Spin Off -- Relationships Warning Signs Reference Library

[MJ]

Let's create a reference thread for "warning signs" in relationship.

I'm really inexperienced in the relationship department and would really appreciate learning from you all as to some of the warning signs one should be aware of regarding relationships. I'm sure there are other ladies here -- of all age groups -- who would appreciate this. Please give all the advice you would give your daughters and other close female friends and relatives.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*​

Some men like to get women emotionally "hooked" on them.

Warning signs includes: Playing with your emotions. For example, Everything seems great. Then he simply stops returning your calls, texts, etc. You decided to let it all go. He calls after a few weeks saying how much he likes, misses, and thinks about you. You speak for a few more times, all seems good. Then it happens again. You let go, and, sure enough, few weeks later there is a message from him...


(This was my experience. It hurts. I'm too nice. I need to grow a goddess backbone.)

 

[Shimmie]

Let's create a reference thread for "warning signs" in relationship.

I'm really inexperienced in the relationship department and would really appreciate learning from you all as to some of the warning signs one should be aware of regarding relationships. I'm sure there are other ladies here -- of all age groups -- who would appreciate this. Please give all the advice you would give your daughters and other close female friends and relatives.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*​

Some men like to get women emotionally "hooked" on them.

Warning signs includes: Playing with your emotions. For example, Everything seems great. Then he simply stops returning your calls, texts, etc. You decided to let it all go. He calls after a few weeks saying how much he likes, misses, and thinks about you. You speak for a few more times, all seems good. Then it happens again. You let go, and, sure enough, few weeks later there is a message from him...


(This was my experience. It hurts. I'm too nice. I need to grow a goddess backbone.)

One word for 'them'...'Karma'.........

 

[cocoberry10]

Let's create a reference thread for "warning signs" in relationship.

I'm really inexperienced in the relationship department and would really appreciate learning from you all as to some of the warning signs one should be aware of regarding relationships. I'm sure there are other ladies here -- of all age groups -- who would appreciate this. Please give all the advice you would give your daughters and other close female friends and relatives.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*​

Some men like to get women emotionally "hooked" on them.

Warning signs includes: Playing with your emotions. For example, Everything seems great. Then he simply stops returning your calls, texts, etc. You decided to let it all go. He calls after a few weeks saying how much he likes, misses, and thinks about you. You speak for a few more times, all seems good. Then it happens again. You let go, and, sure enough, few weeks later there is a message from him...


(This was my experience. It hurts. I'm too nice. I need to grow a goddess backbone.)

I would appreciate some tips too! A lot of posters liked “Why Men Like *****es” or “Nice Girls Don’t Get the Corner Office.” Barring the title of the first book, a lot of the advice is very similar to what mom tells you (don’t let people walk all over you). Not everything applies, but it does give good reference.

 

[LoveLiLi]

*He guards his phone with his life
*He has a permanent alibi
*He refers to random women (and sometimes young girls) as *****es
* He isn't attentive. In my experience, if he doesn't have time to talk to you/see you, it's because he's making time for someone else. Every man who has been completely about me has been at my beck and call.
*He talks sh!t about your family and tries to isolate you
* He tries to control sex/your body

 

[cocoberry10]

*He guards his phone with his life
*He has a permanent alibi
*He refers to random women (and sometimes young girls) as *****es
* He isn't attentive. In my experience, if he doesn't have time to talk to you/see you, it's because he's making time for someone else. Every man who has been completely about me has been at my beck and call.
*He talks sh!t about your family and tries to isolate you
* He tries to control sex/your body

Whoa! Thanks for sharing, hopefully more will add some!

 

[Sashaa08]

Beware of the guy who just got out of a long term relationship and tells you "I'm not looking for a serious relationship, I am just trying to chill right now." LIAR LIAR LIAR!!!!! A guy told me that and the next day he was picking out names for our baby.

NEVER assume that you are in an exclusive relationship until it is actually verbalized and agreed upon. I have seen too many friends dating a guy, thinking that he was only dating them because they are only dating him and it turned out NOT to be the case.

If he has a problem paying for the majority of the dates and doesn't pull your chair out for you, open your door, etc....RUN! If he won't do this when is courting you, he won't do it later.

Mr. "I am Getting a Divorce." If a man has really filed for divorce, in most states he has to prove that he and his wife have lived separately for at least 6 months (varies from state to state but this about average I'd say). Go online and look up the county court records and search for his name. If there is no filing, he has not filed for a divorce and you might be involved in an extramarital affair. Anytime I guy tells me that he is divorced, I always check to make sure he is telling the truth and I always confirm that he is indeed divorced before even going out on a first date.

If a man only calls you at night...especially in the wee hours, that to me should be a red flag that you are either a booty call or "the other woman."

I have a lot of male friends so I might be able to ask them for some more stuff to add......

 

[LadyPaniolo]

He talks with disrespect about women in general.

He admires men who are known for violent/abusive behavior towards women. Example: instead of saying "I sure hope Kobe didnt' rape that girl" does he say "Puck that B***h!"

He admits hitting a woman under "certain circumstances" Be sure that those "circumstances" will expand and expand to include everything from not sweetening his tea enough to just breathing wrong!

Intelligent/Capable/Professional women make him angry and on edge for no reason.

He dates women who are WAY younger than him.

You always feel bad, or not good enough, when you are around him.

Your momma doesn't like him.

 

[LadyPaniolo]

*He guards his phone with his life
*He has a permanent alibi
*He refers to random women (and sometimes young girls) as *****es
* He isn't attentive. In my experience, if he doesn't have time to talk to you/see you, it's because he's making time for someone else. Every man who has been completely about me has been at my beck and call.
*He talks sh!t about your family and tries to isolate you
* He tries to control sex/your body

You are SO on point with these!!!

To expand on the inattentive point: If he doesn't pay attention when you talk, and his eyes are busy scanning the room when you are trying to talk to him, this is a bad sign. I know some guys are bad with the eye contact, but if he just turns off his ears when your mouth opens, RUN!

 

[BK Bombshell]

He belittles your dreams
He says you're too ambitious/want too much
He wants a commitment before you get to know him well enough
He has a lot of kids, but hasn't met that "special lady" that would cause him to commit
He wonders why you need to get an education
He's always in some kind of crisis
He's always talking about the ex that broke his heart or, worse, all his exes were "crazy b******"
He's friends with a lot of players - I know this is not conclusive proof, but I truly believe the whole "birds of a feather" thing. One friend is not an indictment, but if he's the only one who's allegedly not a player, watch him closely and keep your running shoes on
His family wonders how he got with someone like you or they're rubbing their mitts together in anticipation of the money/property/status you'll bring
He talks badly about his mother (except in cases where she was abusive - I would still run, but recommend a therapist to him first)
He cancels dates on short notice more than a couple of times
He's busy on the weekend - every weekend

 

[MJ]

Thanks ladies. Keep it coming! I've seen some eye-openers already.

 

[JFemme]

Keep your eyes peeled for 'Personality Disorders'

Here's but one to watch out for...

Narcissistic Personality Disorder----------------------------

A pervasive pattern of grandiosity (in fantasy or behavior), need for admiration, and lack of empathy, beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by five (or more) of the following:

has a grandiose sense of self-importance (e.g., exaggerates achievements and talents, expects to be recognized as superior without commensurate achievements)

is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love

believes that he or she is "special" and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people (or institutions)

requires excessive admiration

has a sense of entitlement, i.e., unreasonable expectations of especially favorable treatment or automatic compliance with his or her expectations

is interpersonally exploitative, i.e., takes advantage of others to achieve his or her own ends

lacks empathy: is unwilling to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others

is often envious of others or believes that others are envious of him or her

shows arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes

 

[BeatriceFly]

Oh what a wonderful thread this will be
Ya'll know I dun posted threads about these men
And I never listened to ya'll
Boy oh boy how these signs are SO TRUE

I have a book.... The Manipulative Man by Dorothy McCoy, excellent if you really want to dig deep into these personalities and red flags

 

[cocoberry10]

Thanks for sharing! Keep it coming

 

[MJ]

I saw Daddy's Little Girls last night and I had some good laughs. But I also saw things that I considered serious warning signs. (Julia is the lead female character and Monty is the lead male character.)

1. It's an uneven relationship. I'm not talking about the class difference. Julia is a busy partner in a law firm, yet does pro bono (free) work for Monty at nights after spending long days in the office. He tells her thanks, but he never does anything nice for her. He took her to get drunk on her birthday, he brought to meet his kids and had Chinese take out, and took her to the acquarium with the kids -- that's all he did in the entire movie.

2. He calls her a stuck up b***th and tells her she needs a man and a good f***. Because she talks direct and wants him to follow the rules and act appropriate. Julia expects a top class driver (he was her driver, before she fired him) -- no rap music in the car, no talking on the phone, open the doors when she enters or leave, follow the route she specified, etc. Monty wasn't it. So she had to ask/tell him to do (or not to do) these things. The viewer never actually saw her act b*tchy to anyone, not her secretary, not the people she met in the bar, not the two disasterous blind dates she had, no one.

3. He tries to have sex with a woman who is drunk. Monty is a "good guy," yet he tries to sleep with Julia even though he knew she was stone drunk.

4. She apologized to him and forgave him for his omissions and lies. Monty was with Julia long enough. He knew she was seriously hurt by her previous boyfriend. Yet he never told her the truth that he was a convicted rapist - she found out through a third partner (a lawyer in court). She also found out that he was falsely accused for the rape through a third source (a TV news broadcast). He never once apologized for not telling her in the first place.

5. Settling. Julia is settling for Monty because she believe that that at 32 years old, she should have a black male partner.

 

[lexi08]

I saw Daddy's Little Girls last night and I had some good laughs. But I also saw things that I considered serious warning signs. (Julia is the lead female character and Monty is the lead male character.)

1. It's an uneven relationship. I'm not talking about the class difference. Julia is a busy partner in a law firm, yet does pro bono (free) work for Monty at nights after spending long days in the office. He tells her thanks, but he never does anything nice for her. He took her to get drunk on her birthday, he brought to meet his kids and had Chinese take out, and took her to the acquarium with the kids -- that's all he did in the entire movie.

2. He calls her a stuck up b***th and tells her she needs a man and a good f***. Because she talks direct and wants him to follow the rules and act appropriate. Julia expects a top class driver (he was her driver, before she fired him) -- no rap music in the car, no talking on the phone, open the doors when she enters or leave, follow the route she specified, etc. Monty wasn't it. So she had to ask/tell him to do (or not to do) these things. The viewer never actually saw her act b*tchy to anyone, not her secretary, not the people she met in the bar, not the two disasterous blind dates she had, no one.

3. He tries to have sex with a woman who is drunk. Monty is a "good guy," yet he tries to sleep with Julia even though he knew she was stone drunk.

4. She apologized to him and forgave him for his omissions and lies. Monty was with Julia long enough. He knew she was seriously hurt by her previous boyfriend. Yet he never told her the truth that he was a convicted rapist - she found out through a third partner (a lawyer in court). She also found out that he was falsely accused for the rape through a third source (a TV news broadcast). He never once apologized for not telling her in the first place.

5. Settling. Julia is settling for Monty because she believe that that at 32 years old, she should have a black male partner.

Very interesting analysis of the movie. Things play out like this in real life....

You brought up interesting points, that I did not consider when I watched the movie.

 

[MJ]

Very interesting analysis of the movie. Things play out like this in real life....

You brought up interesting points, that I did not consider when I watched the movie.

Except for when he tried to sleep with her when she was drunk, I didn't noticed the rest. But afterwards, something just kept bothering me about the entire movie. That's when I really thought about it...

Another interesting thing is that the lady who started the thread about finding out her boyfriend was married, like Julia in point #1, spent alot of her time helping her ex-boyfriend with his business.

 

[cocoberry10]

Except for when he tried to sleep with her when she was drunk, I didn't noticed the rest. But afterwards, something just kept bothering me about the entire movie. That's when I really thought about it...

Another interesting thing is that the lady who started the thread about finding out her boyfriend was married, like Julia in point #1, spent alot of her time helping her ex-boyfriend with his business.

Thanks for sharing this!

 

[MJ]

Thanks for sharing this!

You're welcome.

 

[Serenity_Peace]

I think this thread is a blessing from God. I, too, am very inexperienced with men. I would like to know what the warning signs are, too. And yes, it hurts when these kinds of things happens. I'm sure most women have experienced the "no calling," "passive-aggressive" types of men. There's nothing more off-putting than a passive-aggressive, needy man...other than a cheating, lying, swindling a$$hole!












yes, that's how I really feel!

 

[Serenity_Peace]

1. It's an uneven relationship. I'm not talking about the class difference. Julia is a busy partner in a law firm, yet does pro bono (free) work for Monty at nights after spending long days in the office. He tells her thanks, but he never does anything nice for her. He took her to get drunk on her birthday, he brought to meet his kids and had Chinese take out, and took her to the acquarium with the kids -- that's all he did in the entire movie.


WOW! I thought I was the ONLY one who was bothered by that scene. Me and "my friend" watched the movie together and we both were like . And come to think of it, now that you mention it, I can't think of one nice thing he did for her.

 

[MizAvalon]

This is a great thread already. I hope more ladies chime in.

 

[cocosweet]

If he jokes about violence against women. For example if you disagree on something he'll say, "I oughta bust you upside your head, just playing." If he thinks lightly enough to joke about it. He probably won't be above trying it for real someday down the line.

If he wants you to give up your interests now that he's in your life. Run!

 

[MizAvalon]

If he jokes about violence against women. For example if you disagree on something he'll say, "I oughta bust you upside your head, just playing." If he thinks lightly enough to joke about it. He probably won't be above trying it for real someday down the line.

This needs to be repeated a million times. I can't believe how many women try to justify this kind of behavior with "maybe he was just playing". WTF?!! My safety is NOT a joke. If you can say something like that even in jest, then you will be nowhere near me.

 

[caltron]

Intelligent/Capable/Professional women make him angry and on edge for no reason.

...

You always feel bad, or not good enough, when you are around him.

Your momma doesn't like him.

I have personal experience with these three warning signs. Ladies, listen to your mommas. They have a sixth sense about these things.

 

[CurliDiva]

I saw Daddy's Little Girls last night and I had some good laughs. But I also saw things that I considered serious warning signs. (Julia is the lead female character and Monty is the lead male character.)

1. It's an uneven relationship. I'm not talking about the class difference. Julia is a busy partner in a law firm, yet does pro bono (free) work for Monty at nights after spending long days in the office. He tells her thanks, but he never does anything nice for her. He took her to get drunk on her birthday, he brought to meet his kids and had Chinese take out, and took her to the acquarium with the kids -- that's all he did in the entire movie.

2. He calls her a stuck up b***th and tells her she needs a man and a good f***. Because she talks direct and wants him to follow the rules and act appropriate. Julia expects a top class driver (he was her driver, before she fired him) -- no rap music in the car, no talking on the phone, open the doors when she enters or leave, follow the route she specified, etc. Monty wasn't it. So she had to ask/tell him to do (or not to do) these things. The viewer never actually saw her act b*tchy to anyone, not her secretary, not the people she met in the bar, not the two disasterous blind dates she had, no one.

3. He tries to have sex with a woman who is drunk. Monty is a "good guy," yet he tries to sleep with Julia even though he knew she was stone drunk.

4. She apologized to him and forgave him for his omissions and lies. Monty was with Julia long enough. He knew she was seriously hurt by her previous boyfriend. Yet he never told her the truth that he was a convicted rapist - she found out through a third partner (a lawyer in court). She also found out that he was falsely accused for the rape through a third source (a TV news broadcast). He never once apologized for not telling her in the first place.

5. Settling. Julia is settling for Monty because she believe that that at 32 years old, she should have a black male partner.

This NONSENSE is why I don't just give any black movie the thumbs up just because it invloves black actors! This one along with most of Tyler Perry's movies show a "twisted" sense of femininity and sexuality. My theory behind this is worthy of another on DL men , but I degress.

If a man acts or express that all he needs to bring to the relationship is his p*nis, walk away without looking back.

 

[CurliDiva]

Male Gold Diggers -- If a man needs your "help" in a financial way early in the relationship then IMO he should focus on getting himself together and put off dating. Esp. when he can't get this "help" from his parents, family or a male freind.

There is a reason why they aren't helping and usually it is becasue they know he is UNRELIABLE to paying it back.

 

[MJ]

ETA .

 

[BAP28]

CHICA U HIT IT RIGHT ON THE HEAD WITH THESE ..SO TRUE...!!! PREACH

Beware of the guy who just got out of a long term relationship and tells you "I'm not looking for a serious relationship, I am just trying to chill right now." LIAR LIAR LIAR!!!!! A guy told me that and the next day he was picking out names for our baby.

NEVER assume that you are in an exclusive relationship until it is actually verbalized and agreed upon. I have seen too many friends dating a guy, thinking that he was only dating them because they are only dating him and it turned out NOT to be the case.

If he has a problem paying for the majority of the dates and doesn't pull your chair out for you, open your door, etc....RUN! If he won't do this when is courting you, he won't do it later.

Mr. "I am Getting a Divorce." If a man has really filed for divorce, in most states he has to prove that he and his wife have lived separately for at least 6 months (varies from state to state but this about average I'd say). Go online and look up the county court records and search for his name. If there is no filing, he has not filed for a divorce and you might be involved in an extramarital affair. Anytime I guy tells me that he is divorced, I always check to make sure he is telling the truth and I always confirm that he is indeed divorced before even going out on a first date.

If a man only calls you at night...especially in the wee hours, that to me should be a red flag that you are either a booty call or "the other woman."

I have a lot of male friends so I might be able to ask them for some more stuff to add......

 

[MizAvalon]

Beware of the guy who just got out of a long term relationship and tells you "I'm not looking for a serious relationship, I am just trying to chill right now." LIAR LIAR LIAR!!!!! A guy told me that and the next day he was picking out names for our baby.

On the flip side, a lot of men actually do mean this when they say it. Then months and maybe years down the line when things are stagnant and the woman is wondering why, it's like "Um, didn't he tell you that he wasn't trying to be serious with anyone?"

 

[InsertCleverNameHere]

Their cellphone (if you happen to see it, not advocating snooping )...players will have codes or acronyms for names (maybe even yours) rather than real names for certain people. He may even forego putting certain names in at all, there will just be numbers that are called often or who call him often that are obviously of some significance but they won't be in the phone book.