Without giving too many details, I am dealing with this.
I am so tired of trying to "reach" him that I just don't know what else to do.
Has anyone ever been with someone who wouldn't give himself to you completely? Did you stay? Is it wrong to leave?
Question for the women going through this:
Is "emotionally distant" the same as "emotionally checked out" that people talk about?
I went through this but my husband changed big time. He did his own introspection and really got to the place he needed to be. It's definitely his bag and hopefully he will choose to deal with it. Maybe you can help him by making him aware that he is checked out. I wish I could write more but can't right now...pm if you want good luck but don't give up ladies.
I still love my exhusband to death and asking for a divorce was the hardest thing ever but he wasn't trying to make it work. He just wanted me to leave him alone to get through it on his own, but dang 2 years to get through it. We were essentially roommates. I was alone even when he was home. That is not a good way to live because you started doubting yourself. I really doubted myself and took on his issue. When I realized I wasn't the one with issues it gave me clarity to do what I did. All he told my mother about our divorce was it wasn't my fault, it was his. Oh well, that meant nothing.I want to make him my ex sometime soon but I still love and care about him so it is hard but I'm tired of being in a room together and still feeling alone.
YupQuestion for the women going through this:
Is "emotionally distant" the same as "emotionally checked out" that people talk about?
I am in the same situation with my husband. I try all the time to reach him and let him show me some emotion about things but the only emotion he ever shows is anger. I am at the end of my rope with him. I told him that we need to work on our marriage but all he cares about is tv and his phone and computer. I'm sorry you re going thru this also. I want to make him my ex sometime soon but I still love and care about him so it is hard but I'm tired of being in a room together and still feeling alone.
It has to be a collective thing, a guy has to want it also, we can't do it alone. I tried everything and I couldnt get nothing out of him.Deltagyrl and all other ladies in this thread. I don't have any advice. I just wanted to send some positive energy your way. Maybe you guys can start with little things...like sharing some laughs together....and maybe sharing some "spice" and "heat" together....not a lot all at once or anything ...but each week, increase different types of emotional stimuli... whether that's laughter, passion or even getting into a rousing debate over something you both care about. Start reigniting the energy exchange between you two.
Just a thought. Don't give up.
It has to be a collective thing, a guy has to want it also, we can't do it alone. I tried everything and I couldnt get nothing out of him.
I hear you, I didn't mean to imply that it's solely her responsibility. Just that maybe they could reignite the friendship side of their relationship first to get that energy back.
I have never experienced something like this. Maybe it's a personality type and not indicative of a marital issue? Is this possible?
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Yes, I can say, I believe this is comes from familial upbringing, lack of accepting responsibility, lack of self confrontation, lack of maturity to understand life is not always just "fun". Sometimes, I found that a man can go into his "cave" and sulk about something that no one knows about and it can last FOREVER...
(Only speaking for my experience)
I am in the same situation with my husband. I try all the time to reach him and let him show me some emotion about things but the only emotion he ever shows is anger. I am at the end of my rope with him. I told him that we need to work on our marriage but all he cares about is tv and his phone and computer. I'm sorry you re going thru this also. I want to make him my ex sometime soon but I still love and care about him so it is hard but I'm tired of being in a room together and still feeling alone.
Kbragg,
Is that you in your profile pic? Congrats on your weight loss. Do you think he's feeling some kinda way that you lost that weight and are now looking hot. I heard men act funny after you lose weight. They feel insecure because other men will be looking at you more.
Thanks girl! Yeah that's me. He says it has nothing to do with my weight. I think it may be a personality issue but I dunno. We got into a knid of big argument when I posted the above and I was pretty emotion but I really think I need to read the love languages book again because it really feels like we are speaking different languages! I say one thing but he hears it another way and vice versa. It's so frustrating. I keep trying to explain what I need from him but it's like he doesn't hear what I'm saying. He works 60 hours most weeks plus he studies on his off time so he doesn't really spend nearly as much time as he wants to with us.
I keep trying to tell him it's not about time but just say a nice encouraging word, complement me sometihng. But he thinks it's all about time and gifts he brings me home. It's so frustrating Those thing are great and I do appreciate them but what I really NEED from him is to HEAR how he feels about me. Words of Affirmation and Physical Tounch are my primary love languages. His I believe is Acts Of Service (which explains why he seems to think that I'm disrespecting him if the house is messy when he gets home) It's just so difficult and nobdy tells you it's going to be like this you know?
I think you are my husband and I am your husband in terms of love language, so I can understand the frustration.
For me, the things you do show me you love me, acts of service and gifts. My husband is very touchy feely, likes to hug, spend time with me, tell me things, but honestly, those things are not as significant to me as what you do for me. I like to see effort. If you are telling me how beautiful I am and how much you love me and I come home and the house is dirty and you sitting around watching ESPN I am like looking like this erplexed.
I think my husband feels as though I am emotionally distant, when in actuality, I am not, it is just that in order for me to really show more emotion towards him, I need to see action. Does that make sense? This is the point where we are now, and we now see that it isn't even so much difference in personality it is just that we love differently. And how we show love is how we want to be shown love most of the time.
It seems as though we automatically expect our SO/DH to readily accept from us how we show love when in actuality, they don't need the same thing you do always.
So the love language book I believe is very much on point. I am going to get it, me and DH took the quiz the other day, and it is valid, so I can understand how conflict can arise out of the differences.
I hope everyone in this thread can work through these things. When DH and I first started dating, our love languages were different then, and they have slightly shifted now that we are married. I think those things happen because life happens. It is just a matter of sitting your spouse down and being able to get it across to them somehow that you need them in different ways then they are providing.
The challange is getting your loved one to SEE that you are hurting from not being fulfilled in a certain way.
I also wanted to add that I am learning to be more accepting of how he loves me. He isn't going to completely love me the way I want to love, but when I accept that there are somethings he does to show me he loves me that might not be the conventional way or my way, it makes things a little easier to work at. Sometimes they just want to be acknowledged for their effort.
Dang girlfriend I could have written this myself. to all who are going through this.