Some Divorce Drama for you!!!! My Story...

Re: Some Divorce Drama fo you!!!! My Story...

Delta,
so sorry you are going through this. Best friends shouldn't turn into monsters because they should know you more than anyone else - you've shared the world with him, married him and bore his child. He should be better, but he is not. One thing that life will teach you is that Man will always disappoint you. Look to God for your strength and continue to seek personal counseling.

You speak as if you ruined your life but there is always a silver lining to every cloud. It took 26/27 years for God to make you - a loser cannot tear you down in 2. You heart is too big and your spirit is too good for God to desert you. You will be fine and your son will be fine and you have to believe that.

Now that the divorce proceedings have almost finalized, get yourself together and start the Child Support proceedings . Also, check to see what type of alimony is available to you.

Keep us posted.
 
Re: Some Divorce Drama fo yo a$$es!!!! My Story...

DeltaQT said:
I'm back...
  • The woman's husband reported the affair to their supervisor, and the white chick claimed sexual harrassment. Mike was moved to a new department in the basement of the bldg that he now hates. He used to work in finance.
  • Our pastor has stated that Mike is not welcome at our church until he agrees to Christian counseling by elders
  • Mike's mom and best friend aren't speaking to him
  • He cried at the lawyers' office on the day we went to sign papers. He actually tried to get me to stop proceedings..:eek:
So...long story short...

I am getting divorced...finally.

Mike showed me his true colors LONG ago, and I refused to believe. See the outcome..:ohwell:

I am now left with a 1 year old, a mortgage, broken self esteem, and a WHOLE lot of hatred.

So, why am I so sad???:confused:

I trusted this man with my life, my health and my future and when I saw his "true self" I could have escaped. I had so many chances to get out of the situation buy I chose to be Helen Keller :ohwell:and pretend all was well.

MORAL OF THE STORY:

[SIZE=-1]"When someone shows you who they are, believe them." -Maya Angelou[/SIZE]

I didn't..and now I find myself with a whole lotta nothing. Struggling to pay bills that HE helped accumulate...trying to find a way to pick up the pieces of my shattered life.

I am now trying to rebuild my family and be strong for my son...but all I feel is hatred and regrets...YALL I really want to hurt him..NO FORREAL...

P.S.
The old school members know that I usually don't post personal info. I always kept things light and simple in the Ent forum...resident paparazzi before Cincy and ClassyEb...

But I am honestly ABOUT.TO.BREAK!!! I need someone to PLEASE give my some coping skills to deal with this ish. I cry daily..I have lost 26 lbs since March...and I know I've got to do better.

It is a struggle just going to work and taking care of my son...:(
Click to expand...
Just remember that innocent, beautiful baby boy that NEEDS you more than anything in this world. He needs you to be strong. Yes, it is going to be hard...but in time it will get easier. I remember when my parents first divorced my mother was a WRECK. But in time, things got better. She has now created a new life for herself beyond divorce. There is life after divorce. You will be okay.
 
Re: Some Divorce Drama fo you!!!! My Story...

One more thing...see if you can make sure that hubby supports your son up until the time your son graduates from college. And that somewhere in there hubby is financially responsible for college also. 50/50 if need be. Don't let the support stop at 18.
 
Re: Some Divorce Drama fo you!!!! My Story...

I am so sorry you had to go through this. I know exactly how you feel. BUt let me tell you, it does get better. I was married for a little over 3 years when I filed for my divorce. I was hurt and felt like my life was ruined. I will say again that it does get better. I hope you are seeing a counselor or therapist. This is what helped me most (and the antidepressants). You seem focused and determined. My advice to you is if you're not going to be with him, don't let him into your life besides seeing his child. That is the mistake I made and am still making. We are here for you... if you need someone to talk to who has been there just let me know. I can't really tell you what you should do, but I can tell you what you shouldn't do, based on experience.
 
Re: Some Divorce Drama fo you!!!! My Story...

All I can say is at least you got a beautiful son outta this ordeal! It seems like the end, but it's really the beginning. I can't tell you how to grieve, because honestly I'd da whored his arse with the emails just as you did:mad:

Muthasucka!:mad:

Trust your life is about to get better and you'll be a better woman!
 
Re: Some Divorce Drama fo you!!!! My Story...

DeltaQT, I remember you would post a picture of you because that was too personal. I'm sorry that you are going through all this. We live and learn. You cannot change the pass you can only try to shape your future. Keep your head up and take strengh in your son. He seem to be your rock right now. Don't let him win by destroying your life with anger.
 
Re: Some Divorce Drama fo you!!!! My Story...

Uh, on another note I like how you posted your post because normally i lose track and cannt stand reading big long parghapes..
 
Re: Some Divorce Drama fo yo a$$es!!!! My Story...

DeltaQT said:
I'm back...
  • The woman's husband reported the affair to their supervisor, and the white chick claimed sexual harrassment. Mike was moved to a new department in the basement of the bldg that he now hates. He used to work in finance.
  • Our pastor has stated that Mike is not welcome at our church until he agrees to Christian counseling by elders
  • Mike's mom and best friend aren't speaking to him
  • He cried at the lawyers' office on the day we went to sign papers. He actually tried to get me to stop proceedings..:eek:
So...long story short...

I am getting divorced...finally.

Mike showed me his true colors LONG ago, and I refused to believe. See the outcome..:ohwell:

I am now left with a 1 year old, a mortgage, broken self esteem, and a WHOLE lot of hatred.

So, why am I so sad???:confused:

I trusted this man with my life, my health and my future and when I saw his "true self" I could have escaped. I had so many chances to get out of the situation buy I chose to be Helen Keller :ohwell:and pretend all was well.

MORAL OF THE STORY:

[SIZE=-1]"When someone shows you who they are, believe them." -Maya Angelou[/SIZE]

I didn't..and now I find myself with a whole lotta nothing. Struggling to pay bills that HE helped accumulate...trying to find a way to pick up the pieces of my shattered life.

I am now trying to rebuild my family and be strong for my son...but all I feel is hatred and regrets...YALL I really want to hurt him..NO FORREAL...

P.S.
The old school members know that I usually don't post personal info. I always kept things light and simple in the Ent forum...resident paparazzi before Cincy and ClassyEb...

But I am honestly ABOUT.TO.BREAK!!! I need someone to PLEASE give my some coping skills to deal with this ish. I cry daily..I have lost 26 lbs since March...and I know I've got to do better.

It is a struggle just going to work and taking care of my son...:(
Click to expand...

DQ, I know your posting style, having been here a long time, and I KNOW this is out of character for you, but don't feel bad. We all get to a point where we need to reach out to somebody.

Don't waste precious time and energy on thinking of hurting this man. It's not worth it! Your son needs you, now. He's the one who needs all the love and attention you have to give.

I've been in your shoes. You have to leave with one son. I had to leave with two sons. The circumstances were different, but the end results were the same. Divorce is devastating. It's hard, but in time it does get better. Don't allow yourself to become bitter. It'll be way too hard to recover.

Pray, keep going to church, keep your faith in God, and know that your life isn't over. You're beginning a new chapter. It's scary, but when God closes one door, He opens another. Believe me! You may be down now, but don't believe you're out, not for a minute. Hugs to you! :Rose:
 
Re: Some Divorce Drama fo yo a$$es!!!! My Story...

Closer1 said:
Girl take a breather please.. Im praying for you. Let a dog be a dog. Just take care of you and that baby. No man is worth your sanity, self-respect and dignity. Let him go, Let him go, Let him go an trust me in this life there is one little word that kicks ass, its KARMA. You will be fine and KARMA will kick his ass. Word to the wise "Get Tested". I wish you luck. you are in my prayers.
Click to expand...

EVERYTHING she said!!!
 
Re: Some Divorce Drama fo you!!!! My Story...

delta. i am so sorry you are going through this. please stay prayed up and take care of yourself and your beautiful baby. ((((hugs))))
 
Re: Some Divorce Drama fo you!!!! My Story...

Delta,

(((hugs)))

As someone currently going through a divorce I can truly understand all of your feelings right now. I too have only been married for 2 years. I also have a baby girl, that I consider the one true blessing out of this whole mess, b/c God knew that if I didn't get married, there was a good chance I wasn't going to have kids (my own personal belief, not necessarily religion based, I just didn't want to raise a baby by myself) BUT..here I stand a soon to be divorced 35 year old woman with a 15 month old baby girl. I am also left with a s*th load of debt that I have to pay off. My ex can get a home loan before I can. I also forgive different things and went to some pretty useless christian counseling sessions as well, so I know.

Everyone gave you such good advice, particularly Patient1, Femme and JamericanGurl.

I have no opinions on the whole sending a letter thing. You did what you felt you needed to do at the time. BUT, now that it is done...let it go. If not for you, for your son. Focusing on rebuilding your life. You are gonna get angry, sad, depressed, etc. That's all normal. Be proud of yourself from getting out of that situation before you were 2,3 kids deep. Many women would not have left.

I am praying for you and your son!
 
Re: Some Divorce Drama fo you!!!! My Story...

Delta, I am so sorry for your hurt and know what you are going through. I have never been married but I know heartbreak all too well. I would like to thank you for sharing such a personal situation with us; it makes my heart warm that everyone who has posted has gone through great lengths to give you "sister love" during this time. Thank you for trusting us enought to let us into your life. As the other OP's have stated, your are grieving and you need to grieve or you can't heal. Please don't beat yourself up over this; we have all went though with the " I was so stupid and I should have nevah, evah, blah, blah's" . I have learned to look back at all my heartbreak as learning experiences because that is what they are. You husband came to your life for one reason only- to give you your precious son- that was ordained by God. God probably also sent your soon to be ex there to teach you some more lessons regarding life and what to learn from it. I know you're probably thinking : Why would he send someone to hurt me" but there is a bigger picture, although it has not been revealed yet. When your healing has passed and your mind, spirit and body clears- the big picture will be revealed to you and you will continue to gain knowledge and understanding for it. Will it change your personality and demeanor- it very well might, but hopefully, it will not take away from being the best person you can be. If you feel you can't talk to any of your family or friends for fear of being a burden- please seek a Divorce counselor ( a spiritual- sister- type ) to help you ease your pain or a Divorce support group. Talking and crying it out is the best way for the pain to ease. If you ever need to vent or just cry out, please don't be afraid to reach to us or you can PM me if you feel uncomfortable about venting. Continue to keep your spirit and body healthy, if not for you, then for your baby boy. Plenty of cyber hugs and smooches...:)
 
((DELTA QT))

The other ladies have given you excellent and wonderful advice. I will pray for you and your son. I don't know you but something tells me you will get through this, and I believe you will.
 
You need to take a vacation, get counseling, get up, and get out. Don't stay holed up in the house. Find something to keep yourself busy.
 
Delta, I know what helps me sometime is to keep this in mind "The LORD wouldn't put more on us than we can bare." He also says in his word to give all our burdens to him. Please stay in his word and keep your head up, this too shall pass. :Rose:
 
Re: Some Divorce Drama fo yo a$$es!!!! My Story...

Divine Inspiration said:
Wow. I certainly admire your strength and courage. I can imagine you must be feeling 100 different things right now, but know that when you think God has left you, He's carrying you.

You would not have been brought to this situation unless you were capable of getting through it. You're much better than this man and the stunts he's been pulling.

Don't feel bad or confused about your sadness. Look at your investment!! Anybody would mourn a loss of that magnitude. There's nothing wrong with grieving...it's a sign that you're ALIVE and can feel emotion. Allow yourself to have that time to grieve and purge so you can properly lay this to rest and press forward with your son.

There's a brighter day waiting for you. Remember that it's darkest just before dawn, and it's when things seem worst that you CAN'T quit.

Don't beat yourself up. Miscalculations of character happen to the best of us. You'll be stronger for having been through this; this is not useless suffering. It's all happening for a reason. Trust that.

Remember that this isn't your fault. His lack of character and integrity is HIS problem that will follow him much longer than it will follow you. And like another poster mentioned, karma is nothing to play with, neither is God's vengeance. Be sure to leave room for that.

I'll be praying for you. Do you have friends/family you can talk to? Sometimes we just need to vent, ramble, and hear ourselves talk when situations like this arise. Be sure to find an outlet...the gym, a journal, prayer, whatever works for you. Take care of yourself so you can move past this and be the phenomenal mommy you're meant to be for the little one.

Best wishes to you!! :kiss:
Click to expand...


Divine Inspiration, I love your post, although it wasn't directed to me per se, reading your response was food for my soul!! :kiss:

DELTA QT - (((HUGS)))) Everything is going to be alright. I'm sure that things look rather bleak right now, but just hold on. If God can deliver Jonah out of the belly of the whale, surely he can and will bring you through this unscathed!!

Remember...a diamond is not a diamond without the heat and pressure it goes through to make it shine and increase it's clarity. And still you rise......:rosebud:
 
Oh dear. Oh dear. I wish there was a magic pill or something to take away the pain... If you need to see a therapist or counselor, please do so.

Remember, you've reached rock bottom, and there is no way to go but UP. So, do go through the grieving process, however long it takes you, then, when you're ready, you'll move on. Things will get better.

I am not a very vindictive person, but I am GLAD you sent the emails to all those folks. They deserved to know .
 
I am really sorry this happened to you. I will pray for you and your son.
((((hugs)))) i know it's hard but you'll make it through. and don't be afraid to cry. if you need to let it out, it's better thna keeping it pulled in. and take it one day at a time.
 
Re: Some Divorce Drama fo yo a$$es!!!! My Story...

Wow. My heart truly does go out to you. I know you're going through a rough time right now but please take care of yourself for your child's sake. He needs you more than ever right now. Thanks for sharing. Hopefully your story will help someone else out.
 
DeltaQT said:
Welp, in August of 2006, I posted this thread: http://www.longhaircareforum.com/showthread.php?t=97127

Even though I've been MIA for quite a while, I need some support. Here is the update to my situation::(

As of July 10, 2007, my divorce will be final. I have only been married two years.

I have known this man since I was 12 years old. We went to middle & high school together (best friends), but never dated. My dad wouldn't allow boyfriends until we graduated high school. I graduated in 1998 and went to college.

Fast forward 6 years. My ex (we'll call him Mike), showed up at my mom's house during one of my visits home. He said he'd seen my car and took a chance at finding me. He said that he was recently divorced (with 2 daughters) and had been looking for me, his soulmate for soooo many years. I fell for it- hook, line and sinker.

FIRST SIGN: People back home found out that we were dating. Momma called and said the rumor was that Mike was still married. It was true.HE HAD LIED ABOUT BEING DIVORCED! I broke things off and he immediately got a divorce. Had the decree faxed to my job. Pursued me relentlessly.

I forgave. :ohwell:

Shortly thereafter came marriage, pregnancy, and a mortgage. :perplexed

Four months into my pregnancy I discovered that Mike had a female friend that he was speaking with 5 or 6 times every single day. We had it out...OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN...about this same chick for the remainder of the pregnancy. Spoke to her and she said they were "just friends". I almost lost my son due to stress-related pre-term labor. He cried and prayed in the hospital room and swore to be a good hubby....swore she was out of the picture...Even changed his phone number and got saved.

I believed him and I forgave.:ohwell:

After giving birth to my son, I checked the phone bill. Chick was still in the picture...and ex-wife had even gotten in a few late night suspicious calls..He was BUSY!:mad: Checked him, fought, acted a MF fool..gave ultimatives...He changed the number again...

I wanted my family to "stay together":confused: so I forgave. Again.

And again...

And again...

And again...

GOT A LOT OF USELESS MARRIAGE COUNSELING IN HERE THEN:perplexed

Forgave again...


Until I checked his email in January 07 and discovered suspicious dealings with a White, married coworker. I had ENOUGH, so I filed.

But not before I printed out the muthasuckin emails and sent them to his mother, our pastor, his best friend, and HER HUSBAND.:angry2::sekret::whip:




I'll be back...
Click to expand...
Girl.....I am so sorry about your upcoming divorce! I know you put your best interest in the marriage and it's sad that he was too weak to apply the same values.
Hubby is about to really get served royally and I hope you take him to the cleaners! ( okay that was mean but hell you deserve it!)
 
Last edited:
Delta QT- I feel your pain. I have never been married but I do understand betrayal and heartbreak.

Delta- you did everything that you needed to do. Please don't beat yourself up because you decided to forgive him for his past grievences. You were WORKING on YOUR MARRIAGE! There is no reason for feeling stupid about that. Marriage takes love, commitment and a whole lot of work and you did just that! I know you really feel like killing him and the urge is STRONG but please, please let that pain go! It will take over you and literally make you sick with rage and that is not healthy for you and your beautiful son.

Do not let his selfish behavior towards your marriage change who you are at all cost! He is the loser in this situation, you are finally free to be yourself and make you and your child happy.
It will be a struggle but God don't let those that does his will suffer endlessly. This will take time but it will pass.

Please do not feel like a burden to talk to your inner circle as well as your family on LHCF! That is what we are here for, to bring you up high when you are feeling low. Trust me, the venting that you are doing now helps a lot because you are helping yourself to release that emotion that has been knawing at you since the drama began. If you still feel funny about approaching family members, you can see a counselor and take some self-healing classes, read some books that uplifts your spirits and believe it or not, eating healthier also helps you to think clearly and feel good inside and out. It does help a lot( I need to do this by the way)

The most important person right now are YOU and YOUR BABY who is the biggest blessing in your life! Take some time off, think, cry, vent and then Whoo Saa whenever you feel like screaming. Take walks, go to friends and family and spend time with them. Family is most important in times like this!

And if some of that fails, we are always here to help you when you are down.
 
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Re: Some Divorce Drama fo yo a$$es!!!! My Story...

Delta, take care.
 
Very sorry!! You will be in my prays. I believe with everything in me that you will make it thru, if for no other reason then for your son.
 
Oh man Delta, I'm sorry you have to go through this. :(
But you will come out a stronger, wiser woman. And we're all here for you.

(((HUGS)))
 
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