Spinoff: Is Your Dh, Serious So Allowed New Women Friends?

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Ganjababy

Well-Known Member
Prior to my marriage I told DH that he was not allowed any new female friends. Only the ones he knew before me:look:

He was cool with that because he is not the kind of man to have loads of female friends. He had a couple and he knew them through his male friends.

What is your stance on this issue?
 
I actually realized that he did make a new friend recently and she is a woman and I had no problem with it. I actually encouraged it. She was a workmate. They worked together briefly. She is a girl in a male dominated field.

There was a situation where he was supposed to leave her in a consultation with a client because he was supposed to meet me but she felt unsafe because the client was being creepy and he asked me what to do. He also thought the client was a creep by the way he talked to her and looked at her body. I told him to stay with her.

She has invited him over to her home for dinner/ get togethers during the holiday seasons as we are new to CA but she always invites me too. He always declines because he said she is a child (compared to our age, and a pothead and other than work they have nothing in common).

Now they are not working together they still speak every 2 weeks. I have no problem with it. I actually advise her through him. Her employer takes the piss with her because the company knows she is eager to prove herself as a female.

But lil gal has spunk working in her field and I have decided to invite her and her bf over. Also, I am used to potheads so it's not a problem.

But... This is the only exception.
 
Not sure about allowed, but we've had conversations and are on the same page about new opposite sex friends. Its not a 100% disallowed thing, but an area we approach with caution to protect our relationship.

Any friend needs to be carefully and responsibly considered and cool with us both to hang around with/join our group of friends. I trust his judgement and I trust mine.
 
I am not as trusting as most I guess. I know some shady *** bytches. A guy friend that I had prior to getting married was cheating on his spouse with a workmate the lady would invite them to her home for get togthers and would get off on doing things while the wife was there. The workmate even did a girls dinner and invited the wife. Somehow the conversation came up on what there husbands like and don't like sexually (yes workmate was married too!) well wifey was like hubby doesn't like to go down. Workmate the next day allowed him to go down and she laughed and said wifey says you don't like to do this. I guess she was right, you don't like it you love it! Needless to say after he told me all of this we are no longer friends. Just the disrespect plus I didn't want wifey to say Southernstunner knew.

TRUST NO ONE NOT A MUFUCKING PERSON!



I am separated in the process of a divorce. The guy I am seeing doesn't have female friends. He believes that someone will want more. I agree with him.
 
speaking as the female friend...

Significant other are responsible for setting boundaries... with both female and male friends
when those friends overstep those boundaries he is responsible for putting them in their place..

if you have to 'mandate' / police your SO on that level... I feel there must be something wrong

I've seen male friends encourage their married friends to cheat and female friends etc etc etc

You and your SO gotta have those talks about whats good and what isn't...

you can't police their every movement..
 
I'm not married but I would allow it as long as we're on the same page about the nature of the friendship.

I think opposite sex friends are useful for making new connections but should be treated more like acquaintances. No spilling household business, talking on the phone too often/too long and good morning texts. Absolutely no spending time alone.

Keep it casual and don't engage in interactions that are suspect. I'm not sure if it's realistic; it may seem too strict for some. But I have made male friends through work that I will always keep in touch with. They're really good people and I would hate for someone to forbid me from catching up with them from time to time.

Respect your relationship, be transparent and all that Pollyanna stuff.

If my SO/DH was trying to be close friends with a woman and actually spend time with her, talk about personal problems, go out etc. then that would be a deal breaker. Surface "friendships" only.
 
F nawl!

The women friends he has were there before we met. He knew them in junior high. :lol:

For those ladies, I'm cool. Hell, I even got on him about not meeting up with his close woman friend every once in a while for lunch or something in order to maintain the friendship.

TF he look like meeting and hanging out with new women?

Trust ain't even the issue here. There's just no need for this type of friend.

And coworkers that he goes out to lunch with occasionally don't count. None of those women are calling/texting him and ish.
 
sunnieb said:
F nawl!

The women friends he has were there before we met. He knew them in junior high. :lol:

For those ladies, I'm cool. Hell, I even got on him about not meeting up with his close woman friend every once in a while for lunch or something in order to maintain the friendship.

TF he look like meeting and hanging out with new women?

Trust ain't even the issue here. There's just no need for this type of friend.

And coworkers that he goes out to lunch with occasionally don't count. None of those women are calling/texting him and ish.
Click to expand...
This. All of it. I fully embrace his old friendships with women. One of them has become a close friend of mine as well and was even my number 1 pick to be dd's godmother But what would be the NEED for new ones? I feel like every frienship takes a bit of effort in the beginning. So why the need to make such an effort?
 
I think I would be a little OK if she came with a Hubby and we could do couple related stuff. 1:1 ? not so much. Someone always catches feelings when you spend a lot of alone time together. On the flip side, married people cheat with other married people all the time. No one cares if their spouses are best friends. He needs to have self discipline and not put himself in sticky situations at the risk of losing his marriage and family. I guess if you have to police him then you don't need to be with him. The more you police, the more defiant he becomes. If he wasn't cheating, he will and if he was cheating, he will ramp it up with more women.
 
In my mind, I think people should be free to LIVE the way they want to live, their one life on this earth.
In my heart, I trust no one.

I've had this conversation many times with married, divorced and single friends.
In the end it's all about what the two people agree on. No right or wrong.
But I also believe that, if you feel you have to police the one you love to "protect" the relationship, then I'd question how solid that relationship is. Nothing, I mean no rules can protect any person who wants to do something shady. People will be deceptive with or without the opportunity, in front or behind your back. The freedom to just be is what will make the couple the best version of themself and the best for you. I wish my heart could let me forget all the douche bag men I know of....
 
Not allowing new women friends does not equal watching my husband's every move and action.

These are separate issues. We have each other's cell phone passwords, email passwords, all social media passwords, etc., but it's not like we're in there checking up on each other daily. Ain't nobody got time fo dat! :lachen: We only have all that info in case of emergency. We trust each other 100%.

So then folk like to ask "So why can't he have new women friends?". It's simple to me. My husband does not need to form NEW intimate friendships with other women. Period. That's what I'm for. Same for me going out and meeting NEW men. What for? o_O

But, this is what works for our marriage. What others do in their marriage is totally up to them.
 
This type setup has never and will never work for our home. People are so quick to call everyone a friend without fully knowing the meaning of what a friend is. I am not comfortable with my husband sharing any type of interest with another woman that he isn't familiar with already. Nope, not today, not eva!
 
exactly

event he thought of dh having a new female/ lady what? no!!!!! lmaoooooo

you surely do not want me having new male friends so bruh cmon now..you know your wife aint that chick to be like yeah oh you made a new friend..great!!!!! not lux lmaoooo


sunnieb said:
Not allowing new women friends does not equal watching my husband's every move and action.

These are separate issues. We have each other's cell phone passwords, email passwords, all social media passwords, etc., but it's not like we're in there checking up on each other daily. Ain't nobody got time fo dat! :lachen: We only have all that info in case of emergency. We trust each other 100%.

So then folk like to ask "So why can't he have new women friends?". It's simple to me. My husband does not need to form NEW intimate friendships with other women. Period. That's what I'm for. Same for me going out and meeting NEW men. What for? o_O

But, this is what works for our marriage. What others do in their marriage is totally up to them.
Click to expand...
 
I've never had a reason to stop a man from having women friends. And to be honest...I've found that the friends they had when we met some how fall back way back...once I meet them. I've never told a man who he couldn't talk to or hang out with. But in the by and by they just somehow seem to no longer need or want these friendships after a bit.

My guy is like this now...I'm constantly telling him...don't you want to go ride with your club (men and women bikers) lol...his response is always...why you got something you want to do. Annoying.

I know I did this...I just don't know how to undo it. Actually I do...it's just amusing at the moment.
 
I make new married male friends every couple of months. Being in the military it's how it goes. I was invited to church by a new friend. I sit with his wife and kids. He plays in the band for the church.
 
he's not the type to want them. his hobbies are like gaming and sports, guy-oriented things.
he does have a few work female friends who i have already confirmed are: 1)not all that attractive :look: + 2) ww + 3) are great for networking purposes. one of them is trying to get him a niiiiiice position in her dad's company. so to those i be like, "go head baby, take her out to lunch!" :lol:

I also love going to those ritzy ww weddings with him. i guess we are their token black couple to invite.
 
oh my bad, i should have realized this said DH. i'm not married, just in a long term relationship.
 
It would be great to see what the DH's responses would be. Especially to the 'not allowed' part. LOL
 
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