Tenderheaded: Myth or Real?

[FroFab]

As I was doing my hair this evening and doing a more thorough job detangling I got to thinking about the level of discomfort I was feeling at certain points. I was trying to be as gentle as possible but when I caught a knot I'd jerk my head a little and have to finger detangle. This got me to thinking about my poor head as a child.

If you were anything like me hair days were met with trepidation because while I wanted to look cute the thought of my mother/aunt/grandmother/etc. combing my hair made my knees weak. Now that I'm more aware of how to handle my type of hair I am starting to question whether tenderheaded-ness is real or is it that our mothers/aunts/grandmothers/etc. just didn't understand that fine tooth Goody combs (especially the ones that would make the musical noise as you ran your finger along the teeth...remember those?...I digress) weren't meant for coily/curly/kinky hair?

What say you?

 

[YankeeCandle]

That's a really good question.

I'm going to have to go with "real" in my case because even the skilled Turkish male stylists in my city (they can really do African-ancestry hair ) who use widetoothed combs expertly still have me wincing.

BUT...you raise a very good point about our perceptions being colored by the erm--lacking--technique and tools some of our older relatives used on us. Come to think of it, I'm pretty sure my mother DID use a regular-toothed comb on my poor head!

 

[BlackMasterPiece]

Thats an excellent question. Styling type 4 hair shouldn't be painful whatsoever, but our grammas and momma's had no idea and thought slapping some ultra sheen then trying to comb thru it with medium wide or even fine toothed combs would do the trick.

Man oh man I used to cry and cry when it came time to get my hair done, I think this was another major factor to my negative perception of my hair type growing up. My mom eventually showed mercy by holding my hair at the base so I wouldn't feel the ripping. Every time she was done doing my hair there would be a HUGE hairball and my mom would always say oh thats normal you have thick natural hair so you're supposed to be losing that much the hairball was as big as my fist yall oh well, she meant well, when you know better you do better

It really shoudn't matter how sensitive your head is, when you're detangling properly there should be zero pain involved.

 

[missbritt1986]

Real! I remember being in elementary school & every morning my mom would gently comb & style my sister & I's hair. I had very coarse thick hair & I wouldn't even bat an eyelash when she combed it. My sis has baby fine hair & she used to cry & scream and beg her to just use the brush & never the comb.

 

[mariofmagdal]

I am to this day tender-headed. It's the main reason I am such a "hair bore". My daughter loves combing my hair, and I let her, but I have to be sure it is fully detangled first, even then I am constantly telling her to be gentle. It is very real.

 

[Foxglove]

Real! Trust and believe my scalp it is real!

 

[ycj1]

My mother knew as a child and up to now how tenderheaded I was and still am! She admitted to me that she is very tenderheaded herself to this day! My twin sister is and always have been the very opposite of me. You could yank, pull and whatever to her hair and never a complaint, but me quite the opposite. Before I even got my tail in the chair to be called next either at home or the salon tears would start to flow, because I knew what was about to happen.

Maybe that's why to this day I hate the salon!

Tenderheadedness does and always will exist! Trust me and take it from the queen of a sore scalp! No one goes into my hair but me

 

[Oasis]

I think it is. There is a part of my scalp that is literally tender and I hate doing that part because no matter how gentle I am it always gives me discomfort.

 

[Filmatic]

I still am. I thought I would grow out of it but never did. My mother was never harsh on my head and it still hurt. I'm gentle now and it hurt.

I do think you can be on to something. I've seen people really pull at little girls' heads and then called them "too tenderheaded" for crying.

 

[Bene]

I still am. I thought I would grow out of it but never did. My mother was never harsh on my head and it still hurt. I'm gentle now and it hurt.

I do think you can be on to something. I've seen people really pull at little girls' heads and then called them "too tenderheaded" for crying.

I was going to come in here and say this. Sometimes, it's a blaming the victim sort of thing. I'm going to rip this comb through your head, from the scalp to ends, and yank hard to get it through a snarl. Oh, you don't like that, you must be tenderheaded

 

[DirtyJerzeyGirly]

Thats an excellent question. Styling type 4 hair shouldn't be painful whatsoever, but our grammas and momma's had no idea and thought slapping some ultra sheen then trying to comb thru it with medium wide or even fine toothed combs would do the trick.

Man oh man I used to cry and cry when it came time to get my hair done, I think this was another major factor to my negative perception of my hair type growing up. My mom eventually showed mercy by holding my hair at the base so I wouldn't feel the ripping. Every time she was done doing my hair there would be a HUGE hairball and my mom would always say oh thats normal you have thick natural hair so you're supposed to be losing that much the hairball was as big as my fist yall oh well, she meant well, when you know better you do better

It really shoudn't matter how sensitive your head is, when you're detangling properly there should be zero pain involved.

Mom used to say the same thing to me. I'm not tenderheaded myself, but yeah.....that bolded part is still stuck in my mind.

My eldest sister is tenderheaded and I mean badly. I remember I was washing...yes just WASHING her hair and she said I was too rough. Then I combed it and she said the same thing. Ironically, my niece (her daughter) is as well. But my sister used to comb the heck outta her hair and my sisters' mother used to comb the heck outta hers as well.

I told her I'd never do her hair again!

 

[TamedTresses]

I think it is real. We all have different a threshold for pain...even when it comes to our scalp.

 

[anon123]

I don't know. Different people experience the same things differently, so it makes sense that some people are hurt more easily by the same actions. But I tend to think of it the other way around. Pulling on hair is naturally painful, and anyone who doesn't find it so is the odd one out. So I tend to think there are those of us who have regular scalps, and then there are those whose scalps have grown accustomed to rough treatment. So there are regulars, and then there are those who are "rough-headed".

I was always called tenderheaded, always. I won't even cornrow my own hair because it hurts, much less let anyone else cornrow it. But when my hair was relaxed and straight, it didn't hurt me to comb it. That means that my pain comes from my hair type. It is very difficult to detangle hair with a million knots without pulling any of the hairs, so even people who think they are gentle still hurt me. So I don't believe there is anyone anywhere who can do my hair and not hurt.

 

[PerplexingComplex]

Yes. I've never been tenderheaded, but I know some people are. It's not even their whole head, just certain parts that seem to be softer than the rest. It looks like their hair easily pulls on their scalp on those certain areas. It has nothing to do with mistreatment of hair. Those are two different things.

 

[MAMATO]

I am very tenderheaded...relaxed or natural. That is why I rarely go to the hair salons and never let anybody touch my hair. Prior to LHCF I'd go for 2 or 3days without touching my hair and would feel guilty all the way... Ever since I've found out that it is ok to not comb your hair every day, I've been really feeling better. I dont scratch my scalp even when it is very itchy just because the cost of the pain is too high comparing to the benefits of the relief.

 

[Jewell]

I think it's real. I've never been tender-headed at all in my life, but in the last 4-6 months since I've been transitioning, I've noticed my scalp is quite tender during comb-outs and detangling. Not sure why, but I've heard other ladies complain about increased tenderness when lots of NG comes in. I agree with Mwedzi, I think my tenderness comes from hair type as well. When I was relaxed, I never had issues with tenderness. Yet the first time I was natural (as an adult), I was, and now that I'm transitioning, I am. Weird, I know!

 

[daydreem2876]

its very real. i cried everyday when my mother combed my hair, absolutely dreaded going to get my hair pressed as a child, getting my hair wet to swim was a life decision, and even as an adult will not go to the salon to get my hair done, even though one of my dearest friends is a stylist.

I am so glad I found LHCF to learn how to caer for my hait because I honestly do not like for other people to comb it

 

[Almaz]

Yes I am and have always been tender headed. I dont' like people in my hair It hurts

 

[hillytmj]

Yes, I think tenderheadedness is real. However, I do think you can become less tenderheaded. I did after wearing a sew-in weave. It hurt like heck each time they installed it, but after enduring that pain, I can handle a lot more hair manipulation.

 

[Natirelle]

If your not detangling your hair right, of course its going to hurt and your going to feel tenderheaded. My personal theory for me is that if my hair doesnt have detangling lotion or conditoner on it while im detangling, of course your going to rip your hair out and have the "tenderheaded".

 

[tsturnbu]

it is REAL! As gentle as I am with my hair, combing my hair still will hurt if my hair is not bone straight...particularly in the temple area.

i have been in hair salons, and have seen women sitting calmly in the stylist chair while the stylist rips (or appears to rip) through teh customer's hair. teh customer appears not to feel a thing, but looking at it makes me cringe knowing if it was me, i would have been arrested because my reflex would have made me punch her out at the first snag!

 

[Tee]

It's very real. I use to be but my mom and aunts were all heavy handed. I got use to it.

 

[NikkiGirl]

I would say myth. The reason I say this is because when I was younger my aunt would braid my hair every week. She would take it out on Saturday night, because I always wore my hair in ponytails for church. Anyway, I had natural very curly hair and she take that comb and would start at the scalp and pull down so hard. I remember it would always hurt. But when I style and comb my hair with better practices, it doesn't hurt at all. But God Bless her, she was just trying to help. My mom was never into doing anything concerning hair, so my aunt did it.

 

[tenderheaded]

I chose the screen name because for me it is very real! My hair is extremely tightly curled, and it doesn't like to be touched! I just washed my hair after letting it go (I'm relaxed) for 2 weeks. I started at the ends after using my fingers - oh yes, it 's tender!

My mom would have me hiding under the bed to avoid the pain

 

[JJamiah]

It is very real, it's not detangling for me that is a problem it is when I get my hair braided or corn rowed it feels like my skull will come out! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH it is very Real!

No matter how gentle the braider! Sorry certain spots just hurts

and unless your tender headed it may seem like a myth but some people do get use to it and some don't I am the don't part!

I also try to braid my hair back and certain parts which is the tender parts still hurt like heessy!

 

[EMJazzy]

If I had to chose between going into labor or having someone (other than myself) doing my hair....I'll take going into labor for $500 Alex. Heck YEAH tenderheadedness is *very* real. I'm tenderheaded, my maternal grandmother is very tenderheaded, both of my daughter's and my oldest granddaughter is tenderheaded. UGH

 

[lilanie]

I have to agree it is real, and I have to agree that technique can make it better or worse.

I can say I have a high threshold for pain (I have a tat on my thigh about 5 inches long by 4 inches wide - it took 2 hours & I didnt flinch till the last 15 minutes; and used to recieve allergy/asthma shots as a child) - BUT, something about my scalp; I cannot take anyone in my hair. I just dont have the confidence that the person combing/styling my hair will be cognizant of the pressure they're applying to my head. And i do experience increased tenderness with my new growth (as another poster pointed out)...

It's gotta be real - there are over 5 billion people on this earth; I can raise my left eyebrow and bend my thumb in a weird way; so there will be some people that a breeze can blow their hair & they wince and others that you can pluck their hairs out one by one and they show no reaction...

 

[JJamiah]

If I had to chose between going into labor or having someone (other than myself) doing my hair....I'll take going into labor for $500 Alex. Heck YEAH tenderheadedness is *very* real. I'm tenderheaded, my maternal grandmother is very tenderheaded, both of my daughter's and my oldest granddaughter is tenderheaded. UGH

LOL I say that to my husband I am like you don't know what I am feeling, I have had four kids and I'd rather have a 5th because this pain, you taking it straight to the head!!!!

 

[me-T]

the last time i went natural, i got tenderheaded because i never really got down to my roots. so whenever someone else was in my head it hurt. it was weird 'cause i never had that problem, nor do i anymore.

my late aunt was supposedly tenderheaded, but i didn't believe it because she ALWAYS got her hair done in ways that put stress on the scalp.

 

[MizAvalon]

If the pain is real, how can it be a myth?