SO is away because of deployment

[EbonyYoungin517]

Hey all...

My name is Vanessa and I'm a newbie to this hairboard and I have to say, enjoying my stay. Anywho to the subject


Who in here is a wife or girlfriend..fiance of a military man who is away at deployment. My boyfriend is currently in the army and if currently assigned in Afghanistan for 12 months and its hard. One moment, we're always talking and in constant communication and then within three weeks we can only talk for an hour and every couple of days. I'm blessed because he has an Afgahnistan celluar phone and so we talk more often then another couple but its so hard.

Plus the arguements have been getting worse since he has been becoming more insecure. As you know a lot of wives started explooring other men when their husbands are away and he's constantly asking how does he know he's the lucky one...or their wives leave them during deployment.

It didnt help at all when he was speaking to another soldier about our relationship, a married man told him I guess looking out for him "I hope you know you're in an open relationship" and sadly this is the mentality a lot of men have going into deployment and pass this bad seed around.

How do you deal with someone constant badgering you about something you constantly keep repeating to them it won't happen. Also the distance. How are you ladies coping? What do you do?


p.s (also since i'm new to the board im not quite familiair with the terms used this forum like Dh and so on so forth, be a great help if you guys could clarify for me. thanks a bunch)

 

[karezone]

My BF is entering the Navy, he already has a degree is planning on entering as an Officer, but I don't look forward to the long separations. We have been together a while so at this point we are considering marriage. I would rather be able to go with him when he is stationed, but he has told me stories of how wives were cheating while their husbands were deployed.

 

[MissMeWithThatIsh]

My husband is in the AF and deployed for about 3 months.
Communication is key. You might not speak every day or week but write often
Luckily enough I get 2 morale calls to him a week.
Write love letters and let him know the focus for him is still there

 

[krissyprissy]

My fiance(who is in the Army) is also deployed for 12 months to Iraq. He returns January 2010 and we are getting married in April 2010.Communication will be the key factor while he is gone. I send him a email every day from work first thing in the morning. He really looks foward to my emails. Also, invest in a webcam so the both of you can see each other. We have a toddler and it really helps him cope if he can see his son playing or me giving him a strip tease. I keep my yahoo messenger on all the time because I dont know exactly when he will be online looking for me. It also help if he has his own line. My fiancee has a Magic Jack that hooks to the computer with his own number to cut down on cost. It's about $40 per year. The phone quality with Magic Jack is not that great but at least I can call him in return and not always have to wait on him.

 

[BiRacialBarbie]

I agree with the above..I myself am in the Air Force, and so is my fiance, who is in Iraq. He bought an Iraqi cell phone so he can call me. He has the internet in his room there, so we do webcams often.. I usually leave mine on 24/7 because he likes to be able to see what im doing (even if im just sleeping). He uses Yahoo Phone to call me because its only 1 cent a minute.. i would def. look into using that!! But just kep your head up and reassure him that your not going anywhere. Tell him how much you love him and support him.

 

[Farida]

I married DH when he was done with the service, but I lived with a girl when her husband was deployed.

They had the same issues as you, fighting and insecurity. It was especially worse because he cut her off financially. She had no access to any of his money and was living off of her student loans. Which sucked because she was paying THEIR bills. All because he was afraid she would run off.

It is really important not to let other people's insecurities rub off on you. He probably won't be receptive to this message right now, so all you can do is reassure him and then you can deal with that when he returns. Write to him every day and tell him what you did, however mundane. If you are willing to do so, reduce or cut off your association with other men.

I know it sucks, my roomie would cry a lot and her husband wouldn't even let my then FH come spend the night, he was working about 3 hours out in the desert and couldn't sleep on our couch because my roomie's husband would have a fit if he knew.

DH = dear husband
FH - future husband

 

[Misshairdiva]

My husband is a retired command sergent major and has been working as a contractor for KBR in Afghan for the last three years. Alot of people ask how I deal with a man coming home every few months for only two weeks. I will not see him again until June. We do talk every day. It is very hard however there has to be trust. Without trust I dont see how it can work. You can write all the letters in the world.. but trust is the foundation of a godo relationship. And there has to be trust on both ends.

 

[nesha24]

how often are people in the military able to have access to telephones if they don't have the special cell phones? is it different for them based on where they are stationed? i always hear stories about people not hearing from their loved ones for weeks at a time...and sometimes is only communicaiton via email.

 

[HisBestFriend]

Hey there. Keep your head up. This is hard but if you and he have a relationship with a foundation built on trust, you two will be okay.

It will be difficult especially if there are trust issues. There will always be people whispering in his ear. All you can do is keep up the communication. Yes it is burdensome to HAVE to keep up the reassurances but you do.

Understand that your man is in an environment where dudes are hunching anything that moves because most spouses assume there is no crotches available during war, but there is and PLENTY.

Is there a military installation near you? If so then call the Operator and ask if they have the Hearts for Hearts program. This program will give you two control numbers each month to call your man.

Make a big deal to send letters every week. That shows your dedication to him. You may feel like you are reporting to daddy but tell him the most mundane details of your life in your emails - everyday.

All you can do it try to keep him reassured, if in the end it is not enough, at least you know you tried.

Feel free to PM me, I've been in for 18 yrs, he's been in for 20, we are old hats at this stressful game. He's there now and I still follow all of my own advice.

HBF