Spinoff: Marriage Tips

[breezy]

Since the topic of marriage has come up a lot lately and we all seem to know why ppl keep getting divorced at alarming rates, let's start a positive thread w/ advice for married women, and those who plan to get married in the future. What are the best lessons/ tips/ advice you have ever gotten concerning marriage? These could be lessons you learned, things your mother/pastor/father told you, or just things you have in your head.

I'll start: Don't ever say anything about your spouse behind his back that you wouldn't want getting back to him.

No matter how bad the fight seems, keep it in the house, by that I mean no running to your family, his family, etc. b/c months after your little tiff has blown over, they'll still hold grudges and be upset.

A little counseling never hurt anybody.

If you can't compromise, you won't be married for long, or you won't be happy for long.

Talk about how you want to raise your children before you start having them.

The same goes for finances, don't have two different spending styles prior to marriage and expect them to just mix...settle that before getting married.

I'll add more later, so everyone else please chime in.

 

[Growinpainz]

Good advice! *taking notes*

 

[breezy]

A few more:

Getting a man and keeping one are two different things.

Be your husband's best friend b/c at the end of the day beauty and lust fade but a friendship lasts a lifetime.

Divorce should be your last option, not your first.

A wife should build her husband up, not tear him down.

 

[Radianthealth]

Stop being so stubborn...it really isn't that serious.

Try to do nice things for your husband every now and then.

It is easy to let yourself go, try to be the best wife that you can be (Men are very visual)



All of these are things that I KNOW I need to work on

 

[breezy]

Stop being so stubborn...it really isn't that serious.

Try to do nice things for your husband every now and then.

It is easy to let yourself go, try to be the best wife that you can be (Men are very visual)



All of these are things that I KNOW I need to work on

Good tips!

 

[Hareitiz]

Communicate, Communicate, Communicate!

If there is something that you may do that you KNOW your mate doesn't like, DONT do it again.

Remember that you aren't perfect, so don't expect perfection from your mate.

 

[breezy]

bump bump bump....come on people, your tips could prevent a divorce or two

 

[Allandra]

bump bump bump....come on people, your tips could prevent a divorce or two

Breezy,

It IS Monday morning, and some folks are at work/school. Girl, some folks are still in bed. Please give them a little time. I'm sure they will post soon enough.

 

[breezy]

Breezy,

It IS Monday morning, and some folks are at work/school. Girl, some folks are still in bed. Please give them a little time. I'm sure they will post soon enough.

You know I have no patience!!!!! No j/k I just wanna keep the topic fresh.

 

[Allandra]

You know I have no patience!!!!! No j/k I just wanna keep the topic fresh.

And it will be fresh. Be patient.

 

[donna894]

Keep your own personal interests. Don't become so consumed with your relationship that you lose yourself.

We like to take care of our husbands, but also allow the husband to take care of his wife and share the load. After all, marriage is a partnership.

Communicate. Communicate. Men do not have intuition like women do. So sometimes feelings or concerns will need to be clearly explained to avoid confusion, tension in the relationship, etc.

I'll try to come up with some others later.

 

[Southernbella.]

Another good thread Breezy! You're on a roll, girl!

Submission goes both ways. Don't lose yourself and shrink away trying to help him be the "head". If something needs to be done, get it done. If something needs to be said, say it in love. He will thank you later.

If you SAH, and mess around and spend all day on the internet sometimes, figure out a 15 minute drill. This is when you run around and get the house looking presentable for when your dh comes home (don't make this a habit though)

Pick your battles, and don't nitpick.

Men need affection just like we do. You'd be surprised how much it means to a man to be held.

Don't blame your husband (or kids) if you feel trapped or lost. You are a strong woman. Make something happen for yourself! This will make your marriage and family happier!

 

[breezy]

Another good thread Breezy! You're on a roll, girl!

Submission goes both ways. Don't lose yourself and shrink away trying to help him be the "head". If something needs to be done, get it done. If something needs to be said, say it in love. He will thank you later.

If you SAH, and mess around and spend all day on the internet sometimes, figure out a 15 minute drill. This is when you run around and get the house looking presentable for when your dh comes home (don't make this a habit though)

Pick your battles, and don't nitpick.

Men need affection just like we do. You'd be surprised how much it means to a man to be held.

Don't blame your husband (or kids) if you feel trapped or lost. You are a strong woman. Make something happen for yourself! This will make your marriage and family happier!

I agree with the pick your battles statement. I mean is the toilet seat left up really important?

 

[Lucie]

Praise him in public and go into detail about whatever recent thing he did that was terrific. He may not tell you that he loves it but men love to be praised too!

When he comes in the door, hug him. Not to say he deserves a prize for coming home but not everyone's husband comes home. Imagine how you would feel if the minute you walked in the door and he started talking about all of the things you did not do.

Do not use the word, "divorce," to threaten him during an argument.

Give him a chance to speak without cutting him off.

Do not bring up past hurts in a present argument/discussion. If you say you forgive him, than do just that. No one likes the past constantly being brought up.

Leave him little notes (or nowadays text messages) letting him know how much you love him or find him sexy.

Let him watch his game or whatever he likes on televison in peace.

Don't expect him to be a mind reader. We rationalize like women because we are. Don't expect him to think about things the same way you do.

When he asks you what's wrong, tell him. If you keep acting like nothing is wrong, he will eventually learn not to ask.

Say, "thank you."

 

[vickid]

Stop being so stubborn...it really isn't that serious.

Try to do nice things for your husband every now and then.

It is easy to let yourself go, try to be the best wife that you can be (Men are very visual)



All of these are things that I KNOW I need to work on

Trimbride-- CAN I GET A WITNESS! It took me yrs to let go of stubborness and me, me, me (that was the only child in me!), and learn how to be a member of the "that girl cub" just for my husband!

I'd like to add, a few tips-learn how to have fun with your husband and develop hobbies and pursuits in common that will bring you together. A marraige counselor once told us that we must develop a common fertile ground on which to build the foundation of our marraige. So true, so true!

 

[14got]

Don't be petty
at least once a month do something for you
Try to have a weekend away from the kids @ least every 2 months sometimes we get so caught up in the family lifde we forget about Our relationship

 

[Lucie]

I thought of another one.

Have your own life. Of course you two should become one but have things to do that do not involve him and vice-versa. My in-laws have been married for over 32 years and my MIL has her volunteering at the hospital and tutoring.

My FIL has his baseball (weather permitting) and bowling that he does 3-4 times a week.

When you have your own things going on it allows you to bring more to the table and it allows them to miss you a bit.

 

[MzTami]

Don't become too complacent.

Keep yourself looking nice, like when you first met.

Compliment him.

Learn to appreciate and respect him for who he is.

Don't ask for materialistic things you know he can't afford. Work within his budget.

 

[Amina]

I know everyone are giving out marriage tips...Just thought I would post the following website (given to me by a friend)...I think the considerations can be used in whatever marriage....

Top Ten Considerations Before Marrying Cross Culturally

 

[blackbarbie]

O.K. hope my advice will count even though I'm divorcederplexed

-Pick and choose your battles carefully; before going into a big long, drawn out argument, stop and ask yourself "is it going to make a difference a year from now?". If not, it may not be worth going down to the ground kicking and screaming about......

-Learn to compromise, even if it doesn't mean winning every argument. I know we sometimes want to always win every argument, but think about it, if we always win each argument, then that means someone has to lose the argument, which is usually your mate.....Do you want to be with a loser??

-Communicate, communicate, communicate - no one was born a mind reader and even though you may expect your spouse to know what time it is when you give them that look (as in "you know i'm pissed" look), would you want him to walk around the house non responsive and you don't know what's in his head when he is feeling the same way?

-Have a date night....sometimes children, family, and life in general get in the way. When a couple has children, their activities tend to constitute an entire week (soccer, ballet, gym, etc.), but if your life revolves around your children and you are not strengthening your bond with your mate, what are you going to fall back on once your children leave the nest?

-Keep your own identity and maintain your own interests. Just as well, come up with some things that you can share especially with your spouse.

-Be nice. A lot of times couples forget to do that and end up taking the other for granted. Treat your spouse just as you would treat a stranger in your home. (I mean as in being nice; saying thank you for holding doors, pulling out chairs, etc.......don't just expect it, be grateful for it)

-Compliment your mate. It's the small things that you may do or say that count. If you don't compliment your mate, someone else will be more than happy to!

-Treat your mate with respect. Don't say or do anything to your mate that you wouldn't want said or done to you.

O.K. that's all I can think of for now.....

 

[Radianthealth]

O.K. hope my advice will count even though I'm divorcederplexed

-Pick and choose your battles carefully; before going into a big long, drawn out argument, stop and ask yourself "is it going to make a difference a year from now?". If not, it may not be worth going down to the ground kicking and screaming about......

-Learn to compromise, even if it doesn't mean winning every argument. I know we sometimes want to always win every argument, but think about it, if we always win each argument, then that means someone has to lose the argument, which is usually your mate.....Do you want to be with a loser??

-Communicate, communicate, communicate - no one was born a mind reader and even though you may expect your spouse to know what time it is when you give them that look (as in "you know i'm pissed" look), would you want him to walk around the house non responsive and you don't know what's in his head when he is feeling the same way?

-Have a date night....sometimes children, family, and life in general get in the way. When a couple has children, their activities tend to constitute an entire week (soccer, ballet, gym, etc.), but if your life revolves around your children and you are not strengthening your bond with your mate, what are you going to fall back on once your children leave the nest?

-Keep your own identity and maintain your own interests. Just as well, come up with some things that you can share especially with your spouse.

-Be nice. A lot of times couples forget to do that and end up taking the other for granted. Treat your spouse just as you would treat a stranger in your home. (I mean as in being nice; saying thank you for holding doors, pulling out chairs, etc.......don't just expect it, be grateful for it)

-Compliment your mate. It's the small things that you may do or say that count. If you don't compliment your mate, someone else will be more than happy to!

-Treat your mate with respect. Don't say or do anything to your mate that you wouldn't want said or done to you.

O.K. that's all I can think of for now.....

I think it definitely counts, lessons learned are just as valuable!!!


I would like to add:

Flirt with your husband, show him that he is desirable

Figure out the finances and who will be responsible for what

Go out on Dates, or travel together, it doesn't have to be expensive

 

[breezy]

O.K. hope my advice will count even though I'm divorcederplexed

-Pick and choose your battles carefully; before going into a big long, drawn out argument, stop and ask yourself "is it going to make a difference a year from now?". If not, it may not be worth going down to the ground kicking and screaming about......

-Learn to compromise, even if it doesn't mean winning every argument. I know we sometimes want to always win every argument, but think about it, if we always win each argument, then that means someone has to lose the argument, which is usually your mate.....Do you want to be with a loser??

-Communicate, communicate, communicate - no one was born a mind reader and even though you may expect your spouse to know what time it is when you give them that look (as in "you know i'm pissed" look), would you want him to walk around the house non responsive and you don't know what's in his head when he is feeling the same way?

-Have a date night....sometimes children, family, and life in general get in the way. When a couple has children, their activities tend to constitute an entire week (soccer, ballet, gym, etc.), but if your life revolves around your children and you are not strengthening your bond with your mate, what are you going to fall back on once your children leave the nest?

-Keep your own identity and maintain your own interests. Just as well, come up with some things that you can share especially with your spouse.

-Be nice. A lot of times couples forget to do that and end up taking the other for granted. Treat your spouse just as you would treat a stranger in your home. (I mean as in being nice; saying thank you for holding doors, pulling out chairs, etc.......don't just expect it, be grateful for it)

-Compliment your mate. It's the small things that you may do or say that count. If you don't compliment your mate, someone else will be more than happy to!

-Treat your mate with respect. Don't say or do anything to your mate that you wouldn't want said or done to you.

O.K. that's all I can think of for now.....

You gave some great advice, very on point!

 

[candiel]

blackbarbie, your advice is so true. .... I was going to say some of those also


Learning how to communicate effectively is very important.

Compromise is also very key to any relationship.

Taking time out for just the two of you. Time with family and friends is not quality time!

 

[rayne]

You ladies are on point with your advise I'd also like to add that

1) pride has no place in a marriage.
2) there is no such thing as "mine"
3) let your man be a man.

That's all I can think of for now. I'll try to add more later.

 

[JD's Mom]

1. There is no such thing as 50-50 in a good marriage.
2. You can not change a person. More than likely, if he was doing it before you married (whatever "it" is) he will continue to do "it" after you are married. For example, if he treated you poorly while dating (not enough attention, disrespectful) he will continue the same behavior once married).
3.Some things just need to be let go. Nagging is not attractive.
4. Learn to laugh together.

 

[breezy]

Everybody has some really good tips! I'm gonna put them all together and email them in a list or something!

 

[14got]

Great thread ladies

 

[SweetCaramel1]

1. put god first! trust your faith when you're experiening problems with your mate. pray about it!

2. marry that right person. know your mate! don't be in a hurry to run down the alter for the sake of being married. ensure you share a common faith, common belief in marriage, common vision and family goal.

3. keep folk's out yo' business!!! your friends and family will always remember the negative long after those issues have come and gone and may hold a grudge against your spouse. if you have to vent, vent to a neutral party.........usually someone outside of the family like a reverand, counselor, psychologist, lhcf, etc...

4. talk about it. communicate with your spouse often. don't fall into those one-line robot marriages: "hunny i'm home", "how was your day", etc...

5. keep it spicy! your husband is still a man with desires and sexual fantasies. spice it up everyone now and then :blondboob

6. money matters! most couples argue over money. have a budget and know what you can spend. figure out whose best with the money and let them manage the books. don't be blind to what's going on though.

7. have faith in your marriage. know what you have is the shiznic and be greatful for the place you are in. it is a blessing to have found a mate that loves, honors and respects you forever.

 

[SweetCaramel1]

Another good thread Breezy! You're on a roll, girl!


If you SAH, and mess around and spend all day on the internet sometimes, figure out a 15 minute drill. This is when you run around and get the house looking presentable for when your dh comes home (don't make this a habit though)

this is me all the way!!!

 

[breezy]

this is me all the way!!!

I know! I read that with shame and got up and cleaned my house and redid my bun!