The Emotionally Distant Husband

Wow, I just happened to come into this thread because I'm reading about emotionally unavailable men, so the title caught my eye. I didn't even notice the original post date.

But I glad I came in. I'm feeling a little down right now but I swear, your update made me smile. I'm really, really happy that you guys are hanging in there. :kiss:
 
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I am so happy for you!!! :)
Reading your update made me smile,and brought tears of joy to my eyes!!!

Best of luck and God Bless!! :Rose:
 
Wow, that is a happy ending.Sometimes after you have done your best, you have to put yourself first and leave it ALL in God's hands. This worked wonderfully for you. This really is a case of divine intervention.
 
Thank you for the update.
I swear, I saw your hair in another thread and almost pm'd you because your post resonated in my heart and parallels a past experience of mine.
Thank you God.
 
Sorry to bump such an old thread... I stumbled upon it yesterday in the middle of my overwhelming need to find some comfort in solace from women who have been in the same position I'm finding myself in now.

My boyfriend has become emotionally distant... When we started dating, things were beyond perfect and amazing... He was affectionate, compassionate, full of passion, free-flowing with his words. Things changed for us when he got a promotion at his job and I started going back to school on top of working full-time; he works in the restaurant industry so our time together has lessened dramatically because now he's in management.

Anyway, I have been feeling very alone in this relationship. We would be in the same room together and I would feel this overwhelming feeling of loneliness and sadness. I tried talking to him about it before a few times, with which he would understand where I'm coming from but never make any real progress. I attempted to break up with him and he begged me not to and assured me that he recognizes that I'm hurting and he will work on changing and becoming more emotionally available as he once was.

I tried to be more patient, because I know that for me, I tend to want to be in control about everything. We had a big fight on Sunday though after I planned what was supposed to be a nice weekend for us, and at that point I had had it. I reasoned in my heart that maybe he just didn't love me anymore and it wasn't worth it for me to stick around.

I prayed [really heavily, honestly] for some guidance on the matter. Because I do love him and because I do want things to work, but I also know that I had done everything possible and that I needed some insight as to which road was the one to take.

Well last night he texts me letting me know that he wants to talk to me about something and that it has to do with us. He calls me later on and I'm expecting for us to be over, but instead he starts off with an apology. (Which took me by complete surprise because he is NOT someone who apologizes).

Apparently, he had been thinking a lot ever since Sunday about his behavior towards me and his overall demeanor for the last couple of weeks and he's realized (albeit, a little late) that he has been a real jerk towards me unfairly. He went on to say how sorry he was for being a bad boyfriend, and that his frustrations and stresses with work and life have him feeling very overwhelmed and angry at times, but that that's no excuse to take it out on me. He reaffirmed how much he loves me, and how he knows that I've been being a great and loving girlfriend and that he's ultimately just so sorry for the distance he's caused and that he wants to work on things.

I believe that there is power in prayer, but I also just want to say how much I loved this thread because I identified with so many of the examples listed here and it felt so comforting to find comfort in you guys. :hugs:
 
Lawd.

So much has happened since this thread was born.

His change around was short-lived.

We've now been divorced for a little over a year.

The transition was not painless but life is good. I have ME back.
 
deltagyrl said:
Lawd.

So much has happened since this thread was born.

His change around was short-lived.

We've now been divorced for a little over a year.

The transition was not painless but life is good. I have ME back.
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deltagyrl I'm really sorry to hear that OP.

What made you eventually make the decision to go the divorce route?
 
vivEz daNs lamouR said:
deltagyrl I'm really sorry to hear that OP.

What made you eventually make the decision to go the divorce route?
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Me accepting that who he really was would never be enough...

Once I admitted that to myself (because I didn't want to) I could let go.

I also realized that what I was holding onto wasn't so much him but the "idea" of what I hoped we could become.

But God is good.

We were separated when I started this thread so by the time I filed, I was sure. And clear. And ready.

Love has shown up in the form of an old friend.

What I'm happiest about is that I haven't lost the ability to give or receive love.

My ex is having a rough time generally speaking.

Me? I haven't looked back.
 
I understand what you are going through. I go through it.

Here's what I learned. If you act like u don't care then he will eventually see your change in attitude about the relationship. Go out with friends all of the time, keep yourself busy outside the house. Even if u don't fo nowhere go to a family members house. Give him very little detail about what you are doing. Hell...plan a trip with your gfs to Miami.

He will notice your nonchalantly attitude and he will say something. Be stern. If he doesn't notice then maybe its time to reconsider.

When you ladies say "Emotionally Distant", what are some examples?
 
WOW! I forgot I had posted in this thread. Its amazing how things can change. I am glad my husband kept encouraging me to stay with him because we are in a much better place now. Sometimes I even feel smothered. I don't even know when this shift took place. It was so slow and subtle. It became more obvious the calmer I became towards him and when I started feeling better about myself.

When I look back at my former post I realise that I was not taking responsibility for my own issues. I had a lot of anger and I think I took it out on him and this contributed to him being distant. I am not saying he did not have issues. However, I had my own issues and it made the situation worse and drove him further away from me. I am thankful that he believed in us and kept insisting that we stayed together everytime I asked him for a divorce.

Yesterday he rang from work me and asked me if I was okay. He told me that I am his best friend and he loves me so much. This is not something he did before. He used to assume that his love was expressed through the fact that we were together and he did not need to voice it. Last week I was singing a love song to him and the man started crying. This is the person who did not even attend his Grandmothers funeral or cried when she died. I was gobsmacked.

I knew how much he really loved me when my Dad passed last year. He was a tremendous support. I love him. He loves me.

Thanks Deltagyrl for bumping this and updating us. I wish you much success and happiness.
 
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I have been going through this myself and it is very difficult to accept. I just pray things will improve
 
Most men I know are like that ,my husband is unable to share his feelings with me unless he s really upset ,it's pointless to try talking to him as he just won't open up ,he will give me a standard line such as "i m fine " and that's the end of it .I dont have any suggestion to make as he doesnt even think he has a problem .
 
I'm the emotionally distant person in the relationship. The majority of the stuff said in this thread about the "husbands" my SO has said and/or felt about me.

It really does put a strain on the relationship:sad:.

Usually it is the men that are this way, but I am finding it is becoming more of an occurance with women as well.
 
I am going through this same thing. I've put up with it and tried being understanding but, I'm at the point where I've become distant and am ready to say bye. We've been together for 16yrs and it's been an issue the last 3yrs or so. I think it might've been happening except I wasn't paying attention. I'm happy for the OP because her situation changed but, I don't see this happening in my case.
 
cookie1 said:
I am going through this same thing. I've put up with it and tried being understanding but, I'm at the point where I've become distant and am ready to say bye. We've been together for 16yrs and it's been an issue the last 3yrs or so. I think it might've been happening except I wasn't paying attention. I'm happy for the OP because her situation changed but, I don't see this happening in my case.
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cookie1

I believe Deltagyrl gave another update about her divorcing and that the change was short lived. You ladies have a lot of strength, I'm sure it is not easy.
 
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