Spinoff:Natural Hair does not prevent you from attracting men

L

LoveisYou

Well-Known Member
So hear me out:

This summer I took quiet a few trips to Habana Outpost in Brooklyn. Habana Outpost is a restaurant/bar/hang out spot. On the weekends, Habana Outpost becomes the place to be for a lot young adults in the borough. It's also the perfect place to go natural hair sight seeing. My friends and I used to go there to mingle, and we use to have a ball observing the pickup rituals at The Outpost. There was so much of it going on that we now call it "Brooklyn's #1 Pick up Spot", lol.

In my observation, the naturals sistas get A LOT of love. My cousin who visited from Jamaica this summer noticed this and was actually inspired by the natural beauties to transition. There were times when she acted like a borderline hata (lol), complaining that the naturals heads got the most love.

Carol's Daughter started in Brooklyn and Karen's Body Beautiful is also located in BK . Suffice it to say, I do think that BK's naturals have an edge when it comes to natural hair products and practices when compared to the general non-hairboard natural population. Furtermore, there is a plethora of natural hair salons in the borough. I hardly saw dry dusty looking heads of nappy hair walking around.

Plus I noticed the ladies makeup, accessories and clothing were always on point! I mean what looks better with a maxi dress than a big healthy fro and fly earrings?

I know my experience is limited and I know Brooklyn is a "special" place for naturals compared to the rest of the U.S. However,I can't help but wonder, are our fears based on fact? How are we presenting ourselves in general?

I'm not saying that some men don't like natural hair, I'm just wondering if we are allowing our our own perceptions and beliefs to hinder us. I mean if natural hair is preventing you from meeting a man, what excuse does the single relaxed heads have?
 
I don't think it's just the hair that attracts men. I think it's a whole package. You cannot go around looking like an alien with natural hair and think you're gonna get some play. Same goes for relaxed. Men most times will overlook hair if you're pretty, have a big booty, etc....
 
It doesn't stop you from attracting men. Most women can attract a man. You would have to look like a troll not to attract anyone. However, I think what I feel if you wore your hair natural one day and the wore it dead straight the next, you would get probably get more heads turning with your hair straight.
 
laurend said:
It doesn't stop you from attracting men. Most women can attract a man. You would have to look like a troll not to attract anyone. However, I think what I feel if you wore your hair natural one day and the wore it dead straight the next, you would get probably get more heads turning with your hair straight.
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Assuming you do get heads turning with straight hair:look:
 
Maybe I'm going by what happen to me just recently. I usually wear twistouts and get my share of men checking me out. Last month, I decided to do the pinkskates blowdry stretch and twistouts. It was kind of like aren't I the same person last week with my regular twist-outs. I had men almost breaking their necks looking at me. I was wondering now if I had straighten my hair completly what would have happened. To me it's sad.
 
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I do not find that I have problem attracting men with my natural hair, and I do believe that like what was said before, it is more than your hair. However, I do notice that when my hair is long and straight I get almost all of my compliments on my hair from men and when my hair is in its natural state that most of my compliments on my hair come from women. I have also had some slightly negative reactions from a couple of male friends when I chose to wear my natural hair.

At the end of the day I do me and I know I am beautiful no matter how I wear my hair. I hope other ladies do not get relaxers or go/stay natural because they think either way will attract a man.
 
And if a dude can't look past something he may not have liked previously (naps) and see your face, body, spirit, soul, do you want him anyway?
 
I honestly think it depends on the man.

One of my exes, long or not if it was type 4 hair, the girl needed a relaxer. Even 3C was too kinky for him. He wanted his girls with 3a/3b curls or relaxed and honestly I don't know many black women with 3A hair. Thats probably why he preferred his spanish girls (but thats a whole another thread).
 
I see your point. I think there's a lot of reasons for mixed responses. For example I bartend and when I first started working at my home bar (in Brooklyn)I had a weave and the guys tried to holla constantly. Even guys that probably knew I'd turn them down still did it anyway. After awhile I rocked my natural hair and the hollering slowed down. I still got love and my regulars were still there but new guys were more prone to just watching me and smiling but not actually asking for my number.

After I while I got a lacefront and suddenly the watchers were more willing to try and holla. My boss said that he observed it as well and that my straight hair made me more common and more approachable. I stood out with my natural hair and I became not so much intimidating but now they have to think twice about how they approach me (mind you this is coming from a 26 year old black man). I think I get his point and I like that. I like that they think twice now. I still get a few dummies here and there calling me soul sister or what have you but now I get a lot more of the type of guys I prefer.
 
I thought that once I bc'd I would get a lot less positive attention from men in general. I'm pleasantly surprised to say that I've experienced the exact opposite. Black men actually go out of their way to show my hair appreciation...I'm talking about turning a car around in rush hour traffic to double back and compliment my baa. :blush: I get nothing but compliments from men and women of all generations and races. I don't doubt that there are Black men who cringe at the sight of naps, but I'm happy to say that has not been my natural hair experience.
 
FluffyRed said:
And if a dude can't look past something he may not have liked previously (naps) and see your face, body, spirit, soul, do you want him anyway?
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Exactly, if a man will only be with you depending on what your hair looks like then you don't need that loser anyway. I could care less what a man thinks of my hair or how many I attract. As long as I love my hair that's all that matters. I'm not about to go through changing my hair or anything else just to get a man's attention. I don't see any men doing the types of things women do just to get attention from the opposite sex.
 
MochaEyeCandy said:
I thought that once I bc'd I would get a lot less positive attention from men in general. I'm pleasantly surprised to say that I've experienced the exact opposite. Black men actually go out of their way to show my hair appreciation...I'm talking about turning a car around in rush hour traffic to double back and compliment my baa. :blush: I get nothing but compliments from men and women of all generations and races. I don't doubt that there are Black men who cringe at the sight of naps, but I'm happy to say that has not been my natural hair experience.
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Exactly! I havent had a problem with anyone and my DH loves it. Well there is one problem i have, everyone want to touch it lol lol.
 
I agreed with many of the above posters. Men in general (particularly Asian and Caucasian) seem to adore it (and that includes non American men, as well, that fit into those categories). It's only Black women and certain Black men that cause me any negativity. That's another thread, however.

I agree that much of "it" is the "total package".

Men who generally like my style ("Uber Lady": Soft, round, curvy from the coils in my TWA to my round-toe, platform pumps), are hardly put off by my natural hair.

Those who want "Video Vixens", don't "holla". Which is an unintentional benefit in my little, golden opinion.
 
MochaEyeCandy said:
I thought that once I bc'd I would get a lot less positive attention from men in general. I'm pleasantly surprised to say that I've experienced the exact opposite. Black men actually go out of their way to show my hair appreciation...I'm talking about turning a car around in rush hour traffic to double back and compliment my baa. :blush: I get nothing but compliments from men and women of all generations and races. I don't doubt that there are Black men who cringe at the sight of naps, but I'm happy to say that has not been my natural hair experience.
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DITTO! I think I pull more men and brothas now than when I was relaxed. :lachen: I've only experienced the "vegan, soul sista" ignorant stuff like once so far. Other than that it's been all luv. Like another poster said, I have noticed that I do attract more quality men and they are FIONE! I don't mind that one bit. :yep:
 
LittleGoldenLamb said:
I agreed with many of the above posters. Men in general (particularly Asian and Caucasian) seem to adore it (and that includes non American men, as well, that fit into those categories). It's only Black women and certain Black men that cause me any negativity. That's another thread, however.

I agree that much of "it" is the "total package".

Men who generally like my style ("Uber Lady": Soft, round, curvy from the coils in my TWA to my round-toe, platform pumps), are hardly put off by my natural hair.

Those who want "Video Vixens", don't "holla". Which is an unintentional benefit in my little, golden opinion.
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Yeah the "video vixen" men, I could give a rat's booty about them. Those type of dudes I am not usually attracted to in the first place anyway. I especially agree with the bolded. Since being natural I've yet to deal with a man that didn't like my hair or thought that it was ugly. Outside of my lovely personality and my figure, it's their next favorite thing about me.
 
I've heard women make the statement that natural hair doesn't attract men. I've heard the same thing about dark skin and again when talking about a few extra pounds. And guess what? I have all three and don't have any trouble attracting men (and sometimes women :look:) of all nationalities, ages, and stations. I'm beautiful... that's that and they know it. Whenever I hear a woman say she can't pull a man for any of the above stated reasons, I just shake my head. Cuz it ain't no way it's about the hair.
 
sheba1 said:
I've heard women make the statement that natural hair doesn't attract men. I've heard the same thing about dark skin and again when talking about a few extra pounds. And guess what? I have all three and don't have any trouble attracting men (and sometimes women :look:) of all nationalities, ages, and stations. I'm beautiful... that's that and they know it. Whenever I hear a woman say she can't pull a man for any of the above stated reasons, I just shake my head. Cuz it ain't no way it's about the hair.
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I couldn't agree more. Work it grl!
 
I don't think there has been any women on this board who has said that can't attract a man because she is natural. What I've heard was for the most part some women state they seem to garner less attention when they went natural that's all. I get more attention from men when my hair is longer and straighter and that's to be expected. We live in a culture that feels that Europeen beauty is the standard.
 
The title of this thread is SO on point. Not to discount anyone's experience, or even that of my own, but mindsets aside, it all comes down to preference. Straight OR natural, I just may not be someone's cup of tea. And everyone has a right to a cup of tea...or coffee if they prefer, but I digress. My point is, if a man is not into me, is it REALLY based solely on my hair?? I think so many factors come into play when we talking attraction, namely physical attraction. I know personally, my hair isn't stopping ANYTHING. I STILL attract men. Period..dot. I don't foresee a change in that forecast.

Regardless of who approaches me and who doesn't; I can't allow myself to care. Not on some self-denial...but on some, I don't have the time or the (emotional) energy it might suck up. I've mentioned before that I am into self-validation. My self-esteem wasn't always where it presently is, but I think that if we put more into self, than giving time to who we not pulling (based on hair), some of our "issues" would no longer be issues.

The best thing I ever did for self, was take time for self, to build up and strengthen self ;as such, I will not allow another to bring down MYself.

-S-
 
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laurend said:
I don't think there has been any women on this board who has said that can't attract a man because she is natural. What I've heard was for the most part some women state they seem to garner less attention when they went natural that's all. I get more attention from men when my hair is longer and straighter and that's to be expected. We live in a culture that feels that Europeen beauty is the standard.
Click to expand...

Not necessarily on the board, but I've heard it IRL or I've "heard" ppl on the board or ppl. in real life talk about women who feel this way. Or the women who use that excuse to not go natural. I'm liberal about hair, I'm not saying a woman should go natural. I'm just saying I don'y buy THAT particular excuse.
 
sheba1 said:
I've heard women make the statement that natural hair doesn't attract men. I've heard the same thing about dark skin and again when talking about a few extra pounds. And guess what? I have all three and don't have any trouble attracting men (and sometimes women :look:) of all nationalities, ages, and stations. I'm beautiful... that's that and they know it. Whenever I hear a woman say she can't pull a man for any of the above stated reasons, I just shake my head. Cuz it ain't no way it's about the hair.
Click to expand...

Exactly!

If you look good you look good, any REAL man will recognize and get with it.

Most of the women who say they can't get a man because of thier hair are probably exuding some sort of negative vibe stemming from thier own feelings about thier own hair.

I really believe longer hair, whether relaxed or natural gets more attention from men. Maybe that's why some of you ladies get more attention when you straighten, because it looks longer (?)

IDK this hair stuff is too deep for me. If you don't like my hair KIM!
 
Irie_Chic said:
Not necessarily on the board, but I've heard it IRL or I've "heard" ppl on the board or ppl. in real life talk about women who feel this way. Or the women who use that excuse to not go natural. I'm liberal about hair, I'm not saying a woman should go natural. I'm just saying I don'y buy THAT particular excuse.
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I'm strong. I have been natural since the 1980's. However, I can see why some women feel that way. First, you are going to have fight your family, friends, co-worker and potential mates. Then you have to compete with other black females for the small number of potential mates(BM) available to you. Then on top of that, now you're competing for those same men with Asians, Hispanic, Indian and White women. Yes, I can see why some women have an excuse. It's freaking hard at times and it takes strong guts to go against society.
 
^^ IA. When I rocked a hot blowed out look this BM told me in class, "Wow you sure are beautiful, but you should think about straightening your hair because that big natural look takes away from your face. You should consider it. Straight hair is best."

I told him to suck my toe.
 
laurend said:
We live in a culture that feels that Europeen beauty is the standard.
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And I strongly, strongly prefer a man who can see through the programming.

Shananyganz said:
My point is, if a man is not into me, is it REALLY based solely on my hair?? I think so many factors come into play when we talking attraction, namely physical attraction. I know personally, my hair isn't stopping ANYTHING. I STILL attract men. Period..dot. I don't foresee a change in that forecast.
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Really, really good point. It's hard to isolate that effect. And the dude that most matched what I wanted was attracted to my BAA. Even tho I am a permie, I still use my nappy pics in internet dating. If naps puts you off, you need to get to stepping!!!

laurend said:
Then you have to compete with other black females for the small number of potential mates(BM) available to you. Then on top of that, now you're competing for those same men with Asians, Hispanic, Indian and White women. Yes, I can see why some women have an excuse. It's freaking hard at times and it takes strong guts to go against society.
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Agreed that it takes guts, buy while *other* women are competing for our men, we can compete for their men.
 
laurend said:
It doesn't stop you from attracting men. Most women can attract a man. You would have to look like a troll not to attract anyone. However, I think what I feel if you wore your hair natural one day and the wore it dead straight the next, you would get probably get more heads turning with your hair straight.
Click to expand...

That's it I just lost it! LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
:lachen::lachen::lachen::lach en:
 
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