SPINOFF.....How would you feel if your female friends were....

L

lana

Well-Known Member
This is a spin off that came to mind after I read that girl's thread about her boyfriend talking about women and she overheard (and then she left and never responded to the thread - lol!)

Don't blast me, like some of you blasted her! This is real.

How would you feel if your female friends were going on and on about some guy on TV...in front of you and your husband AND EXPECTED YOU to agree in front of your man.

I have had this happen several times.

Scenario: A girl I know (but am not best friends with) was sitting on the couch at a little cookout. We were at a couple's house that have been married going over 20 years. Everyone was 25-30 and up with a few kids running around.

So one girl, who happens to be attractive, overweight and single, is watching the game with us and she's going on and on about how sexy some player is. I mean it was excessive!

So I'm cuddled up with DH on the couch and just ignoring her chatter and she is just moaning and groaning over these ball players... on TV.

She turns to ME and says:Isn't so and so super fine, like isn't he just sooo...yummy?

You know what I did? I turned to her and said, "Girl please I'm not looking at that man, when I got a good man right here! What are you drinking?"

She looked really pissed, like I played her. Mind you we are not close friends, just acquaintances and even if we were...well no, we wouldn't be.

I was surprised that she expected me to cosign with her comments. Um, no chick.

But has this happened to you and how have you handled it?
 
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I think that was an appropriate response. She saw you were ignoring her and was determined to make you respond. Just silly if you ask me.
 
I don't think that the other thread was offensive it was just honest.

I have never been in this situation, my friends aren't that loud and expressive but if I were I'd just be like "yea he's cute" and that's it. My ex used to go on about how beautiful he thought Kelly Rowland was whenever she came on tv. It never bothered me. Heck I thought it was cute cuz she's dark skinned and skinny (at that time lol) like me.
 
I had a friend do this to me before in a similar way. I was asking her what was of the name of some guy she knew (not dated or anything) because I knew him as well. Just a innocent question, never thought anything else of it. When I was asking her her bf was next to her. She at first acted dumb and then told me the name but it was in a nonchalant way as if, she was saying, "Yeah um can we not talk about him, etc."
 
My friends and I don't talk about how fine someone is, if one of our spouse's, or SO's are around. I wouldn't want my man to go on about how fine such and such is, if I was sitting in the room. If him and his boys are out without me, that is when they can talk about hittin "that" guy talk. That is just disrepectful.
 
My friends would never do that. But my BIL seems to always want my husband to comment on his latest girlfriend.

I think how you answered is fine but I have no problem saying a man is nice looking and don't have a problem with my husband saying that about another woman, it's all in the delivery. Just because I am now married does not mean that I am also now blind. We watch biggest loser and other transformation type shows and always comment on how the person looks great at the end, not a big deal to me.
 
I don't see the problem with admitting a man is attractive in front of my SO. Going on and on about it like the girl in the OP would be inappropiate. But, the girl in the OP is single so she can do that. If she had asked me what I thought I would have said that the guy is cute if that's what I thought.

Your answer seemed kind of rude and it comes off like you wanted to put her in her place which I don't think was necessary in that situation.
 
although I wouldnt have acted like she did, I wouldnt talk to you anymore. *shrugs*

the hell does her weight and other ish have to do with her actions btw
 
NaijaTroll said:
although I wouldnt have acted like she did, I wouldnt talk to you anymore. *shrugs*

the hell does her weight and other ish have to do with her actions btw
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I was describing her, pretty, overweight and single. (lol)
If she were unattractive, skinny and married, I would have told you.
 
knt1229 said:
I don't see the problem with admitting a man is attractive in front of my SO. Going on and on about it like the girl in the OP would be inappropiate. But, the girl in the OP is single so she can do that. If she had asked me what I thought I would have said that the guy is cute if that's what I thought.

Your answer seemed kind of rude and it comes off like you wanted to put her in her place which I don't think was necessary in that situation.
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Maybe you had to be there. She was way over the top. Moaning and groaning over some TV basketball player and expecting me to cosign. No thanks.

I should mention that I did not curse at the girl. (lol) It was more of an expression on my face. Like: Get out of here!
 
lana said:
Maybe you had to be there. She was way over the top. Moaning and groaning over some TV basketball player and expecting me to cosign. No thanks.

I should mention that I did not curse at the girl. (lol) It was more of an expression on my face. Like: Get out of here!
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I would not have dignified that with a response, if I were you. I would have just looked at her, no expression. Silence. That would have been all. She would have felt foot-in-mouthish but not belittled by you.
 
Well, you could have just said, "Yeah, he's cute." And left it at that.

I don't quite see what the fact that you already have a good-looking man has to do with the fact that another man is good looking too. There are more than one good looking man in the world.

She didn't ask you if you wanted to do him, just if you thought he was fine. So "Girl, whatcha talking bout, I got a good man right here!" seems a bit like an overreaction.
 
There are many ways you could have responded to her and the response you gave her was just fine. I don't think what she did was wrong, but I can see how the situation may have bothered you or made you uncomfortable. She probably didn't mean anything by it and may not have realized how uncomfortable you were with her oogling over this man on tv.
 
ebonylocs said:
Well, you could have just said, "Yeah, he's cute." And left it at that.

I don't quite see what the fact that you already have a good-looking man has to do with the fact that another man is good looking too. There are more than one good looking man in the world.

She didn't ask you if you wanted to do him, just if you thought he was fine. So "Girl, whatcha talking bout, I got a good man right here!" seems a bit like an overreaction.
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I completly agree with this.
Your response OP just made an uncomfortable situation even more uncomfortable.
 
As a happily married women, I think your response was extra. I think she may have been tipsy or wanted attention. Not a big deal, I would have went with a "yeah , girl" and kept it moving without a thought. No need to embarss her with the I got a man comeback. Hopefully your man was into the game and wasn't paying attention to a random chick. just imo. You did what you thought was cool and she will get over
It.

Sent from my PC36100 using PC36100
 
OP why were you so frightened to respond to her? What did you think your man would do if you said another man was cute? KILL YOU?

Lighten up girl! Men call other women cute all the time. It's not that serious.

And what's with the overweight and single part? That sounds like a "put down". It sounds like you think you're better than her. I'm sure she can get a man too. Really, ANYBODY can!
 
The OP said it was excessive. I hate loud mouths (just a term, I don't know the woman per se). I don't have a problem saying someone is sexy, attractive or cute to my SO but once it is stated is there any reason for me to be excessive or look for cosigners?
 
I just don't see this as something that serious. Im not uncomfortable saying a man is attractive in front of my man. I can see if I'm hopping on a couch like Tom cruise talking about how much I wanna eat him up. But its just a simple answer of yes or no. My so has voiced he loves keri hilson. I think its okay to simply say someone iS cute without making Ur SO uncomfortable

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OP you didn't do anything wrong. It's not like you cursed her out or anything. She saw you were ignoring her and focused on your SO. She should of just left you alone. She will get over it. Everyone doesn't like to go on about a random dude in front of their SO. If my hubby said what you said to some guy trying to get him to co-sign, I would appreciate it.

Team Lana lol :)
 
ebonylocs said:
Well, you could have just said, "Yeah, he's cute." And left it at that.

I don't quite see what the fact that you already have a good-looking man has to do with the fact that another man is good looking too. There are more than one good looking man in the world.

She didn't ask you if you wanted to do him, just if you thought he was fine. So "Girl, whatcha talking bout, I got a good man right here!" seems a bit like an overreaction.
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I agree. I think a more moderate approach is best. But something tells me you dont like this girl for more reasons than just this incident.

If It was me and my SO and some girl we only kind of knew, I would leave it at. " yeah he's cute" and depending on my mood I might add " but I think SO is cuter" but anything else is just trying to put her in her place or clown her.

Most people do a good enough job looking like a fool on their own. Me going out of my way to try to make them look bad will only make me look bad, and possibly win the other person sympathy points...

just my opinion. No sides taken here. Like I said, it sounds like you don't like her anyway even if she kept her mouth shut.
 
I don't see the big deal either way ie OP's response or the girl's gushing.

DH and I constantly mention if we think male or female is attractive but its no biggie we're not dead, however I won't go out of my way to respond to someone who I don't consider a friend (and who apparently I find annoying) just to make her feel better, she should make me feel better and leave me alone JMO:look:
 
hopeful said:
OP you didn't do anything wrong. It's not like you cursed her out or anything. She saw you were ignoring her and focused on your SO. She should of just left you alone. She will get over it. Everyone doesn't like to go on about a random dude in front of their SO. If my hubby said what you said to some guy trying to get him to co-sign, I would appreciate it.

Team Lana lol :)
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ITA. :yep: I know how you feel OP. I also think it's a bit disrespectful to comment on a man's looks in front of DH. :nono: Of course if he asks what I think of a guy I will let him know, but that's rare. :lol: And when I do it's always respectful. I'm not going to say he's sexy or "he can get it" or anything like that, because I wouldn't want to hear him talking about another woman like that. Usually when a situation like that happens I just don't say anything and the person usually gets the hint.
 
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