Spinoff:Natural Hair does not prevent you from attracting men

[bedazzled]

^^ There was some lady talking on the news (that can be seen on youtube) that sets that 70% of african american women are single.

It's not that I don't believe it. I just find it to be sad.

 

[Raspberry]

Assuming you do get heads turning with straight hair

Yea, I think it depends on how nice your straight hair actually is. The way these discussions are framed you would think that relaxed hair is really doing big things for black women as a whole. Yes there are some women with gorgeous relaxed are but the vast majority don't have it, and even with great weaves it's not like hair alone is really getting women the man of their dreams on a regular basis. Looks on the street don't mean much in the big picture IMO, but yea everyone likes to feel sexy and wanted, I understand that.

 

[Raspberry]

I don't think there has been any women on this board who has said that can't attract a man because she is natural. What I've heard was for the most part some women state they seem to garner less attention when they went natural that's all. I get more attention from men when my hair is longer and straighter and that's to be expected. We live in a culture that feels that Europeen beauty is the standard.

I hear you, there are definitely some black men who have no shame saying they don't play that nappy sh--. I guess I just don't care enough cause there are enough men feelin me. I can't abide a man who acts like the way a woman's hair grows naturally is offensive or automatically a turn-off.

 

[Raspberry]

^^ There was some lady talking on the news (that can be seen on youtube) that sets that 70% of african american women are single.

It's not that I don't believe it. I just find it to be sad.

70% are unmarried - doesn't count boyfriends or long-term relationships. I'm just stating that because there are a good number of black people who don't think marriage is important anyways.

 

[bedazzled]

70% are unmarried - doesn't count boyfriends or long-term relationships. I'm just stating that because there are a good number of black people who don't think marriage is important anyways.

No I know its 70% that are unmarried but I don't think its because majority of those 70% don't think marriage is important. I think it has more to do that black women typically make themselves exclusive to only black men & thus because they don't go out & date other races they just rather be single. If a black man isn't appreciating your naturale maybe its time to find someone in a different race that will. *shrugs*

 

[Raspberry]

No I know its 70% that are unmarried but I don't think its because majority of those 70% don't think marriage is important. I think it has more to do that black women typically make themselves exclusive to only black men & thus because they don't go out & date other races they just rather be single. If a black man isn't appreciating your naturale maybe its time to find someone in a different race that will. *shrugs*

I agree with you I also think there are a lot of other reasons that factor in too, but that's another long thread. I try not to say just date non-black because I know there can be a lot of complexities to dating outside of one's culture/ethnicity and for many black women the change in worldview to accept non-black as a spouse is just too great a leap.

 

[glamazon386]

I see both sides of the coin. While I understand why natural hair may be see as a negative by some people and in some circles I've found that it really depends on the person and the total package. I also think it has to do with the whole idea of pluses and minuses too. If a man doesn't like natural hair and the woman is banging in plenty of other regards he may overlook the hair because he sees it as one minus in a sea of pluses. But if the person doesn't have as many pluses or more minuses in his eye they may not be willing to tolerate the hair as an additional minus. It could also work the other way around with straight hair.

In all honesty, I've had no problems attracting men with my natural hair. If anything I get approached more often with natural hair over any other straight style I've worn. IMO, textured hair looks better on me and brings out my features so it would make sense that people would find me more attractive with curls over straight hair. I've had some people who think the opposite but they're in the minority and probably brainwashed anyway . Some people look better with straight hair, long hair, short hair, etc.

 

[anon123]

to me, this is ALL about the fact that your hair looked longer after being stretched out-a lot of men like longer hair.

I think you are right. But if that is the case, then straight hair will always be superior to natural hair in that way because hair will always show more length straightened than curly. We really can't separate the issues because for any person, if they straighten their hair, it's longer. Which would mean they'd always get more praise for their straight hair than their curly hair. I hope I'm being clear.

 

[wild curls raquelle]

1. I think it's hilarious that we are referring to places as "natural friendly" Seriously???
2. Love it or hate it. It's my HAIR!!!

It could just be that one person has more confidence and security than the other.
OR maybe she's just not attractive to the individual. (I'm being silly)
If he can't accept the total package why would you want him anyway. Keep it move it, because it's setting the wrong example for our youth.

 

[labelfree]

1. I think it's hilarious that we are referring to places as "natural friendly" Seriously???
2. Love it or hate it. It's my HAIR!!!

It could just be that one person has more confidence and security than the other.
OR maybe she's just not attractive to the individual. (I'm being silly)
If he can't accept the total package why would you want him anyway. Keep it move it, because it's setting the wrong example for our youth.

That's what I'm so shocked by! Makes no sense

 

[BlackMasterPiece]

It's possible this is true? But to be fair, even a lot of the women on the board get extra excited when they get to straighten and show length. I know I do. I think the explanation that men are likely to like long hair is true and that our straightened hair shows length better.

I love my hair curly and straight. I wear my hair curly and straight. I get ample attention curly and straight. And according to what's said here, I'm not supposed to, because I'm the furthest thing from the blonde size 2? 4? 6, maybe? that's supposed to be the outline for beauty according to society.

I grew up in a middle class neighborhood where I was one of two black families. Both black families had 2 girls and all of the girls, including my sister were older enough that I was never actually in the same school with them.

I've been told I wasn't beautiful my whole childhood. Actually I was called "fat, black and ugly" by relatives that were lighter than myself. And actually called "Denise the beast" by white boys that didn't know any better in my school. These are grade school years, mind you. My first crushes were on some of these white boys; I guess because that's where I lived.

I grew up looking at the same ads, I had the same barbies, and I didn't look like any of them. I was probably on a road to believing the hype til I spent a summer in Europe when I was 12. While there, I learned that I was considered gorgeous there. That everything about me was not just accepted but adored. Men stopped my mother on the street to tell her how beautiful I would be when I grew up.

When I came back, I had a whole new perspective. I decided to adopt their perspective about my looks. I decided since I was always the only one, that made me pretty "exotic"?. So I came back to 8th grade with a different outlook and that outlook changed everything for the rest of my life.

I'm sorry that we have to "compensate" for our naturalness, was it? Yeah, I don't do that. I'm sorry there are people that feel that they have to. I believe that's where you lose; when you "compete" with other people's insecurities and misconceptions. I think of myself as an educator. I don't have time to teach my mate, mind you. But I don't mind showing the rest of the world a different beauty.

I'm sorry this is so long. But I wanted to share my story. Maybe it'll help someone.

I mean, really, I only need the one. I can import if necessary. I can go to where he is. I wouldn't live in the middle of KKK territory and complain that I couldn't find a suitable mate, you know? I agree with Fluffyred in that I would consider moving elsewhere if meeting a mate that was suitable to me would be better for me.

That was beautiful and really touching. I got alot f hell for being natural and not having hair in the "good" range growing up, I got made fun of for my thick lips as well(which in retrospect is HILARIOUS guys can't get enough of em now) but as I grew up I matured and realized it had alot to do with the circles I ran in, as soon as I started spending more time in much more sophisticated areas in NYC and I changed my outlook, everything changed for me and its been a wonderful positive experience for me. I think I have no problems attracting men because I shifted my focus to attracting the right kind of men and its clear in everything I do that I'm confident and proud. I'll be studying abroad in Europe soon.....I can't wait!

 

[LoveisYou]

That was beautiful and really touching. I got alot f hell for being natural and not having hair in the "good" range growing up, I got made fun of for my thick lips as well(which in retrospect is HILARIOUS guys can't get enough of em now) but as I grew up I matured and realized it had alot to do with the circles I ran in, as soon as I started spending more time in much more sophisticated areas in NYC and I changed my outlook, everything changed for me and its been a wonderful positive experience for me. I think I have no problems attracting men because I shifted my focus to attracting the right kind of men and its clear in everything I do that I'm confident and proud. I'll be studying abroad in Europe soon.....I can't wait!

They're gonna LOVE you

 

[LoveisYou]

Yeah the "video vixen" men, I could give a rat's booty about them. Those type of dudes I am not usually attracted to in the first place anyway. I especially agree with the bolded. Since being natural I've yet to deal with a man that didn't like my hair or thought that it was ugly. Outside of my lovely personality and my figure, it's their next favorite thing about me.

When I was younger I remember being drawn to the classy pencil skirt, high heel look. As I got older, it was the vintage wearing big fluffy haired ladies who inspired me.

 

[BlackMasterPiece]

They're gonna LOVE you

*Does the electric slide*

Plus I'm going to Florence Italy so you already know what time it is with those men in particular and the sista's teeheee

 

[Eluv]

I'm sorry, but I have to disagree with this. But since I'm married it just doesn't bother me much.

I live a pretty boring life, I go to work, school, the gym, and stores and I primarily were my natural hair is some sort of updo. I rarely get approached by men.

But when I where my lacefront wig, I get approached by men every freaking time and yes I do wear my rings.

But on the other hand I do look better with longer hair, so maybe it's just a matter of men feeling like long hair is sexier.

 

[BlackMasterPiece]

^^^So maybe you'd get a similar reaction if you wore your natural hair down more, like twists, twist-outs, braid-outs, since updo's are often seen as more conservative/older and you'd show more length........I still stand firm by the notion that its more about length and overall health of the hair then it is about texture.

I feel like when I finally achieve APL twists......I'll be unstoppable they swang they're a protective style, they're no heat and they're super neat, that'll be the best

 

[sheba1]

That was beautiful and really touching. I got alot f hell for being natural and not having hair in the "good" range growing up, I got made fun of for my thick lips as well(which in retrospect is HILARIOUS guys can't get enough of em now) but as I grew up I matured and realized it had alot to do with the circles I ran in, as soon as I started spending more time in much more sophisticated areas in NYC and I changed my outlook, everything changed for me and its been a wonderful positive experience for me. I think I have no problems attracting men because I shifted my focus to attracting the right kind of men and its clear in everything I do that I'm confident and proud. I'll be studying abroad in Europe soon.....I can't wait!

Ain't it funny, though?! All the stuff I got made fun of before makes me especially beautiful now. It's a hoot!

I'll be studying abroad in Europe soon.....I can't wait!

Girrrrrl, with that hair and those lips and your confidence? I'm gonna be scared of you.

I love it!

 

[isobell]

"I've gone into a barbershop for a trim and had the dude say he understood I wanted a trim, but take a 1/2 inch guard to the crown of my 6 inch napps. Can you say "setback?"



erplexed the same thing happened to me when I went natural in college! I was soo upset!


Anyway my experience with natural hair has depended on two major factors, my attitude (aka swag ) and my environment...my experience as a natural, heck even just as a black woman was vastly different in NYC as opposed to North Carolina. At the end of the day just because a guy likes you with natural hair does not mean he appreciates your beauty, he might just have a fetish, yes even black guys, or he might be so militant that should you choose to exercise your right to straighten or relax ur hair he'll condemn you. On the other hand just because a guy likes you better with straight hair doesn't mean he cannot appreciate the beauty of your natural hair. This issue is really not a black and white issue, there's a lot of grey at play. I personally don't like conformists so if a guy i liked gave me no attention when I wore my hair natural as opposed to when my hair was straight I would consider myself lucky to have gotten a forecast of how he'd probably bore me to tears with other issues in the future.

I can see why this might bother natural girls though, just cos you'd rather be getting attention from "quality" guys doesn't mean you always want to be left out of the gratuitous "holla" your straight haired friends enjoy. It does a girls ego good to get the occasional "damn" when you walk in the room.

 

[RoundEyedGirl504]

I think yes there are various reasons that people don't get approached by men and that goes for any part of the body. But honestly, we cannot discount the fact that quite a few men just do not like nappy hair. Most recently I cut my hair super short (see avi) and guys who have been trying to get with me for YEARS were like when you going to do something with that? One dude even posted this on my FB, LOL, and believe me I got swag enough for ten people. But some men just do not like nappy hair. Now did it bother me? Hell no! Like I said they have been trying to get with me for a while and I wasn't interested, but, let's not act like it's not a factor for them, because for many of them it is.

 

[Eluv]

^^^So maybe you'd get a similar reaction if you wore your natural hair down more, like twists, twist-outs, braid-outs, since updo's are often seen as more conservative/older and you'd show more length........I still stand firm by the notion that its more about length and overall health of the hair then it is about texture.

I feel like when I finally achieve APL twists......I'll be unstoppable they swang they're a protective style, they're no heat and they're super neat, that'll be the best

With my shrinkage these styles are still alot shorter and my updos look a lot better.

BTW I do wear twist 80% of time, but in an updo style because my hair is fine/thin and I do not like to thin twist look.

I do agree, that its more about the length not just the texture. But with natural hair, unless the hair is almost WL with shrinkage, showing length is a challenge without heat.

 

[afiya27]

That's what I'm so shocked by! Makes no sense

Why not? Seems to make sense to me... Different place, different local socio-cultural-political standards as to "acceptable" appearance...Just curious as to why that's funny to you.

 

[afiya27]

I think yes there are various reasons that people don't get approached by men and that goes for any part of the body. But honestly, we cannot discount the fact that quite a few men just do not like nappy hair. Most recently I cut my hair super short (see avi) and guys who have been trying to get with me for YEARS were like when you going to do something with that? One dude even posted this on my FB, LOL, and believe me I got swag enough for ten people. But some men just do not like nappy hair. Now did it bother me? Hell no! Like I said they have been trying to get with me for a while and I wasn't interested, but, let's not act like it's not a factor for them, because for many of them it is.

As has been established though, we have to remember that, 999 times out of 1000, the parts of those men's psyches that lead them to hate black women's natural hair are SICK with the diseases called RACISM and SEXISM (illnesses from which, ALL people in the West and/or, arguably, throughout the entire WORLD are sick and/or recovering from to some degree/fashion)! ... I understand the basis of the argument that, given the shortage of BM, we have to make do with what we have. But really, past a certain point, I just can't coddle/salvage folk. Digging around in a junk yard is NOT my style. No time for that. Life is too short. If they're not on the same page, they're just not. No going backwards/standing still (at least, not for me)! Growth (internal) is my objective. So when I meet men like that, I say to myself THANK GOODNESS I'm seeing this now (instead of years later post-marriage/kids when I happen to decide to BC!)! Next please ... (regardless of his race)! ... OR ... wait for it ya'll ... NONE!!! ... Sex toys + a decent job + good network of friends + ADOPTION (of a little black girl) anyone? ...

Cause, truthfully, I'd rather have NO man than compromise on something I feel strongly about. Adoption is the more noble route anyways IMHO. I plan to do it in lue of baring my own even if I DO find my "one" (yes -- I know, HIGH standards in terms of finding a man!). There are soooo many black American kids (even BABIES) that folks in the position to adopt (i.e. white folk mainly) choose to "pass" on in favor of kids from halfway across the world in East Asia! Plus, given the pain and discomfort that I hear is associated with birth/pregnancy, I'd say that route is a BIT overrated ... And don't let me get on the whole overpopulation argument! ...The only advantages to having one's own genetic kids (IMHO) are: a) it's the "traditional/conventional way", b) the kid's genetic background is usually (better) known/accessible, c) it's an ego boost to see someone walking around who looks just like you, and (I guess) d) men tend to like to see evidence of their "studliness" and/or take care of the kid better if it's theirs (unfortunately -- again not an attractive trait in a man IMHO. I'd like to avoid such ilk personally) ...

 

[andromeda]

^^^So maybe you'd get a similar reaction if you wore your natural hair down more, like twists, twist-outs, braid-outs, since updo's are often seen as more conservative/older and you'd show more length........I still stand firm by the notion that its more about length and overall health of the hair then it is about texture.

I feel like when I finally achieve APL twists......I'll be unstoppable they swang they're a protective style, they're no heat and they're super neat, that'll be the best

IMO/IME, the length is seen as a compensating factor for texture - even in some "natural-friendly" arenas. For example, all things being equal (primarily hair health, but also overall appearance and confidence), a SL 3-type (or 4a with "popping curls") will get more play than an SL 4-type. A BSL+ 4-type will get more play than an SL 4-type bc the length is perceived as 1) compensating for the "undesirable" texture and 2) perhaps even exotic/unique bc of the notion that natural 4-types can't achieve certain lengths.

 

[CurlyMoo]

I'm from the East Coast and I prefer California. You guys are more laid back and nice.

I find New Yorkers to be very nice helpful people.

 

[BlackMasterPiece]

^^^Thank you! We're nice and helpful.....just in our own unique way

 

[LoveisYou]

^^^Thank you! We're nice and helpful.....just in our own unique way

I find the MTA workers in NYC so helpful and resourceful, the DC area Metro workers, not so much

The only thing with New Yorkers, if they don't know where the location is, they'd rather send you in the wrong direction than saying they don't know....this use to piss me off, lol

I love my city though

 

[CurlyMoo]

Well, the apartment downstairs is free if anyone wants to move to NYC, its a brownstone too, lol.

Is this a "garden" apartment? And how much a month?

 

[CurlyMoo]

^^^Thank you! We're nice and helpful.....just in our own unique way

Awww, you live in NY. I could easily live in NYC. But imma need more grass ok. Everytime I visit I come back with stories of how helpful the people are. Usually Black folks.

ETA: For some reason I relate very well with New Yorkers.

 

[CurlyMoo]

That's a strong statement, who said natural hair people don't attract men? Name names who said that? What some women are saying, is in this society you attract men with natural hair but you get more play with straight hair. I hear white women and white men say this all the time about blonds. Being blonde will get you more attention and play, that's why so many white women dye their hair.

They dye it and straighten it. Straight hair is revered in Caucasian, Asian and Latino communities.

 

[newbiemom]

I did a bc in April and I haven't noticed a decrease in male attention. I don't care since I married but men still honk, try to chat me up and such and I am terribly ordinary when it comes to my clothing.