SPINOFF for LDRs: How Long is too Long?

[loolalooh]

How long is too long to wait for a proposal in a long distance relationship (LDR)? Let's assume you and your SO visit each other 1x a month and spend long holidays together.

Also, would you expect a ring before you two move in together OR would you do a trial period in the same location?

 

[JustKiya]

I still think that 0-2 years is enough - I'm assuming there are daily phonecalls, and the like. So, you are learning about each other - but the relationship is most likely on a danngone near 24/7 honeymoon phase.

I'd do a trial run in the same city, but no moving in til the ring is obtained, because if the trial run fails, breaking up and breaking a lease is too much at once.

 

[Bunny77]

Yeah, I still think 0-2 years is enough. Otherwise, you're dragging things out, and for an LDR, I don't think that's a good idea. Now, I know that perhaps someone in a same-area relationship might get engaged at a year mark (for example), while the people in an LDR might wait a year and six months just because they don't have as much time together, but overall, it shouldn't make much difference.

Oh, and I'm not moving anywhere without a ring. Not to where he's living and not moving in with him when I get there. The ring is the only thing that would get me to move.

 

[Dposh167]

wow. This is my situation exactly. We told each other 2.5-3 years. we only see each other monthly. As far as living 2gether....at first we said we would live with each other in some city we both decided. BUT i later changed my mind about that. I felt as if our ''want'' to see each other often, resulted in shacking. And i didnt want our ultimate goal of engagement/marriage get blurred once we got our wish, and moved in with each other. I'm also not willing to do a trial either. So we know someone has to move if we get engaged...but we will worry about that when it gets close. I feel better re-locating for a husband rather than a bf...no matter how great our LDR relationship is.

 

[JustKiya]

Yeah, I still think 0-2 years is enough. Otherwise, you're dragging things out, and for an LDR, I don't think that's a good idea. Now, I know that perhaps someone in a same-area relationship might get engaged at a year mark (for example), while the people in an LDR might wait a year and six months just because they don't have as much time together, but overall, it shouldn't make much difference.

Oh, and I'm not moving anywhere without a ring. Not to where he's living and not moving in with him when I get there. The ring is the only thing that would get me to move.

I don't see a problem with moving to where he is - assuming you have something in that city more than just him. If y'all are LD because of school - then perhaps look for a job in that city, or he look for a job in your city, or y'all both look for jobs in an entirely different city, altogether.
Moving to a city just because your boyfriend lives there is high on my ohhellnawh meter.

 

[loolalooh]

wow. This is my situation exactly. We told each other 2.5-3 years. we only see each other monthly. As far as living 2gether....at first we said we would live with each other in some city we both decided. BUT i later changed my mind about that. I felt as if our ''want'' to see each other often, resulted in shacking. And i didnt want our ultimate goal of engagement/marriage get blurred once we got our wish, and moved in with each other. I'm also not willing to do a trial either. So we know someone has to move if we get engaged...but we will worry about that when it gets close. I feel better re-locating for a husband rather than a bf...no matter how great our LDR relationship is.

Similar thing here except he told me 4.5 years or more before he'd propose. We were going to live with each other in the same city at the 3.5 year mark, but it didn't feel right to me. I wanted a ring before shacking. He said no so then I backed off and suggested we get separate apartments in the same city. He didn't want that either; he wanted us to live together. (Funny thing is I actually wanted a ring at year 2 but didn't say anything.)

We broke up a few months ago (for unrelated reasons) but I've wondered for a while if I was too pushy with the proposal thing. In seeing the responses so far, I probably wasn't firm enough. Good thing to know for future relationships.

 

[Bunny77]

I don't see a problem with moving to where he is - assuming you have something in that city more than just him. If y'all are LD because of school - then perhaps look for a job in that city, or he look for a job in your city, or y'all both look for jobs in an entirely different city, altogether.
Moving to a city just because your boyfriend lives there is high on my ohhellnawh meter.

Yeah, it's definitely a case-by-case basis.

Now, in my case, I have always liked the city where my boyfriend lives (probably why I extended my online search to that area), so I might have considered moving there down the road anyway.

BUT... if I was gonna move now at age 32, I would be giving up a really good job and career. Granted, I'm ready for a career change and move, but my plan as a single woman would be to job hunt while holding on to this one I have now, and then move after that. I'd be giving up a lot to move to where he is right now without the promise of marriage, and he knows that. I don't currently have anything in that city and state besides him (well, a few friends, but that's it). I'd make a way if we broke up, but it's not worth giving up what I have now without some guarantees.

It is different though for women who are younger, finishing school, etc. If I was finishing school and job hunting, then it would be fine to look for a job in my man's city/state. And if we break up, at least I didn't leave anything to be with him.

 

[Bunny77]

Similar thing here except he told me 4.5 years or more before he'd propose. We were going to live with each other in the same city at the 3.5 year mark, but it didn't feel right to me. I wanted a ring before shacking. He said no so then I backed off and suggested we get separate apartments in the same city. He didn't want that either; he wanted us to live together. (Funny thing is I actually wanted a ring at year 2 but didn't say anything.)

We broke up a few months ago (for unrelated reasons) but I've wondered for a while if I was too pushy with the proposal thing. In seeing the responses so far, I probably wasn't firm enough. Good thing to know for future relationships.

Wow, 4.5 years???? The only reason I see for a 4.5 year wait is because you all are in school and it takes that long to finish. Otherwise, that's ridiculous to me.

Also, I think you are right in seeking a ring before moving in.

I don't know... this doesn't sound good to me. He didn't say anything about your request at Year 2, he wants you to move but is offering no guarantees AND he's basically demanding that you live with him for him to propose.

And after you do all that, he STILL might not propose!

I'm glad you didn't move.

 

[TayMac]

I voted for 0-2 years as well. LDRs don't work without a long term plan IMO and it should be discussed early on.

I would move to the city but not in the same house/apt.

 

[~~HoneyComb~~]

How long is too long to wait for a proposal in a long distance relationship (LDR)? Let's assume you and your SO visit each other 1x a month and spend long holidays together.

DH proposed to me a little after a year of dating (actually that was the second proposal a week after meeting me he wanted to get me a ring ) Almost a year after that, we were married.

Also, would you expect a ring before you two move in together OR would you do a trial period in the same location?

I didn't do a trial period--we didn't leave together until we were married--and the ring that I got was the ring he bought the 1st week we met--he actually bought it and saved it because, as he told my DD this week, he felt that "we were meant to be".

 

[BillsBackerz67]

If I decide to be a travel nurse I can do a trial run in any city while the agency pays for my living expenses However 0-2 years is the best time frame. I think LDR's are a short term thing with the flexibility to move if an enagegment is going to happen. I can not see me dragging a relationship out for 4 to 5 years with someone thousands of miles away with no talk of getting engaged.

 

[Sosoothing]

My SO and I agreed on being engaged after a year. I will only move to be with him after/during the process of getting married, if that makes any sense. This is my first LDR and I feel like Im going crazy sometimes...lol. I can't see myself going longer than a year without getting engaged.