Tales from the Crypt: Trifling People Relationship Edition

okange76

Well-Known Member
OK Ladies let’s write an Anthology of Short Stories about relationships you’ve come across that violate the laws of gravity, reality, humanity and every other..ity you can think of. Things you’ve seen, stories you’ve heard or read about.

Rules of Engagement:
True stories only.
Change all characters’ names to real celebrity names just to make it more interesting. If the person is black, use a black celeb, white use a white celeb etc
The central character, man or woman for all the stories should be called HAM to maintain consistency
List each character and their relationship to the story
Break up the story in paragraphs if it is too long
Repeats/Links from old threads are welcome if they are more than two years old.

Let’s probe each other’s minds and give plenty of food for thought. Hopefully we can all learn something from all the stories posted. Analyze the stories and give your 2 cents.
 
Here is mine. I know the family involved personally.

Tyson 10th grade dropout, married man with 2 kids, lives in the village in Africa, unemployed
HAM lives in the US
Bono HAM’s husband
Cierra HAM’s older sister, lives in the US,
Mya HAM and Cierra’s first cousin, born and raised in Europe
Willow Cierra’s teenage daughter
Jaden Cierra’s teenage son


HAM, Mya and Cierra’s extended family took Tyson in and raised him when his parents died. He is actually a very distant relative. Don’t know how this started but Tyson began dating HAM when she was in high school and he became her first everything. In the meantime, Cierra relocated to the US and 5 years later brought HAM back with her. When HAM left, Tyson went after Mya when she was visiting from Europe and succeeded. Tyson made sure that the two cousins never bumped into each other. He juggled their holiday schedules to his benefit. He even got married and had two kids with someone else. Whenever either cousin was visiting, he’d move to the city to live with them. His poor wife would be left in the village for weeks at a time. Both women knew about each other and the wife but neither was willing to leave him. The Euro and the US Dollar kept this man expensively fed and clothed for so many years.

Four years ago Mya got pregnant and had a son with Tyson. She packed up her stuff from Europe and moved back to Africa. Don’t know if she has moved on or not. HAM had an emotional breakdown when she found out about Mya’s baby but she still never left Tyson. In the meantime, HAM had also gotten married to Bono six years ago but continued seeing Tyson whenever she went home. She made sure that Bono never went to Africa to see her extended family. Last year, HAM went home to Africa and finally saw Mya’s 4 year old son for the first time and decided that she wanted one too. So guess who is currently 8 months pregnant with Tyson’s child?

Um remember Bono? , well, he had always wanted a child for the last 5 years and HAM had refused so he was super excited about this baby. Unfortunately, HAM told him two weeks ago that he is not the father after he had made all the necessary arrangements and mentally prepared himself to be a father. Bono showed up at Cierra’s house bawling his eyes out with HAM in tow. He had a complete emotional meltdown when he saw Willow and Jaden. He hugged them tight and told them that he loved them. He begged them to always consider him their uncle. He told Cierra that she was so lucky to have had kids. He said that he had achieved every other goal he had set for himself and now the love of his life had broken his heart with the only thing that was left to complete him.

Bono is an only child and is 41 yrs old so he desperately wants a family. His parents are also deceased. He blames himself for not being there for HAM and has convinced himself that he is responsible for HAM’s misdeeds. He believes he never made enough time for her, he was always with his friends, he never colored enough with her to make her happy etc. He has begged her to stay and is willing to be a father to her kid. HAM sat there looking pretty and listened while this man bared his soul in front of her sister without a care in the world. Cierra and all of HAM’s other sisters begged her to reconsider but HAM eventually moved out and hasn’t looked back. She is filing for divorce and is planning to bring Tyson over to the US so that they can raise their baby together. Tyson is excited about moving to the US. As for his wife and two kids? Oh well, too bad for them.

THE END

NEXT
 
Poor Bono, HAM possibly messed up a decent guy. HAM and Tyson will never have any luck.

Corrected to say Poor Bono.
 
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Here is mine. I know the family involved personally.

Tyson 10th grade dropout, married man with 2 kids, lives in the village in Africa, unemployed
HAM lives in the US
Bono HAM’s husband
Cierra HAM’s older sister, lives in the US,
Mya HAM and Cierra’s first cousin, born and raised in Europe
Willow Cierra’s teenage daughter
Jaden Cierra’s teenage son


HAM, Mya and Cierra’s extended family took Tyson in and raised him when his parents died. He is actually a very distant relative. Don’t know how this started but Tyson began dating HAM when she was in high school and he became her first everything. In the meantime, Cierra relocated to the US and 5 years later brought HAM back with her. When HAM left, Tyson went after Mya when she was visiting from Europe and succeeded. Tyson made sure that the two cousins never bumped into each other. He juggled their holiday schedules to his benefit. He even got married and had two kids with someone else. Whenever either cousin was visiting, he’d move to the city to live with them. His poor wife would be left in the village for weeks at a time. Both women knew about each other and the wife but neither was willing to leave him. The Euro and the US Dollar kept this man expensively fed and clothed for so many years.

Four years ago Mya got pregnant and had a son with Tyson. She packed up her stuff from Europe and moved back to Africa. Don’t know if she has moved on or not. HAM had an emotional breakdown when she found out about Mya’s baby but she still never left Tyson. In the meantime, HAM had also gotten married to Bono six years ago but continued seeing Tyson whenever she went home. She made sure that Bono never went to Africa to see her extended family. Last year, HAM went home to Africa and finally saw Mya’s 4 year old son for the first time and decided that she wanted one too. So guess who is currently 8 months pregnant with Tyson’s child?

Um remember Bono? , well, he had always wanted a child for the last 5 years and HAM had refused so he was super excited about this baby. Unfortunately, HAM told him two weeks ago that he is not the father after he had made all the necessary arrangements and mentally prepared himself to be a father. Bono showed up at Cierra’s house bawling his eyes out with HAM in tow. He had a complete emotional meltdown when he saw Willow and Jaden. He hugged them tight and told them that he loved them. He begged them to always consider him their uncle. He told Cierra that she was so lucky to have had kids. He said that he had achieved every other goal he had set for himself and now the love of his life had broken his heart with the only thing that was left to complete him.

Bono is an only child and is 41 yrs old so he desperately wants a family. His parents are also deceased. He blames himself for not being there for HAM and has convinced himself that he is responsible for HAM’s misdeeds. He believes he never made enough time for her, he was always with his friends, he never colored enough with her to make her happy etc. He has begged her to stay and is willing to be a father to her kid. HAM sat there looking pretty and listened while this man bared his soul in front of her sister without a care in the world. Cierra and all of HAM’s other sisters begged her to reconsider but HAM eventually moved out and hasn’t looked back. She is filing for divorce and is planning to bring Tyson over to the US so that they can raise their baby together. Tyson is excited about moving to the US. As for his wife and two kids? Oh well, too bad for them.

THE END

NEXT



:cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: BONO!!!!!
:cry: :cry: :cry:
 
Here I go......and unfortunately it's a true story

HAM Divorced mother of 3(girls)
Boris Kojoe Ex fiance of HAM(also a single dad)
Kim K Ex jumpoff of Boris Kojoe(happens to work with him as well)
Pamsc former best friend of HAM(I just couldn't take it anymore! lol)

HAM and Boris were dating on and off for about 2yrs. Boris is a single dad who at the very begining of meeting HAM told her he didn't want anything serious, just some one to "hang out " with. Well, HAM assumed she could change him and developed feelings for him and labeled there arrangement as more than that...she claims at some point Boris did too. Moving on, HAM is at Boris's house one evening, while he is in the shower his cell phone vibrates. HAM picks it up and sees a message from Kim K. Something to the effect of "I enjoyed you last week" ect. She is pissed yada yada yada....somehow Boris talks his way out of this situation...this was early Spring (2010)I might add. Well over the Summer, HAM finds out, via Boris's son, that he is planning on moving to Korea.. In fact plans have been made for the son to leave in a couple of weeks. HAM had no idea. Also, Boris's ex-wife and other two sons lives in Korea and the last time he visited them(Winter 2009) he ended up sleeping w/ her.(I really don't have the energy to digress on that. lol)So essentially, HAM and Boris break up at the end of the Summer(2010) due to Boris's move to Korea. During the break-up HAM tells me her kids didn't really like him anyway, he wasn't the "one". He is a 40yr weed head and daily drinker. I'd dub him an alcoholic, but she preferred daily drinker-tomato/tamata....Whatever. Apparently while in Korea he gets all Chrisette Michelle and has an epiphany. Supposedly he calls her and starts confessing love and marriage. She gets uber excited about this and starts planning this elaborate wedding with her tax money. Mind you he is still in Korea. Pamsc told her "do not spend your money on this wedding. (I didn't have the heart to tell her not to marry him-she was wayyy to happy/deperate to be married.) Even though Pamsc didn't agree to the sham of a wedding, she was still going to participate as the Matron on honor as she was asked to do. However, Pamsc was waiting until the last minute before purchasing this 200.00 dress. Moving on, HAM spent about 1400.00 on her dress and accessories, 700.00 on her girls dresses, paid the deposit on the venue(can't remember how much), paid the deposit on photography, and the wedding planner. HAM then goes and takes a flight to Korea to visit this jerk(another several hundred $$) While she is there, he ask her to pay the deposit on HIS tux until he gets paid(at his burger joint job!!! I'm not knocking his work, but at 40yrs....) and she does it...she also paid for other odds and ends...to many to name. So a few days after returning from Korea, he ended it the way he started it-over the phone! He called and said after much thought ect, he was not ready to be married. She was aghast! Crying for days. Pamsc was there for her along with other family and friends, but for whatever reason HAM started avoiding Pamsc and acted like it was all my fault!!!! (Yeah, I know I am referring to myself in 3rd person lol)


ETA: I just realized I forgot to mention Kim K and Boris worked together at local burger joint until he moved to Korea.:perplexed
 
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^^^So Boris just went back to his exwife???

Girl I don't know...I stay the hayle away from that drama :spinning: I don't think the ex-wife would have his trifling behind back.

His purpose in moving to Korea was to be closer to his younger sons...
 
This really happened to someone I know.

HAM is a 50+ year old lesbian who lives in Atlanta. She met Djimon who is a wealthy African Muslim business man. She decides she likes wood after all and becomes the third wife of Djimon. However some suspected that it was not the wood so much that attracted HAM to Djimon but the lifestyle she thought he could give her.

He had houses in Paris, France, his native African country and Los Angeles. He also had a wife in Africa and another one in LA.

He spent time time between each wife. HAM thought that she would live a life of luxury after hooking up with him. However, with all his wealth , both of Djimon's wives were independent financially. So, he was a bit put off when he realised that HAM expected him to set her up nicely with a place in Atlanta and another in London England.

The relationship progressed and HAM quit her job and became Djimon's third wife. He took turns visiting them around the world or they would visit him in Paris. sometimes HAM and him would meet in London.

One day HAM decides that she needed more time with him. He was visiting wife number 2 in LA and HAM flew to LA from Atlanta and turned up at wife number 2 house unannounced.

They allowed her to stay but it was obvious that wife number 2 was livid at the intrusion.

That night wife number 2 cooked a big vat of stew that she kept stirring and stirring. Finally she offered some to HAM. The next day HAM felt ill and decides to fly back to Atlanta. When she arrived home she collapsed and had to be taken to the hospital. The doctors told her that her symptoms were consistent with that of someone who had been poisoned.

She told Djimon but he did not believe that wife number 2 was capable of doing something like that.

When HAM realised that Djimon expected her to continue working and be self sufficient as his wife she eventually dumped him.

The end
 
Did HAM realised the Dijmon and the second lady may have poisoned her together? Also Dijmon only had 1 wife and 2 concubines\mistress's\jumpoffs. Poor HAM and LA lady actually believed they were wives. LOL
 
Keen, I couldn't dare coz everyone I know watches those movies and Cierra is one of my closest friends. Someone in the family would definitely figure it out.
 
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