So I'm back...and ofcourse I have man problems

BeatriceFly

BeatriceFly

New Member
Ughhhhh

Okay so here it is
I get these periods of feeling amazing like I dont NEED a man
I meet them here and there but they are usually people i dont like so i dont get attached
But once again, I've gotten attached, TOO FAST, and now there are clear problems but I cant break away and I need some second opinions
I will try to make this short

There is a guy at my job who I've come to like
He's three years younger than me and has a 4 month old child with a woman he has known for 8 years and has been with for 4
Now those are the main problems
Other than that hes a great looking guy, very intelligent, owns a house and a car, and is doing big things
Right away I slept with him, just because I didnt think it was gonna get serious and I just wanted to do it, end of story
Right away he started going hard
Doing nice things for me everyday, bringing coffee to work, bringing me breakfast, rubbing my feet, counting down minutes until when I'll see him at work
In the last week, mind you its only been a month, he hasnt tried to see me
He hasnt made plans or tried to set anything up
Being the person I am, I cant front and play games I'll just tell a ***** like listen Im not comfortable with this and if it continues then we wont work
So he said he is very busy with school, work, and the baby and doesnt wanna make plans he would break
Then something else came up
He tells me his BM checked his email and asked who I was and he told her he was dating me
That bothered me already because why does she care if its over and why does she have access
Then he had a picture up on facebook of them two asleep and thought it was funny because it was when his son first came home
I explained that doesnt look good if him and i are trying to build, he took it down
Then puts another supposed funny pic up of her kissing the baby and the baby tryna get away
I didnt say anything

Then she starts posting things on his facebook
The first thing was "Kiss Kiss" then "I cant wait till you get home I miss you"
This where I ended it btw him and I
I told him leave me alone and good luck
He tried to convince me that shes doing it because she knows about us and this that and the third and hes not entertaining her and that i will have to learn to trust him because shes gonna be around blah blah blah
now me and him just started talking so i dont expect him to go off on her
He has known her his whole teenage life
But I dont know i felt disrespected and jealous and pissed
And everytime I go on his page I have to see the message
But I agreed to sticc with him
 And he just acts like he doesnt see why all of this bothers me and this is all added on to the fact that from my view he has some free time even if its an hour but he hasnt been trying to spend it with me
His rationale is that we speak all day everyday and he doesnt wanna rush things

Am I wrong here?
Now we're at the point where everyday its a new issue and we're arguing
I feel like hes not making me feel confident in that its over with them
And he feels i overanalyze and nag and hes frustrated with it but claims he will accept me "flaws and all"

 
EbonyPerez said:
Ughhhhh

Okay so here it is
I get these periods of feeling amazing like I dont NEED a man
I meet them here and there but they are usually people i dont like so i dont get attached
But once again, I've gotten attached, TOO FAST, and now there are clear problems but I cant break away and I need some second opinions
I will try to make this short

There is a guy at my job who I've come to like
He's three years younger than me and has a 4 month old child with a woman he has known for 8 years and has been with for 4
Now those are the main problems
Other than that hes a great looking guy, very intelligent, owns a house and a car, and is doing big things
[i]Right away I slept with him, just because I didnt think it was gonna get serious and I just wanted to do it, end of story[/i]
Right away he started going hard
Doing nice things for me everyday, bringing coffee to work, bringing me breakfast, rubbing my feet, counting down minutes until when I'll see him at work
In the last week, mind you its only been a month, he hasnt tried to see me
He hasnt made plans or tried to set anything up
Being the person I am, I cant front and play games I'll just tell a ***** like listen Im not comfortable with this and if it continues then we wont work
So he said he is very busy with school, work, and the baby and doesnt wanna make plans he would break
Then something else came up
He tells me his BM checked his email and asked who I was and he told her he was dating me
That bothered me already because why does she care if its over and why does she have access
Then he had a picture up on facebook of them two asleep and thought it was funny because it was when his son first came home
I explained that doesnt look good if him and i are trying to build, he took it down
Then puts another supposed funny pic up of her kissing the baby and the baby tryna get away
I didnt say anything

Then she starts posting things on his facebook
The first thing was "Kiss Kiss" then "I cant wait till you get home I miss you"
This where I ended it btw him and I
I told him leave me alone and good luck
He tried to convince me that shes doing it because she knows about us and this that and the third and hes not entertaining her and that i will have to learn to trust him because shes gonna be around blah blah blah
now me and him just started talking so i dont expect him to go off on her
He has known her his whole teenage life
But I dont know i felt disrespected and jealous and pissed
And everytime I go on his page I have to see the message
But I agreed to sticc with him
 And he just acts like he doesnt see why all of this bothers me and this is all added on to the fact that from my view he has some free time even if its an hour but he hasnt been trying to spend it with me
His rationale is that we speak all day everyday and he doesnt wanna rush things

Am I wrong here?
Now we're at the point where everyday its a new issue and we're arguing
I feel like hes not making me feel confident in that its over with them
And he feels i overanalyze and nag and hes frustrated with it but claims he will accept me "flaws and all"
Click to expand...

re the first red: are you SURE they're not together? he may be telling you they aren't, but are you absolutely positive they aren't still an item?

re the second red: i think i remember some of your previous posts, and honestly, i don't think you're the type that can have unemotional sex. i know that you didn't think it would be serious, but your emotions got involved shortly thereafter it appears.... so you may have to do like me and swear the dangalang off til you get in a committed relationship with a man, just to protect your heart. and you should protect it and guard it, because you only have one :yep:

bottom line: i think this guy is playing games. leave him alone. you can't get a straight answer outta him, and even though you expressed to him that you didn't like him having pics of BM up on facebook, he did it again. there's something still going on with those two, and it looks like he's more about keeping HER happy over you.

leave him alone and find somebody who doesn't play games :yep:

good luck!
 
Last edited:
Wud up dawg. Run away from this dude. I know I would just by looking at the following of what you posted:

has a 4 month old child with a woman he has known for 8 years and has been with for 4 years.​
 
Stick with your gut, cut him lose. He has a 4 month old with a woman he is really attached too. You are going to be wasting your time on this one, I guarantee it.
 
crlsweetie912 said:
Does anyone not see a pattern here. I don't think the advice is going to be used. EP, I am praying for you girl. :bighug:
Click to expand...

Yeah. I see it.
I don't think the advice is going to be used. :(
If anything, she just needs to use protection until she's had enough of this situation.

I'll be praying for you too, EbonyPerez!
 
Last edited:
You are in a relationship with someone who is not in a relationship with you.

STOP looking at his internet personal pages, myspace/facebook, whatever.
 
alwayzalady22 said:
re the second red: i think i remember some of your previous posts, and honestly, i don't think you're the type that can have unemotional sex. i know that you didn't think it would be serious, but your emotions got involved shortly thereafter it appears....
Click to expand...

I agree. Some women cant seperate sex and their emotions.
 
So I just told him that we should be friends
But I work with the man so this will be annoying
But i did it and its done because Im too unhappy TOO EARLY and something doesnt seem right
 
so do ya'll have sex at work only?

Do you spend nights together?

Have you been to his house?

Can you call his house?

Facebook comments can be erased in one click, why does he keep them up there?

If you are feeling a certain way about this situation inside, you are right regardless of what he is telling you

You are desperately trying to hold onto what he is SAYING to you and blatantly rejecting his actions that speak volumes of whats really going on......and its very classic that as much as a woman would like to purposely dilude themselves and blame a man for a situation that he didn't create by himself, nor could he create solely had he not had a willing participant to go along with it...

a person can only keep lying to somebody "believing" them (I will state again....alot of times what we believe isn't what we feel in our hearts...were good at ignoring our inner feelings, even after we acknowledge them.....)

Ask yourself why in the world are u trying to hold onto to what he's saying vs what your heart is telling you...your heart has your best interest...he has his own

a person can only be disrespected if they allow themselves to be disrespected....

I'm sure we don't know the whole story and won't know it just by this post
but seems to me hes having his cake and eating it too and consideration, respect, nor love seems to be what hes expressing towards you...whether he likes having sex with you or not
 
EbonyPerez said:
So I just told him that we should be friends
But I work with the man so this will be annoying
But i did it and its done because Im too unhappy TOO EARLY and something doesnt seem right
Click to expand...

well disregard last post ...but still...seems to me you may still want to do some self reflecting..

going with the gut feeling something isn't right is a good move..not to mention the picture u painted for us makes it clear its not "right"....

and the experience is something for u take something from to help you out as you move forward in life
 
OP,
I'm not going to give any advice on this one. You're going to do what you want to do, so I wish you the best of luck.
I am just going to be praying for you with this one (because of your previous posts). I hope everything turns out okay for you.
 
let it go. don't let him waste your precious time.

that girl is fresh off of having a newborn baby.......she ain't trying to let that man go.

add to that, she spent 4+ years with him..........ebony, she's trying to keep her family together.

if you wanna keep moving forward with this man, be prepared for more emotional stress, possible heartache, and unimaginable drama :yep:

I wish you the best girlie, and hope you chose to do the right thing :bighug:
 
Ebony, will you ever learn?

The first mistake was sleeping with that boy right off the bat. Is he like 20 or what?

The second mistake was believing what he said about his baby mama.
 
tiara76 said:
so do ya'll have sex at work only?

Do you spend nights together?

Have you been to his house?

Can you call his house?

Facebook comments can be erased in one click, why does he keep them up there?

If you are feeling a certain way about this situation inside, you are right regardless of what he is telling you

You are desperately trying to hold onto what he is SAYING to you and blatantly rejecting his actions that speak volumes of whats really going on......and its very classic that as much as a woman would like to purposely dilude themselves and blame a man for a situation that he didn't create by himself, nor could he create solely had he not had a willing participant to go along with it...

a person can only keep lying to somebody "believing" them (I will state again....alot of times what we believe isn't what we feel in our hearts...were good at ignoring our inner feelings, even after we acknowledge them.....)

Ask yourself why in the world are u trying to hold onto to what he's saying vs what your heart is telling you...your heart has your best interest...he has his own

a person can only be disrespected if they allow themselves to be disrespected....

I'm sure we don't know the whole story and won't know it just by this post
but seems to me hes having his cake and eating it too and consideration, respect, nor love seems to be what hes expressing towards you...whether he likes having sex with you or not
Click to expand...

You can probably give better advice after reading her previous relationship threads.
 
I wouldn't even be friends with him. It is going to invite too much drama into your life and you say he is a coworker that is even worse. Stop talking to him, I would go as far as to not speak to him at work unless it was work related. I hate to be so crass but whatever he is telling you is an attempt to get in your panties. He has a baby with this woman trust and believe they are going to get back together and try to be a family. I'm sorry you are going through this though. It's best you leave him alone if you don't you are going to catch hell!!! Good luck!!
 
I'm just wondering why in the heck would you get involved with him in the first place? Did you know about the four month old before you hooked up? That alone spells baggage and drama in bold capital letters.
 
The ladies pretty much covered you in the advice area. You know what you have to do! Your heart will dictate what you do. I just pray for you. {{HUGS}}
 
MissJ said:
You can probably give better advice after reading her previous relationship threads.
Click to expand...

Her past discussions don't involve this thread(not unless you want to sit back and throw some popcorn in your mouth!:rolleyes:). She asked a question just like some of yall ask questions about messed up dudes but you don't see us going back to instigate. :giggle:
 
sky_blu said:
*right next to you* mayn you ladies can be brutal sometimes or is that an understatement? :lachen:
Click to expand...

I really don't think that anyone is trying to be brutal. But if some one asks you the same kinds of questions over and over again and NEVER takes any of your advice, then eventually, you will just KIM and pray that the person changes their ways. Many of us have given advice to the OP for awhile now. That's why I said what I said. THIS IS A PATTERN! And only once the OP gets tired of being in these situations, will anything ever change. And has time has proven, advice from us ain't gonna change anything either!

I feel like EP is a little "sister" who just needs to find out for herself through much soul searching, growth and maturity, that she's worth A WHOLE LOT MORE than she gives herself credit for and I pray that she finds this out before somehthing bad happens to her.

When you care for somebody, not just being "brutal" then you want them to change and do better.
Again, praying for you EP!
:bighug:
 
How old is everyone involved? Just curious.

You got caught up too soon. Cut him loose, empower yourself, and quit allowing people to live for free in your head and heart.

He's lying. Period. You're the other chick. Period.
 
sky_blu said:
*right next to you* mayn you ladies can be brutal sometimes or is that an understatement? :lachen:
Click to expand...

I wasn't trying to be brutal. tiara76 seems to give good advice, and if she knew the background, I think the advice would been different and probably more helpful.
 
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