Some Divorce Drama for you!!!! My Story...

DeltaQT

DeltaQT

OO-OOOOOOOOP!!!!
Welp, in August of 2006, I posted this thread: http://www.longhaircareforum.com/showthread.php?t=97127

Even though I've been MIA for quite a while, I need some support. Here is the update to my situation::(

As of July 10, 2007, my divorce will be final. I have only been married two years.

I have known this man since I was 12 years old. We went to middle & high school together (best friends), but never dated. My dad wouldn't allow boyfriends until we graduated high school. I graduated in 1998 and went to college.

Fast forward 6 years. My ex (we'll call him Mike), showed up at my mom's house during one of my visits home. He said he'd seen my car and took a chance at finding me. He said that he was recently divorced (with 2 daughters) and had been looking for me, his soulmate for soooo many years. I fell for it- hook, line and sinker.

FIRST SIGN: People back home found out that we were dating. Momma called and said the rumor was that Mike was still married. It was true.HE HAD LIED ABOUT BEING DIVORCED! I broke things off and he immediately got a divorce. Had the decree faxed to my job. Pursued me relentlessly.

I forgave. :ohwell:

Shortly thereafter came marriage, pregnancy, and a mortgage. :perplexed

Four months into my pregnancy I discovered that Mike had a female friend that he was speaking with 5 or 6 times every single day. We had it out...OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN...about this same chick for the remainder of the pregnancy. Spoke to her and she said they were "just friends". I almost lost my son due to stress-related pre-term labor. He cried and prayed in the hospital room and swore to be a good hubby....swore she was out of the picture...Even changed his phone number and got saved.

I believed him and I forgave.:ohwell:

After giving birth to my son, I checked the phone bill. Chick was still in the picture...and ex-wife had even gotten in a few late night suspicious calls..He was BUSY!:mad: Checked him, fought, acted a MF fool..gave ultimatives...He changed the number again...

I wanted my family to "stay together":confused: so I forgave. Again.

And again...

And again...

And again...

GOT A LOT OF USELESS MARRIAGE COUNSELING IN HERE THEN:perplexed

Forgave again...


Until I checked his email in January 07 and discovered suspicious dealings with a White, married coworker. I had ENOUGH, so I filed.

But not before I printed out the muthasuckin emails and sent them to his mother, our pastor, his best friend, and HER HUSBAND.:angry2::sekret::whip:




I'll be back...
 
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Re: Some Divorce Drama fo yo a$$es!!!! My Story...

Oh Lawd,:( I'm so sorry... You've been missed.
 
Re: Some Divorce Drama fo yo a$$es!!!! My Story...

wow, can u post some of those emails in here too.
My nosey ass would love to see....

By the way, Sorry ure going thru all this!
 
Re: Some Divorce Drama fo yo a$$es!!!! My Story...

DeltaQT said:
Welp, in August of 2006, I posted this thread: http://www.longhaircareforum.com/showthread.php?t=97127

Even though I've been MIA for quite a while, I need some support. Here is the update to my situation::(

As of July 10, 2007, my divorce will be final. I have only been married two years.

I have known this man since I was 12 years old. We went to middle & high school together (best friends), but never dated. My dad wouldn't allow boyfriends until we graduated high school. I graduated in 1998 and went to college.

Fast forward 6 years. My ex (we'll call him Mike), showed up at my mom's house during one of my visits home. He said he'd seen my car and took a chance at finding me. He said that he was recently divorced (with 2 daughters) and had been looking for me, his soulmate for soooo many years. I fell for it- hook, line and sinker.

FIRST SIGN: People back home found out that we were dating. Momma called and said the rumor was that Mike was still married. It was true.HE HAD LIED ABOUT BEING DIVORCED! I broke things off and he immediately got a divorce. Had the decree faxed to my job. Pursued me relentlessly.

I forgave. :ohwell:

Shortly thereafter came marriage, pregnancy, and a mortgage. :perplexed

Four months into my pregnancy I discovered that Mike had a female friend that he was speaking with 5 or 6 times every single day. We had it out...OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN...about this same chick for the remainder of the pregnancy. Spoke to her and she said they were "just friends". I almost lost my son due to stress-related pre-term labor. He cried and prayed in the hospital room and swore to be a good hubby....swore she was out of the picture...Even changed his phone number and got saved.

I believed him and I forgave.:ohwell:

After giving birth to my son, I checked the phone bill. Chick was still in the picture...and ex-wife had even gotten in a few late night suspicious calls..He was BUSY!:mad: Checked him, fought, acted a MF fool..gave ultimatives...He changed the number again...

I wanted my family to "stay together":confused: so I forgave. Again.

And again...

And again...

And again...

GOT A LOT OF USELESS MARRIAGE COUNSELING IN HERE THEN:perplexed

Forgave again...


Until I checked his email in January 07 and discovered suspicious dealings with a White, married coworker. I had ENOUGH, so I filed.

But not before I printed out the muthasuckin emails and sent them to his mother, our pastor, his best friend, and HER HUSBAND.:angry2::sekret::whip:




I'll be back...
Click to expand...


Girl take a breather please.. Im praying for you. Let a dog be a dog. Just take care of you and that baby. No man is worth your sanity, self-respect and dignity. Let him go, Let him go, Let him go an trust me in this life there is one little word that kicks ass, its KARMA. You will be fine and KARMA will kick his ass. Word to the wise "Get Tested". I wish you luck. you are in my prayers.
 
Re: Some Divorce Drama fo yo a$$es!!!! My Story...

I am so sorry to hear things went like this. I hope life gets better for you now that you are not under that kind of stress anymore. Shame on him. And good luck to anyone else he gets with. He sounds like a serial cheater.
 
Re: Some Divorce Drama fo yo a$$es!!!! My Story...

woooooooooo goodness!! i almost felt as if I were 'watching' the makings of a Lifetime mini series. sorry you're going through this - but since you're sharing, please continue!
 
Re: Some Divorce Drama fo yo a$$es!!!! My Story...

hey sorry you are going through this. this guy is a real( you know what i want to say but cant) but i think you have done the right thing.
 
Re: Some Divorce Drama fo yo a$$es!!!! My Story...

I'm back...

  • The woman's husband reported the affair to their supervisor, and the white chick claimed sexual harrassment. Mike was moved to a new department in the basement of the bldg that he now hates. He used to work in finance.
  • Our pastor has stated that Mike is not welcome at our church until he agrees to Christian counseling by elders
  • Mike's mom and best friend aren't speaking to him
  • He cried at the lawyers' office on the day we went to sign papers. He actually tried to get me to stop proceedings..:eek:
So...long story short...

I am getting divorced...finally.

Mike showed me his true colors LONG ago, and I refused to believe. See the outcome..:ohwell:

I am now left with a 1 year old, a mortgage, broken self esteem, and a WHOLE lot of hatred.

So, why am I so sad???:confused:

I trusted this man with my life, my health and my future and when I saw his "true self" I could have escaped. I had so many chances to get out of the situation buy I chose to be Helen Keller :ohwell:and pretend all was well.

MORAL OF THE STORY:

[SIZE=-1]"When someone shows you who they are, believe them." -Maya Angelou[/SIZE]

I didn't..and now I find myself with a whole lotta nothing. Struggling to pay bills that HE helped accumulate...trying to find a way to pick up the pieces of my shattered life.

I am now trying to rebuild my family and be strong for my son...but all I feel is hatred and regrets...YALL I really want to hurt him..NO FORREAL...

P.S.
The old school members know that I usually don't post personal info. I always kept things light and simple in the Ent forum...resident paparazzi before Cincy and ClassyEb...

But I am honestly ABOUT.TO.BREAK!!! I need someone to PLEASE give my some coping skills to deal with this ish. I cry daily..I have lost 26 lbs since March...and I know I've got to do better.

It is a struggle just going to work and taking care of my son...:(
 
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Re: Some Divorce Drama fo yo a$$es!!!! My Story...

take care of you and yours and dont feel bad for trying to do the right thing for your family

please dont physically hurt this man i know you want to but the best revenge is to live a good life and have him see what he f-d up

dont let your depression overwhelm you find outlets for your emotion!
 
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Re: Some Divorce Drama fo yo a$$es!!!! My Story...

I remember you Delta and yes, you rarely post your personal info. No one even knew that you were pregnant or even had a baby for a while until you posted the good news. Im glad you filed the divorce papers and this is definitely a blessing in disguise. Please stay safe (((hugs)))
 
Re: Some Divorce Drama fo yo a$$es!!!! My Story...

DeltaQT said:
P.S.
The old school members know that I usually don't post personal info. I always kept things light and simple in the Ent forum...resident paparazzi before Cincy and ClassyEb...

But I am honestly ABOUT.TO.BREAK!!! I need someone to PLEASE give my some coping skills to deal with this ish. I cry daily..I have lost 26 lbs since March...and I know I've got to do better.

It is a struggle just going to work and taking care of my son...:(
Click to expand...

{{hugs}} Delta, please get some counseling for yourself ,ASAP

PMing you>>>>>
 
Re: Some Divorce Drama fo you!!!! My Story...

My heart is with you and I wish nothing but the best for the sake of you and your son. I can't imagine what you're going through, but I've seen women go through much worse and still rise up like champs. You can do the same. Good luck and God bless.:rosebud:
 
Re: Some Divorce Drama fo you!!!! My Story...

I think you need help right away. You sound like you are about to break :( Can you talk to someone IRL, anyone? A counselor, phsychologist, a friend that will listen? I am so sorry that you are going through this but you can get through to the other side.
 
Re: Some Divorce Drama fo you!!!! My Story...

I am so sorry for what you are going through, you don't deserve it, but look at it this way, God is only setting you up for something better in life; so stay faithful, hopeful, and pray, and I am sure all of us on lhcf will have you in our prayers as well.
 
Re: Some Divorce Drama fo you!!!! My Story...

I dont know you, but I wish I could hug you.

Delight in the fact that you have made the first of very important steps to pull your life back together.

Is your relationship with your mother good? Do you have a best friend? I would try to find some sort of support in the mean time to help you cope and possibly watch your son for you so that you can have some breathing and thinking time.
 
Re: Some Divorce Drama fo yo a$$es!!!! My Story...

Wow. I certainly admire your strength and courage. I can imagine you must be feeling 100 different things right now, but know that when you think God has left you, He's carrying you.

You would not have been brought to this situation unless you were capable of getting through it. You're much better than this man and the stunts he's been pulling.

Don't feel bad or confused about your sadness. Look at your investment!! Anybody would mourn a loss of that magnitude. There's nothing wrong with grieving...it's a sign that you're ALIVE and can feel emotion. Allow yourself to have that time to grieve and purge so you can properly lay this to rest and press forward with your son.

There's a brighter day waiting for you. Remember that it's darkest just before dawn, and it's when things seem worst that you CAN'T quit.

Don't beat yourself up. Miscalculations of character happen to the best of us. You'll be stronger for having been through this; this is not useless suffering. It's all happening for a reason. Trust that.

Remember that this isn't your fault. His lack of character and integrity is HIS problem that will follow him much longer than it will follow you. And like another poster mentioned, karma is nothing to play with, neither is God's vengeance. Be sure to leave room for that.

I'll be praying for you. Do you have friends/family you can talk to? Sometimes we just need to vent, ramble, and hear ourselves talk when situations like this arise. Be sure to find an outlet...the gym, a journal, prayer, whatever works for you. Take care of yourself so you can move past this and be the phenomenal mommy you're meant to be for the little one.

Best wishes to you!! :kiss:
 
Re: Some Divorce Drama fo you!!!! My Story...

Wow..... I'm soooo sorry. :( My heart aches for you. It really does. :( Times when we don't even know how we'll make it thru are the times that God is holding us up the most. He's blessed you with a beautiful little boy out of all of this and he needs you to be strong.

Hold your head up high... don't let your self-esteem go down with that jerk. You did what you thought was best at the time (well, each time). A man can be pretty convincing--- especially if he's a pro at it.

I'm sending up prayers for you. :kiss:
 
Re: Some Divorce Drama fo you!!!! My Story...

OnAHairQuest said:
I dont know you, but I wish I could hug you.

Delight in the fact that you have made the first of very important steps to pull your life back together.

Is your relationship with your mother good? Do you have a best friend? I would try to find some sort of support in the mean time to help you cope and possibly watch your son for you so that you can have some breathing and thinking time.
Click to expand...

Thanks to everyone...

In regards to the quote above: I am trying to deal with everything on my own in fear of becoming that "toxic" friend/family member. They have been there through all of this mess and I don't want to lose those close to me. There's only so much support you can provide a person before it begins to drain you of your own happiness. I don't want to do that to my friends and family...:(
 
Re: Some Divorce Drama fo you!!!! My Story...

Aww Delta, so sorry you are going through this. I know it hurts really bad but please try to be strong especailly around your son. Just remember that one day, all this hurt, hatred and saddness, shall all come to past.
 
Re: Some Divorce Drama fo you!!!! My Story...

I'm so sorry Delta. I'll be praying for you and your son, that you find peace. Continue to cry if you need to, tears have a way of purging our spirit and even bringing you to a place of healing. :Rose:
 
DeltaQT said:

But not before I printed out the muthasuckin emails and sent them to his mother, our pastor, his best friend, and HER HUSBAND.:angry2::sekret::whip:




I'll be back...
Click to expand...

Girl, you are straight GANGSTA!!! His momma, the passa, his homie and the trollop's husband? You know how to handle your business! But for real, I'm sorry that this happend to you and I admire you for having the strength to say "enough is enough." You are worth so much more and he's going to see that some day and regret his actions and that will be the sweetest kind of punishment.
 
Re: Some Divorce Drama fo you!!!! My Story...

You need some emergency SELF-CARE in this situation.

Take some time off from work. This will be a worthwhile sacrifice. Please trust that. You can't put a price tag on your mental health.

Get yourself a mentor...perhaps from the sisterhood you're already in. She should be someone who has already walked this road and is not BITTER. I'm sure you won't find a lack of folks who share your same story...different players.

Create a "Let Go" mantra. This has to be something that you say to yourself when you find it hard to let go of what has happened. It's done. You got The Lesson and that's so very important. It will take time but you must require this of your Self: Forgive.

~Forgive yourself for your part.

~Forgive him for his part.

~Forgive yourself for turning a blind eye.

~And forgive the other women who played their roles so masterfully. Lend them your understanding as it is VERY possible that they were fed the same "hook" that brought you in at the start of this relationship.

Let the larger portion of responsibility sit on your plate for this is a good thing. It means the larger portion of HEALING, TRANSFORMATION, and TRANSCENDENCE can sit on your plate as well.

He didn't close your eyes nor did he open them to the truth. You did that. What's wonderful about life is our ability to make a new choice at any given moment.

Know too that the same way the marriage certificate did not bind you in the way you think...the divorce paper does not rend you apart so easily.

Stay aware and commited to honoring yourself. Expect to be tested repeatedly as to whether or not you have truly liberated your Self. This is why forgiveness is so important. It releases you.

Take care and build in the son a new man.

p1
 
Re: Some Divorce Drama fo you!!!! My Story...

From reading about you talking to your preacher and things I'm saying this under the premise that you are spiritual "LET GO AND LET GOD!!"

I find it's one of the hardest but most benefittal things you can do. This song is also sung by Dewayne Woods - "Let Go" It helps me out when I'm feeling overwhelmed.

You WILL get through this!
 
But not before I printed out the muthasuckin emails and sent them to his mother, our pastor, his best friend, and HER HUSBAND.:angry2::sekret::whip:




I'll be back...[/COLOR][/COLOR][/QUOTE]


I second that emotion!!!
 
Re: Some Divorce Drama fo you!!!! My Story...

Debbie Ford has a wonderful site set up to deal with issues during/after divorce. Its an excellent resource, as is her book titled Spiritual Divorce.



The Seven Spiritual Laws of Divorce​


The Law of Acceptance

The first and possibly most important spiritual law is that everything is as it should be. Nothing occurs by accident and
there are no coincidences. We are always evolving, whether we are aware of it or not. And our lives are divinely
designed for each one of us to get exactly what we need to support our own unique evolutionary process.​

The Law of Surrender
When we stop resisting and surrender to our situation exactly as it is, things begin to change. Resistance is the number
one culprit in denying us our right to heal. We resist out of fear that if we let go, if we surrender, our lives will go out of
control or we will be faced with circumstances we can't handle. When we are willing to look at our situation and admit that
we don't know how to fix it, we are ready to get the help we need.​

The Law of Divine Guidance
God will do for us what we cannot do for ourselves. When we get out of our own way and let go of our defenses, we
become humble. Humility is the doorway through which the Divine can walk into our lives. Without humility, we believe
we can do it ourselves. Without humility, our false sense of pride, or ego, prohibits us from seeing the entire situation with
clear eyes. Our egos remain in charge until we step outside our righteous belief that we are independent and separate
beings. As long as this myth is intact, we keep the door closed to our higher wisdom.​

The Law of Responsibility
With divine guidance, we can look at exactly how we participated in and co-created our divorce drama. We can begin to
take responsibility for our entire situation and make peace with our past. We can see how we have chosen the perfect
partner to teach us the perfect lessons. Once we have asked God to come into our lives and guide us, we begin to heal.​

The Law of Choice
Having taken responsibility, we can choose new interpretations that empower us. We become responsible and the
designer of our new reality. We can separate from our partner and cut the karmic cords by taking back the aspects of
ourselves that we've projected onto our mate. We can distinguish what our self-defeating behaviors have been and learn
how to act instead of react in difficult situations.​

The Law of Forgiveness
After we have cut the karmic cord, we will be able to ask God to forgive us. Asking for forgiveness allows us to let go of
our judgments and beliefs about what is right and what is wrong and find compassion for our entire selves. Compassion
unfolds when we are in the presence of the perfection of the Universe, when we can experience ourselves in another. It
comes with the great understanding of the difficulties and ambiguity of being a human being. Compassion is God's grace
for those who ask. Once we have received compassion for ourselves, we will be able to find compassion and forgiveness
for our mate.​

The Law of Creation
Experiencing the freedom of forgiveness opens up the gates to new realities. Forgiveness breaks all the cords that keep
us tied to the past. It allows us to experience an innocent heart filled with love and excitement for life. This is the time to
create a new future, one grounded in our divine truth.​



Debbie Ford New York Times Bestselling Author of the Shadow Process, Spiritual Divorce, Ex-Wives Club, Dark Side of the Light Chasers, http://www.debbieford.com​







http://www.debbieford.com/audio/heart-opening_prayers.html

http://www.debbieford.com/audio/life-changing_meditations.html

http://www.debbieford.com/spiritual_divorce/spiritual_divorce.html


*Excellent advice P1, beautifully expressed, and on point *:)

 
I'm so sorry. At least the end of this sad part of your life will be officially over in a few weeks.
 
Re: Some Divorce Drama fo you!!!! My Story...

JFemme said:
Debbie Ford has a wonderful site set up to deal with issues during/after divorce. Its an excellent resource, as is her book titled Spiritual Divorce.




The Seven Spiritual Laws of Divorce​




The Law of Acceptance​


The first and possibly most important spiritual law is that everything is as it should be. Nothing occurs by accident and
there are no coincidences. We are always evolving, whether we are aware of it or not. And our lives are divinely
designed for each one of us to get exactly what we need to support our own unique evolutionary process.​

The Law of Surrender
When we stop resisting and surrender to our situation exactly as it is, things begin to change. Resistance is the number
one culprit in denying us our right to heal. We resist out of fear that if we let go, if we surrender, our lives will go out of
control or we will be faced with circumstances we can't handle. When we are willing to look at our situation and admit that
we don't know how to fix it, we are ready to get the help we need.​

The Law of Divine Guidance
God will do for us what we cannot do for ourselves. When we get out of our own way and let go of our defenses, we
become humble. Humility is the doorway through which the Divine can walk into our lives. Without humility, we believe
we can do it ourselves. Without humility, our false sense of pride, or ego, prohibits us from seeing the entire situation with
clear eyes. Our egos remain in charge until we step outside our righteous belief that we are independent and separate
beings. As long as this myth is intact, we keep the door closed to our higher wisdom.​

The Law of Responsibility
With divine guidance, we can look at exactly how we participated in and co-created our divorce drama. We can begin to
take responsibility for our entire situation and make peace with our past. We can see how we have chosen the perfect
partner to teach us the perfect lessons. Once we have asked God to come into our lives and guide us, we begin to heal.​

The Law of Choice
Having taken responsibility, we can choose new interpretations that empower us. We become responsible and the
designer of our new reality. We can separate from our partner and cut the karmic cords by taking back the aspects of
ourselves that we've projected onto our mate. We can distinguish what our self-defeating behaviors have been and learn
how to act instead of react in difficult situations.​

The Law of Forgiveness
After we have cut the karmic cord, we will be able to ask God to forgive us. Asking for forgiveness allows us to let go of
our judgments and beliefs about what is right and what is wrong and find compassion for our entire selves. Compassion
unfolds when we are in the presence of the perfection of the Universe, when we can experience ourselves in another. It
comes with the great understanding of the difficulties and ambiguity of being a human being. Compassion is God's grace
for those who ask. Once we have received compassion for ourselves, we will be able to find compassion and forgiveness
for our mate.​

The Law of Creation
Experiencing the freedom of forgiveness opens up the gates to new realities. Forgiveness breaks all the cords that keep
us tied to the past. It allows us to experience an innocent heart filled with love and excitement for life. This is the time to
create a new future, one grounded in our divine truth.​




Debbie Ford New York Times Bestselling Author of the Shadow Process, Spiritual Divorce, Ex-Wives Club, Dark Side of the Light Chasers, http://www.debbieford.com​








http://www.debbieford.com/audio/heart-opening_prayers.html

http://www.debbieford.com/audio/life-changing_meditations.html

http://www.debbieford.com/spiritual_divorce/spiritual_divorce.html


*Excellent advice P1, beautifully expressed, and on point *:)

Click to expand...

Excellent JFemme- that's for sharing that.

((((DeltaQT))))- The ladies have great advise and I especially agree w/Patient1's. IDK... I dont think you should try to deal with this on your own. I think you should set a time, and lean on your family and friends.... expecially if you have a single friend/family member w/no children. Your friends/family know you and they know sometimes know you (when your minds is cloudy) better than you know yourself. Trust, they love you and though they maybe not be initiating contact about the situation (thinking she'll come to us when she's ready) they've noticed the changes in you and the weightloss. They are hurting because you are hurting; They want to help you. It is not a chore to help those we love... it is a blessing. Dont shut them out; Let them in. Please, give them the opportunity to help you, so you can help yourself.

I'll be praying for you.
 
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