Talking to him is like...

[clarity2008]

TALKING TO A BRICK WALL!


For the past few years I have been sick and I do a lot of research about the illness online, just because doctors have not been helping at all. Anywho, to make a long story short, SO came home today and I was telling him about an article I read about a woman who was having identical issues and she also talked about solutions that have helped her (because her dr was usless as well). I was kind of just summarizing the article just to share it with him and compare/contrast with my situation. Everytime I said something about what this woman in the article had done to help herself or something strange that happened he would have a rebuttal.

Example:

Me: She said that she had taken the medication and the day after she stopped she got sick again.
SO: Well maybe she wasn't taking the meds the way she was supposed to. (When he knows good and well that this is NOT NOT NOT easily treated with meds!)
Me: Maybe. She also said that "x" happened when she did "z". And...(he cuts me off)
SO: She was probably doing it the wrong way.
Me: Well she was pretty detailed and I don't think she was doing it incorrectly.
SO: You don't know who she is. She could be crazy.
Me:


...and the cycle continued until I finally got so frustrated and gave up and told him that he was missing the point. I was telling him about the article simply beacuse it was interesting and I have not come across many articles/blogs/whatever that deal with the same illness I have. I wasn't reading it to him so that he could critique her and the way that she was handling things. I don't have an issue with him having his own opinion but it was like, JUST LISTEN!! DAYUM!! Its like he has to hit a certain word count everyday or something. Was I wrong to snap? Is he MENstruating?

>END RANT<

 

[missty1029]

Girl, I so know who you feel. Instead of playing damn devils advocate or countering everything you say, just shut up and listen.
You were not wrong to snap. I thinks its because men thing with logic. So if it doesnt sound perfect to them it doesnt make sense. And thats how they converse with you about it. Drives me crazy.

 

[clarity2008]

ITA. It really just got to me today. I was like "SHUT THE F**K UP!" AHHHH! LOL

 

[MizAvalon]

I'm sorry you're going through this. I know a guy like this. You try to share something and he always has a critical comeback. I have often wondered why people like this are this way.

 

[hopeful]

I'm sorry you are sick. I hope you do find the answers you need. I have resolved several issues by seeking internet advice which then led me to getting the right doctor or the right meds. Some men don't get it, you know? Next time you want to talk maybe just tell him you don't mind hearing his opinion but to please at least listen to the whole story first. Hopefully he is helpful/understanding otherwise.

 

[Butterfly08]

I'm sorry you're going through this. I know a guy like this. You try to share something and he always has a critical comeback. I have often wondered why people like this are this way.

Me too. I agree - try asking him to hear you out before countering every single point. Highly annoying.

 

[FlowerHair]

Men usually have a hard time accepting that their lady is sick, even if it's just a cold

I'm so sorry that you aren't well, I hope you find other ways to draw strength from your SO and continue on the path of healing and reasearching. :Rose:

 

[Vanity1]

Girl, I so know who you feel. Instead of playing damn devils advocate or countering everything you say, just shut up and listen.
You were not wrong to snap. I thinks its because men thing with logic. So if it doesnt sound perfect to them it doesnt make sense. And thats how they converse with you about it. Drives me crazy.

Do they @ the bolded? Cause with some of the dumb sh*t they conjure up in they brain, I cannot tell.

 

[Seeking8Rights]

I'd like to think that all men can instantly comprehend or even share the intent of sharing information in the same fashion as women. However, as you experienced, that is not reality.

To prevent the mere sharing of information from turning combative or debative, perhaps state in the beginning your intentions and expectations of the coversation.

If you are not open to his response then maybe state that by saying - Hey babe listen to this, I'm not really looking for feedback but just wanting to share some information or food for thought.

If you are in fact open for feedback then perhaps start with "Hey what do you think about this....." This helps you prepare to have an open discussion with him and it gives him the feeling that he could share his agreements or disagreements without being attacked for providing them.

If we all as wives thought our husbands were complete idiots and incapable of discussing topics with us, then I highly doubt we would have married them.

 

[Seeking8Rights]

Men usually have a hard time accepting that their lady is sick, even if it's just a cold

I'm so sorry that you aren't well, I hope you find other ways to draw strength from your SO and continue on the path of healing and reasearching. :Rose:

I agree and often times the resistance comes from denial or not willing to accept their lady is sick.

I have experienced this myself with my husband and my illness.

 

[FlowerHair]

I agree and often times the resistance comes from denial or not willing to accept their lady is sick.

I have experienced this myself with my husband and my illness.

They're just big babies

Honestly, when I read OP's conversation with her husband it's also clear to me that they have the typical Male-Female way of communicating. Men want so badly to come up with a solution, whereas the woman just wants to inform/vent etc. When the woman wants someone to agree or just listen, the man thinks she wants some advice And there we go again
Sometimes it's better to talk to a girlfriend LOL!

 

[clarity2008]

They're just big babies

Honestly, when I read OP's conversation with her husband it's also clear to me that they have the typical Male-Female way of communicating. Men want so badly to come up with a solution, whereas the woman just wants to inform/vent etc. When the woman wants someone to agree or just listen, the man thinks she wants some advice And there we go again
Sometimes it's better to talk to a girlfriend LOL!

You hit the nail on the head

Thanks for the advice and kind words ladies!

 

[longhairlover]

men are retarded and some of them can be very disagreeable, I hope you feel better and just explain to him like the other ladies said "listen to what i'm saying first".

get well.

 

[Cincysweetie]

I know some people have a hard time accepting information that's found on the internet. I mean how many times have we all tried to talk about LHCF stuff to non-LHCF'ers and they look at you like you're crazy? And LHCF is *just* about hair as oppossed to a medical condition. So maybe he's just not trusting of the source of your information, a lot of people are not comfortable with internet diagnosis, including medical professionals.

I also agree that sometimes it's hard for men to accept illnesses. If you've been dealing with this for awhile with no solid leads, he may not want you to get your hopes up only to be disappointed. Add to that what flower hair said about different communicating styles and you have a perfect concoction for a frustrating conversation.