Texting etiquette question . . .

[guudhair]

Could he be in a different time zone?

 

[LivingInPeace]

I think the text came too early in the morning for someone who doesn’t know you. However, if he’s the kind of person who doesn’t expect a prompt response and doesn’t respond to texts until much later he might not have meant anything disrespectful by it.

 

[Silkycoils]

Could he be in a different time zone?

He's in Atlanta. My mouth is so smart, I was thisclose to asking, "You in London?"

 

[Cloudina Dreams]

That's cool, so we have the reopening going on lol. Like another sis mentioned up-thread I wouldn't do the long texting conversations as things go on. Talk on the phone. Texting takes no effort, see what that REAL conversation is like if you haven't already. It's 2021, lets pinpoint the dusties and sweep 'em away!

 

[Black Ambrosia]

This is so crazy. I had a similar experience just today. it’s not as bad but a little weird. I signed up for a new dating site to see if there was a better selection of men and that was a good call. (Was on eharmony before.) Lots more black men and I started seeing interest from them really quickly. Too early to tell if the quality is better. Anyway this guy sends me a message at 3 am. Basically said “hi” and “wake up”. I almost responded with “Bruh” but laughed to myself instead.

It’s not as bad in my mind since he didn’t have my number. Getting a message in an app doesn’t bother me. I’ll see it and respond when/if I feel like it. But the “wake up” part felt off. Maybe it was meant to be funny. I laughed but I was laughing at the similarity to the OP’s situation not the message itself.

 

[Silkycoils]

This is so crazy. I had a similar experience just today. it’s not as bad but a little weird. I signed up for a new dating site to see if there was a better selection of men and that was a good call. (Was on eharmony before.) Lots more black men and I started seeing interest from them really quickly. Too early to tell if the quality is better. Anyway this guy sends me a message at 3 am. Basically said “hi” and “wake up”. I almost responded with “Bruh” but laughed to myself instead.

It’s not as bad in my mind since he didn’t have my number. Getting a message in an app doesn’t bother me. I’ll see it and respond when/if I feel like it. But the “wake up” part felt off. Maybe it was meant to be funny. I laughed but I was laughing at the similarity to the OP’s situation not the message itself.

Ma'am, I know you not gone sit up here on Beyonce's internet and not share the site?!

 

[Black Ambrosia]

Ma'am, I know you not gone sit up here on Beyonce's internet and not share the site?!

Ma'am everbody knows it's Al Gore's internet. Bey can't take credit when she's going around breaking it. That's not how it works.

Second of all... my bad. I thought I typed it. That's what happens when I "edit" my messages in my head. I think stuff is there because I thought it. It's BLK - Dating for Black Singles. I literally just installed it yesterday so idk much about it but there's more activity there in general than eharmony. Obviously there are more black men but there seem to be more men in my immediate area (like a 5 mile radius). I was looking for Soul Swipe because someone mentioned it here but I couldn't find it. I'll have to revisit that later.

 

[Silkycoils]

Good morning Beautifuls. So, thanks to y'all (and my friends and my Son), I'm learning how to play this game and be softer.

I received a text from Mr. 5'9" (not trying to be disrespectful, I just come up nicknames for men I "meet") this morning saying, "Hope it's not too early to say Good morning "my real name"! Lol" I reply, " No, I'm up at this time. Good morning. " He asks if I'm feeling "blue" (in reference to the GA Senate race), and I said yes, and optimistic. He said "Let's celebrate quarantine style." I said, "I'm down for a socially distant brunch." He said, "Sounds socially delicious!" He said he doesn't get off work until this evening, but if I pick the spot, he will pay for my food so that I can pick it up. *Cardi B voice* Owwwwww . . .

To be clear, I'm not getting overly excited about this gentleman, although he does seem nice. I'm just practicing my feminine charms and not being so quick to dismiss folks.

 

[kimpaur]

Good morning Beautifuls. So, thanks to y'all (and my friends and my Son), I'm learning how to play this game and be softer.

I received a text from Mr. 5'9" (not trying to be disrespectful, I just come up nicknames for men I "meet") this morning saying, "Hope it's not too early to say Good morning "my real name"! Lol" I reply, " No, I'm up at this time. Good morning. " He asks if I'm feeling "blue" (in reference to the GA Senate race), and I said yes, and optimistic. He said "Let's celebrate quarantine style." I said, "I'm down for a socially distant brunch." He said, "Sounds socially delicious!" He said he doesn't get off work until this evening, but if I pick the spot, he will pay for my food so that I can pick it up. *Cardi B voice* Owwwwww . . .

To be clear, I'm not getting overly excited about this gentleman, although he does seem nice. I'm just practicing my feminine charms and not being so quick to dismiss folks.

Awwwwww so cute !

Happy for you!

 

[Cloudina Dreams]

Good morning Beautifuls. So, thanks to y'all (and my friends and my Son), I'm learning how to play this game and be softer.

I received a text from Mr. 5'9" (not trying to be disrespectful, I just come up nicknames for men I "meet") this morning saying, "Hope it's not too early to say Good morning "my real name"! Lol" I reply, " No, I'm up at this time. Good morning. " He asks if I'm feeling "blue" (in reference to the GA Senate race), and I said yes, and optimistic. He said "Let's celebrate quarantine style." I said, "I'm down for a socially distant brunch." He said, "Sounds socially delicious!" He said he doesn't get off work until this evening, but if I pick the spot, he will pay for my food so that I can pick it up. *Cardi B voice* Owwwwww . . .

To be clear, I'm not getting overly excited about this gentleman, although he does seem nice. I'm just practicing my feminine charms and not being so quick to dismiss folks.

*Okuuuuuur* got him buying a meal already!

 

[hopeful]

@Silkycoils I love your update! Good job!

 

[Silkycoils]

I just got home. I went to this nice breakfast/brunch spot near me, sent him my receipt, and he Cashapped me the money. We had a lovely phone conversation this morning. I'm determined to have more FUN with men by being easy-breezy (to an extent ).

 

[Reinventing21]

I don't know what it says about me, but I found your 'Bruh' response and thoughts of London, hilarious! I think he could have too, but he wasn't sure cuz he doesn't know your humor yet lol. I am glad you got back in touch, just for fun and curiosity.

 

[Saludable84]

I reopened. I do have my guards up (justifiably so), but I need to learn to play the game better.

Learn the game. Become the coach.

 

[Silkycoils]

So Ladies, it's a wrap for real, but it's not my fault this time! Y'all will have to wait for the story though, because it's a DOOZY, and I'm a storyteller, so I want y'all to be entertained.

 

[Silkycoils]

Okay, y’all ready?

Here goes:

So, my day was a good one, with the usual running around. After I had brunch, I went home and watched that foolishness unfold in DC. I get a text from “M” around 9:00 that he was getting off work soon, and he calls me shortly thereafter. Everything starts off great, with the usual chitter-chatter. We find out that our birthdays are close, so he talks a bit about out “signs.” Anywho, we start talking about money and our ideas about money (I ask him if he is a spender or a saver, etc.). We also talked about whether I should get a gun, and he says that he doesn’t think I should get one because “violence begets violence”, and he should know because he’s been shot three times . . .

I asked him about the shootings, and he goes on to reveal that he used to sell drugs. I’m just listening, right. Look, I’m from the B-X and I’ve known my share of people who have been involved in criminal activity. I tell him, “Every saint has a past, and every sinner has a future.”

I have this gift about me though (is it a gift?) where people will tell me ALL sorts of personal information about themselves without me being nosey. Like, people feel they can talk to me. I am an active listener and I ask the right follow-up questions.

So I ask him if he’s ever done a “bid.” He says, "I’ve been to jail, but I haven’t been to prison." I ask him what’s the difference. He says that with prison, that’s your address, whereas with jail, you are there for a few days and then you go home. I asked him what was he in jail for, and this is where it gets crazy-er (yes, I know that crazier is a word, but this just fits ).

So apparently, he was arrested following an incident with the mother of his second daughter (who is going on 4 . . .that’s important). Let me rewind for a second and tell y’all that the mother of his second daughter is an Attorney . . .a Prosecutor, in fact. I ask him how did they meet, and he said that he was charged with “defrauding the government”, and she was the prosecutor . . .

I was like, “Oh wow, what was that about?”, and he says that he was receiving unemployment while working. So in my mind, the bells and alarms are already going off LOUD and clear. I asked him what happened to the charge, and he says it was dismissed (yeah, aiight). He had already started giving me “scammer” vibes for some reason (there are a lot of scammers in Atlanta). He’s supposedly an Accountant, and supposedly works three different accounting jobs.

So back to this jail incident. According to him, it happened shortly after their daughter was born. He said her mother was depressed and drinking a lot (post-partum depression is real). He said that he was holding the baby, but that she found some texts from him to another woman . . .

and that she told him she was going to kill him. A struggle ensued, and he said he “accidently” hit her because she was trying to take the baby out of his arms, and he wouldn’t let her because he didn’t know if she would do something to the baby. He says she went outside and called her sister and her brother-in-law and he knew it was going to be some trouble, so he locked the door. Mind you, he still had the baby. He said they left out the garage door and went somewhere 30 miles away?!!!! Long story short (as if! ), he was charged with AGGRAVATED ASSAULT, KIDNAPPING, CRUELTY TO CHILDREN, and something else (does it even matter at this point?! ). I said, “Yeah, they charged you with cruelty to children because the child witnessed the incident. He asked me how I know this. I said, “You obviously didn’t pay attention to my Cashapp name (has the word “law” in it). I’m a Criminal Defense Attorney.”

So I’m still listening calmly, but I’m absolutely APPALLED!!!!

He says that the mother’s nose was FRACTURED!!!!

He said that somehow or another, the Prosecuting Attorney got ahold of his phone, and they were able to see footage of the struggle, which showed that the mother was the “aggressor.” He says that his attorney wanted to argue “Self Defense”, but that he didn’t want to because it could’ve cost her her job (possibly). Anywho, he takes a plea to a “Family Violence” charge and the Cruelty to Children. Whew!



I was like, “Wow! That’s a lot!”. He said that even after that, they tried to work it out, but that she was too controlling, and that he’s not going to be controlled. He said they split up for good at the beginning of the pandemic. He asked me do I like to be in control. Dear Sisters, I’d already decided that I didn’t want to be friends with him, but this is where I started to lose my patience with him.

So I told him that one of the things about staying single for so long is that I’m very comfortable by myself, and that many people stay in relationships they don’t need to be in because they fear being alone. I said, “I would’ve been done with you when I saw you texting another woman.” Dis Naker tries to JUSTIFY it by saying, “The thing is, I was texting her about her (his baby momma).”

Mind you, this man is 50! This incident happened in his late 40’s

I was like, “If you’re having problems communicating with your lady, then that’s a problem between y’all. You need to talk to her and maybe a therapist, and if it still doesn’t work out, then you need to separate. You don’t need to be developing that type of emotional intimacy with someone not in your relationship.” He could tell I was NOT feeling his excuses and his gaslighting of the woman who’d just birthed his child.

I said, “I’m not someone to tell a man what he can and cannot do, but if I see you engaging in behavior that makes me feel unsafe, I’m going to log it, and then one day I’ll just disappear.” Yes, I know that you need to talk some things out, but I’m talking about obvious (or should be obvious) inappropriate behavior. He kept trying to justify his behavior and said that I shouldn’t give up on people so easily, but I will give up . . . oh I definitely WILL give up on this type of foolishness! I said, “Well, that’s why it’s important to get with someone who complements your lifestyle and character. A lot of people get themselves into mess because they ignore the red flags early on.” I wrapped up that call by saying I had to get ready for the next day. He texted me “Good morning” today, but I ignored it of course.

So, that was long, but necessary, IMO. I hope y’all were entertained. The moral of the story is . . .









I WAS RIGHT!!!!

 

[Saludable84]

@Silkycoils you were 100% spot on. Dont listen to anyone anymore lol. I was crying

 

[Evolving78]

@Silkycoils you were 100% spot on. Dont listen to anyone anymore lol. I was crying

Nah I said she needed to set boundaries and practice them, and I said early morning text messages are game.

 

[frizzy]

I knew he wouldn't be no dang good!

 

[calm_delight]

Woooooahh! That's a doozy. I would have been done at 50-years old with a four-year-old child. No ma'am. No sir! No, thank you!
Here I was coming in to say, "Well, 6:47 AM is a lot different/ better than 3:47 AM". You dodged a bullet, for sure!

On another note, and slightly off-topic: I was looking at a tiktok of a self-proclaimed "toxic' man who admitted to intentionally texting women at certain times (like 1:11, 7:11, 4:44) consistently so she'll think the universe is sending her a sign. Beware, ladies.

 

[Cloudina Dreams]

 

[luckiestdestiny]

He's in Atlanta. My mouth is so smart, I was thisclose to asking, "You in London?"

That actually would be funny but make a point. Cute but direct. Straight to the point but lighthearted.

At any rate: It's a text. I am on the text him back when you want to mindset. Now if it's a call that's something else and I wouldn't bother to respond or answer. And I would just check him off my list for being inconsiderate. But texts are quiet and no biggie. Ppl can text me whenever but that doesn't mean I will get right back to them . Maybe I developed this idea because I have friends in different time zones and even some colleagues over seas. So whatever. Also another no no would be generic texts. If it's one of these generic texts then I would give him a side eye and lose his number. To me the time is early but not 2 am booty call. It's a going to work and thinking about someone time frame, and it's still considerate enough to text instead of call. That's possibly cute on the right dude. Again that doesn't mean text him back. In fact, from what I understand he wasn't wanting to interact, just to remind you to think of him and remember his number for later. That doesn't seem like a bad thing off the bat.

After you've corrected your fiery text (if you do):
If he's hiding out quaking in his boots now then he's not worth it if you've corrected things. He should be able to give the benefit of the doubt too.

I haven't read the rest of the texts so I'm only going by your beginning experience on Monday. For all I know things have evolved in some crazy way by the time I hit send and keep reading .

 

[luckiestdestiny]

That's cool, so we have the reopening going on lol. Like another sis mentioned up-thread I wouldn't do the long texting conversations as things go on. Talk on the phone. Texting takes no effort, see what that REAL conversation is like if you haven't already. It's 2021, lets pinpoint the dusties and sweep 'em away!

Yeah texts are for basic info to me or a quick question. It's not a way to conduct a relationship. You need to call. Especially if you're attempting to court me , period.

 

[luckiestdestiny]

This is so crazy. I had a similar experience just today. it’s not as bad but a little weird. I signed up for a new dating site to see if there was a better selection of men and that was a good call. (Was on eharmony before.) Lots more black men and I started seeing interest from them really quickly. Too early to tell if the quality is better. Anyway this guy sends me a message at 3 am. Basically said “hi” and “wake up”. I almost responded with “Bruh” but laughed to myself instead.

It’s not as bad in my mind since he didn’t have my number. Getting a message in an app doesn’t bother me. I’ll see it and respond when/if I feel like it. But the “wake up” part felt off. Maybe it was meant to be funny. I laughed but I was laughing at the similarity to the OP’s situation not the message itself.

Nah see three is insane. Nope. NOPE.

 

[luckiestdestiny]

Good morning Beautifuls. So, thanks to y'all (and my friends and my Son), I'm learning how to play this game and be softer.

I received a text from Mr. 5'9" (not trying to be disrespectful, I just come up nicknames for men I "meet") this morning saying, "Hope it's not too early to say Good morning "my real name"! Lol" I reply, " No, I'm up at this time. Good morning. " He asks if I'm feeling "blue" (in reference to the GA Senate race), and I said yes, and optimistic. He said "Let's celebrate quarantine style." I said, "I'm down for a socially distant brunch." He said, "Sounds socially delicious!" He said he doesn't get off work until this evening, but if I pick the spot, he will pay for my food so that I can pick it up. *Cardi B voice* Owwwwww . . .

To be clear, I'm not getting overly excited about this gentleman, although he does seem nice. I'm just practicing my feminine charms and not being so quick to dismiss folks.

Okay see you were writing off dude. Worse case scenario he's trying to be a gentleman. He seems to have a good sense of humor and you get dinner.

 

[luckiestdestiny]

Okay, y’all ready?

Here goes:

So, my day was a good one, with the usual running around. After I had brunch, I went home and watch that foolishness unfold in DC. I get a text from “M” around 9:00 that he was getting off work soon, and he calls me shortly thereafter. Everything starts off great, with the usual chitter-chatter. We find out that our birthdays are close, so he talks a bit about out “signs.” Anywho, we start talking about money and our ideas about money (I ask him if he is a spender or a saver, etc.). We also talked about whether I should get a gun, and he says that he doesn’t think I should get one because “violence begets violence”, and he should know because he’s been shot three times . . .

I asked him about the shootings, and he goes on to reveal that he used to sell drugs. I’m just listening, right. Look, I’m from the B-X and I’ve known my share of people who have been involved in criminal activity. I tell him, “Every saint has a past, and every sinner has a future.”

I have this gift about me though (is it a gift?) where people will tell me ALL sorts of personal information about themselves without me being nosey. Like, people feel they can talk to me. I am an active listener and I ask the right follow-up questions.

So I ask him if he’s ever done a “bid.” He says, "I’ve been to jail, but I haven’t been to prison." I ask him what’s the difference. He says that with prison, that’s your address, whereas with jail, you are there for a few days and then you go home. I asked him what was he in jail for, and this is where it gets crazy-er (yes, I know that crazier is a word, but this just fits ).

So apparently, he was arrested following an incident with the mother of his second daughter (who is going on 4 . . .that’s important). Let me rewind for a second and tell y’all that the mother of his second daughter is an Attorney . . .a Prosecutor, in fact. I ask him how did they meet, and he said that he was charged with “defrauding the government”, and she was the prosecutor . . .

I was like, “Oh wow, what was that about?”, and he says that he was receiving unemployment while working. So in my mind, the bells and alarms are already going off LOUD and clear. I asked him what happened to the charge, and he says it was dismissed (yeah, aiight). He had already started giving me “scammer” vibes for some reason (there are a lot of scammers in Atlanta). He’s supposedly an Accountant, and supposedly works three different accounting jobs.

So back to this jail incident. According to him, it happened shortly after their daughter was born. He said her mother was depressed and drinking a lot (post-partum depression is real). He said that he was holding the baby, but that she found some texts from him to another woman . . .

and that she told him she was going to kill him. A struggle ensued, and he said he “accidently” hit her because she was trying to take the baby out of his arms, and he wouldn’t let her because he didn’t know if she would do something to the baby. He says she went outside and called her sister and her brother-in-law and he knew it was going to be some trouble, so he locked the door. Mind you, he still had the baby. He said they left out the garage door and went somewhere 30 miles away?!!!! Long story short (as if! ), he was charged with AGGRAVATED ASSAULT, KIDNAPPING, CRUELTY TO CHILDREN, and something else (does it even matter at this point?! ). I said, “Yeah, they charged you with cruelty to children because the child witnessed the incident. He asked me how I know this. I said, “You obviously didn’t pay attention to my Cashapp name (has the word “law” in it). I’m a Criminal Defense Attorney.”

So I’m still listening calmly, but I’m absolutely APPALLED!!!!

He says that the mother’s nose was FRACTURED!!!!

He said that somehow or another, the Prosecuting Attorney got ahold of his phone, and they were able to see footage of the struggle, which showed that the mother was the “aggressor.” He says that his attorney wanted to argue “Self Defense”, but that he didn’t want to because it could’ve cost her her job (possibly). Anywho, he takes a plea to a “Family Violence” charge and the Cruelty to Children. Whew!



I was like, “Wow! That’s a lot!”. He said that even after that, they tried to work it out, but that she was too controlling, and that he’s not going to be controlled. He said they split up for good at the beginning of the pandemic. He asked me do I like to be in control. Dear Sisters, I’d already decided that I didn’t want to be friends with him, but this is where I started to lose my patience with him.

So I told him that one of the things about staying single for so long is that I’m very comfortable by myself, and that many people stay in relationships they don’t need to be in because they fear being alone. I said, “I would’ve been done with you when I saw you texting another woman.” Dis Naker tries to JUSTIFY it by saying, “The thing is, I was texting her about her (his baby momma).”

View attachment 467253

Mind you, this man is 50! This incident happened in his late 40’s

I was like, “If you’re having problems communicating with your lady, then that’s a problem between y’all. You need to talk to her and maybe a therapist, and if it still doesn’t work out, then you need to separate. You don’t need to be developing that type of emotional intimacy with someone not in your relationship.” He could tell I was NOT feeling his excuses and his gaslighting of the woman who’d just birthed his child.

I said, “I’m not someone to tell a man what he can and cannot do, but if I see you engaging in behavior that make me feel unsafe, I’m going to log it, and then one day I’ll just disappear.” Yes, I know that you need to talk some things out, but I’m talking about obvious (or should be obvious) inappropriate behavior. He kept trying to justify his behavior and said that I shouldn’t give up on people so easily, but I will give up . . . oh I definitely WILL give up on this type of foolishness! I said, “Well, that’s why it’s important to get with someone who complements your lifestyle and character. A lot of people get themselves into mess because they ignore the red flags early on.” I wrapped up that call by saying I had to get ready for the next day. He texted me “Good morning” today, but I ignored it of course.

So, that was long, but necessary, IMO. I hope y’all were entertained. The moral of the story is . . .









I WAS RIGHT!!!!

FOR ME , this is when you say "bruh" , not when someone texts in the morning. Dude was probably texting from one of his stints THIS is the "bruh" text moment or the silence moment on the other end of a phone

This whole thing is too much. The beginning was too much.

I love that I also have the gift of getting people to spill without even asking a question. It's a gift and a curse. We are blessed though to be able to haul right away upon learning said info. Good for you. You've just filtered another one and are on your way to the guy of your dreams. You've gotten one of the dudes in your way out of your way!

Oh well. NEXT.

 

[luckiestdestiny]

Okay, y’all ready?

Here goes:

So, my day was a good one, with the usual running around. After I had brunch, I went home and watch that foolishness unfold in DC. I get a text from “M” around 9:00 that he was getting off work soon, and he calls me shortly thereafter. Everything starts off great, with the usual chitter-chatter. We find out that our birthdays are close, so he talks a bit about out “signs.” Anywho, we start talking about money and our ideas about money (I ask him if he is a spender or a saver, etc.). We also talked about whether I should get a gun, and he says that he doesn’t think I should get one because “violence begets violence”, and he should know because he’s been shot three times . . .

I asked him about the shootings, and he goes on to reveal that he used to sell drugs. I’m just listening, right. Look, I’m from the B-X and I’ve known my share of people who have been involved in criminal activity. I tell him, “Every saint has a past, and every sinner has a future.”

I have this gift about me though (is it a gift?) where people will tell me ALL sorts of personal information about themselves without me being nosey. Like, people feel they can talk to me. I am an active listener and I ask the right follow-up questions.

So I ask him if he’s ever done a “bid.” He says, "I’ve been to jail, but I haven’t been to prison." I ask him what’s the difference. He says that with prison, that’s your address, whereas with jail, you are there for a few days and then you go home. I asked him what was he in jail for, and this is where it gets crazy-er (yes, I know that crazier is a word, but this just fits ).

So apparently, he was arrested following an incident with the mother of his second daughter (who is going on 4 . . .that’s important). Let me rewind for a second and tell y’all that the mother of his second daughter is an Attorney . . .a Prosecutor, in fact. I ask him how did they meet, and he said that he was charged with “defrauding the government”, and she was the prosecutor . . .

I was like, “Oh wow, what was that about?”, and he says that he was receiving unemployment while working. So in my mind, the bells and alarms are already going off LOUD and clear. I asked him what happened to the charge, and he says it was dismissed (yeah, aiight). He had already started giving me “scammer” vibes for some reason (there are a lot of scammers in Atlanta). He’s supposedly an Accountant, and supposedly works three different accounting jobs.

So back to this jail incident. According to him, it happened shortly after their daughter was born. He said her mother was depressed and drinking a lot (post-partum depression is real). He said that he was holding the baby, but that she found some texts from him to another woman . . .

and that she told him she was going to kill him. A struggle ensued, and he said he “accidently” hit her because she was trying to take the baby out of his arms, and he wouldn’t let her because he didn’t know if she would do something to the baby. He says she went outside and called her sister and her brother-in-law and he knew it was going to be some trouble, so he locked the door. Mind you, he still had the baby. He said they left out the garage door and went somewhere 30 miles away?!!!! Long story short (as if! ), he was charged with AGGRAVATED ASSAULT, KIDNAPPING, CRUELTY TO CHILDREN, and something else (does it even matter at this point?! ). I said, “Yeah, they charged you with cruelty to children because the child witnessed the incident. He asked me how I know this. I said, “You obviously didn’t pay attention to my Cashapp name (has the word “law” in it). I’m a Criminal Defense Attorney.”

So I’m still listening calmly, but I’m absolutely APPALLED!!!!

He says that the mother’s nose was FRACTURED!!!!

He said that somehow or another, the Prosecuting Attorney got ahold of his phone, and they were able to see footage of the struggle, which showed that the mother was the “aggressor.” He says that his attorney wanted to argue “Self Defense”, but that he didn’t want to because it could’ve cost her her job (possibly). Anywho, he takes a plea to a “Family Violence” charge and the Cruelty to Children. Whew!



I was like, “Wow! That’s a lot!”. He said that even after that, they tried to work it out, but that she was too controlling, and that he’s not going to be controlled. He said they split up for good at the beginning of the pandemic. He asked me do I like to be in control. Dear Sisters, I’d already decided that I didn’t want to be friends with him, but this is where I started to lose my patience with him.

So I told him that one of the things about staying single for so long is that I’m very comfortable by myself, and that many people stay in relationships they don’t need to be in because they fear being alone. I said, “I would’ve been done with you when I saw you texting another woman.” Dis Naker tries to JUSTIFY it by saying, “The thing is, I was texting her about her (his baby momma).”

View attachment 467253

Mind you, this man is 50! This incident happened in his late 40’s

I was like, “If you’re having problems communicating with your lady, then that’s a problem between y’all. You need to talk to her and maybe a therapist, and if it still doesn’t work out, then you need to separate. You don’t need to be developing that type of emotional intimacy with someone not in your relationship.” He could tell I was NOT feeling his excuses and his gaslighting of the woman who’d just birthed his child.

I said, “I’m not someone to tell a man what he can and cannot do, but if I see you engaging in behavior that make me feel unsafe, I’m going to log it, and then one day I’ll just disappear.” Yes, I know that you need to talk some things out, but I’m talking about obvious (or should be obvious) inappropriate behavior. He kept trying to justify his behavior and said that I shouldn’t give up on people so easily, but I will give up . . . oh I definitely WILL give up on this type of foolishness! I said, “Well, that’s why it’s important to get with someone who complements your lifestyle and character. A lot of people get themselves into mess because they ignore the red flags early on.” I wrapped up that call by saying I had to get ready for the next day. He texted me “Good morning” today, but I ignored it of course.

So, that was long, but necessary, IMO. I hope y’all were entertained. The moral of the story is . . .









I WAS RIGHT!!!!

Okay you were not right about the text but you were right about the man. There could be five guys who text in the morning from meeting via a app/dating site before work and let's be honest three or four are trash, but one will not be. I say this because on apps and all of these dating sites you have to filter through the mud and rinse off some items to find the diamonds in there. Most are not quality dudes. Anyone can sign up for these things. And that means that predatory guys and loving guys are in the mix as well as all those in between.

A lot of these dudes on these sites run game and use it to run through versus to develop relationships.You really have to filter.

On these sites there are some great guys but tons the other way that have issues galore. And then there are the ones that just don't suit you. And then there are the ones who are great but you just don't feel a spark. And finally there are the ones you consider for more. When I worked for a matchmaker, we'd find matches but also advise those on dating sites and my goodness. You have to develop a strong filter, and prevent becoming jaded while filtering. You could hit a great match on the first try but it's more like a bunch before you do.

I hate to say this but yes there are women who need to work on themselves but a lot of games are played by men. And then there are men who think they are all that when they are really worth less than a cent. Meanwhile they're on apps searching for their next love interest possibility. Eek.

 

[Silkycoils]

Okay you were not right about the text but you were right about the man. There could be five guys who text in the morning before work and let's be honest three or four are trash but one will not be. I say this because on apps and all of these dating sites you have to filter through the mud and rinse off some items to find the diamonds in there. These dudes on these sites run game and use it to run through versus to develop relationships. Again why I'm an advocate of being celibate to filter out the bums as well as for our own well being (and my own personal beliefs).

On these sites there are some great guys but tons the other way that have issues galore. And then there are the ones that just don't suit you. And then there are the ones who are great but you just don't feel a spark. And finally there are the ones you consider for more. When I worked for a matchmaker, we'd find matches but also advise those on dating sites and my goodness. You have to develop a strong filter, and prevent becoming jaded while filtering. You could hit a great match on the first try but it's more like a bunch before you do.

I hate to say this but yes there are women who need to work on themselves but a lot of games are played by men. And then there are men who think they are all that when they are really worth less than a cent. Meanwhile they're on apps searching for their next love interest possibility. Eek.

I'm just teasing about being right (mostly ). You guys gave some great advice. It's important to maintain boundaries, but to not cut people off for violating unknown boundaries (unless it's obvious and egregious). This was a fun exercise.

 

[Rocky91]

I am happy to read the mess because wow, that’s a hood melodrama right there (in which he is the protagonist!), but methinks you gave him too much of a listening ear. You are not his therapist or even life coach. You should have hung up after he said he was shot.

This kind of lowlife, violent abusive kidnapping thug shouldn’t have been able to waste your good nighttime minutes recounting his past misdeeds. It sent the message that he deserves the listening ear of a woman. Please, please block him so you’re never even tempted to engage again.

 

[Silkycoils]

I am happy to read the mess because wow, that’s a hood melodrama right there (in which he is the protagonist!), but methinks you gave him too much of a listening ear. You are not his therapist or even life coach. You should have hung up after he said he was shot.

This kind of lowlife, violent abusive kidnapping thug shouldn’t have been able to waste your good nighttime minutes recounting his past misdeeds. It sent the message that he deserves the listening ear of a woman. Please, please block him so you’re never even tempted to engage again.

Gurl, you right, but I was riveted.

To me, this is a lesson on how we absolutely MUST take our time and Vet men/people. It's so important to not be overly charmed by small gestures and often empty words. I'll tell you, most people will reveal who they are sooner, rather than later, if we would simply LISTEN and OBSERVE. I've read/heard that women should let men do as much talking as possible, and don't be afraid to ask follow-up questions. And the funny thing is that most people like talking about themselves, so it's possible to do this in a conversational manner that doesn't seem like you're interrogating him. Of course I want someone who's interested in me, but if they're not really revealing ANYTHING about themselves and encouraging you to do all of the talking . . .that's a potential red flag.


I've blocked him.

Until next time Ladies . . .