your child to sleep in the same room with 2 adults in the bed together. That's just wrong. If they want to sleep on a pallet in the living room or other room, fine.

I understand about knowing who the chick is but that's not the real issue to me. The real issue is having an environment that instills values in a child and dad just isn't doing that.

 

[beans4reezy]

You have some cute kids = ) If I were you I would take him to court because he left you high and dry, which was no fair to your child and you had to pay 1300 rent. Do you know if he's paying for her children stuff?? I agree with the other poster, he should've explained himself, but in reality there is no reason on why kids are sleeping on the floor, don't they have a sofa? I'm so angry and I don't know him lol. I will pray for you and hope you do what is right for children because that atmosphere is toxic.

Yes. She wanted to get her son an XBOX or something like that- and gave her half the money to get it. This was back in November BEFORE he was giving me any money.

 

[beans4reezy]

When you go in, they may calculate and back date the CS. Sounds like he is in arrears. Have you kept records of how much he has given you so far? You need to make your appt. today if possible and please show up this time.

$600 to date. I can get print outs of the cancelled checks.

 

[beans4reezy]

First, his lifestyle is not conducive to the upbringing of a child. Maybe his relationship is more serious, however, they are not married.

Therefore, he should not have your son sleeping in the same room with this strange woman. It's not appropriate. What kind of values is that! I would make the case that it is inappropriate for your child to sleep in the same room with 2 adults in the bed together. That's just wrong. If they want to sleep on a pallet in the living room or other room, fine.

I understand about knowing who the chick is but that's not the real issue to me. The real issue is having an environment that instills values in a child and dad just isn't doing that.

IT IS NOT APPROPRIATE!!! NO!!

I go to church with my boys
I don't date
Men DO NOT come up in my house

There's a sense of propriety I am trying to instill in my son and he is counteracting my efforts!

This is what aggravates the LIFE out of me. When I called him on it, he says, I didn't think it was a problem. So I had to repeat it to him, my son sleeps on the floor, while you and your girl are in bed and you don't think it's a problem??

erplexed

Guess it's just me.

 

[Ediese]

Ediese,

The scumb bag left a year ago and I basically took the stance of *** him- I don't need him or his money (meanwhile, I am STEALING milk out of the fridge at my damn job because he left me so destitute that I couldn't even buy milk for my son to drink!). I let a year go by and then shortly after DS #2 came, I filed. And Filed again. I filed twice and FAILED to show up at the hearing. This second time (Jan), he agreed to give me $300 plus half of summer camp. He's been holding up his end of the deal BUT- if this loser has moved in with this woman - surely a baby will be to follow soon. I NEED to file and follow through now. I can't keep feeling sorry for this loser. I hate that I am leaving town in two days or else I would have been back to family court filing.

Thanks for responding. I really hate that you're in that position. I can't stand losers like that. Thank God you're rid of him now! I hope everything works out for you. I agree with FlowerHair though. No more feeling sorry for him.

 

[loved]

When you go in, they may calculate and back date the CS. Sounds like he is in arrears. Have you kept records of how much he has given you so far? You need to make your appt. today if possible and please show up this time.

It depends on your state. Sometimes the obligation doesn't begin until the parent files so everyday the custodial parent doesn't file is a loss. Please get an order or at bare minimum have an attorney draw up a support agreement based on what you would be entitled to. Don't accept what he is willing to give you. I have seen too many women do this & they regretted it when the child aged out & when they finally went to court/state enforcement and saw what they should have gotten all along.

You need a full fleshed out custody order & you should file ASAP so that you are not stressing yourself out unnecessarily. Your request for the children to have a proper place to sleep & for you to know their physical location during visits is reasonable. Until you get an order, there is a good chance that resources that should go to your children will go to hers.

Do you have a visitation order? Do you have to let them go if they are all sleeping in the same room?

 

[beans4reezy]

It depends on your state. Sometimes the obligation doesn't begin until the parent files so everyday the custodial parent doesn't file is a loss. Please get an order or at bare minimum have an attorney draw up a support agreement based on what you would be entitled to. Don't accept what he is willing to give you. I have seen too many women do this & they regretted it when the child aged out & when they finally went to court/state enforcement and saw what they should have gotten all along.

You need a full fleshed out custody order & you should file ASAP so that you are not stressing yourself out unnecessarily. Your request for the children to have a proper place to sleep & for you to know their physical location during visits is reasonable. Until you get an order, there is a good chance that resources that should go to your children will go to hers.

Do you have a visitation order? Do you have to let them go if they are all sleeping in the same room?

I do not have an order of visitation. But I am not going to be here this week because I am travelling for my job so I told my brother straight up, If my ex comes by to get Simon DO NOT LET HIM HAVE HIM! Point blank!

 

[LadyPaniolo]

(beans) I am so sorry this man is acting such a fool and hurting Simon by exposing him to inappropriate situations.

I am confused though... he left you high and dry, without even milk for your baby. And YOU feel sorry for HIM? I don't understand... why do you feel sorry for him? Is he disabled or something?

 

[beans4reezy]

(beans) I am so sorry this man is acting such a fool and hurting Simon by exposing him to inappropriate situations.

I am confused though... he left you high and dry, without even milk for your baby. And YOU feel sorry for HIM? I don't understand... why do you feel sorry for him? Is he disabled or something?

No, he's not disabled. It is just my pure, unadultered stupidity. I thought filing would show that I am being a vindictive ex.

But now that I think about it....this woman he is living with might already be expecting-- maybe that's the reason for the move so quickly? Either way I need to get what's owed to my boys.

 

[TrueToHair]

@beans4reezy

So many thoughts going through my head. Sorry if some of this has already been said, but I am livid:

1. As a parent, you have the RIGHT to know the first and last name, phone, and address of anyone who has your minor child. What if something were to happen? You can't say, "Oh, he's at 'Monica's' house. I don't know her last name, though." YOU are the one who will be held responsible.

2. The new girlfriend is probably breaking lease agreements anyway. You're supposed to sign up any new tenants and certainly notify of children over the age of one. A lot of apartments are NOT equipped to handle children, so this is a LEGAL requirement. What if there is lead-based paint?!?! What if there are rodents and/or vermin?! What if there are harmful fumes in this apartment? This is a SERIOUS issue. You are not being vindictive; you are protecting your child.

3. Along with number 2, not having proper sleeping accomodations and not watching your children reeks of neglect. You can definitely point this out in the custody hearings. Secondly, child support is not an option, it is a RESPONSIBILITY that he took on when he had children with you.


*whew*

 

[beans4reezy]

@beans4reezy

So many thoughts going through my head. Sorry if some of this has already been said, but I am livid:

1. As a parent, you have the RIGHT to know the first and last name, phone, and address of anyone who has your minor child. What if something were to happen? You can't say, "Oh, he's at 'Monica's' house. I don't know her last name, though." YOU are the one who will be held responsible.

2. The new girlfriend is probably breaking lease agreements anyway. You're supposed to sign up any new tenants and certainly notify of children over the age of one. A lot of apartments are NOT equipped to handle children, so this is a LEGAL requirement. What if there is lead-based paint?!?! What if there are rodents and/or vermin?! What if there are harmful fumes in this apartment? This is a SERIOUS issue. You are not being vindictive; you are protecting your child.

3. Along with number 2, not having proper sleeping accomodations and not watching your children reeks of neglect. You can definitely point this out in the custody hearings. Secondly, child support is not an option, it is a RESPONSIBILITY that he took on when he had children with you.


*whew*

I'm trying not to be judgemental, but as a mother, I cannot even fathom the thought of having another man in my bed while my son sleeps on the floor. I don't understand how this would be OKAY for this woman to place her son and mine on the floor. As a mother, I am just fuming. I want to call my ex and demand the specifics: name, address, contact info...but I already know his personality and it's going to be futile.

I just need to stay in prayer and go file for Child Support and full physical custody. He did tell me before, when I first filed, that if I go through with it that I can "forget his number..." I hope this attitude holds true and I hope he doesn't contest my petition for custody. I found all this out yesterday after church and I am still in shock.

 

[loved]

No, he's not disabled. It is just my pure, unadultered stupidity. I thought filing would show that I am being a vindictive ex.

But now that I think about it....this woman he is living with might already be expecting-- maybe that's the reason for the move so quickly? Either way I need to get what's owed to my boys.

Not really at you OP, because it sounds like you're on it, but I wish that I could shake every woman I know who feels this way! Men will beat a woman over the head with a guilt trip like she stole something whenever the issue of ordered support comes up. They're always willing to give you what they think you should have when the issue is raised, but goodness forbid that a mother seeks what the state says her child should have. I have seen this personally and professionally. It never fails.

 

[Bmack]

You are justified in your anger. I can't understand why he let him sleep on the either....does she not have extra room? I just do not get it!

 

[~~HoneyComb~~]

Not really at you OP, because it sounds like you're on it, but I wish that I could shake every woman I know who feels this way! .

Me too girl I've heard so many stories of women not filing for support because they don't want their ex to feel a certain type of way about them--and the majority of these women end up getting screwed in the long run, trying to be nice

 

[beans4reezy]

Not really at you OP, because it sounds like you're on it, but I wish that I could shake every woman I know who feels this way! Men will beat a woman over the head with a guilt trip like she stole something whenever the issue of ordered support comes up. They're always willing to give you what they think you should have when the issue is raised, but goodness forbid that a mother seeks what the state says her child should have. I have seen this personally and professionally. It never fails.

Yes. I shoulf have BEEN followed through with the child support hearing. I'm sitting here feeling guilty when he has just dragged me all up and through the mud. WTF? I am so depressed, barely eating, over who? This loser? Are you serious? It's like, rage is an eye opener!

 

[FlowerHair]

Yes. I shoulf have BEEN followed through with the child support hearing. I'm sitting here feeling guilty when he has just dragged me all up and through the mud. WTF? I am so depressed, barely eating, over who? This loser? Are you serious? It's like, rage is an eye opener!

Good for you!
Let that rage be your guide to what you have to do.

Why should he know everything about you and trust that you are a good mother when you don't even get to meet this woman and know what her living situation is like?

 

[Mrs. N Lugo]

You need to talk to him calmly and address all your concerns, even if you know the outcome. He just might listen. You probably will have to explain your concerns to him like you would a child, but at least you tried. The courts will see you as a level headed concerned mother as opposed to a woman scorned (not saying that you are) if you discuss this with your ex first.

You need to file for child support ASAP though.

 

[sky_blu]

No ma'am! I had to take a couple of breaths just reading half of your OP. SMDH. No ma'am! I don't play about two things...my money and my baby. SMDH I agree with most of the posters in here. Everything you said was no bueno! I could see my temper getting away with me now and things poppin off. SMDH.

 

[princessnad]

Are you going to take him to court for allowing your son to sleep on the floor?
Did your son fall asleep on the floor because he passed out from playing video games or was it because there were no bed for him to lay in? How is he unsafe by sleeping on the floor? My nieces sleep on the floor (with blankets and mattresses) all the time when they have sleepovers.


As for him taking your child to another woman's house; at some point everyone will find someone new, are you going to prevent your child's father from having a girlfriend? And if he does have one, he can't see his child? You broke up you don't have that control over him.

I don't think the court is going to stop him from seeing his child just because you are uncomfortable with him having a new woman. I don't think he needs to have a conversation with you if he wants to take his son somewhere, just like you probably do not ask/tell him what you plan on doing with his son when he is with you.

I am not saying you're wrong in feeling that way, I am just playing the devil's advocate here. Imagine if he demanded custody if he knew you had a man you and your son went on vacation with or spent time at his house?

I'm going to have to say "no thanks".

She explained that there was only one room which the adults were in. She did not indicate that the child just "passed out" playing video games.

The OP did not indicate that she was jealous of the new relationship. She seemed like she was uncomfortable because she did not know the woman who her child was spending time with, moreover staying at her home.

She did not insinuate that she was going to stop the father from seeing the child or having a relationship. She indicated getting physical custody because the father did not seem to have adequate accommodations for the child.

And yes, as a mother, she deserves to know where her child is spending the night. Both parents have a say in that at this point. Why wouldn't she?

Many of your questions were addressed in the OP. Your seemed a bit sarcastic for no reason.

 

[beans4reezy]

I'm going to have to say "no thanks".

She explained that there was only one room which the adults were in. She did not indicate that the child just "passed out" playing video games.

The OP did not indicate that she was jealous of the new relationship. She seemed like she was uncomfortable because she did not know the woman who her child was spending time with, moreover staying at her home.

She did not insinuate that she was going to stop the father from seeing the child or having a relationship. She indicated getting physical custody because the father did not seem to have adequate accommodations for the child.

And yes, as a mother, she deserves to know where her child is spending the night. Both parents have a say in that at this point. Why wouldn't she?

Many of your questions were addressed in the OP. Your seemed a bit sarcastic for no reason.

There aren't enough thank you's for this post.

 

[Triniwegian]

I'm going to have to say "no thanks".

She explained that there was only one room which the adults were in. She did not indicate that the child just "passed out" playing video games.

The OP did not indicate that she was jealous of the new relationship. She seemed like she was uncomfortable because she did not know the woman who her child was spending time with, moreover staying at her home.

She did not insinuate that she was going to stop the father from seeing the child or having a relationship. She indicated getting physical custody because the father did not seem to have adequate accommodations for the child.

And yes, as a mother, she deserves to know where her child is spending the night. Both parents have a say in that at this point. Why wouldn't she?

Many of your questions were addressed in the OP. Your seemed a bit sarcastic for no reason.

Nope, I was not being sarcastic. That is all in your head.

 

[princessnad]

Nope, I was not being sarcastic. That is all in your head.

...are you going to prevent your child's father from having a girlfriend? And if he does have one, he can't see his child? You broke up you don't have that control over him.

I don't think the court is going to stop him from seeing his child just because you are uncomfortable with him having a new woman.

Ok, I guess I should have said rude and unfounded. Anyway, have a good night.

 

[GraceV]

OP you've gotten some good advice. Might I add that as you decide what to do, please consider his relationship with your sons. Yes he is being irresponsible, and should be called on that but it appears he is making some effort to be in his sons' lives. However you manage this, please don't let things degenerate to the point where his relationship with the boys is marred.

Yes they slept on the floor in the house of some lady who is a stranger to you, not what a mother wants to hear, but as you judge him, ask yourself: is he good to your kids? Do they feel like he's being their dad? No matter how bad he is or how we paint him, to your kids, he's dad and they look up to him in some way. The way I see it, kids still love their parents no matter how 'bad' they are, and would rather sleep on the floor while hanging out with dad, than sleep in a lush bedroom and not be able to see dad like they are used to.

As you focus on setting him straight with child support and coughing up the contact information on this woman try not to let your anger damage what the boys have with their father.

You've been through so much already, and I commend you for being strong and a provider for your boys!