Spinoff: the ethnicity of your SO's exes...does it matter to you?

[Maracujá]

This is a spinoff of the If a black man only dated white women before you thread in the off topic forum. I know a black guy that was not too pleased to find out my ex was white for some reason, to me it doesn't really matter. Do you pay attention to this? Why or why not?

 

[LoveLiLi]

In general, it doesn't concern me. My last SO's ex was Indian. The girl before that was white and the girl before that was Asian. I wasn't worried about it.

I would be concerned if the guy was one of those black guys who puts white/other women on a pedestal and disparages black women. I went to college with a guy like that. Everytime he saw me he would tell me he loved white girls' silky hair and their easy-going personalities . He was just trying to get a reaction out of me, but you get the picture.

If the guy has hang-ups about race and thinks all/most black women are angry, bitter, weave-wearing gold diggers and all/most white women are happy, sweet, bomb-shell princesses - I'm not willing to be his 'experiment'.

I feel as though a guy who is making an exception to date me will most likely compare me to white women or remind me that Becky Sue did this for him, or Becky Sue wouldn't react that way and I wouldn't want to subject myself to constant criticisms. I also suspect that a person who normally only dates white women would have strong misconceptions about black women and would try to fit all my actions into his 'black woman box'.

 

[FlowerHair]

It depends on the man, but the man I want doesn't date based on race only but more based on personality and such...

My SO's exes were Moroccan and Ethiopian, but they all sort of resembled me so I guess he has a "type".

 

[MissMeWithThatIsh]

I look at these things objectively.

The better woman for him, overall, is me... as proved by the fact I'm the one he put a ring on.

All of these thoughts are just ridiculous to care about... enjoy the person, not their past.

 

[Blossssom]

It depends on the man, but the man I want doesn't date based on race only but more based on personality and such...

My SO's exes were Moroccan and Ethiopian, but they all sort of resembled me so I guess he has a "type".

And this is coming from the whitest looking "black" woman on the board! LOL!

Just kidding, Flower...

I think if a man even brings UP that he's only dating you because... or he only dated them because... or if he even brings up race as a subject and the relation it has to women... um, NO!



He can keep his preconceived notions between himself and his "god"... whatever color it is.

 

[BroadstreetBully]

Are we just talking black SOs? What about if your SO is 'other' and has never dated a black woman? I honestly don't feel comfortable pursuing that type of relationship. I'm not down for being the first, though there are some exceptions--but these exceptions do not apply to American men.

 

[Maracujá]

Are we just talking black SOs? What about if your SO is 'other' and has never dated a black woman? I honestly don't feel comfortable pursuing that type of relationship. I'm not down for being the first, though there are some exceptions--but these exceptions do not apply to American men.

Just black SO's yes.

 

[Supervixen]

I'm a bit embarassed to type this, but it does matter to me.

 

[FlowerHair]

And this is coming from the whitest looking "black" woman on the board! LOL!

Just kidding, Flower...

I think if a man even brings UP that he's only dating you because... or he only dated them because... or if he even brings up race as a subject and the relation it has to women... um, NO!



He can keep his preconceived notions between himself and his "god"... whatever color it is.

Don't make me come over there and give you a good spanking

 

[kayte]

only if there's some fetish thing goin on ..
like historically ...he dates ONLY ..xyz
and i'm a new flava.... or i fit the ONLY mold...
total turn-off

otherwise..i cld care less

in the main?
my exes and their SOs span a diverse rainbow

 

[that_1_grrrl]

I generally would not care about someone's exes, but if I see a pattern, I might be concerned. For example if I was dating someone who was non-Black but always dated Black girls, I may be worried that he has a Black girl fetish. I do not want to be objectified because of my race.

If I was dating a man of color, and all his exes happen to be White, I may be a little turned off.

 

[Lovelylife]

of course it matters to me.

 

[exoticmommie]

Yes, if I see a pattern, because just as someone has mentioned, most times you tend to be some type of experiment. At least the ones that have shown interest in me. Like they will say thing like, they usually don't do black women because, yadda yadda, but you seem to be different. To me that was a bad sign, so I kept it moving.

Or if I notice that when they have approached white woman they are very respectful yet when they approached me it's like 'hey girl' o "shawty come here" um no.

If I were single, I just say no, because I am getting to old for games. I don't have the time to sort out if it is or if it isn't.

 

[MizzBrown]

Yes it matters to me.

That way i can pinpoint why he does certain things or says certain things to me. I wouldnt drop him for it but i'd just be curious to know why he's been dating Becky all his life then all a sudden wants me. I dont want to be his experiment or dating challenge.

 

[*~*Afrolicious*~*]

No and anyone that does as some unsettled issues they need to resolve. Why would I care if my SO dated a white/asian/ hispanic woman if he's dating me now???

 

[1Aleeesha]

Nah doesn't matter... I'm his first and only wife and I know I'm his best everything.

 

[Ramya]

No. It doesn't matter at all.

 

[ThePerfectScore]

Yes! I don't want to be the token black girl to a white guy... haha Which I have been before. But also I don't want to be the token black girl to a black guy... don't turn ur back on Becky now. hahah i like a man to have a nice mix of racial and ethnic backgrounds in his past. But I wouldn't kick any man outta bed b/c he dates a particular race or has a certain type. Its all about preferences, we all like what we like. But I don't like a man who is confined by this narrow since of beauty and race.

 

[JinaRicci]

yes- if there is a pattern that makes me uneasy. why ignore it?

 

[poookie]

YES, it would matter. i would be uncomfortable if ALL of their exes were an ethnicity that was nothing like mine.

last guy i was involved with, only dated white girls, and had a preference for "pale skin" (or so it said on his Facebook profile).

to me, that signifies insecurity within your own race... no thanks!

i prefer black men that date black women.

 

[MrsHdrLe]

YES, it would matter. i would be uncomfortable if ALL of their exes were an ethnicity that was nothing like mine.

last guy i was involved with, only dated white girls, and had a preference for "pale skin" (or so it said on his Facebook profile).

to me, that signifies insecurity within your own race... no thanks!
i prefer black men that date black women.

This intrigues me. If people like who they like, and there in most cases, will probably be some type casting if you will, is it only okay if you are part of that type? If I'm one type and I'm attracted to my polar opposite then that means I'm insecure with myself? Or does that only count for men?

Disclaimer: I really don't think this is how most of you feel based on your comments, but I also think being able to admit it if it is the way you feel is very liberating. That way you're able to stare the devil down and say out loud, "Yeah I said that. It's true! So what?"

 

[Blossssom]

That's really sad when you're a black woman and you feel like a 'token' if you date a black man... that truly is a testament to the breakdown in relations between black men and black women.

I wonder if white women feel like tokens with white men, with all the 'yella fever' permeating the Bay Area.

Ha!

 

[deltadreamland]

I'm a bit embarassed to type this, but it does matter to me.

Don't be embarrassed. I've turned several guys away after learning of the type of recent exes they dated. Men are physical creatures and are usually attracted to a certain type. A guy I dated for a very short time had been married twice-once to a Becky and the last time to a Hispanic woman. I finally discovered this after seeing pictures of his kids. I guess I was going to be his next turn to finally try a sister.

 

[SincerelyJane]

This does kind of bother me, but I feel like I find myself in this situation more often than not. One of the guys I'm dating now basically dated white and Asian exclusively before he met me. The other guy dated mainly very light skinned, curly haired type before me, and even after as we have had a couple of breaks. I am very dark complected, with natural 4z hair plus I'm African.... basically as black as they come lol. They never comment on it, they just say they are attracted to me because they are.

 

[BonBon]

Well even though my last 3 boyfriends have been either white or mixed ethnicity, the type of black man I'm typically attracted to doesn't have a gang of non black exes.

I think at this point the question is if I would put a man like that off.

Although I look at men differently as they do the picking and approaching. I can only speak for my country but there's a helluva lot of black women, or part black women who are single and open to handsome black guys lol. For them to continually pick a blonde woman for example means something.

 

[felic1]

The last guy I dated needed white women to perform porn acts.

 

[Lovestyr]

Maybe I am a little bias but I've primarily dated one race. I maybe briefly dated 2 other men , one italian and one hispanic male. I personally think if one person choses to exclusively date one race, that's okay. My s/o has never prior to me dated a black woman. We have been together almost 2 1/2 years and things are getting better every day

Whom my s/o dated prior to me is not a concern for me. Yes, that may help disclose a little background about whom they are. But , for me I was more interested in other pertitent matters...like no felonies, good credit, no kids....lol

 

[ScorpioBeauty09]

Generally speaking no. I do admit I'd be on guard a little dating a BM if he had a history of dating non-BW or a non-BM who only dated BW.erplexed

 

[BostonMaria]

My DH only dated Latinas (he's Puerto Rican) before me. It bothers him that I dated white men before him. I told him to get over it. I'm not going anywhere.

Sent from my iPad using LHCF

 

[MsSanz92]

It matters to some degree.

I was seeing someone for a while and I was the first dark skinned and Black American girl he's ever dated. Let's just say after a while it was apparent he had some hang ups on skin color/ethnicity especially since it appeared he usually went for the long haired light skinned mixed/Hispanic girls before me (he was West Indian/Hispanic, but he was the same complexion as me). It just gave me a weird vibe I can't lie.

It wouldn't matter if they didn't constantly bring it up or acted weird about me being the "first". I'm pretty sure I've been other guys "first" but as long as they don't try to fetishize me or act like they're doing me a favor for dating my kind it's all good. Once that's the case then it's a problem for me...