gone_fishing
New Member
This is not about my fiance...this is about my ex-husband.
Someone said the truth always comes out and it always does (but some of us want to speed things along by doing a little snooping of our own according to that poll
on the check his emails thread).
Anyway, this is how I found out.
My ex and I got married young. We lived in Cali but he hated the cost of living there. He is from the South.
So about 4 years into our marriage he moved us to the Southeast where cost of living was better and in an area where there seemed to be a good economy.
I found work right away but he didn't.
erplexed
I was paying the bills for about 8 months on my own and I never complained. I just told him keep his head up. Something will come up.
Well, after awhile he got fed up with waiting for a job and decided to go overseas to work.
I begged him not to go.
But long story short he promised he'd only go for a year and that he'd quit and come back with this next egg that I wouldn't be able to argue with.
Now, let me say we were not hurting really. My job pays me very well and he could have taken his time finding a job but his ego got in the way. He couldn't stand the thought of me making more money than him. *sigh*
So he went overseas - the first 6 months were difficult - but he came back home at the midway point and things were okay.
At the year mark he came back and things were okay.
Except that he wanted to stay another year.
That was the first time I had considered a divorce. He had changed...was money hungry now...and I was lonely.
But with no real biblical grounds for divorce (I thought), I didn't act then. I just prayed I could make it a little longer and he'd come home.
He went back and for weeks I was having nightmares about him cheating out of the blue. What can you do when he's 7000 miles away to prove it. You can't. There was something in my gut that was telling me something's wrong. But I couldn't prove it. I felt sick.
I couln't put my finger on it though.
I prayed.
I prayed that if there was something I needed to know that he would reveal it to me.
And I left it in his hands.
This is GOD revealing things to me. It HAD to be because what are the odds.
A few weeks later I got an email.
A friend of mine who was stationed at Camp Arifjan in Kuwait had emailed me. He said he had gone with some buddies to a swinger party. Okay, that's nasty to me
but he says he didn't participate he just went cause he was curious.
Well LOW AND BEHOLD he saw my husband there who was IN FACT participating.
He had taken pictures on his camera phone and emailed them to me as attachments.
I printed them out in color (I drove like a mad woman to office depot to get a color printer because I didn't feel they would have the same impact printed in black and white) all the time crying my eyes out and pulling my hair out and frantic with ....confusion.
After I printed them I sent them to my DH (now ex) certified mail/return receipt/restricted delivery.
and I waited.
Did you know it takes 7 days for mail to get to the middle east?
In the meantime I kept my cool.
I still kept in touch with him. Our conversations were normal. I had a plan.
I know the exact hour he received my package because at 6 o'clock in the morning my cell phone, my instant messenger on the computer, my house phone all blew up simutaneously with ringing, buzzing and that nokia tune.
I picked up my phone and he was crying.
I told him listen. Don't say anything. You do not have a reason to cry. I am the one who should be crying. I told him I need 30 days to think about what I want to do. In those thirty days, do not call, write, email, or contact me unless it is explicitly about our son. If you have anything to say right now you have two minutes to say it. Go.
He said I'm sorry, I love you, I was stupid, I didn't mean it, I don't even know her, I don't even remember her face, I was drinking, I was talked into it by my boys...
You'd be amazed how much a person can say in two minutes...
I said fine, I'll take all that into consideration and I hung up.
He continued to call of course but I didn't answer and after 30 days I wrote him a letter and said, this will be my last letter to you as your wife. I am filing for a divorce. You should be hearing from an attorney shortly.
When I have had some time to recover from this, I will call you and we can talk but I am not going to put myself through this right now.
That was the end of that...
If you read my credit and divorce thread you'll understand now that he was using that situation to make me come back to him. And maybe you'll understand now why I couldn't.
But again, as with most things when I post personal information, I am sharing this to let you know that God does warn us about things. Maybe the answers won't be as clear as mine...and I'm not even saying God encourages divorce, but I do think he'll reveal things to us if we ask him to and if our eyes are open.
Someone said the truth always comes out and it always does (but some of us want to speed things along by doing a little snooping of our own according to that poll
on the check his emails thread).Anyway, this is how I found out.
My ex and I got married young. We lived in Cali but he hated the cost of living there. He is from the South.
So about 4 years into our marriage he moved us to the Southeast where cost of living was better and in an area where there seemed to be a good economy.
I found work right away but he didn't.
erplexedI was paying the bills for about 8 months on my own and I never complained. I just told him keep his head up. Something will come up.
Well, after awhile he got fed up with waiting for a job and decided to go overseas to work.
I begged him not to go.
But long story short he promised he'd only go for a year and that he'd quit and come back with this next egg that I wouldn't be able to argue with.
Now, let me say we were not hurting really. My job pays me very well and he could have taken his time finding a job but his ego got in the way. He couldn't stand the thought of me making more money than him. *sigh*
So he went overseas - the first 6 months were difficult - but he came back home at the midway point and things were okay.
At the year mark he came back and things were okay.
Except that he wanted to stay another year.
That was the first time I had considered a divorce.
He had changed...was money hungry now...and I was lonely.But with no real biblical grounds for divorce (I thought), I didn't act then. I just prayed I could make it a little longer and he'd come home.
He went back and for weeks I was having nightmares about him cheating out of the blue. What can you do when he's 7000 miles away to prove it. You can't. There was something in my gut that was telling me something's wrong. But I couldn't prove it. I felt sick.
I couln't put my finger on it though.
I prayed.
I prayed that if there was something I needed to know that he would reveal it to me.
And I left it in his hands.
This is GOD revealing things to me. It HAD to be because what are the odds.
A few weeks later I got an email.
A friend of mine who was stationed at Camp Arifjan in Kuwait had emailed me. He said he had gone with some buddies to a swinger party. Okay, that's nasty to me
Well LOW AND BEHOLD he saw my husband there who was IN FACT participating.
He had taken pictures on his camera phone and emailed them to me as attachments.
I printed them out in color (I drove like a mad woman to office depot to get a color printer because I didn't feel they would have the same impact printed in black and white) all the time crying my eyes out and pulling my hair out and frantic with ....confusion.
After I printed them I sent them to my DH (now ex) certified mail/return receipt/restricted delivery.
and I waited.
Did you know it takes 7 days for mail to get to the middle east?
In the meantime I kept my cool.
I know the exact hour he received my package because at 6 o'clock in the morning my cell phone, my instant messenger on the computer, my house phone all blew up simutaneously with ringing, buzzing and that nokia tune.
I picked up my phone and he was crying.
I told him listen. Don't say anything. You do not have a reason to cry. I am the one who should be crying. I told him I need 30 days to think about what I want to do. In those thirty days, do not call, write, email, or contact me unless it is explicitly about our son. If you have anything to say right now you have two minutes to say it. Go.
He said I'm sorry, I love you, I was stupid, I didn't mean it, I don't even know her, I don't even remember her face, I was drinking, I was talked into it by my boys...
You'd be amazed how much a person can say in two minutes...
I said fine, I'll take all that into consideration and I hung up.
He continued to call of course but I didn't answer and after 30 days I wrote him a letter and said, this will be my last letter to you as your wife. I am filing for a divorce. You should be hearing from an attorney shortly.
When I have had some time to recover from this, I will call you and we can talk but I am not going to put myself through this right now.
That was the end of that...
If you read my credit and divorce thread you'll understand now that he was using that situation to make me come back to him. And maybe you'll understand now why I couldn't.
But again, as with most things when I post personal information, I am sharing this to let you know that God does warn us about things. Maybe the answers won't be as clear as mine...and I'm not even saying God encourages divorce, but I do think he'll reveal things to us if we ask him to and if our eyes are open.
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I'm glad you came through that even stronger in your faith.
.
