"Taking Back the N-word" - Thoughts?

[iri9109]

The word doesn't bother me at all. I'm a relaxed nappy head.

me too!
&whats the difference between curly/coily/kinky/nappy if it's used to describe the same type of hair? changing the word doesnt change the texture...i'm relaxed but once the new growth comes, it's nappy! & even sometimes the relaxed part gets nappy if i dont do my hair!

but different strokes for different folks...i still refer to my hair and others as nappy, but of course if i knew some one was offended by it then i wouldnt use it in conversation with them or about them.

 

[lux10023]

i dont know why anyone would describe their hair as nappy-

--i myself would never describe a blk persons hair as nappy----

my hair even in its worst state is no where near nappy--

 

[AvaSpeaks]

Well I have a problem with it. I would never use a word that had a negative meaning to try and use it in a positive way. When you take a negative word and try to change or use it in a positive way, you are accepting that word and what it means on some level.

Our hair is not "nappy". There are other words we can use to describe our hair than "nappy".

And to the poster that mentioned that some White people call their hair nappy. White people calling their hair "nappy" is just the same as them calling things "ghetto" now. They have no clue what they hell they are talking about, they are just saying it and they think it's cute, it's not.

Let's stop using negative words that have negative meanings to describe anything about ourselves!

 

[ceebee3]

What part of the definition is negative? I don't mean someones feelings about the word I mean the actual definition, what about it is negative?

 

[PPGbubbles]

I talk about being nappy and happy all the time!

it is used offensively but the term nap wasnt CREATED to insult negros.

Sheep wool has a nap, and if you have every bout a paint roller they have varying thicknesses of nap.

 

[Eritreladiee]

I don't think most people would have a problem with it if they actually knew the etymology and definition.

My hair is nappy, it's a perfect word to describe my hair. I don't see how it could be negative.

I don't think etymology matters, common currency usage does.

If etymology superseded common currency usage, then a white person could call you a ******/negro in 2009, and argue that it's ok because the term/s were a neutral way of describing blacks in the 17th century. It just doesn't work like that...

 

[Eritreladiee]

Here's what Oxford English Dictionary has to say:
{DRAFT REVISION Dec. 2009}

nappy, adj.2

1. Of cloth: having a nap, downy. Also in extended use.
c1500 Promp. Parv. (Harl. 2274) 358 Noppy or wully, Villosus. 1530 J. PALSGRAVE Lesclarcissement 319/2 Noppy as clothe is that hath a grosse woffe, gros. 1604 J. MARSTON Malcontent II. iii, Thou Burre that onely stickest to nappy fortunes. 1625 K. LONG tr. J. Barclay Argenis III. iii. 155 The first troupe was of children in white nappy garments. 1675 T. HOBBES tr. Homer Odyssey (1677) 36 Clothed with soft nappy cloak and coat. 1727 D. DEFOE Compl. Eng. Tradesman II. I. iv. 123 The French wore nappy [1745 knappy] and coarse [cloth]. 1796 W. WITHERING Arrangem. Brit. Plants (ed. 3) IV. 197 Pileus rather conical, knappy, yellow. 1823 in Spirit of Public Jrnls. 513 Neither its owner nor itself are any longer nappy. 1849 ‘L. SHORTFIELD’ Western Merchant vii. 175 A party of fashionably dressed ladies and gentlemen in muddy boots, and nappy blanket coats. 1904 Westm. Gaz. 10 Nov. 4/2 The cloth was slightly nappy. 1971 Sunday Nation (Nairobi) 11 Apr. 42/1 They have been playing on lush fairways and greens that, while nappy, hold well and putt truly. 1992 Buzzworm Nov.-Dec. 35/2 To foster the nappy vegetative pile so necessary to the proper roll of a golf ball, [etc.].

2. U.S. slang (freq. derogatory.). Of hair, esp. that of a black person: frizzy.
1885 Amer. Naturalist 19 523 Hair nappy or very spiral. 1927 B. GRANT Nappy Head Blues (song) in R. R. MacLeod Yazoo 1{em}20 (1988) 21 Your head is nappy, your feet's so mamlish long. 1971 Black World June 71/2 Her hair..was in the bushy style that the freedom riders had brought. They called it ‘natural’; Bojack called it nappy. 1987 E. LEONARD Bandits iv. 56 The other one was Creole-looking, a light-skinned black guy with pointy cheekbones and nappy hair.

SPECIAL USES

(In sense 2.)

S1. nappy-haired adj.
1954 L. ARMSTRONG Satchmo v. 86 She was short and *nappy haired and she had buck teeth. 1995 E. WHITE Farewell Symphony (1998) viii. 311 Kevin was thrilled one night when he picked up a dark, muscular, nappy-haired guy.

nappy-headed adj.
1896 Atlantic Monthly May 719 Think I must 'a' ben cunjered when I married a man black like George, an' now I has this houseful o' *nappy-headed chillun. 1950 A. LOMAX Mister Jelly Roll (1952) 80 Light-skinned Downtown shared the bandstand with ‘real black and nappy-headed’ Uptown. 1997 Jrnl. Blacks in Higher Educ. No. 17. 92 (caption) Always the big joke was that black people were big-lipped, bug-eyed, nappy-headed, and stupid.

S2. nappy head n. U.S. slang (derogatory) a black person.
1973 Black World Apr. 63 All them ol' *nappy-heads runnin' up there tryin' to pull his clothes off. 1994 A. SINCLAIR Coffee will make you Black xii. 117 Donald yells ‘nappy head’ every time the teacher calls her name.

 

[melodies815]

I always thought it was a descriptor and never really took it negatively when talking in the context of hair.

I have heard it used to be offensive, and at those times, I was always glad I was not the person being talked about....but also at those times, the word "nappy" had less to do with hair than the person's character.

For example, when my grandmother found out that my grandfather was being unfaithful, she called the woman in question a Nappy-Headed something or another. The woman was a beautiful, caramel colored woman, with pretty, curly hair. There was nothing "nappy" about her as far as I could see.

If it ever did, the word doesn't bother me at all now. To be fair, I just talk about my "hair," not my "nappy" or even "kinky" hair...just my hair....

cj

 

[melodies815]

I also wanted to add that when my mom did my hair, she never complained about my hair or my sister's. She said when we were little that water and conditioner saved the day. She never had detangling issues with our hair....so I don't think we were in a position to have negative feelings about the word or about our hair. No one ever used the word in our home.

So...I guess I am biased. Nappy just doesn't feel like a bad word to me...and even if someone did use it to describe my hair, I would not feel badly...

 

[yaya24]

Nappy headed h0es = Derogatory

I love my nappy kinks and curls = Not Derogatory

I use the term nappy. I'm happy to be nappy.

 

[Lyoness]

I'd never use the word nappy to describe hair, where I live a nappy is for babies bottoms

 

[Daughter]

See now for me in my corner of London I didn't hear the term "nappy" to describe hair growing up. Over here, it's a synonym for diaper (nappy = an abbreviation of napkin). The insulting term for nappy hair was "picky hair" However, I fully understand how the word nappy has been used pejoratively in times past and sadly, present. Outside of hair boards, I don't think I've heard the term used in a positive way.

 

[CocoGlow]

I don't have a problem with the term - hence my username

When I found sites like Nappturality.com, I was surprised/relieved to see so many people embracing the term with pride and I did the same .... I just see it as a word to describe hair texture... it is what it is ... I see it as a normal adjective that could be used in a good or bad way depending on the person ... for example if someone's skin color is described as vanilla, caramel or chocolate, it depends on the tone used that would determine if it is an insult, compliment, etc --not the term itself -- the term is an accurate description ... just like nappy is an accurate description.

Unfortunately, I have come across a LOT of people who do use the term nappy w/ a tone of shame or disgust that really makes me cringe! They will either talk about their own hair or some one else's hair with such disdain .. the worst is when they talk about a child's head of hair "Oh she got that NAPPY hair!" .. it's like they vomit the word out .. so even if the child does not fully understand what it means they can tell that it is not desirable at ALL ... such a sad sad thing to witness

I choose to describe my OWN hair as nappy or kinky ... no real emotion behind it .. it is what it is ... if anything, my tone is positive, not complaining or upset so that others do not think I loathe my hair in any way ... I want them to know it is possible to have nappy hair and be proud & content with it... if I knew of another word, I'd use that as well but I'd still use the term nappy ... I choose not to say curly or coily b/c my 4B curls & coils are not defined and really noticeable so I just don't feel like those descriptive words are as accurate for MY hair.

I do NOT think that nappy is in ANY way comparable to the other N word .. but b/c I am aware of the derogatory way that has been used and continues to be used by others, and the emotional scars it has caused, I am selective about how I describe OTHER people's hair when they have a similar texture to mine ... Just b/c I don't have those scars does not mean I should not be sensitive to others and respect their outlook ... I might say "kinky" instead since that seems to go over well w/ most folks and IF I use the term "nappy" I follow it up w/ something like "My hair is nappy too and beautiful...nothing wrong w/ nappy hair!" ... just in case I get the side eye

 

[Kurlee]

why do we insist on using words that are derogatory and insulting to us? There are soooooooooooooo many other words that we can use that do not have historical and degrading undertones. It's very simple. We can call our hair curly, coily, "froish". Words are very powerful and we don't have to use words that insult ourselves and others. It's a choice. It's almost like we can't function without perpetuating our own inferiority.

 

[LadyRaider]

Nappy headed h0es = Derogatory

The worst part about that insult was that the girls Imus referred to hadn't seen an actual nap in a month of Sundays. Those girls were relaxed/pressed/weaved/whatever. Not a nap in sight.

Obviously the word carries more meaning than just an insult to actual hair.

 

[Nonie]

The worst part about that insult was that the girls Imus referred to hadn't seen an actual nap in a month of Sundays. Those girls were relaxed/pressed/weaved/whatever. Not a nap in sight.

Obviously the word carries more meaning than just an insult to actual hair.

Only if you let that be true of you will it mean ish to you.

My friend's hubby is a male chauvinist. He always makes comments like "What else would you expect from a woman?" and "You're just a woman." He says it as an insult. I know deep inside he's full of ish because not only am I smarter than him, more able than him (I've seen his incompetence even in things that should be manly DIY jobs), but also I have seen him look admiringly at something I have done when he forgets to put on his Men-Rule facade and know he knows I'm all that and a bag of chips. So I know deep down dude has issues.

If someone called me a blonde latina ho, the only part of that line that would offend me is the "ho" part, coz that is calling me something that I would not be proud to be. Even if that was my trade, I don't think I'd be handing out business cards out on main street. I'd want it to be on the DL. Now the blonde latina part would just be weird and even funny. And I'd just think the speaker is a few sandwiches short of a picnic.

It's OK to misunderstand a word because of its wrong use and reference/inference or intended hurt. Just like the word "n i g g a r d l y" that made my blood curdle when I first heard it. Granted it wasn't rammed into my head over and over again incorrectly till I bought the lie about its true meaning, so this is probably not a good example. But it's all I've got so hear me out. So when I found out what the word meant, it immediately stopped to bother me one bit. I do think the guy that used it hoped he'd get the reaction he got (fury, disbelief, hurt, etc) and yes he succeeded, but I'll be damned if he'd ever again get to me with a word which I now understand better. He could say, "You n i g g a r d donor!" and I'd just shrug and think, "Can't help it if I don't make enough to give more." I know it may not be that easy with a word that has habitually been understood to be bad, but I hold onto hope that someday as we continue to remind ourselves of its true meaning, we'll be able to stop those lashes from landing on us anymore and causing pain.

Obviously Imus is a nincompoop coz he apparently uses the word "nappy-headed" as an N word or description of all black people, but since it is not, why not let the fool look like a fool. I was pissed at him calling them hos coz lawd knows that was uncalled for and rude. But I didn't mind the nappy-headed part one bit. And now that I know that none of the girls were wearing kinks, I'm actually pretty tickled at what a peabrain he is.

 

[andromeda]

why do we insist on using words that are derogatory and insulting to us? There are soooooooooooooo many other words that we can use that do not have historical and degrading undertones. It's very simple. We can call our hair curly, coily, "froish". Words are very powerful and we don't have to use words that insult ourselves and others. It's a choice. It's almost like we can't function without perpetuating our own inferiority.

I beg to differ.

Now I can understand where you're coming from due to the thread title and the trend of some people to reclaim/embrace words whose negativity has long crossed over from connotative to denotative, for example the other n-word. I, too, find the this mentality and "strategy" misguided. However, "nappy" is a different creature. Nappy is a neutral descriptor that has maintained its neutrality in denotation and usage despite any negative connotations it had taken on over time. It's also important to note that those negative connotations are not as widespread in usage as some may think. Growing up, I only heard nappy used neutrally or positively. I was aware that some people used it negatively but IME, those people took issue with the texture of the hair they were calling "nappy". So they would be just as likely to spew "kinky", "coily", or "4b" with the same level of disdain because they viewed this type of hair, and moreover, the people whose heads it grew out of, as inferior.

The word and its usage is neither inherently or consistently derogatory nor insulting. It's an adjective that accurately describes some of our hair. I resent that I would be accused of perpetuating inferiority simply by virtue of using an accurate, neutral adjective to describe my hair.

More of my thoughts on the word from another thread:

"A rose by any other name would smell as sweet."

This quote usually sums up these discussions. I value words and I do understand that words can be powerful tools in politics and oppression. However, I think our rejection of certain words, despite their neutral meaning, often reveals that we've internalized the negative attitudes that were projected onto the word's use at one time or another.

IMO, nappy is a neutral descriptor. I take no issue with the fact that my hair shares in common all the traits of a nap, therefore I take no issue with the word. If someone is using the word in a negative way, that is, to imply that those traits are bad, then I would take issue with them, not the word. The retort that I can see myself using in such a situation would be, "You say nappy like it's a bad thing? "

I started a thread on the n-word a while back. I can genuinely appreciate all the different takes on it.

What about all the nappy heads who do indeed have rough hair. I know a few nappy head whose hair is rough and rugged to the touch. Then you have those who hair is soft to the touch like mines and others. How should afro hair be described. I know its not "curly." People want to lay out their own descriptions or adjectives such as woolly, cottony, fluffy etc... but when did these words became adjectives for hair. Is anyone going to argue that black hair is not of cotton or wool. Does anyone ever argue that black hair isn't sheep hair and isn't from sheep? What about all the black people hair that is far different from wool or cotton. Isn't sheep's hair oily and don't black women complain that their hair is dry? If that's the case then I wouldn't equate it with wool's hair. Why all the fuss with the word nappy when applied to afro hair it just gives a description of its appearance. Doesn't wavy, straight, curly gives descriptions. Why can't the word nappy or knotty do the same.

I wanted to point out the bolded a while back. We get so caught up in generalizations that our hair is seen as different and thus, bad, that we boldly [and blindly] deny the differences, instead of challenging the more troublesome, insidious notion that those differences are "bad". There was a thread a while back about a white person who said something along the lines of "black hair is rough". Never mind if that's generally true and whether or not her comment was motivated by ethnocentricism, racism, ignorance or some combo of those items. What got me was that few, if any, of the responses in the thread challenged the value judgement assigned to "rough".

Nouns become adjectives when the things they describe look like the objects they represent. An afro can look bushy but that doesn't mean it's green and looks like a plant. I think y'all taking it way too serious. I've said my hair felt like steel-wool when I used a product that left it dry and rough. If I later said it was steel-woolly, then that'd be a perfect description of how my hair felt: hard and rough almost like it could scrub rust off iron. Might be an exaggeration coz it wasn't as hard as steel, but words are supposed to give us an understanding of what people are talking about, paint a picture that we can almost touch when we aren't close in person to feel things for ourselves. If the word nappy didn't exist (and I'm so glad it has evolved over time to mean "kinky" coz I think it perfectly describes 4B), then we would have to say "an afro looked bushy" or uncombed 4B hair like this "looks like beads (beady)". Folks get all up in arms about words because they take innocent words and turn them into insults instead of just looking at the neutral meaning of the word and moving on.

I love that language is so expansive. I love that someone can tell me they're going to change a nappy, and I don't sit there wondering, "you mean downy? or do you mean you're going to work in a textile factory? or do you mean you are going to relax hair and change it from kinky?" I can look at the context in which the word is used and guess they are talking about a diaper. I love that words are so rich in meaning, and think we do ourselves a disservice if we limit their meaning to just that one single one that some smart alec told us years back, and disregard all the other things that have grown from that root of the word that make language so beautiful and rich.

ITA!

 

[LadyRaider]

Yeah, it's kind of funny that he called a bunch of relaxed girls "nappy-headed." But it's also a sign of "invisible man" syndrome. You know, the book by Ralph Ellison?

No matter what you do to your hair, no matter how many degrees you acquire, no matter how proper you dress or speak, people like Imus will see you as a "nappy-headed ho."

Frustrating.

 

[Nonie]

Yeah, it's kind of funny that he called a bunch of relaxed girls "nappy-headed." But it's also a sign of "invisible man" syndrome. You know, the book by Ralph Ellison?

No matter what you do to your hair, no matter how many degrees you acquire, no matter how proper you dress or speak, people like Imus will see you as a "nappy-headed ho."

Frustrating.

True, but it shouldn't be frustrating unless you're trying to be hired by him or be dated by him and he doesn't hire or date the sort of people he thinks you are. I guess to me some of these people and their opinions are so irrelevant to my life that their ignorance is no skin off my nose.

 

[Kurlee]

i guess i just don't understand the attachment to something that is many cases is negative and is used my most in a derogatory manner. U can choose yo not be offended or use it yourself and even still, the origins and general understanding of the word will not change.

 

[Nonie]

i guess i just don't understand the attachment to something that is many cases is negative and is used my most in a derogatory manner. U can choose yo not be offended or use it yourself and even still, the origins and general understanding of the word will not change.

The origin of the word was a description of downy...something that looked like fuzz. It was the best way to describe the hair of the people stolen from Africa. Unfortunately for them, their hair could not be combed because there were no combs on this new land that could penetrate their hair. So their hair became unkempt and ugly. And so that was not what made it be called nappy. It was because it was nappy that it was left unkempt. And it is this unkempt state that started to be associated with 4B hair...because back then, it was true: nappy hair was a mess.

It's a darn shame that even when nappy hair finally got groomed and looked da bomb, there were those who forgot the origin of the word and remained stuck in the horror of what it was like back then to have 4B hair that was unkempt. And it is sad that to some the idea of ever sporting 4B hair is unfathomable to them and even embarrassing because of the history of it being gross. And it's sad still that even among those who now accept 4B hair because they've seen that it can be beautiful, there are some still somewhat haunted by the past when 4B hair aka nappy hair was not a joy to have. So when they hear the word, they cringe...coz being nappy-headed when proper combs were unavailable meant you were a total mess. It's not so anymore, but I guess there are some so haunted by history, it's just so hard to move on.

 

[andromeda]

i guess i just don't understand the attachment to something that is many cases is negative and is used my most in a derogatory manner. U can choose yo not be offended or use it yourself and even still, the origins and general understanding of the word will not change.

That's the point of contention - the origins aren't negative and there is no one "general" understanding - the perception of the word varies widely based on personal experience. That doesn't change the fact the word never lost its neutrality in denotation and usage.

As for "attachment" and "choosing not to be offended", I didn't argue those points.

"Attachment" implies personal investment. I view the word as neutral; there's no attachment. Any perceived attachment comes from my feelings about the object which the adjective is modifying.

I'm generally not of the "choose to be offended" school of thought. I just believe that there are more poignant ways to decipher insults and express your offense. If someone uses a word with the intent to offend me, I'll call them on it, but I won't conflate their intent and usage of the word with the meaning of the word. Hence my retort, "You say nappy like it's a bad thing? ".

 

[Kurlee]

The origin of the word was a description of downy...something that looked like fuzz. It was the best way to describe the hair of the people stolen from Africa. Unfortunately for them, their hair could not be combed because there were no combs on this new land that could penetrate their hair. So their hair became unkempt and ugly. And so that was not what made it be called nappy. It was because it was nappy that it was left unkempt. And it is this unkempt state that started to be associated with 4B hair...because back then, it was true: nappy hair was a mess.

It's a darn shame that even when nappy hair finally got groomed and looked da bomb, there were those who forgot the origin of the word and remained stuck in the horror of what it was like back then to have 4B hair that was unkempt. And it is sad that to some the idea of ever sporting 4B hair is unfathomable to them and even embarrassing because of the history of it being gross. And it's sad still that even among those who now accept 4B hair because they've seen that it can be beautiful, there are some still somewhat haunted by the past when 4B hair aka nappy hair was not a joy to have. So when they hear the word, they cringe...coz being nappy-headed when proper combs were unavailable meant you were a total mess. It's not so anymore, but I guess there are some so haunted by history, it's just so hard to move on.

i know and understand all of this. The point I am making is, is that in society, this word has a negative connotation and no amount of claiming it is going to change it. Whenever I hear white people talk about their hair being messy, ugly or tangled they call it "nappy". When black people talk about needing a perm or bad hair, they call it "nappy". No amount of "embracing", will change that. Instead of forcing it to mean something it doesn't anymore, wouldn't it be better and easier to just use another word? Why are we so attached to it?

 

[UrbainChic]

I honestly had never even heard the word until i was about 12 years old.

I let one of the other black girls at summer camp (with about 2 inches of extremely damaged hair) brush and braid my (wl natural hair) into plaits, after she begged me to let her. She exclaimed "man you have some NAPS! Your hair is NAPPY" I didnt know what it meant so I shrugged my shoulders. Then she looked around said it again louder, and i still didn't know what it meant and I shrugged my shoulders again, and nobody else around us seemed to notice or care (predominantly white camp, don't know if that plays a role in their non-reaction).

That weekend I asked my dad what it means to have naps in ones hair. And he told me its a term for black or afro hair, and that some people find it negative and use it in a negative way. That was my first encounter with the word since we never used it at home (we didn't usually speak english at home anyway), and the way my dad explained it he made it sound like a regular old adjective that could be construed as offensive based on how its used-- like fat, rotund, chubby, skinny, thin, simple or whatever .

This also was the first time it became apparent to me that some people try to tear you down because they are jealous, since the girl in question had always had an obsession with my hair, and I could tell she was not trying to be nice when she was calling my hair nappy. I can't fault her though, she really had almost no hair, and I'm sure she was frustrated about it, and I was probably annoying her with my nonchalant attitude about having a giant mass of hair. She had extremely short damaged hair on into highschool, but I lost track of her since then.

I personally like the word, and find it neutral because as someone said, for tightly coiled hair-- sometime "curly" just doesn't cut it and feels really insufficient, I think its unique, and I think of the book " happy to be nappy" which caused a ruckus and was on the news when I was much younger. I don't use it often, or to describe other people's hair simply because I know many people are sensitive about it, and that other people use it to try to put other people down or hurt their feelings, and I would never want to be misunderstood as doing so. That said, sometimes you can tell the intent behind the word based on who, and how it is said, so on the proper occasion I will take offense to it.

That said I don't intend to use nappy in the home when i have my future children, but if i do it will probably not be consciously and it will without a doubt be in a positive sense, since I like to use it that way.

I hope all of that makes sense, I kinda feel like i was just rambling...

 

[lamaria211]

THAT WAS GREAT I GOT TEARY

 

[Nonie]

i know and understand all of this. The point I am making is, is that in society, this word has a negative connotation and no amount of claiming it is going to change it. Whenever I hear white people talk about their hair being messy, ugly or tangled they call it "nappy". When black people talk about needing a perm or bad hair, they call it "nappy". No amount of "embracing", will change that. Instead of forcing it to mean something it doesn't anymore, wouldn't it be better and easier to just use another word? Why are we so attached to it?

I'll answer the bold starting with the last question. I embrace and use it and will not stop because for someone like me who didn't grow up here or EVER know the word as negative, I just cannot see it the way some of you do and don't think I ever will. To me, it's like telling me to stop calling myself a woman because some people view women as second-class citizens or a lower species than men. Do you see just how absurd it would be if someone suggested that a word like "woman" that you find so clearly descriptive of your sex be shunned just because someone else views it as demeaning? That's exactly how nappy is to me. It's like telling me coz blacks are hated and discriminated against by many, I shouldn't associate myself with them or should avoid calling myself black since no amount of my embracing my race will change how THOSE people view me. See how crazy that is? That's EXACTLY how I view this suggestion that I stop calling my hair "tightly coiled" when that's what it is. And instead of using just those two words to describe my hair, I also use nappy, kinky, tightly curled, 4B with the same peace of mind I use woman, feminine, lady, African, Kenyan to describe myself.

As for forcing it to mean something it isn't, I'm not trying to do that at all because to me it isn't what some people make it to be. Claiming I am black when KKK folks only think evil when they hear it doesn't mean I am forcing black to be a good thing to them. I'm just claiming the truth and I am proud of the truth and feel no need to deny what IS. So just because I refuse to succumb to the pressure to look at "nappy" as bad doesn't mean I'm forcing anyone to look at it as good, just as I wouldn't force KKK members to see me as a good human being worthy of love coz it'd just be flogging a dead horse. There are people who deny their race/heritage out of trying to fit into standards of those they feel must accept them and I think that's just wrong. If I am going to make as bold and false a statement as "I do not have nappy hair", when I very clearly do, I might as well not stop there and also claim I'm blonde and half German.

 

[andromeda]

^^^Preach, Nonie! Thanks for breaking it down.

 

[andromeda]

I honestly had never even heard the word until i was about 12 years old.

I let one of the other black girls at summer camp (with about 2 inches of extremely damaged hair) brush and braid my (wl natural hair) into plaits, after she begged me to let her. She exclaimed "man you have some NAPS! Your hair is NAPPY" I didnt know what it meant so I shrugged my shoulders. Then she looked around said it again louder, and i still didn't know what it meant and I shrugged my shoulders again, and nobody else around us seemed to notice or care (predominantly white camp, don't know if that plays a role in their non-reaction).

That weekend I asked my dad what it means to have naps in ones hair. And he told me its a term for black or afro hair, and that some people find it negative and use it in a negative way. That was my first encounter with the word since we never used it at home (we didn't usually speak english at home anyway), and the way my dad explained it he made it sound like a regular old adjective that could be construed as offensive based on how its used-- like fat, rotund, chubby, skinny, thin, simple or whatever .

This also was the first time it became apparent to me that some people try to tear you down because they are jealous, since the girl in question had always had an obsession with my hair, and I could tell she was not trying to be nice when she was calling my hair nappy. I can't fault her though, she really had almost no hair, and I'm sure she was frustrated about it, and I was probably annoying her with my nonchalant attitude about having a giant mass of hair. She had extremely short damaged hair on into highschool, but I lost track of her since then.

I personally like the word, and find it neutral because as someone said, for tightly coiled hair-- sometime "curly" just doesn't cut it and feels really insufficient, I think its unique, and I think of the book " happy to be nappy" which caused a ruckus and was on the news when I was much younger. I don't use it often, or to describe other people's hair simply because I know many people are sensitive about it, and that other people use it to try to put other people down or hurt their feelings, and I would never want to be misunderstood as doing so. That said, sometimes you can tell the intent behind the word based on who, and how it is said, so on the proper occasion I will take offense to it.

That said I don't intend to use nappy in the home when i have my future children, but if i do it will probably not be consciously and it will without a doubt be in a positive sense, since I like to use it that way.

I hope all of that makes sense, I kinda feel like i was just rambling...

Thanks for sharing. That makes perfect sense.

 

[Nonie]

i know and understand all of this. The point I am making is, is that in society, this word has a negative connotation and no amount of claiming it is going to change it. Whenever I hear white people talk about their hair being messy, ugly or tangled they call it "nappy". When black people talk about needing a perm or bad hair, they call it "nappy". No amount of "embracing", will change that. Instead of forcing it to mean something it doesn't anymore, wouldn't it be better and easier to just use another word? Why are we so attached to it?

BTW, when "hair needs a perm" or a touch up, usually it's because it's got new growth which if you are 4B means your roots are indeed nappy = tightly coiled. So when someone says that you need a touch up, your hair is looking kinda nappy, chances are it could be true and there's nothing upsetting or embarrassing about that unless you were delusional and hoped you had type 3 hair. Now if you don't have type 4 hair and someone called your new growth nappy, they obviously are misusing the word because tight curls don't really come to mind when I see type 3 hair.

My new growth comes in tightly coiled like the rest of my natural hair so if I used to perm my hair and had new growth and someone said, "You badly need a perm coz your roots are nappy" they probably would get some points in heaven coz they so would not have lied.

 

[curlyninjagirl]

If someone called my hair "nappy" my natural urge would be to chin-check the fool. But I'm a pacifist...luckily for them.

I don't like that word. It should stay in the past where it belongs.

ETA:

Every time I have heard that word, it has had negative, insulting and even CONDESCENDING connotations to it. Now I'm not one to tell people what to say and how to act, call your hair what you want. But don't call my hair "nappy". I call my hair "curly" "tightly coiled" or "kinky curly" cuz no one scoffs or sneers at those words and my beautiful fluffy curls are nothing to sneer at!

Also, it is my humble opinion that we shouldn't be "taking back" words that are insulting. Like the other "N" word. There was a time when words like "retard" and "dumb" were socially acceptable words, but you don't see mentally challenged and deaf people taking those words back.