Spinoff:Natural Hair does not prevent you from attracting men

[BroadstreetBully]

Well let me add a little something to this discussion.

I get hit on all day everyday, but the funny thing is that I feel like I never get hit on. You know why? Because 99% of the guys that hit on me are NOT my type by a long shot. Quality vs. Quantity. Having a lot of guys checking for you doesn't mean anything. I guarantee you ladies would gag at the sight of these dudes. It's about the type of guys.

Now there's this guy I've known since HS on and off. Back then he had a MAJOR crush on me, and he still does...though I see him as just a friend. So back in HS I was relaxed, and I was also relaxed Freshman year of college. Now I see this guy again recently and I'm sporting my natural. You know what? He's still into me. He said he was loving the hair and everything. Blew up my phone. I hate that I'm just not feeling him but it's like that sometimes. See, that's the thing, he likes ME. Not to say that every guy is like this. We're not living in a fantasy world where a majority of women choose straight styles but the majority of men love curls and kinky hair. It's obvious that straight hair is preferred in our society. However, if a man is into you, he's into YOU for YOU.

He's not the only one. There are a few more. Funny how my nappy hair does not turn away guys who are genuinely interested in me, even when their crushes developed when my hair was straight. When I wear my hair more shrunken I get fewer looks than when I wear it stretched out but SO WHAT? I choose not to define myself by how many guys are trying to holler at me because after a while you start to realize that the guys you're really feeling ARE NOT the random ones on the street salivating over your long hair.

If a fro is turning the men away, GOOD. Fewer guys standing between you and Mr. Right. Fewer guys to shuffle through before you find Mr. "Baby let me play in your hair". Fewer guys to say 'hell no' to before spending a lifetime with the man who will love you, naturally, and will treat you like the trophy you are. It's a jungle out there. All the women running around with long, flowing, type 2 Spanish waves and curls are still fighting with each other over men. Thank goodness you're out of that mess. Natural hair is more of a blessing than we give it credit for.

 

[fyb87]

I don't think natural hair prevents women from meeting men. I believe it takes a little more than hair to attract a good man. At least from my personal experience. Now I'm sure there a a great deal of men out there that feels hair is the most important thing about a woman. However, those are not quality men. So imo they don't count!!

 

[shamarie]

I don't think it's just the hair that attracts men. I think it's a whole package. You cannot go around looking like an alien with natural hair and think you're gonna get some play. Same goes for relaxed. Men most times will overlook hair if you're pretty, have a big booty, etc....

Yes lady....u are on point with that

 

[labelfree]

Why not? Seems to make sense to me... Different place, different local socio-cultural-political standards as to "acceptable" appearance...Just curious as to why that's funny to you.

It's funny to me since I live in LA and half the things that have been brought up makes no sense IMO. Like I said before people get caught in what they think LA is they watch 90210 and the O.C and think that everyone tries to live up to the blonde standard of beauty they see on TV when that's far from true I've seen plenty of natural sisters in LA but some post will make you think LA is anti-natural or anti-black which is pretty darn funny.

 

[laurend]

It's funny to me since I live in LA and half the things that have been brought up makes no sense IMO. Like I said before people get caught in what they think LA is they watch 90210 and the O.C and think that everyone tries to live up to the blonde standard of beauty they see on TV when that's far from true I've seen plenty of natural sisters in LA but some post will make you think LA is anti-natural or anti-black which is pretty darn funny.

I have never thought of it as anti-natural just not as pro-natural you would see in Chicago or New York.

 

[Shananyganz]

I think that LA...is what it is to the individual. For me..its a melting pod for all kinds. Does it have its superficial folk. Yes. Does it have its down to earth folk? Yes it does. And it sure as all get out has its folk that fall somewhere in between. My thing is, not every resident is implanted at birth or adolescence with the "90210/O.C" attitude nor do they have the outlook associated with those shows ingrained in their overall genetic make-up. That's just not reality, at least its not mine.

I'm newly natural, I'm dark-skinned, decent shape, but I won't be gracing covers of Maxim or Sports Illustrated anytime soon...once again, it stops nothing. I carry myself well; so many years of ridicule from those that just did not get it, taught me that even on a bad day, I gotta love my Me. I think that my confidence, even if I force myself (some days I have to...just being real), is the first thing you see about me, even if what you supposedly notice is my hair.

Quick story:: I went out, some place in Hollywood this past weekend, rocking the MESS outta my fro. Before I walked out the house, I knew I looked good...I don't deal with conceit, I'm just sayin' what's valid in my eyes. I wore nothing extra special, some skinny jeans and a slinky shirt that hung off the shoulder, bangin' heels (cause that's what I do) and a lil make-up. And let me tell you...I got SO many compliments...from men and women alike...about what ya'll...wait for it...the...FRO!!!

I won't go as far to discount another person's reality or perception thereof; but I don't think natural hair (alone) stops anything when we speaking in terms of cat calls, double takes, and girl you so fine. Now, if after a conversation (brief or otherwise) or repeated dismal, you still not getting the biz, then okay I get (to a point) where the justification comes from. But even then, I totally feel its up to you to decide how you want others to perceive you...and mush face anyone else who doesn't get what you givin'...I'm just sayin'.

-S-

 

[Starr1]

I think you are right. But if that is the case, then straight hair will always be superior to natural hair in that way because hair will always show more length straightened than curly. We really can't separate the issues because for any person, if they straighten their hair, it's longer. Which would mean they'd always get more praise for their straight hair than their curly hair. I hope I'm being clear.

I don't think that's neccessarily true, since I know a lot of people prefer long hair with some sort of texture/body/wave/curl. What I find attractive is different from what someone else may find attractive. My husband has always preferred my hair in its naturally curly state than he does straight, that being said, he prefers it now (hip length curly) than he did when it was curly at shoulder length. For him it's not just about length or just about texture- it's about a combination that he personally finds attractive.

Now as far as attention from men other than my husband goes- there's really no difference in the quantity of men trying to get at me, so much as a change in the demographic of men: When I wear my hair curly I get lots of white guys coming out of the woodworks, when it's straight I get tons of black guys, and when it's straighted and curled I get mad love from the hispanic men. Personally I can't be bothered with none of those fools acting like they don't see the ring on my finger and the kids in the stroller, so most of the time I just wear my hair up and keep it moving- updos decrease the attention a lot but nothing stops it completely.

 

[Shananyganz]

Thanks. I think the confidence/swag explanation is a cop-out. I know several women that live in LA and other parts of the country. They are confident as all get out but bc they don't meet the local BM's standards they get less attention.

That's not to say that a man who might not normally be "into" natural chicks can't find a confident natural alluring. What I am saying is that in some communities, the anti-natural mentality is so ingrained that there's a serious bias toward natural and a woman has to do heck of lot to compensate for it.

The very fact that anyone has to compensate for their natural texture is revealing and the saddening...

In some communities this can also be said regarding size, skin tone, weight...(trails off). I personally feel that as women..as black women, there is an awful lot of (unnecessary) compensation. There's this virtually impossible standard (of beauty) that we are held to; we get it from ALL angles; not just from BM. One day dark skin is in..the next not so much and its light. One day light skin is in and the next..you (in general) get the picture, fill in the blanks accordingly. It all gets to be too much. It IS saddening and all the more reason to put time and love into self. I may have a very "happily ever after" view on the whole situation; however, these communities aren't changing overnight or in the next few years. You are right, and I think that as a whole, we HAVE got to do better..end of story.

I believe everyone is entitled to a preference, but I begin to take issue with preference once it leaks over into ANTI-anything. I've said it before, this is speaking to the anti-natural, anti-straight, anti-skinny, anti-plump, anti-light skin, anti-dark skin mentality, no one has to like what I love. So if there is something about ME that you don't find appealing, that's on you. Because all of this (fans hand from head to toe and back again) is what I got; God is not into do overs and I will not be seeing Dr. Plastic Surgery or Dr. Make Me Lighter anytime soon.

Speaking to my own experiences, I'm tired of it all people. I'm educated, self-sufficient, easy-going, quiet, but sociable...I mean, I have an arsenal of GREAT words to truthfully describe me, but for SOME men, that's just not enough. At the end of the day, I am don't fall into their idea of beauty and I'm just NOT what they have convinced themselves, or been convinced that they want. So be it.

I really think sometimes we give too much credit to men we wouldn't want on our WORSE day.

-S-

 

[Hairsofab]

^^^So maybe you'd get a similar reaction if you wore your natural hair down more, like twists, twist-outs, braid-outs, since updo's are often seen as more conservative/older and you'd show more length........I still stand firm by the notion that its more about length and overall health of the hair then it is about texture.

I feel like when I finally achieve APL twists......I'll be unstoppable they swang they're a protective style, they're no heat and they're super neat, that'll be the best

I think it is more about texture than length tbh. I know people like to poo poo other's experiences in this realm as a "confidence" or "self-esteem" issue but I don't think that is the case. I've had my hair all different lengths and textures (real,braids,weaves etc) and people seem to be more approachable when my hair is straight whether it is short or long. It doesn't stop me from wearing my hair natural or in a curly weave but it is what it is.