SPINNY: What actions show a man's intentions?

zzirvingj

zzirvingj

New Member
We all know and like to say that when it comes to dating and relationships, actions speak louder than words.

SO. What actions would you say show a man's intentions...that he is serious or not serious? That he is respectful, etc.?

What specific acts can you recall stood out to you with a man you were with/are with and what did those actions tell you about him? Were his actions in line with his words?
 
renren said:
Totally agree. I dont usually look for specific actions, I look to see whether or not your actions match your words.
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:yep:

If you say you're feeling me but you never call, text or initiate a date, or talk about it but never follow up, I'm gonna assume you're not serious.
 
does he call as opposed to texting or emailing? ( i only exception i make is if he's at work.)
does he take you out as opposed to trying to get you to come come to his house or even to yours? ( this is a warning signal that he doesn't value you and wants to get in your pants) an outing can be something as simple as dessert, dinner, brunch, ice cream, etc. if a man can't do this at a bare minimum he's not worth your time.

^^^ i look at these things in the early stages of courting to see what his intentions are and if he's truly interested. keep in mind that each woman will view how a man's actions show his intentions for her....the 2 listed above are universal IMO.
 
BeautifulFlower said:
A man's patience and consistency (words and actions align) can say alot about his thoughts of you for the long term.
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MzLady78 said:
:yep:

If you say you're feeling me but you never call, text or initiate a date, or talk about it but never follow up, I'm gonna assume you're not serious.
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These two statements pretty much sum it up. If he is serious, you will not have to ask ANY questions. There will be no confusion, everything will be crystal clear.:yep:
 
I will give a basic example:

If you don't follow up on your word.

I think if a man values you, he will want you to know that you can trust his word; that he does what he says and means it. I dated a man once and I knew that we would not be dating much longer once his word lost value. He always used to say that women needed to pay attention to a man's actions, that actions are very very important.

Anyways, after a while I noticed he would say something but not do it (I'm going to call you; I'm going to set up a date for us to go out this week). That marked the end of us.
 
What actions show serious vs. not serious: Consistency (in communication, frequency of interaction, PLANNING dates (vs. just showing up for what I plan), including me in his normal activities and willing to be included in mine (vs. just me and him in our world).

Things that stood out: Language -I dated a man who was conscious of not using foul language or allowing others to be verbally vulgar or disrespectful in my presence. I thought it was quite respectful at the time, but he wasn't that genuinely respectful all the time.

"Your money's no good here": Dated a man who meant it...didn't allow me to pay for anything when we were together. And to this day, even if we bump into each other, he won't allow me to pay for my own cup of coffee! I think this is more tradition, how he was raised, but it was impressive.
 
Being included in each other's lives is very important. I have dated someone and I remembered asking him "what are you doing for Labor Day weekend." he replied, "living, unless you know something I don't."

Now the person I am with now, if I ask, "what are you doing for Labor Day weekend?" He will say, "what do you want us to do? What can we do? Do you have any ideas?"
 
diadall said:
Being included in each other's lives is very important. I have dated someone and I remembered asking him "what are you doing for Labor Day weekend." he replied, "living, unless you know something I don't."

Now the person I am with now, if I ask, "what are you doing for Labor Day weekend?" He will say, "what do you want us to do? What can we do? Do you have any ideas?"
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I think this is key. Including you in plans, holidays, etc.
 
diadall said:
Being included in each other's lives is very important. I have dated someone and I remembered asking him "what are you doing for Labor Day weekend." he replied, "living, unless you know something I don't."

Now the person I am with now, if I ask, "what are you doing for Labor Day weekend?" He will say, "what do you want us to do? What can we do? Do you have any ideas?"
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Have you met his male friends - not his "boys" but his FRIENDS? Have you been invited to participate in "big" functions (holidays, weddings, important work functions etc)? Have you met his family?

I'm always surprised when females find out that the "relationship" they thought they were in wasn't as serious as they had hoped despite never having met his friends, family or co-workers.

Depending on how much a man cares about his profession, I think you're in once the work people know of you. In a weird way, that may trump friends/family...
 
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Zaynab said:
I think this is key. Including you in plans, holidays, etc.
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Or going so far as to include you in his plans first, and check with you second. No, he's not being controlling - he wants you there and hopes you want to be there with him. He's assuming you're there with him, unless you tell him otherwise (and not the other way around).

"Oh yea, what are you doing on June 20th? My friend _____ is getting married and I RSVP'ed for two, just so he/she could plan. Are you available and would you like to come with me?"
 
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Thanks for this thread... I have been feeling lately like men expect women to initiate stuff/plan dates etc. Like they are just active participants and all they have to do it show up and be entertained.

How much a man is investing in a rship is also a good indicator of his intentions. How much is he putting out/giving in terms of time, money, emotions etc.

Trust me, its not nice to feel like you are giving 100% and he is giving you a mere 40%.
 
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renren said:
Thanks for this thread... I have been feeling lately like men expect women to initiate stuff/plan dates etc. Like they are just active participants and all they have to do it show up and be entertained.

How much a man is investing in a rship is also a good indicator of his intentions. How much is he putting out/giving in terms of time, money, emotions etc.

Trust me, its not nice to feel like you are giving 100% and he is giving you a mere 40%.
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You are right about that. I know I would be frustrated if I made all the plans and he just just showed up. I like how excited my SO gets when we work together to plan things.
 
Syrah said:
Or going so far as to include you in his plans first, and check with you second. He's assuming you're there with him, unless you tell him otherwise (and not the other way around).

"Oh yea, what are you doing on June 20th? My friend _____ is getting married and I RSVP'ed for two, just so he/she could plan. Are you available and would you like to come?"
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I like this.
 
"Your money's no good here": Dated a man who meant it...didn't allow me to pay for anything when we were together. And to this day, even if we bump into each other, he won't allow me to pay for my own cup of coffee! I think this is more tradition, how he was raised, but it was impressive.

I like the sound of the bolded :yep:. I think its only right that the man pays when you're out on a date.
 
I knew my SO was serious about me when he took me to look at engagement rings after 2 weeks of dating. When whenever we are house hunting, the first thing he wants to look at is the in-law suite so that my Mom will be comfortable if she ever has to come and live with us in her later years. When every significant decision he makes has me and our future in mind.

It's awesome.:grin:
 
What he does when he thinks you aren't around matters tells you if you can trust him. The two of you have discussed and established that you are an item and making plans together, but he's telling other people he's not involved. Saying he misses you but never contacting you shows he really doesn't.
 
I may be making a big deal out of this (and let me know if I'm being too sensitive) but, when a man walks ahead of you like 5 feet ahead and sometimes even yards is a sign of disrespect, he's doing his own thing and it's all about him.
 
When he is genuinely curious and interested about the people, places and things that helped shape the person you are.
 
MizAvalon said:
I knew my SO was serious about me when he took me to look at engagement rings after 2 weeks of dating. When whenever we are house hunting, the first thing he wants to look at is the in-law suite so that my Mom will be comfortable if she ever has to come and live with us in her later years. When every significant decision he makes has me and our future in mind.

It's awesome.:grin:
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See this would totally turn me off, unless I had known the guy for years beforehand.

Goes to show that not all the 'rules' of dating are universal.
 
When he respects your wishes, dreams, desires, values no matter how small, silly or crazy they may sound to anyone else.

examples:
--you say you don't want to engage in intimacy until you both have really gotten to know each other & he actually respects that. A dude that's not into you will say it's cool,but be trying to get into your pants every time you turn around.

- you have this thing about driving in the rain, so when it rains he drives simply because he knows you don't like to. He doesn't question you or make you feel stupid about it.


Other clear signs: he respects where you are from and your family. IMHO - any man who insults, belittles or criticizes your family or upbringing has no respect for you.

He calls when he says he will call, if you mention a problem to him, he's trying to either solve it or help you come up with solutions. When a man doesn't care about your problems or issues, he doesn't care about you.
 
Keshieshimmer said:
See this would totally turn me off, unless I had known the guy for years beforehand.

Goes to show that not all the 'rules' of dating are universal.
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Actually the engagement ring thing after 2 weeks did freak me out and I backed off a bit after that. Once he saw that he had potentially messed up with me he stopped being so aggressive and moved at a more normal pace.
 
I can eliminate men based on their intentions easily. Lets say we both start off by saying we want a relationship - you are going to have to WAIT on the cookies and I am not going to communicate that to you. BUT if you want a relationship but are asking sexual questions by the 2nd date - you will be cut off with a quickness because I feel that your intentions are to get in my pants and not in my heart!!

I have had plenty of men fall by the wayside because of that. They wonder why I don't respond when they attempt contact. Your intentions were all off...why bring up sex and I don't even KNOW you yet. Negro PA-LEASE!!!
 
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