Text message the first time you hear from him?

[HairQueen]

Hi Ladies

Once again I need ur help lol! I am obviously not having much luck with dating recently!!

Met a new man last Friday night in a bar. So the bar finishes at 4am and he has work the next morning at 8am.

Sat 11am I get a text from him saying: "hi hope u got home okay"

I was surprised to get a text as the first point of communication, I have never had that happen before in all my years of dating.

Anyway so we are texting back and forth and in my head I am thinking why are we texting???? Why are we not talking?? To be fair he was at work but still I just thought why did he not just call when he finished work?

So then I thought okay maybe he was just tired and didnt want to talk that day, that wouldn't be so bad but it is now Wednesday and I have still not heard from, his last text said we will speak soon and hopefully we can meet up.

Should I be concerned? Or is it too early yet? It am hoping he is not hiding behind a text.

I just hate this dating game, its too stressful especially in the begining....if hes not going to call i just want to know sooner rather than later so I am not constantly wondering if I will hear from ever again.

 

[noemi]

Wait. He may call you, he may not, but before you get too worked up, just know you haven't even known him a week, so he isn't obligated to daily check in with you. You guys are just getting to know each other so fall back and don't stress out about it. Soon, you'll see what he is about.

If a phone call is what you want, I wouldn't respond to any texts. He has your number and is he really is wondering about you, he WILL call.

 

[smwrigh3]

I think the dating world is just too cute!!!

In my post the ladies were discussing with me about adult communication. but consider I was on his side of things and not yours.. I don't think I have much advice to offer! I honestly think that some people are just more comfortable with texting and talking on the phone (I am one of those people! ) so I say don't start worrying unless he just doesn't talk on the phone cuz that might be a sign of communication problems.

For now... go with the flow..

I'm sure others will be more helpful than me!!

Congrats on me meeting a new guy tho! is he cute?

 

[HeChangedMyName]

today alone, you are like the fourth person who has mentioned this. I think texting is becoming the norm. conversations and interaction will soo be old school. It's a sad sad day.

 

[kayte]

ahhhh that was sweet...he wanted to make sure you were okay and to have a reason
to connect..texting is a non invasive method of convo..cas some times people are in the middle of something... and given his reason it's totally appropos

just know you haven't even known him a week,

he'll call....no worries..
just see the texting... as one indication he's interested

 

[HairQueen]

Wait. He may call you, he may not, but before you get too worked up, just know you haven't even known him a week, so he isn't obligated to daily check in with you. You guys are just getting to know each other so fall back and don't stress out about it. Soon, you'll see what he is about.

If a phone call is what you want, I wouldn't respond to any texts. He has your number and is he really is wondering about you, he WILL call.

Thanks, I guess it really is just too early to say, that is what my friend said too. I have just had so many bad experiences esp recently that I am going over the top now with looking for red flags!

 

[HairQueen]

I think the dating world is just too cute!!!

In my post the ladies were discussing with me about adult communication. but consider I was on his side of things and not yours.. I don't think I have much advice to offer! I honestly think that some people are just more comfortable with texting and talking on the phone (I am one of those people! ) so I say don't start worrying unless he just doesn't talk on the phone cuz that might be a sign of communication problems.

For now... go with the flow..

I'm sure others will be more helpful than me!!

Congrats on me meeting a new guy tho! is he cute?

Hi, thanks for the response. I will just wait. Yes he is very cute , not my usual type though since my bad experiences recently I have decided to stay away from the ones I normally like - the hot looking men with the caps and baggy jeans lol! He was dressed smart but not my normal type but conversation was good..

 

[HairQueen]

today alone, you are like the fourth person who has mentioned this. I think texting is becoming the norm. conversations and interaction will soo be old school. It's a sad sad day.

Yes, I know what you mean. I sometimes think its a way to hide behind things which I really do not like. I think texting is fine sometimes but there are times when I just think its not appropriate.

 

[HairQueen]

ahhhh that was sweet...he wanted to make sure you were okay and to have a reason
to connect..texting is a non invasive method of convo..cas some times people are in the middle of something... and given his reason it's totally appropos

Yeah part of me thought it was really sweet....the other part of me thought it was hiding behind something.

he'll call....no worries..
just see the texting... as one indication he's interested

Thanks...guess I will just have to wait and see. Friday will be a week since we met if he hasn't called by then I will not be impressed.

 

[noemi]

Thanks, I guess it really is just too early to say, that is what my friend said too. I have just had so many bad experiences esp recently that I am going over the top now with looking for red flags!

The thing with red flags is that you have sometimes give them time. They always come through.

You also have to be able to take a step back too. That is difficult to do if you're focused on just one aspect of things.

 

[mrsjohnson75]

I'm so glad I'm not dating right now because all this texting, emailing, IM'ing is silly. Pick up the phone and call so we can talk!

 

[MissNina]

Well, first off, that text was really sweet lol.

Secondly, I think this has to do with like certain "ages of dating". Not age as in lifespan, but age as in time period. If you started dating in the 90s, I can see how it would be like a "WHOA" moment.

I started dating in the 2000s, so for me, I never really thought about whether a guy texted me or called. Now if he always texts and NEVER (and I do mean NEVER) calls, then yes, that signals a problem. This guy and I texted everyday or so (like full-out convos lol), we only talked via phone like once or twice a week. Texting is a lot easier and makes the initial phone convos less awkward, IMO. Texting vs. calling is nowadays more like the difference b/w taking the train or driving your car - it's a preference.

If he continues to do it and it makes you uncomfy, you can always tell him you'd rather him call. I'm sure he'd do it.

 

[R4L]

B/c of my job, I can't always be on the phone, so I engage in a healthy text banter. I wouldn't freak out just yet.

 

[Bunny77]

I like the first text to check and see if a person is okay. That's sweet.

After that, if he wants to talk more, he needs to call.

I started dating in the 1990s and most of the men I deal with did as well, so it's not like they were brought up text messaging. Up until 2006/7/8 or so, they had to call women on the phone, so they didn't suddenly forget how to do it.

When I see that dudes are going to be texting back and forth, I say nicely, "Hey, I'd much prefer to talk to you by phone. Feel free to give me a call sometime!"

Most actually do. The ones who don't... oh well, they get dismissed!

Set standards early.

 

[tocktick]

Sometimes, I think one can get so worked up by utterly minor details that they forget the bigger picture and needlessly stress themselves out. This is one of those times, OP.

Honestly, texting is becoming very ingrained in how we communicate now. Of course, it has it's place and sometimes it's not appropriate. In this instance though, I fail to see why it's an issue. 11am is too early to call some people and a text message can be a less intrusive and informal mode of contact when testing the waters.

Now that you've texted back and forth, if I were in your shoes I'd tell him to call me if he really wanted to speak and that I don't typically hold conversations via text (but that I'd simply made an exception this time). If he calls - great, you know he's into you. If he doesn't, then consider moving on because that texting thing can only last so long.

eta: I know it's slightly irrelevant now but if I were really in your shoes, I would have cut the texting thing out in less than a week but that's just me.

 

[TayMac]

Texting for the first time is ok. I don't mind texts as long as it doesn't feel like you are hiding behind them. I like a good balance. If all we do it text..when we are together in person the conversation won't flow as well. That has happened to me.

Texting is great but it can be your enemy as well.

 

[jada1111]

Unfortunately, this is how the new dating world is. I prefer phone conversation as well, but I do both. I like text when I don't feel like talking.

 

[kayte]

all in perspective..my my..it's just a week!
and he's initiating and continuing contact...
it's all good...

..if it was three weeks

 

[blaqueskimo]

Hmmmm, I don't mind texting when I KNOW you and know your routine, hours, you may be working and can't pick up the phone. But personally I would more than likely just have ignored his text and called him back when I had time.
I would have much rather he just waited and actually called me when he had time. If you start off with all that texting that's what you may end up with nowadays..... a text message boyfriend

 

[HairQueen]

Sometimes, I think one can get so worked up by utterly minor details that they forget the bigger picture and needlessly stress themselves out. This is one of those times, OP.

Honestly, texting is becoming very ingrained in how we communicate now. Of course, it has it's place and sometimes it's not appropriate. In this instance though, I fail to see why it's an issue. 11am is too early to call some people and a text message can be a less intrusive and informal mode of contact when testing the waters.

Now that you've texted back and forth, if I were in your shoes I'd tell him to call me if he really wanted to speak and that I don't typically hold conversations via text (but that I'd simply made an exception this time). If he calls - great, you know he's into you. If he doesn't, then consider moving on because that texting thing can only last so long.

eta: I know it's slightly irrelevant now but if I were really in your shoes, I would have cut the texting thing out in less than a week but that's just me.

Hi, I agree I am getting stressed out over something small - its not him its the other fools before him that are making me paranoid. I had a bad experience very recently - last week in fact with another guy which left me burned on top of the burns I already had from the boyfriend before that!

With this new guy we are talking about, his last text said:"I'll speak to you soon, maybe we can hook up!" )those are the exact words. I am therefore expecting his next contact with me to be a phone call.

Just to clarify, we haven't been texting back and forth all week. The texting only happened on one day which was the only time he has contacted me since we met which was - last Saturday, the day after we met.

 

[HairQueen]

all in perspective..my my..it's just a week!
and he's initiating and continuing contact...
it's all good...

..if it was three weeks

I agree with your wise words, I must keep in perspective as its far too early yet.

Just to clarify he initiated contact but only once so far, which involved us sending about 8 messages between us, he sent i replied, he sent i replied etc..

 

[HairQueen]

Hmmmm, I don't mind texting when I KNOW you and know your routine, hours, you may be working and can't pick up the phone. But personally I would more than likely just have ignored his text and called him back when I had time.
I would have much rather he just waited and actually called me when he had time. If you start off with all that texting that's what you may end up with nowadays..... a text message boyfriend

I agree with texting being okay when you know someone. That is why I was shocked to receive a text for the first time, I find it really strange. Even more strange that he did not follow it up with a phone call shortly afterward.

I may have put him off cos when he sent the first text I replied : "Hello, and this is? Kevin? He replied: "who else could it be....?

I knew it was him but in the back of mind I thought why are u not just calling..

 

[HairQueen]

I like the first text to check and see if a person is okay. That's sweet.

After that, if he wants to talk more, he needs to call.

I started dating in the 1990s and most of the men I deal with did as well, so it's not like they were brought up text messaging. Up until 2006/7/8 or so, they had to call women on the phone, so they didn't suddenly forget how to do it.

When I see that dudes are going to be texting back and forth, I say nicely, "Hey, I'd much prefer to talk to you by phone. Feel free to give me a call sometime!"

Most actually do. The ones who don't... oh well, they get dismissed!

Set standards early.

Hi there...as u can see I have moved on to a new problem! The other guy last week is off the menu now!!

This new guy - his last text said he will speak to me soon and mentioned meeting up so I will just wait and see...

 

[hopeful]

I agree with texting being okay when you know someone. That is why I was shocked to receive a text for the first time, I find it really strange. Even more strange that he did not follow it up with a phone call shortly afterward.

I may have put him off cos when he sent the first text I replied : "Hello, and this is? Kevin? He replied: "who else could it be....?

I knew it was him but in the back of mind I thought why are u not just calling..

HairQueen, please don't take the blame if you don't hear from him. You didn't do anything wrong, just asked who it was. Personally I think you should have heard from him by now if he was interested. I think you really need to relax and not take these guys so seriously. One date or one texting convo does not give you enough time to know if the person is serious or not. You are going to need to take a whatever attitude until a guy really steps up and shows real interest over a period of time, say several weeks in a row.

 

[username12]

HairQueen, please don't take the blame if you don't hear from him. You didn't do anything wrong, just asked who it was. Personally I think you should have heard from him by now if he was interested. I think you really need to relax and not take these guys so seriously. One date or one texting convo does not give you enough time to know if the person is serious or not. You are going to need to take a whatever attitude until a guy really steps up and shows real interest over a period of time, say several weeks in a row.

Everything she said. Just relax, have fun, and go with the flow.

 

[Bunny77]

Hi there...as u can see I have moved on to a new problem! The other guy last week is off the menu now!!

This new guy - his last text said he will speak to me soon and mentioned meeting up so I will just wait and see...

Hello!

You know, I think Hopeful said it best... really you don't know these guys well enough yet to determine whether you have a new problem or not... one date/chat/phone call does not a dating relationship make.

It sounds like you're meeting a lot of guys, which is a good thing. But you don't need to be as focused as you are about what their motives might be because they aren't doing anything -- yet -- to show they're serious.

Right now, you're dating and meeting people. Which is great! But none of this analysis stuff needs to really come into play right now. The good ones will weed themselves out... that's why you just need to play it cool with all of them until the right ones start stepping up more.

 

[MissMeWithThatIsh]

If you want a phone call, and this lasts for more than a week, ask for one. If he provides one, great. If he doesn't, keep it moving.

A lot of people do not like the phone... I am one of them. A text is easier and through texts you don't have to force yourself through a conversation you don't feel like having through a phone.

 

[HairQueen]

HairQueen, please don't take the blame if you don't hear from him. You didn't do anything wrong, just asked who it was. Personally I think you should have heard from him by now if he was interested. I think you really need to relax and not take these guys so seriously. One date or one texting convo does not give you enough time to know if the person is serious or not. You are going to need to take a whatever attitude until a guy really steps up and shows real interest over a period of time, say several weeks in a row.

Thanks for ur comments. I actually find the whole thing stressful. I am sick and tired of meeting blokes and wondering what will happen next.

I am impatient because I am bored, lonely sometimes and love the company of a man in my life as well as friends and family. I am also anxious about husband/kids in the future and it has to start somewhere but lately with me it never seems to....well..start!

 

[HairQueen]

Hello!

You know, I think Hopeful said it best... really you don't know these guys well enough yet to determine whether you have a new problem or not... one date/chat/phone call does not a dating relationship make.

It sounds like you're meeting a lot of guys, which is a good thing. But you don't need to be as focused as you are about what their motives might be because they aren't doing anything -- yet -- to show they're serious.

Right now, you're dating and meeting people. Which is great! But none of this analysis stuff needs to really come into play right now. The good ones will weed themselves out... that's why you just need to play it cool with all of them until the right ones start stepping up more.

That is the problem - they never seem to be good ones. One after the other after the other is bad. Its tiring. If I was looking for a job or a home and each time I thought I found hope then it turned out to be a disappointment I would feel the same!erplexed

 

[Bunny77]

That is the problem - they never seem to be good ones. One after the other after the other is bad. Its tiring. If I was looking for a job or a home and each time I thought I found hope then it turned out to be a disappointment I would feel the same!erplexed

I understand.

As for moving forward... well, you remember what I said in the other thread about what you "might" want to reconsider? I'm sticking to that.


Also, if you are pinning your hopes on men you meet at clubs, you're going to be in for a lot more disappointment.